Showing posts with label pLaNs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pLaNs. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

ThE iNtErViEw... Alicia Myers from 10/11 News in Lincoln NE ... LB858

I fixed the bad links below. 
Thanks for letting me know they were bad!  Sorry they were. =)

~
 Click to see:
The Official 10/11 News Interview with Alicia Myers Click Here!

Click on Service Dog Rights Part 1

Check it out!  Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myers did an amazing job!
                        I can't wait to see Part 2 tomorrow night!


Our story even made the Headline Page!  How cool is that!  10/11 News Rocks!

See some pictures that Jason took from the interview!  He managed to avoid the video camera completely!

 



 






 

  
What do you think?  Put your comment's on Channel 10/11's site, and don't forget to add your opinion to their poll!  CLICK HERE!  I fixed this link also I think.. Give it a try!


I also had my mother's bracelet on and was fortunate to have Jason there with me.  I wanted to be wearing things that meant allot to me for the interview!  Makes me feel like they are all there with me.
Anyhoo...
I'd love to have you post your thoughts on the Channel 10/11 web page.  You are welcome to also post them here!  But please support this news station for taking such a positive approach to helping others!

Senator Kate Sullivan please give her kudo's as well!  
I have her information listed a few posts back!  
Cheer her on and support her as she gears up for round two of this legislation!  

Blessings,
Pink Doberman

SuRpRiSeS!!!, FiShiNG & HuNTiNG

When life shoots you lemons make some Pink Lemonade!  I sure try to do that.  Work within what I can do and do my best at it.  I am different, that is a given!  I have always known that.  I am a girl who grew up working on a farm like a boy.  My dad was an ag teacher and then farmer/rancher my mother was a Home Economist and then substitute teacher, librarian and then everything else until she found her calling as a career counselor for a local university.

So I grew up with both worlds being shoved at me.  I did the farm chores, the irrigating, the digging of musk thistle roots and dead heading into a bag, laying out of aluminum irrigation pipe and picking it up, as well as everything in between.  My mom enrolled me in 4-H.. I was a handful.  I did all of the "girl stuff" wrong... being a very frustrating child for my perfectionist mother.  She soon kicked me out of the house and gave me to my father to keep using for chores and things outside.  I even ended up enrolling in Ag in High School.  What a shock that was for everyone!

Well, all that time with boys, meant I was also learning to use some boy's toys.  Heavy metal bands, cars, as well as shooting.  My dad has always loved to fish so I did that too.  I much preferred water skiing!  But just loved being out on the lake even if swimming wasn't in the plan for the day.

If we did a good job chopping thistles my dad would take us to the lake.  If it had rained we'd go to the lake... as I became an adult the opportunities didn't present themselves and the boat my dad had had to small of a motor to pull adults out of the water very well.  Every opportunity I go to go out to the lake I would take of course!  I still loved it.

The hunting opportunities went by the wayside as well.  I'd say I am more of a shooter of non alive objects.  But since Luka my service dog is allergic to everything, I now feed him deer.  A friend has gotten me one every year.  That has been great!  Luka eats so much that that isn't going to last us all year for sure.  So I was thrilled when after going to the latest "Outdoor Type Show" in the area, that my husband came home with a brochure for a group of hunters and fishermen that take out people with disabilities.  They even have adaptive devices for us to use!  I thought I couldn't even fish because holding on to the pole would prove to be painful!  Let alone reeling it in.  Shooting a gun, well lets just say I can't even lift my guns up.  ( Yes, I am a gun owner.)

I never bought my guns I earned them.  I sold magazines in High School and if you were the top seller of magazines that week you got to pick out prizes.  They were boys prizes since we were raising money for FFA.  Guns and knives and stuff.  So that's what I earned!  I also got a bunch of other junky stuff as well.  But I worked hard to be the best, even if the prize was a gun.  ( I thought I'd give them to my dad.)

Nope, he was happy I had earned them and he got me shells for them, and then some of the guys in FFA took me out shooting, and my outdoor adventures took another turn.  I ended up shooting a few animals, not for sport, but living on the farm rabid animals or dangerous animals sometimes appear.  I could shoot and so I did what needed to be done.

