CoNnEcTiOnS... SiMiLaRiTiEs...

In a continuing effort to share different stories other than my own.  I am going to try to tell a story of someone else or connect you to an article or video with my posts.  As well as continue to relay my story I love connections!

You of course can choose to check them out or not.  While reading another blog that I like, one written by a Veterinarian she shared a story about dogs getting Post Traumatic Sress Disorder while in combat.  Of course domestic dogs are also traumatized by things such as lightening, thunder, brooms, men, women, or children.  I will be sharing more about this as she is going to be doing some research on this area.

While looking at a link she had posted I came across another that I want to share today with you.  This is a link on how a Service Dog, a Psychiatric Service dog is able to assist his owner, a veteran with disabling mental trauma.  I really do hope you will check it out.   The link is from the Wall Street Journal Digital Network.

I hope you will take a minute to check out these links.

With the weather getting nicer, my dream of getting my garden going has started to reemerge.  I am really hoping that Jason will till more parts of the yard.  I also want to get the soil tested.  Last year I was highly unsuccessful with certain areas of our yard that we planted. 

I am also having a huge desire to get a better watering system set up.  One that I don't have to move around.  Some days that just does not work, and my plants should not have to suffer for it. 

 

Luka and I at my Aunt's 80th Birthday Party

We had so much fun seeing everyone!  I just can't say enough good things about it!  Jason and I were in charge of "kidnapping her" not really, we just shared that we were taking her out to eat!  

We did, it was just a surprise dinner with all of her friends and family to celebrate her birthday!

She was so surprised!  It worked out perfect.

We were so happy to be a part of her special day!

 

I took this picture of Luka!  Isn't it cute??  

He's got my coat and scarf on!  

I love this scarf, it used to be my mom's!

I am learning to change the light setting on the camera!  I got some interesting colored pictures due to wrong settings.  In this case I think the picture isn't ruined by it.  But almost enhanced! 

What a good Husker Boy!

Speaking of the Huskers Go Woman's Basket Ball!  What an impressive year you are having!

I love to see it when people work together as a team to accomplish something!  

The gals whom I used to have on my team (not basket ball) were just awesome!  I really miss that! 

And just when I start to feel sorry for myself... 

I am reminded that I am ever so grateful...

A friend of ours has made it safely through brain surgery!  She had a huge tumor removed.  It was a success!  The hope is that she won't suffer any complications, and her life will go back to better than ever!  

This friend has a great sense of humor, her kids do too, they named the tumor Joey, and want to put it in a jar!

I don't know if that is going to happen or not.  But they are an Emergency Services Family, 

they volunteer and do work that is ambulance and fire truck related. 

Besides just being all around good people!

We feel so blessed to know our friends are going to be around for a little while longer if not years and years!

Praise God!

Blessings are abundant!  I hope they are in your life as well,

Pink Doberman

ThE iNtErViEw... Alicia Myers from 10/11 News in Lincoln NE ... LB858

I fixed the bad links below. 
Thanks for letting me know they were bad!  Sorry they were. =)

~
 Click to see:
The Official 10/11 News Interview with Alicia Myers Click Here!

Click on Service Dog Rights Part 1

Check it out!  Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myers did an amazing job!

                        I can't wait to see Part 2 tomorrow night!

Our story even made the Headline Page!  How cool is that!  10/11 News Rocks!

See some pictures that Jason took from the interview!  He managed to avoid the video camera completely!

 

 

 

  

What do you think?  Put your comment's on Channel 10/11's site, and don't forget to add your opinion to their poll!  CLICK HERE!  I fixed this link also I think.. Give it a try!

I also had my mother's bracelet on and was fortunate to have Jason there with me.  I wanted to be wearing things that meant allot to me for the interview!  Makes me feel like they are all there with me.

Anyhoo...

I'd love to have you post your thoughts on the Channel 10/11 web page.  You are welcome to also post them here!  But please support this news station for taking such a positive approach to helping others!

Senator Kate Sullivan please give her kudo's as well!  

I have her information listed a few posts back!  

Cheer her on and support her as she gears up for round two of this legislation!  

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

TwEnTy TeN!!!

Keeping busy.  The start of Twenty Ten brings hope for me.  I have been working on being more steady.  More regular at what I can do. 

Examining what I am capable of and when.  In my life I have done many things.  More I suppose than almost everyone my age.  The diversity of my background, skills, talents and experience is quite broad.  Having been in 4-H as a child, having grown up on a farm, enrolling in agriculture classes, music classes, and art classes… I definitely have broader interests than most.

At the same time running three businesses of my own, one of them being an international business brought a whole new gamete of possibilities for my future.  I enjoy all that I know, and all that I have done. 

Many things I will never do again, and would aspire to never do them again, such as working cattle, or taking care of livestock in the winter.  Other things I enjoyed for sure.

These days have been spent thinking of where I can go from here.  I am not reliable health wise.  But working around that, there are plenty of things I can do.  But what…

Even when medicated I am able to write, and edit photos or create digital art on the computer.  I haven’t ever been taught any of these things, I have just been making it up as I go.  I guess the more you do of these things, trial and error wise, the more you learn and can eventually do.

Now in my other areas, I can not do math dependably medicated.  I can not drive medicated, or in pain for that matter.  So anything that involves those two things needs to be forgotten about for now. 

So, with Jason taking more and more pictures.  Most of them still of me, although we are getting more and more willing photo victims lined up! 

Jason has already photographed a family of 4 children, and another family of all grown boys.  I think the 4 little children may have been easier than capturing the grumpy grown boys…  MEN.. geesh! 

He also is making a list of others who have mentioned that they want him to do their pictures too!  FANTASTIC!

I can help with the pictures, that is fun for me.  I  used to help with wedding photo’s all of the time with my business.  After the accident I wasn’t reliable enough to do it any longer.  Brides are kind of picky about people not following through..

So this is giving me another avenue of doing what I used to do, but in a different way.  More fulfilling actually, since I get to do it with Jason, and it is developing his skills as a photographer as well as doing something special for others.

Right now he isn’t doing this for a business.  We have quite the interesting set up, it is working but the real stuff would work simpler and better.  He is taking pictures of everyone for FREE!  Yea!  For practice, and hopefully some of these folks will even let their pictures be shown in his portfolio.  It is always good to ask permission, some people are funny about their picture being shown off… and we want them to be happy of course.

Eventually Jason would like to turn this hobby into a business.  How this will work, we aren’t exactly sure, but since I can do most of the things related to this even while medicated it should work well.  And all of our photo victims know what is going on with me health wise and are very understanding which is also wonderful.

So if you’d like to get your picture taken, let us know!  He will take pictures, then I will do some photo art to the pictures, and we will give you a CD that you can take and get pictures printed from to share with your family and friends. 

Yea!  Good experience for us, and hopefully fun for you!

 

So that has been one of the projects we’ve been working on lately.  It is something that I found a long time ago that I was good at.  It is something for Jason and I to actually work together.  I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and letting him do his thing..  He has a hard time letting me do my thing sometimes too… but he is so much more patient than I am.   Thank goodness!

