Waking up this morning, proved to be not as difficult as I had imagined. However, I did have to take a migraine pill along with the new one. The important things of the day, were the migraine pill worked, and I had enough energy to go shopping for a couple of hours, and then come home to rest. I have been pretty sore and tired today, but all in all a good day. I really did over do it yesterday, but would do it all over again, having a day like that was so worth it and I am so happy to know that I did not waste it.
Pretty much these days, I just click along doing regular things, not adding to much in to my day, not pushing myself a whole lot, just a little. The days go by and I am able to accomplish things a little at a time. Not to bad. But every once in a while a good day comes along with a burst of energy or less pain than average, and all of those things that you have been really looking at doing but just did not have the energy for seem possible.
I am not talking about rock climbing or running a marathon or anything but I might as well be. The people that do those train for months to perform those tasks... and similarly, all of those day's that I just steadily perk along seem to be the training I need for those one in a million days that come along. On those day's where I am just clicking along, doing the regular simple things, I am also planning and preparing, for the days where I will feel better. I lay things out, make lists, get organized, little by little, and then when the time arrives I am able to do those bigger things that need to be done.
Like making those curtains. I set up my area, gathered ideas, measured the space, made lists of supplies, on the day's where Jason was available to help, I would ask him to move any heavy items that I needed adjusted... then on a day I felt better, Jason took Luka and I to the fabric store, that had the best sale, and he helped me pick out the colors. I had already envisioned the general color, but finding something suitable is not always the best, and since he is living here with me I thought I would choose the fabric's that would work and he could help me narrow the choices down. It worked well, and he was able to carry all of those heavy bolts of fabric around for me. Until he could not take the estrogen levals of the fabric store any longer and I was left to my own devices.
Things seem to take so long for me to do them now. I mean, before I would just be able to focus and knock a project out in a short amount of time. The process I go through now is so deliberate, so planned orgainized, stratagized... I have to take schedules, logistics, cash flow, weather, and more factors in to concideration now, where before I did everything with deliberate action but more off of my cuff.
While I have finished one curtain for one window, I have several more to get done. I have everything packed and orgaized, the thread colors are matched, the patterns are packed the needles are organized, for my trip out west so Jason can fill in at the hospital, and we will stay with our friends for the week.
My friend, Jen, whom I have always done cooking projects, quilting projects, and more with, who we've always hung out with both her and her hubby is an inspiration, and she is a great motivator, as a person who enjoy's always being busy doing something just like me. While she has always been the more deliberate, and definately the instruction reader and follower, she has been my teacher when it came to the more complicated tasks... I more enjoy doing than figuring... thank goodness for friends. I can toss stuff together with out an exact pattern, I just visualize it and start... We are both good for each other, I give her creative options to the "directions" and she gives me directions for my "creativitiy".
My sister is like my friend Jen too, it is funny, how we collect people around us similar to each other. There are so many parallels in life.
On another note, there are also things, and people that make you stretch, make you try harder, who's symbiotic relationship may never develop into an easy going melodic rythem. You may thrive on the differences, and use each other to push the boundries, and who you always seem to be uncomfortable around, and you may even wonder if there is a mutual appriciation for each other. But you find that you are a better person for being around them, and no real harm is being caused, just simple uncomfortability. Uncomfortable is healthy I think, and pushing yourself to do better to be more to become more aware and more tollerant, is deffinately a good thing.
It's just the hard thing.
While being orgainzed and deliberate are not things I was born good at doing, or even really stressed during my childhood, I now find the skills nessessary and while I've been resistant over the years to adapt these atributes to my daily life, over the years as my Mary Kay business progressed, so did my skills in these area's. Thank goodness for that, while these things are not innate to who I am they are things I have had to learn out of friction in my life. Prompted by those who are different than me and knew better than me especially in these areas.
So, each day you work with what you've got and you work to improve yourself, you realize that it never ends, once you've improved one thing there is something else to work on. I guess that is half the fun. I never know what's going to come next, of course I would like to live like the Cleaver family as everything seemed so simple, so cut and dry, friction so easily resolved, and mistakes never repeated. I however am not the Cleaver's I wasn't rasied by them either... but I do admire the persistant principaled approach to problem solving, that the Cleavers presented. The willingness to do the correct thing even in the face of advirsity, and even when it wasn't easy.