I love target shooting, and shooting traps.  I really also like eating deer since it is hormone free and very lean and it costs less.  It is also great for Luka.  Jason used to hunt as well.  He's been talking about getting out again.  I have shared that he should go, that I just didn't know how to make it work.  Taking me along is no vacation.  I am allot of work for him.  I need a mattress, I need help with this and that, I need a level place to sit, I can't be out there picking up branches for a fire or chopping anything.  I could cook, if things were at standing height and I had a flat surface.  I really need a camper..   He's wanted to go camping for a long time now, we used to do that!  We have friends with matching tents and chairs, we used to go on outdoor adventures!  Go canoeing, or hiking checking out all that was around to see.  I guess I just need to give it a try and see what I can do.. 

Read about how I am finding the impossible might once again be possible..

Check out this organization!     SANDS  I want you to check it out so I won't even share what the acronym means...

I guess there are people who may help us with all sorts of things.  I am a handful without my physical issues.. =D.

Oddly enough one of the people in the group is a boy ( a man now) who I grew up sitting in front of at church when I was little!  I think that is pretty cool! 

Yes I really am also a girly girl too!  Fashion, Makeup, Pink.. I guess my personality is sort of a dichotomy. 

If you know one side of me you may not know about the other... I am different I always have been.  I may look just like you, but I am unique.  You may look just like me but you are unique.  I value you and what you are able to do.  Please value me and what I am able to do.  Look at our similarities not our differences. 

When I open a door, treat me with respect, I promise to do the same.  That is all I ask! 

By the way Channel 10/11 Lincoln NE will be featuring LB 858 on March 2 and 3 with a series of different interviews.  I hope you will watch, record, or check out their website on the subject!  So THAT IS TODAY AND TOMORROW!  ...  (this is one of my surprises) 

Hope you will watch! 
You might just find out who I am!

Blessings,
Pink Doberman

Monday, January 4, 2010

TwEnTy TeN!!!

Keeping busy.  The start of Twenty Ten brings hope for me.  I have been working on being more steady.  More regular at what I can do. 

Examining what I am capable of and when.  In my life I have done many things.  More I suppose than almost everyone my age.  The diversity of my background, skills, talents and experience is quite broad.  Having been in 4-H as a child, having grown up on a farm, enrolling in agriculture classes, music classes, and art classes… I definitely have broader interests than most.

At the same time running three businesses of my own, one of them being an international business brought a whole new gamete of possibilities for my future.  I enjoy all that I know, and all that I have done. 

Many things I will never do again, and would aspire to never do them again, such as working cattle, or taking care of livestock in the winter.  Other things I enjoyed for sure.

These days have been spent thinking of where I can go from here.  I am not reliable health wise.  But working around that, there are plenty of things I can do.  But what…

Even when medicated I am able to write, and edit photos or create digital art on the computer.  I haven’t ever been taught any of these things, I have just been making it up as I go.  I guess the more you do of these things, trial and error wise, the more you learn and can eventually do.

Now in my other areas, I can not do math dependably medicated.  I can not drive medicated, or in pain for that matter.  So anything that involves those two things needs to be forgotten about for now. 

So, with Jason taking more and more pictures.  Most of them still of me, although we are getting more and more willing photo victims lined up! 

Jason has already photographed a family of 4 children, and another family of all grown boys.  I think the 4 little children may have been easier than capturing the grumpy grown boys…  MEN.. geesh! 

He also is making a list of others who have mentioned that they want him to do their pictures too!  FANTASTIC!

I can help with the pictures, that is fun for me.  I  used to help with wedding photo’s all of the time with my business.  After the accident I wasn’t reliable enough to do it any longer.  Brides are kind of picky about people not following through..

So this is giving me another avenue of doing what I used to do, but in a different way.  More fulfilling actually, since I get to do it with Jason, and it is developing his skills as a photographer as well as doing something special for others.

Right now he isn’t doing this for a business.  We have quite the interesting set up, it is working but the real stuff would work simpler and better.  He is taking pictures of everyone for FREE!  Yea!  For practice, and hopefully some of these folks will even let their pictures be shown in his portfolio.  It is always good to ask permission, some people are funny about their picture being shown off… and we want them to be happy of course.

Eventually Jason would like to turn this hobby into a business.  How this will work, we aren’t exactly sure, but since I can do most of the things related to this even while medicated it should work well.  And all of our photo victims know what is going on with me health wise and are very understanding which is also wonderful.

So if you’d like to get your picture taken, let us know!  He will take pictures, then I will do some photo art to the pictures, and we will give you a CD that you can take and get pictures printed from to share with your family and friends. 