I will start posting more pictures soon I promise.  I am just not quite ready to yet. 

He has been practicing taking pictures of me.  Most of the time when I am feeling well and ready to “perform” for the camera, sit still and look cute…  I do manage to get quite a few sour expressions as well…   I am getting better at posing too, which I hope will help me set other people up for their poses. 

I will probably share a few of me at lesser moments too, it is only fair to share the whole realistic experience.  I need my Mary Kay, let’s just be clear about that!  With out it and with out my feeling my best I don’t look very fun to take pictures of.  Thank goodness for all of my makeup experience!  It is really coming in handy.

Oh, that is something fun too!  We can do your makeup before you get shot too!  I have yet to do that, or tell anyone about that option.  I have just been wanting to make it through the shoots with Jason.  As he improves setting people up for their pictures, I will do more of the pre stuff.  I get pretty tired doing these things so I definitely have to pace myself so I do not end up in bed for weeks…

Well, that’s what I am excited about these days, well, that and a whole lot more.  I can’t stand being bored.  If I must be “locked” inside our house for the winter, I will at least be doing what I can to stay occupied. 

This is my best winter so far since the accident!  YEA!  I am learning how to live with my new problems.  Hopefully I will keep improving!  Gotta keep working at it that is for sure!

Happy Twenty Ten!  I have some hope again! 

Blessings,

Tonja

SuRpRiSe!*!*!

So each day goes on regardless if you are ready to go or not.  If you are not then you just miss the day, never to get it back.

I wish you could start out your days with your exact amount in hand.  Choosing to spend them as you wished. 

Days that are sufferable you could just take a pass on them knowing that you were going to choose to spend your day token on a day that would produce better results. 

In effect that is what I do I guess.  Except for the token part and the it not counting when you can’t participate.

I’ve been picking and choosing what to do and what not to do.  It is my usual routine since the accident.  I used to do everything, cram it all in!  It was lovely! 

These days, I do my best to figure out what is the most important, what has to be finished, or what needs to be started, so that I can get it finished. 

I start on things much earlier than I normally would have.  What used to take me an hour may now take me 3-5.  Some things, like getting ready, can take as little as 40-50 minutes… or as long as a couple of hours if it is a bath/shower day. 

I’ve been lucky to have been able to go to PT regularly for the past six plus months.  I am needing to take a break again to recover from some extra medical bills.  So we won’t be spending the gas on driving the additional 70 miles each day. 

Once things are caught up, I plan to get right back at it.  It works out I suppose, with the weather and roads being crappy anyway, it isn’t the best time for me to be out and about. 

Luka’s feet have been a disaster!  One is still completely ripped open, and the other still has a larger than I’d like sore.  So until those things are healed up as well, he won’t be available for accompanying me either.   

I don’t even walk out to get the mail.  I just patiently wait for Jason to get it when ever he would be coming home.  But the fun thing is, when a box comes too, they bring it all up to my door!  So I get to open it sooner!  THANK GOODNESS for Christmas presents and Delivery Boxes!!   Woot!

On another note: I did set myself up to have some projects to finish during this time.  Winter being here I go out less anyway since the accident.  The weather changes seem to be more significant and mess me up more too.  I am medicated yet again.  Gotta love that!  I can’t wait for this to end! 

I did finish part of a project that I’ve been working on.  I finished part of it enough to get it in the mail to the intended recipient.  I got it wrapped up super cute too!  I finished it late on Friday night.  It had to be in the post by 10:30 the following morning. 

I coordinated with Jason that on his way home he’d need to stop and get the list of groceries I’d texted him.  Then he couldn’t dilly dally because I needed him home to finish things up for me.  I knew it would be out of my hands and I was so so right!

I had gotten all of the mail that I had yet to get to the post ready.  Bills, and a few packages!  I wish I’d taken pictures of another project that I did for my niece but.  Hey.  I am not perfect! 

Anyway the gift of the moment, was done, I had found an appropriate sized box for it.  It could be the one it came in… (misleading or leading hint)  

Misleading hint…. It doesn’t contain what they box says that it does… 

It was addressed and ready to go except for some stuffing and the tape. 

ONE THING… Jason had taken the camera with him to work.. I couldn’t get a shot of it.  He’d have to arrive home in time to do it in the morning. 

He came in to wake me up for clarification on my instructions…  I muttered and mumbled what I needed done.  He laid with me for a bit helped me to take some medication and with that I was back out again.

He took pictures!  He took fabulously glorious pictures of my special gift!  Look what he did!  These are so much better than I could have ever done!  Thanks Honey!

 

Jason even fluffed my ribbon as instructed before taking the shots!  Wow, he did the most excellent job!  To my credit, I did make what is inside… and I did creatively wrap the gift.  But WoW oh WoW did he get some good pictures of it!

I cannot share with you who gets this at least not yet!  They have yet to receive it and it would totally blow the surprise if I leaked it here! 

But if by chance you should get a box from me in the mail, well, I suggest that you open it! 

You will definitely need to open it before the Christmas Holiday springs into action!  Surprise!! 

Excited and Blessed,

Pink Doberman!

ozzie

 

Ozzie, having had the perfect dog is always a difficult thing to over come.  Not one other will ever measure up.

But then should there be another?  Each one is unique like a snowflake, and really while the classification may be broad with in the classification each is unique.  That is the beauty of life. 

When Ozzie was growing up, he was hardly the “perfect dog”.  In fact, far from it.  He would chew chew chew, he would dig

                   dig

                            dig,

he would HOWL HOWL HOWL HOWL

Another thing he could do was JUMP…

Yes, he could jump up onto a 6 foot fence and climb over!  Talk about nightmares! 

We had made this perfectly safe dog area, complete with an area to run!  He would dig under the fence, climb over the fence, howl till no one could think straight. 

Countless hours were spent chasing him all over town.  It was a daily event!  We struggled so much with keeping him at home. 

His nose would catch a scent, and he’d be off!  Oblivious to EVERYTHING AROUND HIM!  Much to our frustration!  Once we’d catch up to him he wouldn’t come to us, we had to go get him.  GRRRR… 

Many times his name was cursed!  He wouldn’t sit, he wouldn’t listen, he wanted to do whatever he wanted and not listen to us.  He would pull constantly at the end of the leash… 

 

Jason thought all of these things were cute, until the police started getting involved.  Three Howls and he was brought inside, 4 hour car driving frantic searches… praying that no one would take him for their own, or that he’d be run over…   

We found him each time.  He taught our Jag to also take  off and run..  so much fun, chasing two dogs… at least Jag would come when called for me.  Not Ozzie, we’d have to go trekking through alleys yards… 

Once we found him just after he’d rolled in a pile of dirty diapers.. He’d chewed them open and had baby poop all over him!  OMG!  His name was cursed that day! 

But the more that they frustrate and challenge you it seems the more that they are loved adored and protected by you. 

To our relief, the older he got, the better he got.  After years he succumbed to Jason holding him like a baby.  He would come to you after an escape ready for his ride home in grateful arms. 

