SoMe ReLiEf

Finally tonight I have managed some relief.  My neck finally turned off!  AHHHHhhhhhhhh!   Still a little achy, I am so not pushing it.  I did manage the whole day with no meds.  Lots of ice today!  The migraine subsided with my neck pain, thank goodness.  I don’t think I’d have tried to take any actual pain medication like I did over the weekend to make it through.  All evening last night I had a stomach that felt like it contained glass.  That darvocet and relpax really did a number on my tummy!  OUCH!  If I hadn’t taken it, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the weekend participating in things.  Since I did take it I wrecked my tummy for a few days.  I can only hope it calms down.  I’ve been pretty careful with my food choices today, that is for sure! 

I had to tell our friends today that we won’t be heading out their direction.  Which really stinks because we always look forward to that.  I just don’t think with all I’ve put my body through that it is something that I could do.  I’ve been pretty ill the past couple of days.  My body feels like it’s been through a grinder.  Was it worth it, I’d say so because I really enjoyed spending time with everyone!  Really enjoyed it! 

I won’t talk about the other stuff that I am dealing with but suffice it to say, it is a good idea for me to stay home and recover.  I

I’d really like to make it to physical therapy tomorrow.  I haven’t these past two days.  I also really need to get back to walking.  Gotta save my bones!  I need to get to the Dr’s office to pick up my Dexascan info and the samples she has left for me to try. 

It is also on my mind to get the house back into shape.  I haven’t been able to spend much time with things  here.  I just seem to spend allot of time in bed here…  grrr. 

But I was out doing things for three days!  That is so worth it!  I am glad about that for sure!  Woot! 

So, I have been thinking more and more seriously about my Isagenix products.  I really love them!  I think others really are too!  I know it takes some time for people to really SEE results, but they do start to feel the difference right away!

I think that is so awesome!  I really want to tell EVERYONE!  We’ll see what I do. 

I just got through looking at pictures of me from my past.  I have never been so thin.  I don’t think I have ever even been considered thin since I was eleven or so.  Not that I was super heavy, but I was always somewhere in between.  I really love where I am at now.  Most anything will look good on me, and I have been enjoying the different styles that I now have in my closet. 

Speaking of my closet.  I am going through it once again, choosing what doesn’t work for me and finding things that do.  I am going to be putting some things out on craigslist and then ebay!  I’ve gotta get that done too!

I guess these are things that I can work on in the next few days.  I need to remember to wear sneakers to therapy now.  I am going to be on the treadmill!  Whoopie!

www.hua.org  I would love to share this site with you tonight!  Check it out, you might find your next family member there! 

ThE wEeKeNd!

Sleep, is something on my mind today.  Actually that is about all that is on my mind.  I sit here and write this I am watching the show called the Dr’s also.  They have been talking about sleep.  I slept this morning off and on after taking some of the Migranol… I like that stuff, because it usually works…  I hate the stuff because it takes a while, tastes terrible, and I have to squirt it in my nose.  Yuck!  It is one of the latest medications I have been switched to.  It is one that actually will work.  I am grateful for that. 

I’ve been teasing off a migraine all weekend.  I haven’t been able to kick it, but I have been able to keep the build up of pain under some control.  For that I’ve been grateful. 

This weekend was super great for me.  I was determined to go participate in as much as possible, even if I would have been miserable and highly medicated.  Much to Jason’s disagreement I am sure.  This weekend held in store a reunion of a place that both Jason and I used to work.  This meant fun with rarely seen friends, as well as friends that we see often. 

Friday, I was busy but ended well, I rested as much as I could to prepare for Saturday as well.  Saturday came and Jason Luka and I headed out in time for lunch.  We sat with Wendy, Kelvin, Lisa, Larry, and Karl, it was a great lunch except for Jason having to leave in the middle of it to help with a car wreck.  He arrived back several hours later.  Lunch finished, and more friends continued to arrive.  I got to spend some time with Dave, Levi, Morgan and Rosey, we walked over to see the train, and we saw the paddle boats on the way, I sat while the kids climbed all over the train, and we were soon joined by Lisa, Jen and Elizabeth.  We sat and talked for a while, soon Jen and Elizabeth headed off to the craft area, Lisa and Rosey headed off shortly after, and Levi and Morgan had finished with the train, and the rest of us headed over to the craft area as well.  I definitely got my 2 block walk in.  Luka and I plodded along slowly and easily over the grassy terrain.  We did great.  Speaking of trains, he was so excited he was like a freight train all weekend pulling me along for the ride. 

Over at the craft area, Morgan joined Jen and Madie and Elizabeth making tie dye scarves.  Levi, Dave and I made paper, and then we made more paper when Morgan joined us.  Jason showed up and helped hold friend O strings.  It was a great time!  The kids each got some great things to take home.  We walked back up just in time for snow cones!  MMMMMmmm!  I ate mine and got changed for swimming!  Jason drove me to the pool, so I wouldn’t get to tired for the rest of the day.  While I didn’t end up swimming, I had a great time sitting by the pool watching everyone else in the water.  I got there, and the clouds had come rolling in, the water was already quite chilly I knew so getting in didn’t seem to be a good option for me.  Jason, Brent, Jen, Madie, Elizabeth, Dave, Levi, Morgan, Jen, Sue, their kids and a few more were playing in the pool with noodles and splashing around.  I met Krista who’s the cousin of my friend Leslie, while she was life guarding.  She was super great, and Luka and I enjoyed the afternoon watching the people swim in the pool.  I think we were some of the last to leave the pool.  I have been wanting to go swimming all summer.  I got to twice in hotel pools, which was nice.  I wanted to swim outside with friends, I have that to look forward to next year I guess. 

It isn’t that I am a great swimmer, but I just enjoy the floating in the water in the sun.  With friends it would even be more fun.  I am excited also because my therapist has gotten a new therapy pool!  I really can’t wait to try that out.  Right after the accident I attended Senior water aerobics classes.  I couldn’t do all of the things, but I would do what I could.  I miss that.

The rest of the weekend was great too, Supper which wasn’t that great but the company was!  The talent show was a stitch thanks to the Church Lady showing up to MC.  Not to mention all of the talented alumni who performed.  We had a great fireside worship followed by a fun campfire!  Jason had carried me up the hill, we brought my nice chair to sit in and we stayed for most.  I had started to get a chill and needed to go down, before I got to cold.  We hung out with Wendy and Jeremy and Kerin soon arrived as well in the lodge entry. 