The right thing feels right, it sometimes hurts, after doing it, you feel no remorse or guilt. Your concience is clear and you can breathe long clean breaths.
Make no assumption that I am perfect or that I am even striving for that, I just make a good solid effort to do things to the best of my ability, to not do something less than I am capable, whether it be the laundry, the dishes, or doing a makeover on Miss. Brasil before a large event. Each of those things are the same, each of those things are just as important every thing you do is important. It should be or you shouldn't be doing it. And if it is worth doing it it is worth seing it through.
I feel good if I've put my dish in the sink some day's, because that is all I could do, there is no shame in that. I made it to the sink with my dish I chose to do my best!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SpArKLinG cLaRiTy
Today as I sit here and write this, I am amazed at how much easier it is for me to think. I know this won't sound understandable to those who've not walked this journey with me, but today was so much easier to process my thoughts. It was like before the accident, except for the aching pains that I still have in my body, but my energy level was good, I was able to talk and process my thoughts clearly. WoW, I sure hope this day wasn't a fluke.
I hate to think that a little pill could do this for me but, I don't know what else it could be. I have had good days before, but this day seemed different, not only did I have more energy today, but my brain fog lifted! OMG!!! I loved today! I did get tired and have to take breaks, I did start to get very sore in my neck and back and did have to stop moving, but instead of sitting in bed watching tv or sleeping, I sat propped up and talked on the phone!!!!!!
Ok, so I used to be a phone junky! Yep, on the phone every spare moment of the day, talking to people, friends, family, clients, people I had yet to become friends with... & since the accident this has been very hard for me to do, it always took so much more of my concentraton to stay with the conversation, that I would get tired so fast, but not today!
So, I am holding out hope that I will feel good again tomorrow, I am holding out hope that even if the pain persists, I will have enough energy, and a clear enough head to deal with it.
Oh, how I pray for this to be true. I have my doubts as well, so many things I have tried, and so many things have not worked, so many, so many hopes burst, and so much time and money spent to get better. I guess that is why I am writing this at 3:26 AM. I am afraid to go to sleep and wake up with my crummy world back again.
Today, I woke up and took my new medication early this morning, I woke up again with a headache, not a migraine, different, this one was like the one's I used to get before, the one's I had always gotten, just right in the front of my forehead, not the one's that make my whole body ache, and sear with pain. I took a couple of Excedrine Tension just for precautionary measures as I hadn't slept very good that night I was very tired yet and went back to sleep. I woke up later, and noticed I didn't want to stay in bed.
Fine with me the less time I spend in bed the better! While this is my most comfortable it is my least favorite and most boring place to be. I like to be in this room the least because it is where I have spent the most time these last four plus years.
We'll I have lots more to say, but my fingers just managed to delete the other paragraphs I had written. To write them again would serve no purpose, since in my mind those words had already been said. And while I really don't want to go to bed in case this was just a fluke... and I will wake up feeling like crap again and not be able to think... I hesitate, as I want to enjoy this moment and enjoy my mind not all clouded over. But I am getting sleepy, and my fingers keep wrecking my words as I type as fast as I can to share what I am thinking.
I will end this post with one of the most amazing things that I saw today. About 2:30 am this morning, I walked into my living room and just took a moment to look out the window. ( I do this allot, I really don't look at any thing in particular, I just really like to see out side the walls of my home) outside was the most glorious view. It looked like glitter being sent to me from heaven. Everything outside was covered in the blanket of the sparkliest snow I have ever seen. The crystals of ice just transformed the outside of my home and my street in to the most glorious celebration. The street light's warm glow added to the amazement, the light shown on each falling flake and caused it to light up and spread sparkling joy as it floated toward the bed of snow on the street. And with it being 2 am there has been no traffic for hours, and the perfection of the picture, just gave me chills, and thrills. I can't stop smiling, and I will remember the glistening flakes for years to come.
A sparkling end to a clarifying day. And it is now time for me to say good night, sweet dreams, and I pray that tomorrow will bring more clarity.