In fact he loved riding in cars, but he especially loved his excursions with Jason in the Jeep!  He could stick his nose out and just smell the countryside.  He was in heaven then!

 

He and Jag were the best of buddies.  Oz started out so small he fit in the palm of your hand.  We thought he was a beagle.. He was a rescue dog and we didn’t know much more than that about him.  Well, turns out he was a Foxhound. 

 

We chose to pick him out, as he was the orneriest one of the litter.  We knew his big brother Doberman Jag would want to play, and we needed to find a suitable playmate.  Oz definitely fit the bill there!

After many long years of loving him he finally passed away earlier this week.  He was a fighter and fought till the end.  He loved being in Jason’s arms, and would perk up each time we’d come in the room.  He’d be right there to greet you and he loved to get his paws on a real bone and chew and chew!  Most of all he loved to smell everything that life had to offer!

 

He was loved, will never be replaced and will always be remembered!  He was unique!  He was ours.

Run Baby Run over the    Rainbow Bridge!

 

AmAziNg GrAcE

As I seem to have taken another break from posting.  I have actually been trying to write, but the last few things I have managed to get out of my head, were just not appropriate to share. 

I was informed last night before Jason fell to sleep that I hadn’t been doing my part about keeping him informed about what was going on with me.  He pointed out that my last post was well, a while ago. 

Things have actually been going pretty well.  I have noticed an improvement in how my neck has been feeling.  One day a few weeks ago while at my Massage Therapy appointment, I noticed a marked improvement.   I hadn’t really told anyone about it as I didn’t know how long it would last.  I still seem to be feeling better from it.  While not perfect, the daily pain is still here, but it isn’t quite as bad.  Something changed during that appointment.  I am not sure what.  But it made a significant difference.  Things just haven’t been as severe pain wise. 

I am so happy for that.  But with my decrease in neck pain, I have increased my activity some.  Ok, so it isn’t much, because I still FEEL my neck pain significantly.  But I am not holding my head as much when I bend over!  That means I can have two hands!  YEA! 

Hey people that is a big deal!  Yes, on the days where the migraine’s are present, I am holding my head.  My migraines are not quite as bad now either!  That is another thing I noticed.  Woot!  Woot!  I am using less medication to get rid of them!  I will take it! 

I couldn’t drive today, the pain is to bad to be behind the wheel of the car.  But I am resting then typing then resting then typing resting and typing!  I am typing this, and I am also working on a man’s resume.  He really needs my help, and I feel good helping him.  I don’t know that I could do this regularly, as it does take quite allot out of me doing it, but I do feel good about it.  But you never know!  I could do one a month or so maybe!  It is nice to help people who couldn’t afford a professional!  I am free, and not a pro!  I was just taught these skills from helping my mother critique them, she was a pro at it.

So, I’ve been doing more!  And loving it.  This has it’s own challenges as well.  I had gotten to where I was doing more at Physical Therapy as well.. I haven’t been able to go for a while now, due to Jason’s schedule, and me not being able to drive on certain days like today. 

But tomorrow I will make it.  Jason will be driving me!  Woot!  I’ve had problems with my joints shifting out of where they should be.  My right side is by far the worst at it, but the left side shifts around as well. 

I usually don’t notice much pain except for just the regular daily pain that I have in my joints.  When my arm unsuctions from my shoulder then goes back in that is un nerving to say the least.  Besides being gross!  Then it also hurts on top of it, which is oh so fun!

But on Saturday we were out celebrating!  Which I love because it was the first time in YEARS that we actually got to go out for our Anniversary!  We went out with friends!  It was wonderful!  Jason’s froggy voice and all.  I wasn’t sure if we were going to be going.  I wasn’t holding us up this year he had come home from his major days of working 24/7 for multiple days in a row with out his voice!  Gotta love that.  He napped all afternoon!  The man who can’t nap fell asleep on our anniversary!  I made cookies!

We attended an Open House!  It was wonderful!  I will share more about the place we went later.  As the plan is for me to go back this week!  Our friends had friends, who have a pottery studio!  They sell their pottery at several galleries!  That is so cool!  I had RSVP’d and so I got to paint a couple of their pots to take home!  I had so much fun!

Sitting their painting my pots, I had an unfortunate incident.  Which once again makes me so glad that I had Luka with me!  He came right in the pottery shop with me and hung out!  They even gave me a chair to use so I could sit and paint, everyone else did their standing.  But while sitting on my nice chair… my right leg slipped out of it’s socket in my hip when I shifted my leg to turn a different direction.  OMG PAIN PAIN PAIN,,, Holly Cats Pain!  I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get it slipped back in or not.  It just was seeming to stick out of joint this time.  I just remember thinking stay calm stay calm relax relax relax breathe breathe, Oh my, Jason is going to be so mad!  Just sit here, relax relax relax…   Ok now try again move slow…  breathe breathe…  Oh my it hurts it hurts….  this isn’t good…. 

As I wiggled my leg, then lifted my leg with my hands, then moved my hip, it went back in.  OMG@@@@@@!!!!!%%%!!*****   Well.. You get the picture!  It hurt almost as bad as when I broke my arm in 1/2 and worse then when I had burnt myself in the oven the week before.  I think it only hurt less than breaking my arm as it was a short amount of time. 

After this little incident I couldn’t walk on my own at all.  Which is always so lovely!  Luka was a fabulous help!  He knew I was hurting and did just great.  By the end of the evening I was doing better the pain level I was in had dropped significantly and it was easier to get around.  I didn’t take any chances Luka had been put to sleep in the Jeep, it was way past his bed time my old guy was tired!  So Jason stuck to me like glue after that!  Yea! 

I was able to finish my pottery painting, I hung out with our friends, and made bunches of new ones as well!  It was such a nice evening and everyone there was real and regular!  I loved it, it was the type of environment that Jason is comfortable in so I had a great time knowing he was doing well there too! 

As it turned out, my pottery pieces turned out wonderfully!  Raku Pottery is what we did!  I will put pictures here of what I did!  The DeDe the gal who’s studio was asked if I would paint up some more for her so she could sell them! 

Of course!  I would love to do that!  I was just thrilled to be back in a pottery studio!  The last time I was I think was either at the University or in my Kozzi’s art room at her college both were prior to my marriage.  Which has now been 11 years!  Yipee!

My friend Wendy and I are headed back there.  I wonder what we will do this time?   DeDe shared that she thinks she can help me to throw pots too!  That is something that I have never been good at.  She has a wheel that is tall that I wouldn’t have to bend over to use.  Gotta dig out some old warm clothes for this adventure!  I have a feeling if I start throwing I am going to be a M E S S!  I always had done slab work.   I thought I’d never be able to do it again but they have all of the tools at their studio that make it easier!  With multiple people there as well, I can ask for help!  So this might just work out wonderfully, we’ll see!

I was going to be an art teacher after all when I was enrolled in college. 

Jason went back to work on Sunday and I rested after my long day on Saturday.  Monday was like that too, I tried to do some things, I managed to get the kitchen cleaned up from making dog food on Friday night.  Thank goodness for my friend Carolyn who came over and helped me with that. 