It was a great night, we hung out for a while with Brent, Jen, Wendy and Jeremy, and kids.  Everyone else we learned later was staying in a different part of the camp.  They were hanging out in the other building, I needed to go home anyway.  So did others. 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday was a great day!  Bundles of fun with friends.  I took these pictures at the fun campfire on Saturday night.  I was sitting in my seat behind everyone in the fire ring.  I got to see all of the action. 

 

Here are some other pictures from my week!

 

At the Dentist

 

Luka at the dentist with me!

 

 

Socks needing repair         Sock to be used for the booties

 

Luka happy with his new booties!

Luka’s booties don’t last long but until we figure out how to control his allergies we will keep his feet covered!  Yes, Luka chews on his feet until they are bloody.  Ouch!  Wish we could afford the allergy test that would give us definitive answers.  But we will keep trying to find what the culprit could be.  He has these allergies year-round.  So sad! 

Sunday’s events included being picked up by Wendy and Kerin attending CampFest and painting faces!  I even got to attend the concert that night!  Woot!  We hung out again at the lodge building where my friends this night were the ONLY ones to be staying there.  Everyone else was in the Hotel.  We had a great time!  Top Secret PLAN was started!  HMMMMmmmMMMMmm?????   Hee Hee!  We have some fun things we are going to do!  I can’t say more, I’ve found out that people are actually reading this and so I can’t spill the beans! 

Another great day!  Boy I was tired when Brent dropped me and my things off at home!  Sleep came so easy! 

Monday brought an adoption for Duke!  His forever family picked him up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Duke and Luka  hanging out while I make Luka’s booties!

Our Room, this is where I spend my time.  These are my new curtains while they are open!  It makes for a nice place to sit I can listen to the birds, and watch the trees wiggle!  This is one of the only places where I am actually comfortable.  I am glad we have such a colorful room!  Other wise I might really get depressed!

  Ozzie and Jason on his side of the bed!  We used to never allow our guys on the bed.   Since it is hard for me to get on the floor with them, we now invite them up!

                Trying to catch us all in the picture!

Bye Duke, We are all glad that you’ve found your forever family!  Have fun in Iowa!

Blessed each day!

FiX fOuNd!

What did you do when you learned how to dance did you twirl about as in a dream?  What could you say that would make his face gleem and bring the sun out on a cloudy day?  If life were always simple would it be any fun, would the boredom just come in and never leave?

Do you have it all figured, planned and measured?  Do you have your life all put away?  Or is yours all out hanging, for everyone to see, with parts running in and running out?  How should it be, for you and for me, should it all be the same every day? 

When the snow comes a twinkling do you run and hide or do you bundle all up and go play?  Cars are for driving, kids are for growing, and someday is always today!  We take our time as we live on our dime, but someday it all goes away.  Do you sit there and wish or follow your bliss and put your dreams into play?

How do you see it half empty or half full, is there always a better way?  Do you fight fight fight with all of your might or just lay down and think it away?  Times are a changing things aren’t always the same…  count your blessings, live in the moment, and thank the lord God each day.

 

So today Duke got tested, he didn’t make it.  But he did find his forever home!  So the world is a happy place.  I’ve got more people searching for a dog that will be suitable.  You just have to see enough dogs to find the one that will pass the test.  At least now I know what to look for!  That helps I think!

The rest of today was just, crazy.  It went really well actually.  I was feeling the best I have felt in months this evening!  I have had my hip out.. not out of joint necessarily but one part of it was not in it’s proper place.  It had been causing me pain in so many places, I couldn’t describe where the pain originated. I just knew I hurt. 

My PT helped me figure it out, and then we got it fixed!  I can walk so much easier now!  Thank God!  I hope it stays fixed, because it was hard to put back!

After going to bed about 1am getting up 4 times in the night for eye allergy drops, cleanse drink, bathroom, bathroom…. Wake up at 6:15am, it didn’t make for the best sleep.  Not to mention that I keep waking up with some new ache or pain from sleeping… gotta love that , NOT..  At any rate the day went great! 

Tomorrow, is a day I’ve been excited for.  We get to hook up with some great old friends!  We are pretty excited!  We don’t even know exactly who all will be there!  But for sure there is some fun in store! 

Packing List:

Photo Album, Camera, Chair, Good Walking Shoes, Swimming Bag, Mosquito Repellent, Sunscreen, Water Bottles, Luka’s things, Change of clothes, Snacks, Hat, Computer, and Print out of All addresses

Well, I guess that is a good start!  I live on lists!  Tomorrow would be a good day to have had a scooter handy for.  I can only hope for another good day.  I dream of it being one of my great days!

On a worse note… I got the news from the Bone Scan… My bones are now worse than they were a year ago.  Besides not being able to drink milk, I was in bed for so long, and am now just starting to be able to lift something than my own body weight.  I had been adding calcium to my shakes but after 2 bouts of consideration and research.  I discovered I … 1.  need to take more  2.  need to split it up through out the day  3.  may need to also combine it with medication.  Which one, I am not sure, but I really really don’t want to be falling apart at all!…  I had read the dosage wrong on the bottle, so I’ve got it all figured out now!  My goal now is 8 scoops a day of my Isa Calcium, add back to my diet the extra protein, and make sure to get plenty of fiber, and Omega 3’s.

If you are a white girl, if you are lactose intolerant, if you have a family history of Osteoporosis… Or break bones easily, you need to get with the program!  Get checked out!  I am very very young to be having this type of problem.  Kinda freaks me out!

Oh, well, day by day!  I can get better!  You will see me walking every chance I get.  I’ve been getting pretty tired.  But splitting it up seems to help…walk rest walk rest walk… maybe I will stop resting! 

And since winter is on its way, I have gotten a new pair of hiking boots just in time!  I found them on super sale $14 and they are WONDERFUL!  www.rei.com  I just love them!  Also found Jason some new socks!  Woot, just in time for winter.  Still need a few more nice ones for his work, but we did good!

We found a tread mill that needs some work on Craigslist, and so I am hoping that when the ice comes out the tread mill will give me a place to keep my feet moving!  I don’t go out on the ice so much.  With my history of falling and other issues it just doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do.  I also learned this week that I HAVE to wear shoes with tread on the bottom… Fell again.  Yeah, Jason, I didn’t tell you that….    I am doing well, have learned my lesson and will put up yet another pair of my cute Brazil shoes.  GRRRRRR!  They were flats and everything.  I hate this!  My shoes are all boring.  Blllaaaaa…   Maybe I’ll start wearing more hats so no one will notice my plain feet. 

Slow and steady baby!  Keeping things in perspective! 