Yea!  Good experience for us, and hopefully fun for you!

 

So that has been one of the projects we’ve been working on lately.  It is something that I found a long time ago that I was good at.  It is something for Jason and I to actually work together.  I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and letting him do his thing..  He has a hard time letting me do my thing sometimes too… but he is so much more patient than I am.   Thank goodness!

I will start posting more pictures soon I promise.  I am just not quite ready to yet. 

He has been practicing taking pictures of me.  Most of the time when I am feeling well and ready to “perform” for the camera, sit still and look cute…  I do manage to get quite a few sour expressions as well…   I am getting better at posing too, which I hope will help me set other people up for their poses. 

I will probably share a few of me at lesser moments too, it is only fair to share the whole realistic experience.  I need my Mary Kay, let’s just be clear about that!  With out it and with out my feeling my best I don’t look very fun to take pictures of.  Thank goodness for all of my makeup experience!  It is really coming in handy.

Oh, that is something fun too!  We can do your makeup before you get shot too!  I have yet to do that, or tell anyone about that option.  I have just been wanting to make it through the shoots with Jason.  As he improves setting people up for their pictures, I will do more of the pre stuff.  I get pretty tired doing these things so I definitely have to pace myself so I do not end up in bed for weeks…

Well, that’s what I am excited about these days, well, that and a whole lot more.  I can’t stand being bored.  If I must be “locked” inside our house for the winter, I will at least be doing what I can to stay occupied. 

This is my best winter so far since the accident!  YEA!  I am learning how to live with my new problems.  Hopefully I will keep improving!  Gotta keep working at it that is for sure!

Happy Twenty Ten!  I have some hope again! 

Blessings,

Tonja

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

AmAziNg GrAcE

As I seem to have taken another break from posting.  I have actually been trying to write, but the last few things I have managed to get out of my head, were just not appropriate to share. 

I was informed last night before Jason fell to sleep that I hadn’t been doing my part about keeping him informed about what was going on with me.  He pointed out that my last post was well, a while ago. 

Things have actually been going pretty well.  I have noticed an improvement in how my neck has been feeling.  One day a few weeks ago while at my Massage Therapy appointment, I noticed a marked improvement.   I hadn’t really told anyone about it as I didn’t know how long it would last.  I still seem to be feeling better from it.  While not perfect, the daily pain is still here, but it isn’t quite as bad.  Something changed during that appointment.  I am not sure what.  But it made a significant difference.  Things just haven’t been as severe pain wise. 

I am so happy for that.  But with my decrease in neck pain, I have increased my activity some.  Ok, so it isn’t much, because I still FEEL my neck pain significantly.  But I am not holding my head as much when I bend over!  That means I can have two hands!  YEA! 

Hey people that is a big deal!  Yes, on the days where the migraine’s are present, I am holding my head.  My migraines are not quite as bad now either!  That is another thing I noticed.  Woot!  Woot!  I am using less medication to get rid of them!  I will take it! 

I couldn’t drive today, the pain is to bad to be behind the wheel of the car.  But I am resting then typing then resting then typing resting and typing!  I am typing this, and I am also working on a man’s resume.  He really needs my help, and I feel good helping him.  I don’t know that I could do this regularly, as it does take quite allot out of me doing it, but I do feel good about it.  But you never know!  I could do one a month or so maybe!  It is nice to help people who couldn’t afford a professional!  I am free, and not a pro!  I was just taught these skills from helping my mother critique them, she was a pro at it.

So, I’ve been doing more!  And loving it.  This has it’s own challenges as well.  I had gotten to where I was doing more at Physical Therapy as well.. I haven’t been able to go for a while now, due to Jason’s schedule, and me not being able to drive on certain days like today. 

But tomorrow I will make it.  Jason will be driving me!  Woot!  I’ve had problems with my joints shifting out of where they should be.  My right side is by far the worst at it, but the left side shifts around as well. 

I usually don’t notice much pain except for just the regular daily pain that I have in my joints.  When my arm unsuctions from my shoulder then goes back in that is un nerving to say the least.  Besides being gross!  Then it also hurts on top of it, which is oh so fun!