I was so happy I could get groceries on Thursday!  But by the time I got home I was too tired to haul them in.  It was cold that night thank goodness, so I just left everything in the car.  The next evening I went out to get the things.  I got them in as I needed to make dog food.  I couldn’t do it on my own.  So I called Carolyn!  She is a blessing.  I hadn’t called anyone for help most people are so busy, they’d help if they could or if it would be an emergency, but aren’t available in general spur of the moment.  Thank goodness Carolyn was.  She was going to help me again this week, to finish cooking and freezing the squash.  But I don’t think I am going to get that done this week.  I already have to many things pending.  Thankfully we got enough squash cut up and potato’s cooked for the next batch of food.  So things will be fine until I can get the next cut and cooked.

So Luka’s new diet which has stopped his chewing of his feet is working well.  The all over swelling of his body and the hot spots that would crop up on him all over has disappeared for the most part too.  But it is taking a toll on me and our budget.  So I am also researching some other ideas to include as well.  

He is allergic to all birds, all grains, and milk!  YIKES!

His food now is

Deer meat ( have extra you don’t want send it our direction) 

Canned Salmon- Which I am right now as I type this just watching on the ABC Nightly News probably has BPA in it and it was shown to cause harm in animals.  GEESH!  They are also concerned about it for people too!.. OMG!  WHERE IS THERE SAFE FOOD!  I am now going to look for FROZEN…. GRRRRR!  Canned foods will be leaving my cupboard for sure!  I don’t need any extra help in feeling crummy! 

Squash – All types ( right now that is what is in season)

Potatoes- Yea!  Those are affordable!

Pumpkin- Yup I am cutting those up too!

Garlic-

Olive or Canola Oil- Depending on price

Ground Flax Seed

I’ve also been putting my Isagenix Shake and protein in his food each day too.  Making sure he gets enough protein, and vitamins. 

I have been researching other foods as well.  Dick Van Patton makes a food that might work into his plan!  So that is on my list of things to get and try for him as well!  The last food that was a two ingredient food did help with the allergies, but it was hard to get I need a prescription, and besides being expensive he was lethargic on it and that just won’t do!

Now back to the other night!  Because one of the most amazing things that happened is that a friend of our friends who also attended the party, Jennifer, she is a Physical Therapist who specializes in Migraines, as well as new technology!  She shared that she wanted to help me, she wants to take me on as her special project!  Oh My!  What a wonderful end to a great evening!  I’ve been reading up on the technology she has access to!  I am so excited!  It sounds perfect for me!  (not that I am a Dr.) She shared that she thinks that I would be a perfect candidate.  She also shared that when she saw me she thought I had MS.  I suppose I do look like I have something like that.  I will have to do the research as to the similarities.  AS I know I don’t have that but I wonder if things that help the people with that would help me too?  Hmm..

I have to say that when she started sharing with me about what she does and where she worked, I was like yeah yeah yeah… I’ll just listen to her and then go back to painting away.  But I actually did listen to her.  The more she shared the more she intrigued me.  I found myself still wanting to shut the ideas she was sharing out of my head.  I consciously had to remind myself once again, that you never know where the miracle is going to come from.  God has a plan!  It is not my plan it is his.  I need to be open to ALL opportunities even if they come in unexpected packaging.  So I am taking another step in faith…  Just like a year ago with the Isagenix which has been a miracle for me.  I just follow the plan and do what I am told under no circumstances will I give up, and if I fall off I get back on and go at it with all I’ve got!  I don’t plan on being like this forever, I have no intention of getting worse and having to stay in bed again!

Jennifer!  I am ready!  Let’s go! 

 

I feel pretty good about all that I’ve been doing! 

1. Thanks to Massage Therapy Increased Activity and Less Neck Pain

2. Thanks to Physical Therapy adjusting my hip (yes the same one that gave me trouble on Halloween)  I can move without pain much easier and I am getting STRONGER! 

3. Luka is doing better and is a better Service Dog for me as a result!

4.  I have written 2 resume’s for people already this year and am working on my third

5.  I have an opportunity to make pottery!

6.  I have great friends who are so supportive, which means the world to us!

7.  Awesome Dr’s and Therapists

8.  Keeping an open mind about people and things in my path.

9.  Getting things I’ve promised done done.  While they aren’t many I am following through.

10.  I’ve lost 55 pounds which has made a huge difference in how I can get around.  It makes it so much easier on Jason when I need carried as well. 

11.  Driving, I am doing more and more.

12.  Walking I am doing more and more!

13.  Emotionally I am hanging in there, and so is Jason!  Phew, it has been so tough!

14.  For the most part I have also managed to stay out of the ER except for a few falls!  That is a marked improvement as well!

15.  I am learning more and more about being healthier, which I had never been consumed by before.  I am more educated than ever, although my mom had done a pretty good job with me.  (Like I haven’t drank soda for almost 10 years except for a few sips every now and then when nothing else was around.) 

16.  Our bills are paid on time!  We are getting things paid off like the bed we got!  Before we invest in other things!  One thing at a time!  Cash is king baby!  Thanks to my money making hubby!  You rock, we are doing it!

17.  I have begun helping others feel better with my Isagenix!  I am so grateful for that!  If you want to know more about it too, let me know!  Send me an email at shine.shimmer.sparkle@gmail.com   I will share some information with you.  I feel guilty not helping others.  Even just for the vitamin aspect of it it is worth it, I feel so much better since the first week I was taking it!  I never want to stop!

18.  I’ve been managing my PTSD better since Luka has become my Service Dog.  Still got a ways to go, but I am thinking about sticking myself back into treatment for it.  (The last day I had an appointment for my PTSD was on the day of my accident, it was a really great day up to the crash I was looking forward to my appointment, I had really begun to make some great progress!)  I’d been putting off going back because multiple health care appointments in a week/day focused on my physical health has been about all I can handle.  Dealing with the issues that are behind my PTSD are a whole new ball game of exertion.  Staying as happy as possible has been my other focus, can’t go back down the deep depression path!  Digging into my past didn’t fall into the “happy” category, not sure it does now either.  It is just another thing that needs to be done.  Of course that is another bill that will be landing on our doorstep.  Need to weigh the costs of that as well.

19.  My dental plan is on track fixing the teeth wrecked by having those fentanol lolly pops in my mouth for years.  So far 2 finished crowns, 1 root canal and a pending crown with I think at least 3 more to go!  Geesh, that comes with its own price tag.  Better than having no teeth!  Jason is on this track as well too!  Getting his whites all pearly!  As much as we both just LOVE sitting in the dentist chair!  We go to a local college and let the student’s practice on us so we can more easily justify having teeth!  Which is painstaking, literally and figuratively!

20.  I still hurt pretty much everywhere, but I can now hold my head up, I can walk more than a few blocks, I can do things and rest then do things and rest and do things and rest!  Point being I can do things!  I am still married to the greatest guy ever!  Who sticks to me like glue even when he might not really want to!  I am not stuck in my bed, or house anymore!  (ok so the ice isn’t hear yet- don’t plan on walking on that stuff!)  I am skinny and can wear pretty much anything which in itself is fun!  Good Will and consignment shops are still my favorite places to shop!  Even though I love designer clothes ( Amazing things can be found there! Things that you can actually afford! )  I have a great old Service Dog! 