Congratulations Laura and Don on your newest family member!  You are going to love him!

Hugs to Mary Belle &  Kristy Your MK will soon be on its way!  Yea!

PiCtUrE MaNiA!

Ok so after having my little meltdown today, I am finally feeling much better.  Geesh!  I sure wish I didn’t have to go through that.  I have now had some snuggle time with the boys.  All is much happier in the world! 

I have even downloaded a new program which I am using at this moment to help me with my blog.  We’ll see how it goes.  Wish me luck! 

The resting duo Ozzie and Luka hanging out with me!

Duke who will be temperament tested on Friday, if he passes he will go in to the service dog program to be trained for me.  If he doesn’t he will go to one of many families looking to adopt him.  We just have to wait and see.

 

 

Before                                  After

The curtains in our bedroom!  They are a big improvement!  They are pretty nifty!  I had a good time making them, which I am glad about because I have quite a few more to make!  We really need real curtains in our house!  I will take pictures with the window open later.

These pictures are of Halo,

he was adopted by a lovely family!  We hope to get together sometime!  I just heard he swallowed part of a blanket, and then upchucked…. eeeeww!  Halo ate 2 of our dog beds… we are now using old camp blankets in our crates.  He probably would have ate those too.. Hee Hee!

 

Garden Mania!

Thanks to Gail and Wally for help getting my garden going! 

 

Cabbage  and Cucumber, which I learned are better much smaller.  Our cucumbers are very bitter… so any suggestions??  We’d like to still eat them..  My cabbage ended up going to Carolyn who waters our garden when we leave town for Jason’s extra jobs.   Thanks Carolyn! 

 

             Mystery plant.. Have to see what it grows…

 

Tomato, Onion…??? Maybe Pumpkin, I am guessing… 

 

Mystery plant with my Pepper Plant, and this is a Pepper Plant that I am not sure if I should even touch… It looks quite hot!  Jason is excited about those! 

Hodgepodge Pot!            Herb pot… they didn’t do so well.

FLOWERS!!!!AHHHH!

So some of the only flowers that grew out of about 20 Walmart Flower Seed Packets.  GRRRRRRR!!!!!!  What am I to do! 

I am getting one sunflower out of an entire pack!  I will share that later.  I’ve never grown sunflower seeds before!  Woot! 

Ok, so if you haven’t noticed, I am loving my new Free Downloaded Program!  This is much much better!  Look forward to more pictures!  I am getting these things figured out!  Woo Hoo!

I am feeling much better now!  This is what I needed!  Jason calls every night before midnight usually, just to check in.  He is so sweet!  He’s had one busy week… that is about to get even more busy!  He’s my rock! 

Blessings!

bLeSs

With each day comes a pile of emotions. Some new some old. Some you can stuff, some you can't. Some creap in slowly, some ride in quick. Some are unexpected, and others you've been dealing with for a long time. What do you do when the bubble over and take you where you don't want to go?

I wish I had some answers. I wish I knew where to turn. People could look at me and never know I was in amazing amounts of pain, both physically as well as emotionally. To deal with it all takes every ounce of strength I've got.

It sometimes feeds in to my reserves I hold for the extra burst to get me through amazingly difficult or wonderful moments. When that reserve is gone, there is nothing left. No emotion holding back energy, no physical lift myself up energy, I am left one balling bundle of limbs. It is such a raw feeling, there is no control on my part, the pain of it all has taken everything from me.

Dealing with anything at that point usually becomes a disaster, I just need time, to rest. Time to collect, time time time. I need to focus and to gather, to hold and not release.

Not eating well, Not sleeping well, Not feeling well, Not feeling safe, Being physically challenged, Being pushed, Being Excited, Driven, or Motivated all can all push me over the edge, any combination and wow does it go quicker.

Today was a rough day for me physically as well as emotionally. I need to get my shake in me and it is already 8pm! Just to much. I've been pushing pushing. Even though I've been in bed for three days hurting and then miserable... Today, I was able to get myself up and out the door! Yea! Me! Some days are harder than others. My body just feels fried. It looks great, but feels fried. My resovoirs were depleated once again today.

Is it to much to ask that I can get myself to therapy, get something to drink, and drop something off, and not be a physical mess? What's more walking in to my house, seeing the mess left behind because I needed all of my energy to get myself out the door. I wish dishes would do themselves. I wish the floor would sweep and mop it's self. I wish the things I need done would just be easy enough for me to do and keep done.

Frustration, Anger, Points of Rage... It has been a long journey, many times I just wish it would end. But here I sit.

My plan was to take the boys for a walk, at least a couple of blocks. I wish. I don't like being cooped up! I need to get a day with nothing else to do. Tomorrow won't be that day, maybe Monday will.

It makes me feel even worse to have these horrible thoughts to be this angry and upset, and not be able to do anything to fix it. At least not yet. I hold out hope. Someday I will figure it out.

Thank goodness for my friends and clients! They sure can keep me going. The other blogs that I read help so much too. I really wish there wasn't so much pain in this world. So many people have so many things so much worse than me!

I am really rather quite fortunate! Very Very Very fortunate!

I really have to keep things in perspective! Keep reminding myself, it really isn't that bad... That it is the pain,.. It is just the pain making me feel this way. Ok... Breathe...

Gotta get my rear in gear.. SHAKE it helps! But gotta get to finishing this my fingers are calling it quits... Ouch! I wonder as I sit here freezing, if summer will come sooner this year! I am praying for summer to return!

Blessings, and Blessed!

PhOtOgRaPhIc HoDgE pOdGe!

Where I live most days! In our bed propped up by pillows I've spent the majority of the last 5 years here! Only place to really get my body to calm down except on the massage table. I am so thankful for my laptop! And thanks to Wally for fixing it a while ago!

Shelby Luka

On our way out west!

Luka and I in the garden.

Gardening hands doesn't show my knees but yikes, I got so dirt covered! Thank goodness for Luka! He's the best helper ever!! Besides Jason of course!

Salmon starting out! Tomatos and Basil from my garden! Oh, Pepper's too!

The cooking process I had to lift it up so the salmon skin wouldn't be slimy... That is so icky!

I took all of the juice from the pan to use with....

The spaghetti!! MMMMmmmMMM Lemony Tomatoey Spaghetti!!

Salmon all ready to eat! It turned out really good! Healthy and Everything!

So Jason has been talking about alternative energy for a long time now. I always have been into this kind of stuff, things like houses made from straw, and the unique methods of energy saving construction, raising alternative livestock, going all natural for farmlands... ( growing up on the farm, my ideas never sat well with my father, I just learned to keep my enthusiasm for myself) I was always excited about the alternatives, not the norm.