But on Saturday we were out celebrating!  Which I love because it was the first time in YEARS that we actually got to go out for our Anniversary!  We went out with friends!  It was wonderful!  Jason’s froggy voice and all.  I wasn’t sure if we were going to be going.  I wasn’t holding us up this year he had come home from his major days of working 24/7 for multiple days in a row with out his voice!  Gotta love that.  He napped all afternoon!  The man who can’t nap fell asleep on our anniversary!  I made cookies!

We attended an Open House!  It was wonderful!  I will share more about the place we went later.  As the plan is for me to go back this week!  Our friends had friends, who have a pottery studio!  They sell their pottery at several galleries!  That is so cool!  I had RSVP’d and so I got to paint a couple of their pots to take home!  I had so much fun!

Sitting their painting my pots, I had an unfortunate incident.  Which once again makes me so glad that I had Luka with me!  He came right in the pottery shop with me and hung out!  They even gave me a chair to use so I could sit and paint, everyone else did their standing.  But while sitting on my nice chair… my right leg slipped out of it’s socket in my hip when I shifted my leg to turn a different direction.  OMG PAIN PAIN PAIN,,, Holly Cats Pain!  I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get it slipped back in or not.  It just was seeming to stick out of joint this time.  I just remember thinking stay calm stay calm relax relax relax breathe breathe, Oh my, Jason is going to be so mad!  Just sit here, relax relax relax…   Ok now try again move slow…  breathe breathe…  Oh my it hurts it hurts….  this isn’t good…. 

As I wiggled my leg, then lifted my leg with my hands, then moved my hip, it went back in.  OMG@@@@@@!!!!!%%%!!*****   Well.. You get the picture!  It hurt almost as bad as when I broke my arm in 1/2 and worse then when I had burnt myself in the oven the week before.  I think it only hurt less than breaking my arm as it was a short amount of time. 

After this little incident I couldn’t walk on my own at all.  Which is always so lovely!  Luka was a fabulous help!  He knew I was hurting and did just great.  By the end of the evening I was doing better the pain level I was in had dropped significantly and it was easier to get around.  I didn’t take any chances Luka had been put to sleep in the Jeep, it was way past his bed time my old guy was tired!  So Jason stuck to me like glue after that!  Yea! 

I was able to finish my pottery painting, I hung out with our friends, and made bunches of new ones as well!  It was such a nice evening and everyone there was real and regular!  I loved it, it was the type of environment that Jason is comfortable in so I had a great time knowing he was doing well there too! 

As it turned out, my pottery pieces turned out wonderfully!  Raku Pottery is what we did!  I will put pictures here of what I did!  The DeDe the gal who’s studio was asked if I would paint up some more for her so she could sell them! 

Of course!  I would love to do that!  I was just thrilled to be back in a pottery studio!  The last time I was I think was either at the University or in my Kozzi’s art room at her college both were prior to my marriage.  Which has now been 11 years!  Yipee!

My friend Wendy and I are headed back there.  I wonder what we will do this time?   DeDe shared that she thinks she can help me to throw pots too!  That is something that I have never been good at.  She has a wheel that is tall that I wouldn’t have to bend over to use.  Gotta dig out some old warm clothes for this adventure!  I have a feeling if I start throwing I am going to be a M E S S!  I always had done slab work.   I thought I’d never be able to do it again but they have all of the tools at their studio that make it easier!  With multiple people there as well, I can ask for help!  So this might just work out wonderfully, we’ll see!

I was going to be an art teacher after all when I was enrolled in college. 

Jason went back to work on Sunday and I rested after my long day on Saturday.  Monday was like that too, I tried to do some things, I managed to get the kitchen cleaned up from making dog food on Friday night.  Thank goodness for my friend Carolyn who came over and helped me with that. 

I was so happy I could get groceries on Thursday!  But by the time I got home I was too tired to haul them in.  It was cold that night thank goodness, so I just left everything in the car.  The next evening I went out to get the things.  I got them in as I needed to make dog food.  I couldn’t do it on my own.  So I called Carolyn!  She is a blessing.  I hadn’t called anyone for help most people are so busy, they’d help if they could or if it would be an emergency, but aren’t available in general spur of the moment.  Thank goodness Carolyn was.  She was going to help me again this week, to finish cooking and freezing the squash.  But I don’t think I am going to get that done this week.  I already have to many things pending.  Thankfully we got enough squash cut up and potato’s cooked for the next batch of food.  So things will be fine until I can get the next cut and cooked.