 

I miss the life I had that is for sure!  I am starting to like the one that is unfolding before me.  That in it’s self is a blessing! 

Life is full of beauty even if all you can do is watch it out your bedroom window!  I should know!

MiRiCLe DaY….

My mini Miricle day, today.  I was able to clean the house!  Don’t know that’s what I should have been doing, but it is driving me nUTZZZZZZZZZZZ   My friend B and two twin toddlers came over, my dad is staying over… … The house was dirty dusty and has been a wreck for way to long for any person to handle… Ok, for me to handle… funny I am sure for those of you who grew up with me…

But when you look at these things day in and out pretty soon things start to drive you wonkey!  I had the energy today, don’t know why because I couldn’t sleep last night, and here I sit again tonight wide awake typing this… 

I was up at 3 and sewing for something to do, I hand repaired a pair of work out pants.  That took until about 6 am when Jason left for work.  I then went back and slept til 8… got up and started cleaning things.  I really didn’t plan on going cleaning crazy, but as I finished one thing I would then start another.  My friend arrived with her twins… I felt good.  They could play, and she didn’t chase them around cleaning them up.  Whew!  We could actually have a conversation!  Not much of one mind you toddlers are a hand full, and twins in a non child home.. well you get the picture.

After they  went home, I watched the rest of the game… not that it turned out the way all of us here wanted it to. But hey.  I relaxed.  Then I couldn’t take it anymore.  My room was the worst of them all, clothes piled, dog hair, unorganized yuck!…  It is so much better now. 

Lately I have also discovered that I am allergic to something.  What I am not sure… I thought that by getting things cleaner that would help.. But I didn’t do the fan, the windows are still open, the dust on the top of everything is still there, and I am sure the sheets on our bed could use washing.. not to mention everything else I didn’t get done… but hey!  I had a REALLY GREAT DAY!   I got some thing done!  WOOT!

My dad whom I see rarely, hopefully won’t be miserable while staying here either.  I say that because he is also allergic to things as well. 

I have a feeling in the future that won’t be happening much either.. I think I am a downer.  

Life is so weird.…

Well, someday, I hope this is all resolved in a better way than it is now.  I am working toward that anyway.  Looking for more Miracle Days for me!  I’ve got lots I want to do.. and to my therapist.. sorry I broke the rules, but as I am married and my hubby has only been home minimal amounts of time…. someone has to do these things, because it isn’t healthy either! 

Oh, I am getting sleepy… Now if Only I could breathe…

blessings and hopefully some zzzzzzzzz’s!

bLeSsiNgs & HugGS!!

Pretty good day today, not all bad. As soon as I say or think things are better in the summer than the other seasons... BAM.. but I do enjoy the summers more, the sun does make me feel better. Most of the time I think it really is better, it could of course be completely in my imagination. If it is I would really like to keep it that way.

Otherwise there is no reason to look forward to any time of the year. I told a new friend today that I just deal with things one day at a time. He receintly survived lung cancer. OMG now that takes real courage I think. Knowing my mom survived breast cancer, and watching her up close and personal go through pancreatic cancer. All I have to say is WOW!

My mother told me, even if I could get better, I don't have the strength to get better. The fight to live was so hard on her, that it got to the point that she was ready to go. She knew for all of the pain that she was in with it, to recover from it would be even more difficult. Looking at her and watching her, I would never wish that on anyone. The pain was so great, the loss of body muscle, mass and changes to her were so profound. I could never have asked her to fight through it. I can't even imagine.

And for my new friend I am just elated, for all that he went through, he is on his way back. he fought the fight and is now celebrating on the other side. He is getting his body, mind, and spirit back in shape, and I got to be a part of it today. I am thrilled this made my day!

Waking up today I knew I was in for a busy day. I just hoped it would all shake out properly. I needed to get the house ship shape. We just got back from our regular monthly trip. I was able to go out with friends, have a good afternoon sewing even though I was hurting a bit. I kept that to myself, maybe shouldn't have gone out, but to me it was worth it. I know Jason would just rather I stay home and rest. But I had been resting.. Grrr. I am sick of resting. I want to do things! The weather was in charge of this one, so I was going to get it either way, stay home, or go out with friends. I chose GO OUT! WOO HOO! Two nights, one was after an adventure race, I rested all morning that day, went out for a bit to watch in the afternoon, and then rested more after that before people came over. Then the next night I was able to go to dinner and the movies. I was hurting some that night, the other night went really well! Yea! But after that the whole next day was worthless. Through the night the weather showed up and I was good to go the next day. A little groggy, I was able to pack my stuff up so Jason could haul it all out. He had wanted to leave the night before, but I could hardly move so we had to wait.

We could have done it, but I would have had to suffer quite alot, between riding in the bumpy Jeep, and the air conditioning still not working. Thank God, that the following day I was better. I am so happy for that. Otherwise, he may have just left me and the boys there I suppose while he went home back on his shift. I even sold a bit of MK! Yea!

We'll I was able to get the house all spiffed up after the trip. I was really hoping I would. It wasn't bad at home, just lots of bags and stuff that needed unloaded. We'd done quite alot after we got home. But there is always more. I don't ever care if things are perfect, but I do care that I did my best to do what I could. I will always be happy with that. Especially nowdays.

By the time my new friend arrived, ( yes, this was my goal) the house was better. He and his friend came to pick up our precious Shelby! What a journey for them both. She had to overcome her fear in order for this day to become possible. He had to overcome cancer for this day to be possible! He had seen her TWO YEARS ago when she was first up for adoption. He is recovering and one of the first things he did is start the search for a doberman again! Due to a series of strange yet seemingly destined events, she is not only a new dog, but still available to be his dog!

Just makes me want to cry thinking about it! A guidepost article about a dog named Yahoo is similar to that! Wow! www.guideposts.com/story/nanaws-new-blessing I just found out about that article today as well.

Luka has been like this for me! I still dread going out, primarily due to ignorant, and mean people. ( but, I am getting smarter about that.) When Luka is with me I have a greater sense of confidence, and I feel better knowing I've got him to use to negotiate stairs with no rails, not to mention when he catches my migraine before it happens! Wow! That is such a huge deal for me! I have a little taste of freedom!

I got some laundry started today, even hung some of it on the line, actually some of it is still out there tonight. I was too tired to drag the big heavy sheets in. The bundle I did grab was not so fun to do as there must be another shift in the weather because I am just a bundle of fun tonight.

Oh, well, hopefully by morning it will be gone. The migraine is mostly gone, just the pain in my body is lingering. I feel successful today even though I ended up spending the late afternoon and evening in bed and struggling with pain.

Now with all of the things going on about addictions, overdoses, and with the Tylenol issues. I don't want to wreck my liver! Gosh, I even wonder what these past five years have done to my liver! I am doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible. The cleanses, the vitamins, the healthy eating, that I've tried to do for years. I just hope it is enough.