This was a meal that I made with things from my garden. I'd share what is in it with you but my photography skills leave a lot to be desired.

BuSy bUsY LoTs tO dO!

Thankful today for Oprah and Dr. Oz!

Rough Day! I am not feeling sorry for myself or anything, I am not in that place at all. I am always about doing all that I can. I have reciently had more frustrations from unusual places and I am finding that harder to deal with. But I will prevail.

In watching the Oprah Show today. I loved it. It featured Michael J. Fox and others. It spoke to how they deal with their health issues. It spoke to how others percieve them, how they react to them and how they deal with it. Things I have struggled with and still do. It seems to me that the general public is just uneducated. It also seems that in many cases the more education they have recieved the less accepting they are of others that are different. The more fear it causes them and the more they overreact. ( in many cases I've been around anyway)

I really like being around really smart people, lots of my friends are very smart and very educated. Of course they are also forward thinking open mind people, at least in most cases. Otherwise they probably would have been my friends for so long. I really do like most everyone, while I don't have to agree, I can for the most part, understand both sides.

The show just put a spotlight on the issue. I am grateful for that. Which hopefully means those that saw it will take notice, and be a little more knowlegeable. Check it out! LINK: Oprah

I am excited about so many things. I have been able to help so me very deserving people, and give some great people some direction and hopefully some clarity. It feels good to be able to have a skill or an understanding of something that can help someone else. Woot! Jason was able to do alot of helping me today as well, which I am grateful for. I've felt crappy for a while again, another front is heading through he just informed me.. after I've been feeling nasty for 24 hours already, he said it should have already been here, but wasn't coming now til tomorrow. AHHHGGGG!

I am doing better at least I can tolerate the light and I can lift myself up now! Woot! So here I sit, typing away!.. I've been meaning to do this anyhow.

We got a two person bycicle, I sold my bike and we got a used two people bike. The last time I rode my bike was the day before my car accident over 5 years ago. Time to sell it, and stop looking at it wishing I could ride it. Jason had the idea of a two people bike we found one for cheap on Craigslist! Woot! So the other day I was able to go for a ride! That's pretty much what it was. My job is to keep my butt on the seat, keep my feet on the peddles, and sit up as streight as possible to stop the pain from creeping in to quick. I've been on it two times so far. I hope I can do it again! I loved it. Jason does the work! Thanks to him, I can ride a bike again!

We've had three dogs in and out... This one is Bella snuggled with Luka

We currently have Duke. Friday we will get him checked out to see if he will pass the test to begin training for my next service dog. Fingers crossed, he is a lovely dog. However, if he doesn't he will find a different home in another Forever Family! I am already starting to raise money for my training with him. YIKES I am worried about it for sure, we haven't even been able to put up our deck we've been dreaming of so we have a front entry way on our house. But, where there is a will there is a way!

My little clothing opperation is the key. I've already got some great new clothes donated, and more are on their way. I now just need to connect with some people looking for some great new things to wear! At $2-$4 they are thrift store prices, but all fixed up and clean! I've got sizes so far from 00 to 29 for women and teens, and some things in Large and XL and XXL for men.

I am also going to start a Mary Kay Sale today, I am just working out the details of that as well! It is to celebrate my turning 40 this year! I have decided that I'm wanting to do something I've never done before, and something that my loyal wonderful clients would love as well! So watch for an email from me! Woot! I am actually excited about turning 40 this year! I have been ever since I heard Mary Kay Ash say " I am thirty-through!" when asked about her age! I love it! That's what you'll hear out of my mouth too!

My Isagenix is going great as well, I am loving it of course! I can't keep as much instock for ourselves as I would like, but, Jason is seeing results! I will post them in a couple of weeks! And so are those on my team! Fitting into clothes you'd out grown, sleeping better, having more energy!!! Woot! I am so excited for them! More and more people are asking me about it and getting started. My own health results, amazed me! I had gotten blood work done last year before I started, it was a bit concerning, I had several issues I needed to adjust my vitamin intake as well as my food intake according to the results and my Dr. The kicker was my bones breaking and the scan coming back that I needed to address my calcium, vitamin D, and protien immediately! Thus the journey on Isagenix was begun for me.

The results are all not in yet, but the ones I do have are hugely favorable! I have no bad results in my blood work! Not even in my cholesteral! And with all of the medicaitions I have taken over the past 5 years! I am thrilled out of my gourd! Hee Hee! I have done the scan to see about my bones, and I am waiting for the results. I know that will be a longer journey, but am hoping it isn't worse! XXXXXX fingers! Staving it off at the pass is my goal, of course fixing it would be my ultimate goal!

Other people have had great success with their blood work after being on the health and nutrition program, and so I guess I am in good company! I can't wait to see what Jason's are. His latest set is improved from last year thank goodness!, but I can't wait to see what they are in a year!

Hey, I wanted to also toss out there, that if you are looking for a job and you are needing an updated resume, let me know. I am no "expert" but I am good at them. Then you can take it to an expert and have it proofed. I would be happy to help, I am FREE, I just want to do something to help my friends and family stay employeed!

One thing I've been working on is happening this weekend, our alumni reunion! Woot! Jason and I will be attending. While there is certainly more work to be done, as many alums are missing, but I am hopefull that this weekend will be a start to getting more people on board looking for folks!

It should be a really great event! My plan is to spend my time swimming, and doing crafts. Jason mentioned geocaching, and the ropes courses as well. I won't be doing those, but maybe he will take me out in a boat! Tons of our friends will be there also! We can't wait! If you are a facebook friend of mine, I posted an event for everyone to attend on Sunday! Come on out! It will be GREAT! The more the merrier! The concert will be incredible as well!

I am excited about quite a few things as you can see! Jason is working as much as possible! We've got some uncertainty in our future as well. What's new? Just more adapting! We are making a plan and doing our best to stay ahead of the changes or at least be prepaired.

Well, the energy I had when I started to write is disapating, I need to go get some more food! This girl is hungry! Can't wait to long or the pain gets to strong... so gotta go! Tchau for now! If I can my plan is to hop back on and add some pictures I've been taking into previous posts... I've gotta get this figured out! BTW, My hand is healed, I am not sure if I will post those pictures or not.. Kinda gross...

TiMe

I had realized some time ago that things in this world, in my world were changing. I mean, I know that things change every moment. The rate at which things are changing in my life, verses the world ( everyone else's life ) I have come to realize are at two very different paces.