So Luka’s new diet which has stopped his chewing of his feet is working well.  The all over swelling of his body and the hot spots that would crop up on him all over has disappeared for the most part too.  But it is taking a toll on me and our budget.  So I am also researching some other ideas to include as well.  

He is allergic to all birds, all grains, and milk!  YIKES!

His food now is

Deer meat ( have extra you don’t want send it our direction) 

Canned Salmon- Which I am right now as I type this just watching on the ABC Nightly News probably has BPA in it and it was shown to cause harm in animals.  GEESH!  They are also concerned about it for people too!.. OMG!  WHERE IS THERE SAFE FOOD!  I am now going to look for FROZEN…. GRRRRR!  Canned foods will be leaving my cupboard for sure!  I don’t need any extra help in feeling crummy! 

Squash – All types ( right now that is what is in season)

Potatoes- Yea!  Those are affordable!

Pumpkin- Yup I am cutting those up too!

Garlic-

Olive or Canola Oil- Depending on price

Ground Flax Seed

I’ve also been putting my Isagenix Shake and protein in his food each day too.  Making sure he gets enough protein, and vitamins. 

I have been researching other foods as well.  Dick Van Patton makes a food that might work into his plan!  So that is on my list of things to get and try for him as well!  The last food that was a two ingredient food did help with the allergies, but it was hard to get I need a prescription, and besides being expensive he was lethargic on it and that just won’t do!

Now back to the other night!  Because one of the most amazing things that happened is that a friend of our friends who also attended the party, Jennifer, she is a Physical Therapist who specializes in Migraines, as well as new technology!  She shared that she wanted to help me, she wants to take me on as her special project!  Oh My!  What a wonderful end to a great evening!  I’ve been reading up on the technology she has access to!  I am so excited!  It sounds perfect for me!  (not that I am a Dr.) She shared that she thinks that I would be a perfect candidate.  She also shared that when she saw me she thought I had MS.  I suppose I do look like I have something like that.  I will have to do the research as to the similarities.  AS I know I don’t have that but I wonder if things that help the people with that would help me too?  Hmm..

I have to say that when she started sharing with me about what she does and where she worked, I was like yeah yeah yeah… I’ll just listen to her and then go back to painting away.  But I actually did listen to her.  The more she shared the more she intrigued me.  I found myself still wanting to shut the ideas she was sharing out of my head.  I consciously had to remind myself once again, that you never know where the miracle is going to come from.  God has a plan!  It is not my plan it is his.  I need to be open to ALL opportunities even if they come in unexpected packaging.  So I am taking another step in faith…  Just like a year ago with the Isagenix which has been a miracle for me.  I just follow the plan and do what I am told under no circumstances will I give up, and if I fall off I get back on and go at it with all I’ve got!  I don’t plan on being like this forever, I have no intention of getting worse and having to stay in bed again!

Jennifer!  I am ready!  Let’s go! 

 

I feel pretty good about all that I’ve been doing! 

1. Thanks to Massage Therapy Increased Activity and Less Neck Pain

2. Thanks to Physical Therapy adjusting my hip (yes the same one that gave me trouble on Halloween)  I can move without pain much easier and I am getting STRONGER! 

3. Luka is doing better and is a better Service Dog for me as a result!

4.  I have written 2 resume’s for people already this year and am working on my third

5.  I have an opportunity to make pottery!

6.  I have great friends who are so supportive, which means the world to us!

7.  Awesome Dr’s and Therapists

8.  Keeping an open mind about people and things in my path.

9.  Getting things I’ve promised done done.  While they aren’t many I am following through.

10.  I’ve lost 55 pounds which has made a huge difference in how I can get around.  It makes it so much easier on Jason when I need carried as well. 

11.  Driving, I am doing more and more.

12.  Walking I am doing more and more!

13.  Emotionally I am hanging in there, and so is Jason!  Phew, it has been so tough!

14.  For the most part I have also managed to stay out of the ER except for a few falls!  That is a marked improvement as well!

15.  I am learning more and more about being healthier, which I had never been consumed by before.  I am more educated than ever, although my mom had done a pretty good job with me.  (Like I haven’t drank soda for almost 10 years except for a few sips every now and then when nothing else was around.) 

16.  Our bills are paid on time!  We are getting things paid off like the bed we got!  Before we invest in other things!  One thing at a time!  Cash is king baby!  Thanks to my money making hubby!  You rock, we are doing it!