I know my mom was ready to let go. I sometimes feel as if it would be alright if I let go, when the pain has drug on so long, if that is Gods plan, for someone to go, I pray that instead of taking someone who has a better quality of life that I am the next to go. I don't want to do anything that would speed things up for me, but if there were a gun being pointed at a room full of people, and someone has to be shot, I would definately be stepping forward.

I don't want to be living in pain hell, but even harder is watching Jason's frustrations, with what he can and can't do to help me. All of the things that he can do he isn't comfortable doing, and all of the things he can't do he things he should be able to do. He is a fixer, a patch them up and get them on to the people who solve the problems. Problem is so far there hasn't seemed to be a solution.

The pain hurts! Yes it does, but the pain on top of the emotional damage I am seeing happen to Jason makes things less berable. He is a slave to his life. We try to continue to do things that have the possiblity of making this world a better place. Use the right light bulbs, don't water the yard, just the vegetables, help those around us as much as possible with what we can when we can, help abandon and abused dogs find a better life, give our extra stuff to others so they will have stuff too... gosh.

I don't really know what good it actually does in the long run. I saw this quote tonight on TV.

"People don't behave the way that you think they should behave, but that doesn't mean that the way they behave is wrong. " The Philanthropist. ( I might have not used all the words exact. I tried to.) I so believe this, that everyone is on their own path. I do judge others, but I really try not to. I may not like what someone does, but I am not on their path. Those that cause me harm on mine, I have chosen to cut out of my life. Now more than ever. I just don't need that extra stuff to deal with.

I just really found that statement profound. Especially for me in my life. Am I angry that I am in this situation? I am frustrated. I don't think I am angry. I am struggling, but I am still the same person as I was. I am still her trying to make a difference, I am just trying to find other ways to do it. As my Mary Kay may not be the main delivery method for me. At least while there are limited resourses for me to utalize. It doesn't mean I am wanting to give up, on it! I do still love it, and if I could be a director again that would be amazing! If I could be earning my free cars again, I would be thrilled, if I could be working in any state I wanted, WOW, and if I could be working with my Exchange Daughter and friends in Brazil again I would be on top of the world!

But if those things are never to be again, and I have to make another path, I just want it to be one that Jason doesn't have to struggle so much, and that the burden is lifted from his shoulders. Just because he's got broad shoulders doesn't mean that he should have to carry the entire load.

Today was a really good day! I think with all that goes through my mind, I am sure that others may feel I am disalusioned and miserable. We'll I am where I am. I am doing what I can. Which is all I can do. If at the end of the day I have done my best. Than I would call that day a success. One thing I know for sure is that each day is a Gift!

Thanks Shelby for being one of mine! Blessings on your Forever Home! You will have an amazing future to look forward to! You both will!

Blessings and Huggs!! from Luka and I

KiTcHeN SiNk?

Oh, my how many blog posts I have written in my head these past weeks... It really helps me to pretend I am writing these things down. I feel as if I have and they leave my thoughts. That is both good and bad I suppose, somehow I may have missed doing something I should have.

That's the way it goes. As I sit here in my usuall spot, in bed 1/2 up 1/2 down, propped up by a pile of pillows behind my back a couple of pillows under my knees, and a pillow under each arm to keep them propped, up while I type on my computer that is proped up by a large book sitting on my lap, on the bed keeping me company by my feet is Luka, and Shelby our soon to be adopted girl at this moment burrowing herself underneath all of the covers to my right. Ozzie is sacked out in his kennel to my left and the college world series is blaring out on my little tv. The ceiling fan is moving the air around, and my light is on but not super bright.

It is times like these, that I am glad that I didn't invest in fancy sheets and bedding, as the bed when Jason isn't home serves as my kitchen table, my office, my lounge, my movie center, and many other things as well. Not to mention the dogs, we used to never have them up on the bed. Not ever. We started with Shelby having arrived, as each time she'd run in the house she'd be on the bed. I know, I know.. but after months of this, and then getting Luka, well, I like Luka close by. With his age, he sleeps allot. I like having him near me in case I feel ill, and he is more helpful if I can nudge him awake if I need a hand up.

I am currently in search of some new service dog candidates. I would love to find another large male doberman. I am very good with the breed, and they do very well with me. I am not opposed to other breeds, but with my arthritis having attacked my hands, a dog I need to brush is out of the question! I was offered a Lassie style dog that is ready now... but way too much grooming needed! Certainly not fair to the dog!

I am also working on helping some other families find good dogs that match their lifestyles and needs. I like that! I am good at it! I can do most of it on the phone, and it is a great feeling to know that a good match has been made. These dogs, not even all dobie's deserve good loving homes. It is amazing and sick to hear about the lives they have lived. Some are just victims of the economy, but others are just victims of crualty or ignorance.

One thing that I have been able to do through out these past several years after the accident, is continue to learn, learn about the world, learn sign language, learn about this and that... I don't know what good it is doing me. I am not enrolled in school to get a degree. Sometimes I wish that were the case. That I'd been able to get hooked up with tuition and a school that I could pursue at my own pace from my home. Wow, by now I might even have some sort of degree... This August which is coming up soon, makes 5 years and most everyone finishes their bachlors degree with in that amount of time.

I sometimes, feel as if I've not accomplished anything. I know that getting better, and not getting worse is something! I don't know what that means anymore. It seems one step forward 3 steps back at times. If one area in my life goes forward, it'd be nice if the rest of the areas would jump on the train and follow suit.

Jason, is my hero, he is working so hard to make things nice for us, to make it easir for us and to make us more stable. He and his dad have taken on a great project that will help out so much. We had gotten a trailer to pull behind our Jeep so that I can carry all the stuff I think I need to go along with us on our trips. I travel with my pillows, (not all of them of course) my hair care, my hair is incredibly long now, and thank goodness for Panteen and Suave! They fit my budget, I must say it was hard to adjust from getting my hair done at least every 2 months if not every month, changing from this color to that, expressing a new mood with each visit to the swanky salon that I loved to go to. I miss my stylist Dove, she has lots of good things going! Her energy is contagous, and she is always on the look out for the new not to mention how to give back and be better. The last time I was at a salon, not even hers, I ended up with the most horrible pain and migraine... and have vowed to never do that again.

It is a pair of sharp scissors, and a friend that thinks they can cut streight that has become my new stylist. My hair color is all naturel, and my hair keeps growing! Yikes, it is now getting caught in the door when I get in the car. Gotta watch out for the next visiting person who thinks they can cut streight! Be forewarned!

In addition to my hair care, I need my skin care... speaking of that, I am so excited! I have just figured out I don't recall the last time I got a zit, like a big one, not even around that time of the month, which for years has been inevitable. I think it has to do with how I've lost all of my weight. My skin is looking great, my nails are doing well, at least when I haven't ripped them up trying to garden!