My life is changing it is now headed in an improving direction, even noticably so and has been for a month or so. Prior to that, I have noticed improvements steadily over the past year. They have been extremely small, each one coming with a price. Not that the one's now aren't as well, but the price seems easier to pay now, at least most of the time.

Having spent most of the last 5 years in bed. I still spend quite alot of time in bed resting, I watched the things that I had control over in my imediate surroundings disappear. Wierdly, eerily, the memories of my life and what it was, are almost as if they still are. Which is so difficult for me.

Other people have moved on. What their lives were 5 years ago, have all but been forgotten to them. This realization has come to me this eventful week. I love hearing about where everyone is, and what they are up to. How they have changed or their family has grown, what they have accomplished, or soon will, it is so great to see. I can't say that this happiness for them doesn't come without some pain on my part for where I've been or what I've done. I truly am thrilled to pieces for them.

The feeling of being left out, seems to stick to me like gorilla glue. My world is quite small, has been for 5 years. I tried to keep it expanded, I fought the closing umbrella so hard, and for so long, that I never thought it would open up again.

This past couple of weeks my life has begun to open up again. I've been through this before with other trauma'a in my life, but they had begun to finally start living in the past. It seems as if with this new opening old memories have a way of stalling out my mind. An issue I will once again have to face and reconcile.

A memory close to my heart this week especially, has been the weekly Rotary meetings I had become a part of which have for me these years seemed like yesterday. I had one of the wierdest introductions to the group I am sure. I was the most unusal member of the group probably since it's conseption. To say it nicely, I just didn't fit the mold. I will finish this another time... Luka just alerted on me....

MARY KAY ~ isagenix ~ TONJA'S CLOSET

I've been working hard on getting better, it seems to be a never ending project. I must admit, that this is something I struggle with. I still have my previous life in my mind. There isn't a day that goes by, especially now, as this was the year that I had planned to give Jason the option of retiring. That is the thing I think that makes me the most upset at this moment.

I don't know if he would have chosen to or not, but to go to work with the knowledge that you didn't have to... It would be a gift! I think he would always choose to work, but having the choice to instead of the need too.. Wow, that would really take the pressure off. He does love what he does. Although, there are some major issues.

Things going on in our lives once again, (making number 11 almost seem possible, from my list in an earlier post) are causing us pause. While nothing has happened, I am choosing to not wait around and watch our lives continue to fall apart more. I've been working on a couple of extra projects for a while now.

At this time I am not able to do my Mary Kay business as I once had. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to do that! I could solve all of our financial issues, I am sure, given some time back in the saddle. I was very good at that, still am for what I am able to still do. I loved it, and while, I was never the perfect polished person, I think my sincerity and genuine affinity for what I did shone through and others identified with that.

I am going to spread my attention in three areas. My mind at least most of the time works just fine. I just have difficulty with the meds I take making me on the confused, and foggy side of life. Lovely, I know. Again a little sarcasm...

1. My Mary Kay, Clients - keep on servicing them the best that I can! Consultants - support them as well as I can as well. ( I mostly receive orders via: text, email, or phone and ship these things out.) My Mary Kay money goes to supplement our regular income needs to run our house and of course to cover what I spend on my own Mary Kay products. I can pay a bill that is due here and there with it. I really love all of my Mary Kay customers! I love playing with colors and so much more... My clients are the BEST!

2. My Isagenix, That has become the biggest blessing to me as of late! Not only am I a tremendous amount thinner, but I have been able to be more and more active! Woot! Others have also started doing it and those who are doing it, are seeing some very nice results as well. This is encouraging me to start doing more with it! I have yet to really see allot of cash flow, but anything is helpful at this point!.. What I am excited about mostly is helping other people realize that they too can feel and look better too. (gosh, if I did it not being able to move much, anyone really could!)

The Isagenix, is also more suited to me not traveling all around and about. I don't have to carry anything, I just basically talk to people usually on the phone or Internet, or where I see them if I am out. There is no pressure, and I can do it when I feel well! So it works out for me, gives me other people to focus on, instead of myself! Which has always been better for me.

My main focus is getting what I make with my Isagenix to cover what I spend with it. Which I would have had to spend buying groceries anyway... So, that is good, since we've got to save money where we can. I've already got a new goal for that as well, to start saving money for an emergency fund, and then to save for a car so I can get around on my own! (dad's car is about ready for the junkyard I think, the air is out on it, and the transmission is on its way out)

3. TONJA'S CLOSET: Since I have lost all of this weight, I started rehoming all of my clothes, then it dawned on me! I need to have new clothes! YIKES, as NOTHING at all fits me from before! Thank You Isagenix!! OK, my shoes still do. (most of them anyway, my feet are even thinner) I have no money for new clothes! NONE! I started shopping at consignment stores, I have always done this, even when I had more money. I found that this option was even to expensive for me to build a wardrobe on.

I don't even need all of those professional clothes anymore. I bet there are quite a few people who just really can't afford all of those clothes even at consignment shops. I started going to thrift stores, and I've started asking people if they have clothes they don't want anymore, if they'd consider giving them to me. Not kids clothes! I am not sure what to do with those!
So I am putting the word out! I am collecting clothing! For TEENS MEN AND WOMEN! Mostly women, but I am also collecting men's stuff too!

So people around me are pitching in, I am finding stuff as well that needs cleaned up and repaired. I am good at those things for the most part, and so I am recycling clothing! Nice clothing not the stuff that should be turned in to rags! It may still be in style, may have come out last season, or the one before, or is something that is timeless and always will be in style. I have some funky pieces too, because that's what I love!

So if you or your teen or your hubby is needing some new clothing and you don't have allot to spend, most of my things I will be selling for $2-$4! That fits so much better in my budget! They are all clean repaired and in great shape! I've got sizes from 00 to 29 I think in women, and Men's I am collecting, since Jason is an xxl I have mostly that size right now, but am collecting some smaller sizes as I go.

So, you ask, why are you doing this? Well, my service dog Luka was already old for a service dog when I got him, and he really needs to retire. In order to get my next service dog, I need to save up enough money to get trained with him and for supplies which is about $2600 Money that we just don't have. In addition, I need to save up money to care for Luka and Ozzie in their old age.

Ideally, this is something I can do to help other people save money, and help me make some. It isn't that I necessarily NEED more to do, as I must admit, that keeping the house clean and running is difficult enough for me. I just find it to be so boring! I love having a clean house, but much of the things needed done to keep it clean are now on my restriction list as well. So, if things go well, I might even be able to afford some help in getting it clean! (OK, it isn't a disgusting pit, I just need help with the tub, shower, toilets, and floors) Everything else, I can manage somehow.