I hate to think that a little pill could do this for me but, I don't know what else it could be. I have had good days before, but this day seemed different, not only did I have more energy today, but my brain fog lifted! OMG!!! I loved today! I did get tired and have to take breaks, I did start to get very sore in my neck and back and did have to stop moving, but instead of sitting in bed watching tv or sleeping, I sat propped up and talked on the phone!!!!!!
Ok, so I used to be a phone junky! Yep, on the phone every spare moment of the day, talking to people, friends, family, clients, people I had yet to become friends with... & since the accident this has been very hard for me to do, it always took so much more of my concentraton to stay with the conversation, that I would get tired so fast, but not today!
So, I am holding out hope that I will feel good again tomorrow, I am holding out hope that even if the pain persists, I will have enough energy, and a clear enough head to deal with it.
Oh, how I pray for this to be true. I have my doubts as well, so many things I have tried, and so many things have not worked, so many, so many hopes burst, and so much time and money spent to get better. I guess that is why I am writing this at 3:26 AM. I am afraid to go to sleep and wake up with my crummy world back again.
Today, I woke up and took my new medication early this morning, I woke up again with a headache, not a migraine, different, this one was like the one's I used to get before, the one's I had always gotten, just right in the front of my forehead, not the one's that make my whole body ache, and sear with pain. I took a couple of Excedrine Tension just for precautionary measures as I hadn't slept very good that night I was very tired yet and went back to sleep. I woke up later, and noticed I didn't want to stay in bed.
Fine with me the less time I spend in bed the better! While this is my most comfortable it is my least favorite and most boring place to be. I like to be in this room the least because it is where I have spent the most time these last four plus years.
We'll I have lots more to say, but my fingers just managed to delete the other paragraphs I had written. To write them again would serve no purpose, since in my mind those words had already been said. And while I really don't want to go to bed in case this was just a fluke... and I will wake up feeling like crap again and not be able to think... I hesitate, as I want to enjoy this moment and enjoy my mind not all clouded over. But I am getting sleepy, and my fingers keep wrecking my words as I type as fast as I can to share what I am thinking.
I will end this post with one of the most amazing things that I saw today. About 2:30 am this morning, I walked into my living room and just took a moment to look out the window. ( I do this allot, I really don't look at any thing in particular, I just really like to see out side the walls of my home) outside was the most glorious view. It looked like glitter being sent to me from heaven. Everything outside was covered in the blanket of the sparkliest snow I have ever seen. The crystals of ice just transformed the outside of my home and my street in to the most glorious celebration. The street light's warm glow added to the amazement, the light shown on each falling flake and caused it to light up and spread sparkling joy as it floated toward the bed of snow on the street. And with it being 2 am there has been no traffic for hours, and the perfection of the picture, just gave me chills, and thrills. I can't stop smiling, and I will remember the glistening flakes for years to come.
A sparkling end to a clarifying day. And it is now time for me to say good night, sweet dreams, and I pray that tomorrow will bring more clarity.
Friday, January 23, 2009
sLeEp, BaD dReAm.
Waking up today was not pleasant at all, actually all night long I was waking up. I am not sure what time I started but it had to be three or four am. I usually try not to look at the clock, but after continued sporadic bouts of sleep, I saw the number six on the clock. I hate that feeling, I know that so many others struggle with this too! Oddly enough except for the rare occasion before my auto accident, I was the best sleeper.
While watching Oprah today, I heard the topic of artificial hormone treatments being helpful for many my age. While I am pretty sure that this isn't my issue, (I'd been tested and tried that stuff years ago) I think I will ask to be tested again.
With the addition to my life of the Absolutely No Driving Rule for me, the Dr. has prescribed a weird treatment for me to see if it will stop the dizziness, for those of you who've known me for years, not the dizziness I was born with, the blond kind but the actual vertigo, head spinning, legs failing kind. Jason was able to finally pick up the prescription today. He has to measure my blood pressure every day and record it. The goal is to raise my very low blood pressure to see if it helps with my being dizzy. I would sure love to feel better, and definitely stop falling, and those horrible feelings of not knowing where the ground really is. I would love to know that I was safe to drive, so I could drive again!