I've stuck to the same skin care routine for years now. I love it! I of course adjust as new items come into the line that I could find helpful. I am aging of course! If you look closely you can tell, but for the most part, not too bad! Every wrinkle that I eventually get, I am telling you that I will have earned! Even having lost all of this weight, having gone from a size 16 I am now wearing size 2, which I can hardly believe! My skin is awesome! I was worried I have to say, as I would loose more and more inches, I kept using the CelluShape Lotions.. I am not perfect at using them, but have really tried to be consistant. They sure help. I really don't know what my skin would have done with out them, and I don't really care to find out. I have to pack that stuff too.

Ok, so I am high maintenence! I know that! Jason knew that before he married me. So I like things the way that I like them, I always have. I used to spend an hour before high school focused on my hair. Those 80's do's were something let me tell you! Yes there are many pictures of my hair sculptures! Probably one of the reasons I thought I should become an artist! I've always been good with my hands, making things is not only fun for me, I seem to be good at it. I can usually look at something and make it. I hope to be able to do more making of things here in the near future. I've got lots of things I need to be making like the curtains. Speaking of those, I have packed my curtain projects a time or two as well, and might be doing that again seeing as they are still not finished. That garden project.... Oi Vey!

My clothes are another issue as well, however when I was packing in the winter, and a size 16 my clothes took up much more space. The last time I packed my clothes, it was warmer, not hot but certainly not cold. They took up so much less space! I could pack so much more. I could practically pack my entire good will/consignment shop wardrobe! I just bought something full price! It was hard to do, but this piece will be not only for summer, but spring fall and winter. It is a cute red jacket, it is on order. I am so excited about it it has a very tailored back and I became enamored with it at a receint Cabi show.

The red jacket was my choice based on the practicality of the item. So versital, I can wear it in many seasons and it is something not likely to go out of style! I like that! I had many other choices that looked great that I loved, and everyone made a fuss over, but I just couldn't see paying full price for something that would be seasonal. Especially on my budget. I will be looking for similar items at Good Will and Consignment shops. Those are nice to go to as well. Things in those stores are sorted by size! I love it! No more sifting through one style of top to find your size. At these stores, you can just look at everything on the rack, it should all fit you size wise even if it doesn't style wise. So wonderful!

I think at this point with the amount of clothes that I own that I actually fit, I could probably fit the entire lot into my tiny suitcase! But that is certainly not necessary, I have managed to actually eliminate a whole bag of stuff... My shoes! My shoes now fit into my clothing suitcase! OMG... I would have never believed it before. Being it is summer I wear mostly flip flops and sneakers, so that makes life so simple!...

The other things I pack are Luka's items, he needs a bag of food, bowls, toys, blanket, treats, poop bags, cleaning supplies in case of accident ( which usually doesn't happen, but everyone gets sick) he also now has a vest to wear when it is super hot out that keeps him cool, a gallon of water... his long leash, short leash, collar, and working clothes, not to mention the socks he usually wears because his pads on his feet are sensitive and get ripped up easilly.

My MK products if we are going to be in an area where I have clients... and all of my sample bags and show stuff, just in case! I never know if someone will want to play with things! If I am feeling well enough I love doing that! The extra money is nice, but I mostly enjoy keeping my clients happy, it makes me feel good, knowing that I can be of service to them. Hey it also works well too if I have incorrectly packed and forgotten something or run out in the middle of my trip... I can just get more. After all that is why I started my Mary Kay business, so I would get it all at a discount and wouldn't run out!

I am also usually packing food! Some things that could go bad if not eaten, and then my healthy eating regimine, that Jason has now started too...

In comparison, Jason packs one bag, just one, for every thing! He is so slick! I wish I could be like him! I guess that is why I am a girl, and he's a guy...

The trailer, we got, has now got a roof! A lid, a top, something to hold everything in! It had come to us a white trailor, a pretty nifty one at that, Jason thought it would look good painted red, he spruced up the electrical wiring, made it a perfect shade of red, fancied it up and he and his father have now made a lid. Jason showed his dad what he was thinking, his dad made the detailed design and even crafted a tiny prototype. We were ever so grateful when his father got all the materials for the project, and Jason showed up to build it with his dad, and his dad had everything cut, just waiting for him to be there to put it all together. He had so much fun with his dad and this project!

It was like magic! He left and when he came back he had a new lid! Which he is detailing as we speak! Gotta get some fenders, and some more paint.... The lid is black now, so it matches his Jeep. So stylish! Perfect to haul everything I can think of bringing with us! Where's that kitchen sink?

I am so blessed! For those guys who are reading this, I probably pack more than your wife, it could be worse, it really could. You are very lucky, give her a break, the extra bag she brought is just an extra bag!

Thank You Jason!

ShOuLdN't YoU?

So as I sit here with many changes headed my way gaining the courage to face it all head on. To set everything up with the smoothest transition space possible. Some changes can be planned for. Some of the happen quite unexpectedly. I am fine with that. Surprises.... well, I prefer to know them in advance, even if not prepped for them I do still enjoy them.

Hey it is so much better than being bored. I just read a FB post tonight from a friend who's just had some surgery, they shared that they were recovering, and bored out of their mind. The thoughts that run through my mind when I read that, were, Hey, ENJOY IT! You actually have a life to go back to! Then I thought, wow, bored, I am rarely ever bored.

Jason and I tease each other, as he often becomes frustrated with me when I am able to verbally express myself. It used to be easy for me to do so, but nowadays it all comes out in the moments where I have enough clarity and energy to express myself , share my ideas, and my frustrations. My mind is always moving thinking about these things and those. I have such interesting thoughts, I am always getting ideas, or solving issues in my mind.

I am a good out of the box thinking problem solver. I may not, actually probably will not come up with ideas that the regular folks will come up with. I never have been that way. I really love the crazy things that go through my mind. I just seem to see so many things as others do. That is so hard for some people to accept. But I think those things are just what makes me, ME! I've always been like that.

I received an update church newsletter, we've stopped going for a variety of reasons, but even the thought of sitting in those pews can make me want to stay home. I really get uncomfortable and achy in those wooden slat seats. The newsletter spoke to how people are now choosing their churches for the social interaction, and when that doesn't meet their needs they just switch churches. I agree to that for sure. On the other side, when we chose this particular church to attend, we did get along with many of the parishiners, their ideas, goals and worship style were to be in transition and we were also excited about that. However many don't like change. I don't know if change will ever come to the congregation. We came to build our faith, in a supportive environment. We didn't choose that church because we wanted everyone to agree with us, but to work together with others to create a stronger faith for all, to find a spiritual home.

In the end, it seems as if the home that was being built, at least to us, had nothing to do with God's message of love one another, and the praising psalms... The newsletter seemed to be directed at us, about what they thought we were after, THE CHANGE... In order to survive your faith evolves, the church evolves. Things and people that are afraid of moving forward wither. Oddly enough most of the people that brought us in to that church are no longer apart of it. I am guessing that others felt the same pain as we had when we wanted to work together, to come together, and praise God in a safe environment. Not one where you would be told to your face that things were wanted, then when you stepped up to help, were shut down, and looked at as if you were not church worthy.