And I love clothing, at one time I had planned on going into clothing design! I am even saving the unrepairable things to cut up and make into a quilt.



Some of the other things I had thought about doing were: website design, newsletters for others, marketing materials for others, teaching of different classes like hobby classes... but these things in general need to meet deadlines. I can't always guarantee something because of how much pain I have so I don't want to set myself up to fail.

The things above, are all things that I can do on my own time frame, things that I am able to do even if I am not feeling the greatest at least to some degree. They don't have deadlines, and there aren't allot of physical demands.

The clothing business, actually is helping my arms get stronger, as it is hard for me to pick up things doing the folding, the washing, the repairing, etc. Is helping me get stronger, just like working in my garden. Although those pesky weeds are still making me nuts!

So, if you'd like to loose weight or make sure you are getting the nutrients your body needs, let me know, if you are wanting to look younger, or need to know how to put your eyeshadow on, I can help you with that, and if you are wanting a new outfit or two and don't want to blow your budget, I've got just what you are looking for or I soon will. Just give me a call, drop me a line, let me know what sizes you are looking for and the style, and I can get you hooked up!

Boring is not for me! I eat to live, I don't live to eat! My age is only a state of mind!

Well, I just got back from therapy, boy Oh'boy, I have a smile on through the pain of therapy lately. My progress is so slow but I am definately making progress! Woo HOOOOOO! I also got results of my yearly exam back! Mostly Good News! Most everything looks great! I need to increase a couple more vitamins, one I had figured on, as I always have seemed to need that one, and the other, was some what of a surprise, but not extremely. I am taking some, but just need to increase it, I am going to have to do some math to figure out what I am taking and how much more I need to take. Everything bad I can add a simple thing to fix, so that is nifty!

I've still got my Mamogram, and my Dexiscan next week, so I am sure things will be clicking along nicely! Make sure that you are all doing your regular check ups and exams! Do all of your preventative care! It is worth it.

I am sad today, as I received news that a friend of mine that I had breakfast with every week for about seven years, prior to my not being able to get out and about, has just passed away. I had just found out that he wasn't well, and had started to ask around to find out what was going on with him. He was in Rotary with me, he was the only Rotarian to attend my wedding, and was one of the very nicest people that you could ever hope to know. It makes me so sad. Makes me remember lots of other things that make me so sad too.

Blessings to you my friend, I will be keeping your family in my prayers as well.

KiSs ThAt!

Gifts! I've got lots of them. I am really quite lucky!

I am quite grateful, I live in the country I do. I can open my mouth and what ever crazy, dumb, wierd, correct, inspiring thing that comes out of my mouth is ok to say. It might not be agreed upon by others, but I have the right to say it!

I am thrilled that I take so much less medication than I used to! While I still take more than I'd like, I take allot less than I had to before! You've heard of the show, So You Think You Can Dance? Before the accident I actually could. I could also think, have a clear thought in my head or lots of them! Hee Hee! With the meds, my mind was the only thing that worked but it was so clouded up with medication, even when the migraines weren't present, that I still couldn't. Didn't stop me from trying to think, or open my mouth as luck or unluck would have it. ;)

I can move my head more than I used to be able to! I don't have to be constantly supporting it for EVERY MOVEMENT! I used to have to use my arms which were also in pain to brace it steady as we'd drive down the road in a car or the Jeep. Most of the time that isn't nessessary now! Woot!

My therapy is working! I have muscles that are working, or at least starting to! While I am by no means strong, I am so much stronger, as my muscles had at one point started to atrophy. I used to have to have help sitting up, getting out of bed, or walking anywhere. I can do it on my own now, 90% of the time! I still need help, I still get shaky, but I am so much more independent!

I've talked about getting a scooter a few times, and while it isn't completely out of my mind yet, I am working to where it hopefully wouldn't ever be used even if I had one. But at this point, I still could use something like that just to get around town with, as carrying groceries home is so not a good idea, and some days walking Luka enough to get him enough excersize has been a problem. ( I don't want a scooter to sit and live in, just one to help me get things done safer and more effectively.)

I used to have to have help doing everything, but I am back now helping others! I really like that! I am a person who'd never really HAD to ask for help. I eventually would have got most things accomplished. While I have always enjoyed having help! I never wanted to put myself in a position where I was looked upon as lazy. I wanted people to WANT to do something with me, not feel obligated to. I still feel that way, and probably shouldn't as I have needed help with things, but felt bad no one was around who really wanted to help, so I would never ask. I can tell when there is genuine willingness, I can feel it. I try to always help in the spirit of wanting to instead of having to. I don't want anyone to feel like I do when someone helps me out of 'Having To'.

I am super thankful to help others! I really hurt my soul not being able to.

I am smarter! For that I am also greatful! Oh, man oh man, I am smarter. Maybe not book wise but, life wise I am much smarter. My years in Mary Kay leading up to the accident, I thought were giving me the skills I needed to be able to help others more effectively. When in fact I have discovered that what God had me going through was so I could help myself! I am so greatful for having worked so hard before to help others, as if I hadn't I shudder to think what would have happened to me. Because at that time I would have never worked so hard for myself.

Maybe someday soon, I will even be able to become an advocate or educate others on how to survive a nasty stinky car accident. The worst part has been learning about the insurance industry. The security I had knowing that I had insurance on my cars, and that others had to have insurance on theirs is no more. Even though the guy who caused my accident has insurance.... what a royal pain and enlightening experience this has been so far, and I am sure will be in the future. As nothing from his end, for me has been done, except for postpone, postpone, and More postponing.

I had hoped to find a civilized way of settling this, I know that he didn't drive his car out into the intersection for the purpose of moving his car in my imediate path. I mean, who but a crazy person would do that? I am sure he isn't crazy. Old yes, but crazy, I am sure he is not. I hadn't even planned on retaining an attourney. Times change! I wish things weren't this way. I wish two people, or whom ever could come to a table even with a mediator, sit down and work things out in advance, or with in a reasonable time.

I used to have the idea, that if I did everything correctly that I would be protected and safe, at least that things would go smoother, and easier, if I told the truth, and I was cooperative, and forth right that things would work out alright and that I didn't need plan A, B, C, D, E, F,.. heck I don't know what plan I am on now, I think at this point with all Jason and I have gone through and overcome that plan Z might even be long past if we counted. My sense of security is so saddly shaken. I am still the same person, but I certainly would have protected myself more.