So for two weeks I will be on this medication, and then I will add another medication to that in the evening that will help me sleep, at least that is my understanding. My Dr. is trying something different for me because the things that would normally be used to raise one's blood pressure are a very bad idea for me so he won't let me use the regular methods.
Geepers, why is my body so peculiar? Oh, well it is what it is. We will see how it goes!
Jason got home this morning, woke me up before leaving again, he was just home long enough to change clothes drop our teenager off to school and run to his appointment to get his Jeep fixed, for the second day in a row of his free days. When he woke me up I could hardly move I had taken some migraine medication earlier, and it had not worked. By the way, I really wonder, when you get your medication and they have it in those "child proof" containers, believe me I understand the need for that, but at SIX AM, you have a migraine, you have arthritis in your hands and shoulders, and you can't see, OMG! Misery! I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that the container open and this morning was no exception. I managed to get the container open dig the tiny pill out of the package it was sealed in only to drop it, all of this using my sence of touch, I found the pill on the bed and took it. Only later to wake up after Jason left to take some stronger medication and have to pray that container open as well.
I really need better pill containers. I have no small children, and this is just ridicules! So now that I have been sleeping and medicating the day away, I am finally feeling better, not great but better.
I haven't really accomplished anything other than getting the dogs fed, getting a Mary Kay order placed in my mail box for Amy to pick up, and making some pasta for lunch, but I am happy I was able to do all of those things on my own. I am grateful for that.
I have got such great clients, Jason just mailed Gayle's order today, he will deliver Kristy's order tomorrow, and I am loving the ability to still do that! It is so fun to get an order via email, or a great phone call/voicemail, or face book message with what someone is needing or wanting to try, as well as stay caught up with what great things are going on in their life. That keeps me going! When I am feeling better I am dreaming of getting an event together here at home that will invite everyone in to hang out and play makeup or just have some great conversation.
Our teenage friend, has a friend who is also going through a rough time, and I am going to help her have some great Senior Pictures! We will plan several days that we can get together, and I will do her hair and makeup and take her pictures! I am really working to get my computer fixed ASAP! I will need it to edit her pictures, that software is on that computer, and we don't have another that will hold it. So with that project in front of me I know that something will happen soon, to get it to all fall together. I've been saving to get things fixed and soon I will be set! I am so excited.
I am also, working on another project for myself as well. I have begun the search for Luka's replacement. As he is an older large dog, he won't be able to continue helping me to the degree that I need for much longer and it can take up to two years to find a match for another trained service dog, I am in the planning stages. Not to mention the cost of getting another one. So I am in the process of working all of that out.
I am giving myself an education. Surprisingly all that I knew before about service dogs was that they could go everywhere, they were trained and I shouldn't touch them. While all of this is true the information about where to find trainers and more information was harder to find. Thanks to the Internet for this! You really can find out almost anything.
So, curtains, getting evaluated to work again, stopping the vertigo, finding another service dog, helping make a girl's senior pictures fabulous, servicing my great Mary Kay Clients, keeping my marriage strong, my friends close, helping our teenage friend, fostering dobermans, and doing as much housework and physical activity as I can. Hmmm, really that isn't bad. I sit here sometimes and think I am not able to do anything, but when I list it out, I really I am able to do quite allot.
Before I drove everywhere, and while I am holding out hope that the medications will work so I can drive again, the thought of not being able to breaks my heart. I loved to drive, I loved to be free to get out and see anyone at anytime. To make trips back to see my mom while she was receiving cancer treatment, to drive home to visit my grandmother once a week to rub her feet and paint her nails, to see client's when they needed me, and to see my sisters and friends when ever I wished. It was so wonderful. My trips in the car would clear my head allow me to focus and I also attended Mary Kay University in the car, listening to training CD's over and over.
I was able to drive in to see Jason at work on holidays, or really anytime I wanted, and now while other's families go to the fire station to see their spouse he spends the day with out visitors and I spend the day alone. While holiday's are really just other days, watching everyone else having fun with their families, has got to be difficult for him, and answering the question "Is your family coming?" With the word No, just has to leave a lump in his throat. It certainly does in mine.