YIKES! Not a place for us! We still like what we were told the church stood for, but I think we are so much better on our own. Praising and practicing our faith each day. Learning and growing at home, and where we are planted. Faith comes from within, it doesn't come from what others think or say, it doesn't come from where you are on Sunday, or who you sit with or what you sing. I've always understood that I wish others did.

There has been a change I have been told I need to make. Actually it is an appointment. I've been told to make, truth be told, I am scared to make the appointment. I am usually alright with facing MOST things. I really, am dreading this one. My Dr. wants another set of xrays that a surgeon can look at. I don't know if they will find anything different or not, but, the thought does exsist in the back of my mind. I've done these before, but evidently they weren't done in a format that surgeons are comfortable looking at or using. FRUSTRATING!

For me the process of getting these xrays done may leave me in bed again for days weeks or months. I am so not excited! They will be looking to see if any of my bones slip around. Well, I already know the answer to that question. YUP!

Each time they do, I have a little more discomfort, they can cause more tingling, more numbness, an irritation that leads to terrible migraine pain, at the very least cramping and pain that will require ice. It isn't that I CAN'T move my neck, it is that my neck is very hard for me to control, makes me tired to hold my head up, and causes me a great deal of pain even when I am not tilting it all directions. But the extension xrays that are needed for the surgeon require the movement.

I am not sure what to do to make this process better. I know my Physical Therapist can move my cervical bones back in to place if my muscles have not flaired up. I will just have to plan ahead I guess. A day that Jason is not working will be a must....

Maybe what they find through the pain will turn in to my gift? I've got to have faith!

My dad lets us borrow his car. It is terribly uncomfortable for me to drive. He doesn't understand. For him the car is so comfortable. It is a nice car. It runs well, doesn't break down, has most amenities available... however the seats do not support my head. They do support his, but he is about six inches shorter than me... I am hyper grateful for the opportunity to have something to drive! Before this I had no choices. I however do not feel safe at all in the car. One small tap from someone not paying attention and horrible things can happen to me.

The Jeep has great seats, as the backs are tall enough for me to rest my head on while sitting straight. But the Jeep is Jason's to drive. I do on occasion drive it.. but it is rare. It is also a five speed, which if my hands, hips, or shoulders are hurting makes it much harder for me to drive it. But I do feel safer in it. I will feel better after driving the Jeep than I do after having driven my father's car.

I know this sounds horriblly ungrateful. It isn't that I am not thrilled that my father has gone out of his way to lend his car to me. He pays for everything, that feels bad. We buy the gas and the oil changes. I wish we could be paying for more. Writing this is so difficult, these are choices that you make. We are so grateful for so many things, for our parents, we know they love us and want the best for us. They also want the best for others as well. Both sets of parents have made sacrifices for us financially. So we could have the freedom to stay afloat, and so we could also help others as well.

It hurts allot to talk about these things. Especially when we would have needed their help a little less if we were to stop helping. I guess that choice is coming up again. I think the answer this time will be that we will place our focus back on ourselves. This time if something happens in someone elses life that will derail us financially. Something that will set us back for helping someone else, instead of getting ourselves in a safer place, and our families in a safer place, the word no will be what we make a plan to say.

Will it be hard? Of course. We hate to see people suffer. We hate to see people who don't have the loveing caring people in their lives that choose to give them a hand up. This time it will have to be someone elses hand to hold. We will be able to help those who've been helping us back before we tackle something else. At least that is our goal. If you don't put your oxygen mask on first, you will never be able to help someone else get theirs back on.

Jason's been working extra jobs just so we can make it. My dad's even picked up some. I know that our other family have adjusted things as well. So have some of our friends. We are blessed, so have the people that we've been able to do something for. I hope they are in a better places now, or will soon be.

In my heart knowing I did what I could do, even if there is no appriciation, will keep me sleeping better at night. And in that department, I will take all the help I can get. Watching the reruns of the icky things that have happened in my life over and over replay in my mind night after night when I can't sleep or in the moments my mind shuts off from idea making.

Just knowing that others are out there who might start having their bad memories replay over and over in their mind if no one helps them. By giving some help, I feel as if I have done something.

Have you ever wanted to find some place in your heart for empathy for someone or something so different than you. Have you ever wanted them to have that empathy for you? Wouldn't the world be a different place if instead of looking at their differences, you would look at them for all of the things that were the same? I wish there were more places like that, more people like that. I truly believe that if people would honor each other, with the grace, courage, and empathy that they would like given to them, that this world would be a much better place.

The gift may not come in the best package... But if you open it appriciate it for why it was given, it will be one of the most beautiful things. Just open your eyes, get rid of the sorry for yourself or the things you need to move beyond. My dad's car is a gift! Our girls are a gift! Our dogs are a gift! So is our faith!

Our girls from other lands are out making a difference. They chose to look outside themselves, to learn about others, and now they are each begining to make their mark! It is so exciting to know that you knew them when! We are so proud of their choices! We can't wait to see what the future holds!

What can you do? Face what you might find to be painful. Do what someone else would benefit from. You have more inside you than you think!

For God so loved this world... shouldn't you?

Beautiful Day's Anyway

Each day any of us get's to experience is a beautiful day. Even if things don't always go your way. After waking up to Luka's whine and nosing him self at me, I knew to start taking my meds. He climbed up on the bed and lay on me until I would feel better. Two doses of medication and several hours later I finally got out of bed just before noon.

With groceries on the brain, I started to get myself ready for the day. My hair was a tangled mess as I hadn't gotten it brushed out after my bath the night before. It took a while but I was finally cute. I needed to drop off two Mary Kay orders to Erin and to Kristy who lived on our way to the stores~ It was so great to see them, and I am so grateful for their orders.

We ended up getting to two grocery stores, I had gone through the adds to find the great sale items and we now have groceries in our home! Woo Hoo! My sister had gotten us the necessities and even enough to make Jason's favorite sandwich ,the ruben, just before Thanksgiving. She also brought back to our home the deer that our friend had shot! Thanks to our friend Jason K, and to my sister K!

Blessings are abundant! We are so tight with money since the auto accident, before thngs were always plentiful, and since they have been strained. We follow a strict budget, and any extra money that we get goes to repair what we have or replace what cannot be repaired.

Occasionally, we even get to do something fresh and fun, Jason has currently been saving all of his change so that we can go on a vacation sometime. We had this fund started before, but we had to use it as our emergency fund to fix the necessities.

We really have done well, we do and can survive on what Jason makes... we can have fun and do interesting thought provoking things, we can help others and as we have been discovering it gives others the opportunity to help us too! Which is kinda neat, because before we didn't need any help, and while we could survive with out the help of others for me it makes life so much nicer to have people, family as well as friends who are in your corner cheering for you and giving you a hand when times are tough.

I am blessed, each day is beautiful, each day is a gift and my life is blessed through the simple things my hubby does every day, the gift of time my teenage friend brings to my life, our supportive family who is finally understanding, and our friends who are there for us!

I am blessed! We are blessed, even though days seem hard, they are fulfilling, the good makes the bad so much better!

Beautiful!