It is kinda funny, now that I sit here and am watching the entire country and most of the world bracing for economic disaster. It isn't nearly so stressful for me. In my line of work had I been able to keep working, I wouldn't have been affected much at all either, as Mary Kay is experiencing growth even today! My friends in fact are still doing fantastic! I am so happy for that.

The last 5 years, Jason and I have been through:
1. the days after my accident where I was told I'd be better in a couple weeks

2. 6 months later when we were in shock after having gotten worse not better and finances were plumiting and medical bills and others were mounting.

3. 2 or so years later when we had no choice but to file and declare something we had worked so hard not to do. I don't use the word at this time because it still hurts.

4. when I lost my Mary Kay car after 6 years of having driven free, don't recall if this was number three or four. In Mary Kay you have to WORK for everything, I worked hard for all that I had, nothing had come to me easily.

5. When I lost my International Mary Kay Business and the income and opportunities that provided. I had just broke my business wide open for growth and real security in the days before this accident.

6. When I lost my Mary Kay Director Business and the income and opportunities that provided

7. When Jason's City was annexed by another and all of his retirement, and seniority, security, and income were put into jeopardy, and we took losses in almost every aspect of his financial future. At his age, with what was going on with me, he has had to just keep his mouth shut, and bend over, if you will excuse the term. ( I'd use another one but nothing seems to work)

8. The gradual loss of my Mary Kay Personal Business as well, and the income that it provided. While I still have this business, it brings in only a small fraction of what it once did.

9. Gas prices when they went up so high, before Jason and another guy would commute to work, and that saved us. When he went to having to drive himself, and not even be able to use the motorcycle because of all of the hoops he now had to jump through, it took everything we had after all we'd been through just to get him to work. I had to stop going to treatments and well, that's a whole nother story.

10. When the markets collapsed, and everyone else started to feel the pinch, along with us. People going through are ending up in worse shape than we are in, we are very lucky. We have had many teachable lessons in our life. Lessons that we have learned from. Each lesson we have learned while painful, have brought us to survive each of these things.

I am so greatful, that even when we have had no hope at all, God has provided. Of that I still have faith in. I have been truthful to the point of painful, I have been forthright, and I have been blessed, not by the security of the laws and the rules put into place by the USA, but I believe through the grace of God. Where one door shut, another one opened. Unbelieveably, unexpectedly, and entirely gratefully. So here I sit, not giving up and not giving in. God has a plan, while I am certainly not sure what it is, I am hanging on for the ride.

On a funny, sick sence of humor type of note... I have felt pretty great over the last several days or so, aside from the just now normal everyday pain, I only had a flared up muscle or two. With that being the case, I've been as busy as I can be. Which is still moving slowly, but having a list of great expectations of myself. I was busy walking as I should be yesterday, Luka and Morgan with me, things going quite well! Woot! When Morgan saw a squirl while we were just sitting relaxing, the next thing I know I've got a very nasty rope burn on my right hand, still in shock, I was able to rip the chunks of skin from my hand, close it up before the pain started pouring through my body.

It used to be something like this might have at least caused a tear or two. When I broke my arm, a couple fell and that was it. I don't know, why I no longer cry if something hurts. For me it really causes no benefit I guess. I suppose if I had cried I would have also not had the energy to deal with the pain and make it home. Especially with two hyped up dobermans now on either side of me. I clenched my fist hooked their leashes to me and made it the two blocks home, no nausea or nothing! Wow, I must be a pro at this pain stuff by now. Hee Hee!

Anyway, I am still able to type with the burns across my right hand today. I figure if I keep moving them, icing them and icing them in between that it will be better for me in the long run. I really didn't need any more pain in my hand, but hey, suck it up girly, you've got things to do!

At this point I will also write about what I just found out. One of MY GIRLS, (a former unit member), I just found out had tried to commit suicide. I haven't been there for her. I really haven't been present for many of them since my unit was disbanded. Not that I haven't meant to be, I've just still been feeling so guilty myself for not having been strong enough to hang on to us all. Well, things are a changing, that is for sure. Hold on to your hats, cause this girls spunk is slowly comming back! And I am MAD at all the things I've had no control in my life over. I am a SURVIVOR! And I am going to teach others how to do it too! So kiss that! (again no other words seemed appropriate, Hugs!)

Wishing you blessings, with a grateful heart!

iNsUrAnCe ~ AsSuRaNcE

So, three posts in two days, wow for me this is an unintentional record. Having had a difficult time getting to sleep last night, I figured I'd be tired and my body would like to sleep in. However this is not the case. Bright and early at five thirty this morning I woke up. Everyone else still asleep. At least in this room, where all my guys are in their beds too. Well Luka is up here with me. And he is wishing that I and the other two clowns were still asleep.

Oh well, it is not to be. My back is not better. It is from not being up and around, but it isn't better from last nights sleep. I was really hoping I would wake up and everything would just have been a really bad dream.

So, last night, through my mind ran all of the things needing done today. That will now be falling on Jasons shoulders for sure. I had planned on doing some of them or at least what I could of them. He will drive is 1/2 hour home from work, pick up some things at home, drive them another 1/2 hour, drop them off, pick something up, and drive home, when hopefully it will be dry enough here to mow two lawns before taking me to Physical Therapy, unless by some miracle I am able to drive myself. If in this case I am, he will then go to a funeral an hour away, come home wash the dogs, sweep and mop the floors, clean the couch off in his room, and be begging to go back to work!

I just hope he's been able to get some sleep last night. As I sit here I can't help but think there is more that I've missed that needs to be done asap... The other day while at work he excaped a burning house just before the roof collapsed. Thank God! Each day is a gift.

Fortunately for the others he works with he actually has alot of training and experience. Fortunately also for the home owners of the city he works in. Unfortunately, most of the guys left on the job who've not been able to retire yet, have less experience and less training are the ones in charge. Due to his former city having been taken over by this city. When that happened, his career path became extended, and his chance of promotion and his years of service amounted to nothing. He has started his career over the last couple years. He can't even apply for a permenant station to work at yet, let alone a promotion.

I am sure I have talked about this before. It is some thing we are grateful for but at the same time feel sick about. He has a job. Yea! But I also know he goes to work in dangerous situations working under others with less experience and in his line of work, one day that could cost him his life. I don't care that he's not the one in charge, and neither does he. He's never had to be the one in charge. He is definately capable. It is just kinda freaky to know that people who've never had a career in fire fighting and who graduated their basic training a month before him are going to be in charge of him for the rest of his career.