Today, realizing that while he went to get his car fixed, I realized that he had no one to pick him up and take him home if the car needed to stay overnight. I was no longer going to provide that security for him. It breaks my heart. I feel as if I am waking up from a nightmare.
I can only hold out hope that things will work out. HOPE!
While watching Oprah today, I heard the topic of artificial hormone treatments being helpful for many my age. While I am pretty sure that this isn't my issue, (I'd been tested and tried that stuff years ago) I think I will ask to be tested again.
With the addition to my life of the Absolutely No Driving Rule for me, the Dr. has prescribed a weird treatment for me to see if it will stop the dizziness, for those of you who've known me for years, not the dizziness I was born with, the blond kind but the actual vertigo, head spinning, legs failing kind. Jason was able to finally pick up the prescription today. He has to measure my blood pressure every day and record it. The goal is to raise my very low blood pressure to see if it helps with my being dizzy. I would sure love to feel better, and definitely stop falling, and those horrible feelings of not knowing where the ground really is. I would love to know that I was safe to drive, so I could drive again!
So for two weeks I will be on this medication, and then I will add another medication to that in the evening that will help me sleep, at least that is my understanding. My Dr. is trying something different for me because the things that would normally be used to raise one's blood pressure are a very bad idea for me so he won't let me use the regular methods.
Geepers, why is my body so peculiar? Oh, well it is what it is. We will see how it goes!
Jason got home this morning, woke me up before leaving again, he was just home long enough to change clothes drop our teenager off to school and run to his appointment to get his Jeep fixed, for the second day in a row of his free days. When he woke me up I could hardly move I had taken some migraine medication earlier, and it had not worked. By the way, I really wonder, when you get your medication and they have it in those "child proof" containers, believe me I understand the need for that, but at SIX AM, you have a migraine, you have arthritis in your hands and shoulders, and you can't see, OMG! Misery! I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that the container open and this morning was no exception. I managed to get the container open dig the tiny pill out of the package it was sealed in only to drop it, all of this using my sence of touch, I found the pill on the bed and took it. Only later to wake up after Jason left to take some stronger medication and have to pray that container open as well.
I really need better pill containers. I have no small children, and this is just ridicules! So now that I have been sleeping and medicating the day away, I am finally feeling better, not great but better.
I haven't really accomplished anything other than getting the dogs fed, getting a Mary Kay order placed in my mail box for Amy to pick up, and making some pasta for lunch, but I am happy I was able to do all of those things on my own. I am grateful for that.
I have got such great clients, Jason just mailed Gayle's order today, he will deliver Kristy's order tomorrow, and I am loving the ability to still do that! It is so fun to get an order via email, or a great phone call/voicemail, or face book message with what someone is needing or wanting to try, as well as stay caught up with what great things are going on in their life. That keeps me going! When I am feeling better I am dreaming of getting an event together here at home that will invite everyone in to hang out and play makeup or just have some great conversation.
Our teenage friend, has a friend who is also going through a rough time, and I am going to help her have some great Senior Pictures! We will plan several days that we can get together, and I will do her hair and makeup and take her pictures! I am really working to get my computer fixed ASAP! I will need it to edit her pictures, that software is on that computer, and we don't have another that will hold it. So with that project in front of me I know that something will happen soon, to get it to all fall together. I've been saving to get things fixed and soon I will be set! I am so excited.
I am also, working on another project for myself as well. I have begun the search for Luka's replacement. As he is an older large dog, he won't be able to continue helping me to the degree that I need for much longer and it can take up to two years to find a match for another trained service dog, I am in the planning stages. Not to mention the cost of getting another one. So I am in the process of working all of that out.
I am giving myself an education. Surprisingly all that I knew before about service dogs was that they could go everywhere, they were trained and I shouldn't touch them. While all of this is true the information about where to find trainers and more information was harder to find. Thanks to the Internet for this! You really can find out almost anything.
So, curtains, getting evaluated to work again, stopping the vertigo, finding another service dog, helping make a girl's senior pictures fabulous, servicing my great Mary Kay Clients, keeping my marriage strong, my friends close, helping our teenage friend, fostering dobermans, and doing as much housework and physical activity as I can. Hmmm, really that isn't bad. I sit here sometimes and think I am not able to do anything, but when I list it out, I really I am able to do quite allot.