17.  I have begun helping others feel better with my Isagenix!  I am so grateful for that!  If you want to know more about it too, let me know!  Send me an email at shine.shimmer.sparkle@gmail.com   I will share some information with you.  I feel guilty not helping others.  Even just for the vitamin aspect of it it is worth it, I feel so much better since the first week I was taking it!  I never want to stop!

18.  I’ve been managing my PTSD better since Luka has become my Service Dog.  Still got a ways to go, but I am thinking about sticking myself back into treatment for it.  (The last day I had an appointment for my PTSD was on the day of my accident, it was a really great day up to the crash I was looking forward to my appointment, I had really begun to make some great progress!)  I’d been putting off going back because multiple health care appointments in a week/day focused on my physical health has been about all I can handle.  Dealing with the issues that are behind my PTSD are a whole new ball game of exertion.  Staying as happy as possible has been my other focus, can’t go back down the deep depression path!  Digging into my past didn’t fall into the “happy” category, not sure it does now either.  It is just another thing that needs to be done.  Of course that is another bill that will be landing on our doorstep.  Need to weigh the costs of that as well.

19.  My dental plan is on track fixing the teeth wrecked by having those fentanol lolly pops in my mouth for years.  So far 2 finished crowns, 1 root canal and a pending crown with I think at least 3 more to go!  Geesh, that comes with its own price tag.  Better than having no teeth!  Jason is on this track as well too!  Getting his whites all pearly!  As much as we both just LOVE sitting in the dentist chair!  We go to a local college and let the student’s practice on us so we can more easily justify having teeth!  Which is painstaking, literally and figuratively!

20.  I still hurt pretty much everywhere, but I can now hold my head up, I can walk more than a few blocks, I can do things and rest then do things and rest and do things and rest!  Point being I can do things!  I am still married to the greatest guy ever!  Who sticks to me like glue even when he might not really want to!  I am not stuck in my bed, or house anymore!  (ok so the ice isn’t hear yet- don’t plan on walking on that stuff!)  I am skinny and can wear pretty much anything which in itself is fun!  Good Will and consignment shops are still my favorite places to shop!  Even though I love designer clothes ( Amazing things can be found there! Things that you can actually afford! )  I have a great old Service Dog! 

 

I miss the life I had that is for sure!  I am starting to like the one that is unfolding before me.  That in it’s self is a blessing! 

Life is full of beauty even if all you can do is watch it out your bedroom window!  I should know!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

bLeSs

With each day comes a pile of emotions. Some new some old. Some you can stuff, some you can't. Some creap in slowly, some ride in quick. Some are unexpected, and others you've been dealing with for a long time. What do you do when the bubble over and take you where you don't want to go?

I wish I had some answers. I wish I knew where to turn. People could look at me and never know I was in amazing amounts of pain, both physically as well as emotionally. To deal with it all takes every ounce of strength I've got.

It sometimes feeds in to my reserves I hold for the extra burst to get me through amazingly difficult or wonderful moments. When that reserve is gone, there is nothing left. No emotion holding back energy, no physical lift myself up energy, I am left one balling bundle of limbs. It is such a raw feeling, there is no control on my part, the pain of it all has taken everything from me.

Dealing with anything at that point usually becomes a disaster, I just need time, to rest. Time to collect, time time time. I need to focus and to gather, to hold and not release.

Not eating well, Not sleeping well, Not feeling well, Not feeling safe, Being physically challenged, Being pushed, Being Excited, Driven, or Motivated all can all push me over the edge, any combination and wow does it go quicker.

Today was a rough day for me physically as well as emotionally. I need to get my shake in me and it is already 8pm! Just to much. I've been pushing pushing. Even though I've been in bed for three days hurting and then miserable... Today, I was able to get myself up and out the door! Yea! Me! Some days are harder than others. My body just feels fried. It looks great, but feels fried. My resovoirs were depleated once again today.

Is it to much to ask that I can get myself to therapy, get something to drink, and drop something off, and not be a physical mess? What's more walking in to my house, seeing the mess left behind because I needed all of my energy to get myself out the door. I wish dishes would do themselves. I wish the floor would sweep and mop it's self. I wish the things I need done would just be easy enough for me to do and keep done.

Frustration, Anger, Points of Rage... It has been a long journey, many times I just wish it would end. But here I sit.

My plan was to take the boys for a walk, at least a couple of blocks. I wish. I don't like being cooped up! I need to get a day with nothing else to do. Tomorrow won't be that day, maybe Monday will.