I know that most everyone on the department is qualified. It isn't that, but qualifications are only part of the package. This is also not me freaking out! I've been on many fire scenes, as that is one of the things I used to do, first as a volunteer, and then as a career, always in a support position. While I don't understand everything, I do have a healthy respect for what they do, with an equal amount of respect for how dangerous the job is.

He never grew up like many little boys having the desire to become a fire fighter. He just sort fell into it. Found that he was good at it, and earned a spot on a department. Each of the men and women on the department have earned it, so I am not saying the people that he works with are at all incompetent. I just wish they had more experience in calling the shots, especially when it is my husband inside that building!

I am thankful that Jason speaks up when necessary, and that he has earned the respect of those around him enough that they listen to him. After all he is a pretty cool dude! Hee Hee. So for that I am grateful! Also, while I have not met many of the people that he works with, actually only 8 or so out of 600 plus, due to the fact that it has been impossible for me to get to functions while he is at work. The ones that I have met have all been pretty nice. Which says nothing of course for their skills, but he does really enjoy working with most of them. That helps quite alot.

Acutally it almost seems for the guys he's gotten brought over with, that he has had things pretty well. Yes, others got better deals financially in the begining, but things are working out in the long run, and I am sure he will continue to create a nifty future there.

While this wasn't the plan for us, that we had outlined. It is the path we are on at this time. Even if he could get a job somewhere else. There would be no way for us to afford it. Health Insurance, has become a Major topic in our household! I now have a hand full of pre existing conditions! starting on a new plan would mean at least a year of not being covered.

We could never financially survive that. Not that we've really been able to survive gracefully as is either. I don't like thinking about what we owe, even having insurance. We are even in the quite lucky boat with our insurance. They haven't thrown a fit over my care, we have had to fight for very little of it. But still everything isn't covered, and we are able to deal with things one day at a time.

Health Insurance Info I found interesting Another Site I found Interesting as well

I think that is how others do it too! Breathe in Breathe out, Breathe in Breathe out, and you'll make it through it all.

So today is going to be a busy day for Jason as he walks in the bedroom door, and I am once again feeling guilty. I feel so horribly bad for not healing like the doctors told me I would. I feel so horribly bad for having lost my International Mary Kay business, for having lost my Mary Kay Car, for having lost my Mary Kay Directorship, for having lost all but about a 5th of the clients that I once had serviced. I dissapointed alot of people. I had so many people counting on me with my business. Jason was counting on me to provide him the opportunity to work by choice not for necessity.

I volunteered as a member of Rotary with several duties, and I failed at that as well. There were people depending on me there as well. In fact, I was supposed to be starting a summer camp for teens to expand on their leadership skills. Having not known I wasn't going to get better, and I would be so highly medicated, I also messed up opportunities for not only Rotary but NLOM, to receive the funds from the booking that the Rotary camp would have provided.

Gosh the list goes on and on. I wasn't the only one contributing, but I had earned a position of leadership with them, and when a leader doesn't lead, what ever they are leading goes now where. I was struggling to live let alone lead anyone. I was struggling so much that I didn't even comprehend the disaster to my life that was about to happen.

Once I did it was way to late. I really feel for those who are loosing their homes, loosing their jobs etc. right now. I have already gone through this and know the pain. While we didn't loose our house, I almost sometimes wish we had. We'd be traveling through life a little lighter right now.

Well, I guess I woke up feeling pretty sorry for myself today. I am glad I got that out. I plan on having a really good day. I am not sure what that means I will do. But I will find some more sitting projects and get going on accomplishing them. And Maybe just maybe, my Physical therapist will have the answers that make my back better today!

You never know! I am glad I have INSURANCE I just wish I had ASSURANCE!

bLaA BLaa bLAa....

So doing a bit better tonight. Not moving much and keeping my back relaxed has definately helped. Then I get up and move around, and it comes back. So, with further review, it is not in my lower back but the lower part of my mid back. This is definately some new area for me. I am so disgusted. I don't even know what I did to make this happen.

I guess it is par for the course. I mean, my shoulders click in and out of something, my hips do it, my neck does it, so does my back, but I havent' had this part mess around much. Geesh! Thank goodness for Luka, I usually only talk about the migraine help he does, but he also provides stabilization on stairs, steps and when I feel week and unsteady. Helps me up, which has helped again a bunch today. I usually need help up, not always, sometimes I have enough juice to do it on my own. Sometimes I just need a little and other times it is alot more. When I can't see the greatest he helps as well for me to have as an extra set of eyes as reasurance, while he's not a guide dog, he is also not an idiot and doesn't want to be run over!

Having Morgan here, he needs to go out more often, and he is smaller than the other two to boot. Sometimes there is an object near by, and I will use that to brace myself with if I am sure it is steady. Don't need to put pressure on him unless necessary. I know he's getting older.

I talked with Jason, he's doing well, a little upset that I am hurt yet again. Frustrated because it was doing something he would think I could do. And something that I think he doesn't want to do. I mean he does so many things I know he doesn't want to do, so just another thing to keep on his list. Frustrating I am sure.

I really wanted to get my garden weeded too... Not to mention all of the plants I have yet to get planted. Will I ever get caught up? I've got asparagus to plant yet, and tons more things just sitting out on tables in my back yard. While it isn't likely that they will actually produce anything at this point in the year, I did get them started and I put all of that time and effort in to growing those plants, that it is frustrating for me to think I wasted my time. At least since this year's weather is so funky they may be able to produce even though they'd be planted ultra late, I'd sure like to finish it.

I don't know that I will be doing ANY planting or weeding. I can't think that that would be the best thing to rid myself of this pain that I am now having.

I should have sat in my basement and worked on my curtains instead of sowing seeds... so I should have been sewing instead of sowing! As my windows sure could use the towels out of them and the other one's it would be nice if they would have other coverings besides the see through ones.

BLAAA BLAAA BLA...

I have other projects to be working on as well. I had thought that was the most important as it would really impact our bottom line as far as groceries were concerned. Oh well. What I did manage to get planted I am sure will help. Those things are looking great! Just really need to get my strawberries weeded, and help that rabbit move into a new home, other than my strawberry bed. I'd really like to have more strawberry plants next year. I love strawberries!

We'll tomorrow's plans have been outlined with Jason, so it is time for some rest! I really hope a night of sleeping makes this back issue disappear!

Blessings to everyone who is struggling with something! I know that is most everyone! I know you will make it through, just as I know I will too! One day at a time! Good things are bound to be squished into the spaces!