Before I drove everywhere, and while I am holding out hope that the medications will work so I can drive again, the thought of not being able to breaks my heart. I loved to drive, I loved to be free to get out and see anyone at anytime. To make trips back to see my mom while she was receiving cancer treatment, to drive home to visit my grandmother once a week to rub her feet and paint her nails, to see client's when they needed me, and to see my sisters and friends when ever I wished. It was so wonderful. My trips in the car would clear my head allow me to focus and I also attended Mary Kay University in the car, listening to training CD's over and over.
I was able to drive in to see Jason at work on holidays, or really anytime I wanted, and now while other's families go to the fire station to see their spouse he spends the day with out visitors and I spend the day alone. While holiday's are really just other days, watching everyone else having fun with their families, has got to be difficult for him, and answering the question "Is your family coming?" With the word No, just has to leave a lump in his throat. It certainly does in mine.
Today, realizing that while he went to get his car fixed, I realized that he had no one to pick him up and take him home if the car needed to stay overnight. I was no longer going to provide that security for him. It breaks my heart. I feel as if I am waking up from a nightmare.
I can only hold out hope that things will work out. HOPE!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
DaY 2 dAy!
As the day started very early for me as I stayed up to finish talking to our teenage friend. After some sleep and the start of my day for real, I woke up feeling reasonably good! Woo Hoo! I love that! Yesterday, I had planed to go in to the city with Jason to run errands, he had gotten home and was on a mission to fix his Jeep. When I woke up I was not feeling the best so I took some medication and slept a bit more, which was cramping his plans, so off he went on his own. Much better, if I had asked him to wait for me, which he would have "happily" done. The day would be one of stress-filled angst as we went from place to place. Sometimes a guy just needs some time on his own to do the things he needs to do. So after he finished his list he called and shared he was on his way home, and I asked him to run some of the errands on my list. Which he HAPPILY did! Much better! I ended up getting up around 10 am or so and for the day after having woken up at 6:30 with our teenager, and then at 8 am with him checking on me... so I was really happy with my speedy recovery! 10 am PERFECT! I still had the whole day to myself, now I don't really know that I did that much yesterday, but I did get some things done online to get caught up, and a few things around the house, I was busy on the phone, and I even walked 2 blocks to City Hall for a Relay for Life meeting. I was pretty tired after that but we delivered a MK order to Kristy and grabbed some food at the Legion's fundraiser before coming home. Where we met up with our teenager and her aunt after her Dr's visit, and errand running.
Since she's been feeling ill this whole week and hasn't gone to school, she went to the Dr... with out going much into that, we are worried about her mental and physical health as well as her finishing out her senior year! Senior Year's should be fun! At least some fun... she doesn't seem to be able to take advantage of that aspect, or at least hasn't been able to so far...
She is here again today, trying the things the Dr. suggested. I sure hope they can get things figured out for her!
While the trivial aspects of my life go on and on, I wonder how important is what I am doing? What more could I be doing? I did put a call in to the state agency that helps people with disabilities get re tooled and into work. I have an appointment with them next month. I had called before, but I just wasn't ready, so I am going to try again.
Luka is relaxing in the sun shining through the window, Ozzie is driving me nuts, Shelby is busy with a bone. I found out this week where Luka was trained, I spoke with the lady, and we are going to meet. I am starting the process soon of getting another dog trained for me since he is 7-8 years old already and they usually retire at 10 years old, so with taking one to two years to get a dog trained specifically for me, I need to have a plan in place and start raising/saving some money to cover the costs.
Shelby who has been living with us as a foster dog,,, www.doberescue-ne.org has gotten some good news too! She is going to be adopted! Feburary 7th! At least that is the current plan. I am so excited for her. We will certainly miss her but she needs a home where she can be more active! It sounds as if her new home will treat her like royalty, which is perfect for her since she prances around like a princess! It has been a long haul for her, but I think her forever home has finally arrived!