It makes me feel even worse to have these horrible thoughts to be this angry and upset, and not be able to do anything to fix it. At least not yet. I hold out hope. Someday I will figure it out.

Thank goodness for my friends and clients! They sure can keep me going. The other blogs that I read help so much too. I really wish there wasn't so much pain in this world. So many people have so many things so much worse than me!

I am really rather quite fortunate! Very Very Very fortunate!

I really have to keep things in perspective! Keep reminding myself, it really isn't that bad... That it is the pain,.. It is just the pain making me feel this way. Ok... Breathe...

Gotta get my rear in gear.. SHAKE it helps! But gotta get to finishing this my fingers are calling it quits... Ouch! I wonder as I sit here freezing, if summer will come sooner this year! I am praying for summer to return!

Blessings, and Blessed!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Michelle Obama arms!!

Constant reminders are everywhere. Things always seem to fall perfectly in to place. Lessons will all be learned. Reality is never as it seems. There is always more. Being happy is a state of mind not a situation. Dreams are abundant. The best gifts come in all shapes and sizes, all colors, all times, and usually when you least expect them.

Living in this world is not always easy, it is certainly not simple however you are in control of what you choose to think no matter what the situation, no matter what has been done. It is how you react to the things in your life that will strengthen your steel. Help you to rise above and overcome what comes next.

Today was one of those days where things did not necessarily start off the greatest. Medication had been out for 2 days, so I couldn't drive but today I didn't need to anyway. Just needed to be present and do my best. Jason got home and was relatively rested, as much as you can be after having worked the last 24 hours...

We got ourselves ready, which for me was a trick... it seems as if none of my clothes are staying on, or aren't showing off my bra through the arm pit. Really frustrating because I have clothes that I've been saving to wear for summer, and I thought they might finally fit me again.... NOPE, now they are too big! Before they were to small..... I really need to find clothes that fit!

We finally headed out the door, a bit behind so the early errands would have to wait. Gas tank got filled by using MK $ ( I have to get that put back so I can place an order) and we made it to therapy just in time. He ran two errands while my therapist Kristi worked me out. It was arms today. I am a big weakling!!! I am working hard at getting stronger! That is for sure. I have always hyper extended my arms when doing any activity, and I am learning not to. Learning to keep my arms in my shoulder sockets and get the muscles working together.

OUCH is all I have to say when my arms pop in and out of place as I lift the little weights. Just wait, I am soon to have Michelle Obama arms! ;)!

We then grabbed some Taco Bell on the way to our next appointment. I dripped taco sauce all over, Jason managed to drop lettuce and cheese all over himself... I just had to laugh, it was so frustrating, but at the same time so funny! We could choose to be angry and miserable at the bad drivers, our taco covered selves, and all of the lame things we were getting through, but we just were so grateful to be together even though covered in taco gooo. We made it just in time to our Thrivant appointment! John was great, helped us with everything, and we are getting some more things figured out.

We then dropped off some paperwork for one of Jason's many extra jobs, and we headed to a local resale clothing store. This was it! I was in town, I had a driver, I could try things on and feel icky afterwards and still make it home. These stores are great for me, besides everything being so much cheaper, everything is sorted by size. I don't have to sift through several sizes to find mine after I find a style that I like. I can just grab what ever appeals on the rack and try it on.

Trying things on is a must, as I don't know my body style anymore. Catalog shopping is out for the moment. I've got to get my bearings and figure out what sizes I need to order. It is freaky! I sure have changed allot. I would never have guessed it, I never even dreamed that I would EVER be like this. I am almost 40 and OMG!

We came home just in time to put the small pile of clothes on the bed, and for me to get some rest. I really needed to get rested up as we had supper plans. While I hadn't had a migraine today, I sure was having plenty of pain. The darvocet was working, and I could now lay down and rest. My body just seems to shut off and yell, NO MORE! I was aching but we had to go, our friends would be waiting.

They grilled out, we brought over a favorite bottle of wine, and we hung out and talked and ate, while their kids entertained us all. Sitting by the lake, the view was great, we came in just in time to watch the lightning show, and visit some more. As the storm rolled through I began to feel better, and now am relieved to just be a little achy. The night just got more and more fun.

We love having such great friends so close by!

I can't wait for tomorrow. I've got big plans!!