Ozzie, being 14 has it's privledges, as well as it's downside. He is definately getting up there in years, and has been slowing down, he has lumps everywhere, but seemingly is determined to make it through each day with all that he can cram in to it. He is wanting to be loved on more, and certainly sleeps his fair share, but is still always excited about a cat in the yard.
I love having their company it helps my day go so much better, they are always there for me, needing me, no matter how I feel or how I look, and somedays in both cases it is pretty bad! But hey, I am making it through!
I am looking forward to our montly trip out of town for one of Jason's other jobs later this month, I have plans to work on those curtains today, and I hope that some how I can get an order mailed, with my computer being down, my stamps.com connection is gone, and printing postage from home isn't possible. So I was hoping that our teenager would be well enough to drive me to do some errands today, but with her staying home from school again, that is out of the question.. So Gayle, your MK order will be coming soon! Thanks for placing it and Jason will mail it tomorrow for you I am sure!
I do plan to go out for a walk around the block today, but getting myself and Luka downtown and back is just too far to go.
Today is a gift! I am unwrapping it and seeing what it contains! I love surprises! If you are in the area, stop in! My sister just did, we spent the night watching 3 movies over the weekend when I was miserable! It made it so much better, while being miserable! We watched CHICK FLICKS!!!! I just LOVED IT! She did too!
Since she's been feeling ill this whole week and hasn't gone to school, she went to the Dr... with out going much into that, we are worried about her mental and physical health as well as her finishing out her senior year! Senior Year's should be fun! At least some fun... she doesn't seem to be able to take advantage of that aspect, or at least hasn't been able to so far...
She is here again today, trying the things the Dr. suggested. I sure hope they can get things figured out for her!
While the trivial aspects of my life go on and on, I wonder how important is what I am doing? What more could I be doing? I did put a call in to the state agency that helps people with disabilities get re tooled and into work. I have an appointment with them next month. I had called before, but I just wasn't ready, so I am going to try again.
Luka is relaxing in the sun shining through the window, Ozzie is driving me nuts, Shelby is busy with a bone. I found out this week where Luka was trained, I spoke with the lady, and we are going to meet. I am starting the process soon of getting another dog trained for me since he is 7-8 years old already and they usually retire at 10 years old, so with taking one to two years to get a dog trained specifically for me, I need to have a plan in place and start raising/saving some money to cover the costs.
Shelby who has been living with us as a foster dog,,, www.doberescue-ne.org has gotten some good news too! She is going to be adopted! Feburary 7th! At least that is the current plan. I am so excited for her. We will certainly miss her but she needs a home where she can be more active! It sounds as if her new home will treat her like royalty, which is perfect for her since she prances around like a princess! It has been a long haul for her, but I think her forever home has finally arrived!
Ozzie, being 14 has it's privledges, as well as it's downside. He is definately getting up there in years, and has been slowing down, he has lumps everywhere, but seemingly is determined to make it through each day with all that he can cram in to it. He is wanting to be loved on more, and certainly sleeps his fair share, but is still always excited about a cat in the yard.
I love having their company it helps my day go so much better, they are always there for me, needing me, no matter how I feel or how I look, and somedays in both cases it is pretty bad! But hey, I am making it through!
I am looking forward to our montly trip out of town for one of Jason's other jobs later this month, I have plans to work on those curtains today, and I hope that some how I can get an order mailed, with my computer being down, my stamps.com connection is gone, and printing postage from home isn't possible. So I was hoping that our teenager would be well enough to drive me to do some errands today, but with her staying home from school again, that is out of the question.. So Gayle, your MK order will be coming soon! Thanks for placing it and Jason will mail it tomorrow for you I am sure!
I do plan to go out for a walk around the block today, but getting myself and Luka downtown and back is just too far to go.
Today is a gift! I am unwrapping it and seeing what it contains! I love surprises! If you are in the area, stop in! My sister just did, we spent the night watching 3 movies over the weekend when I was miserable! It made it so much better, while being miserable! We watched CHICK FLICKS!!!! I just LOVED IT! She did too!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
DriViNg
So this past Friday, I was feeling so great! I had been for a few days, I was working on all sorts of things here at the house. Thursday night was just fabulous! Friday night I had let our two boys and our girl out in to the garage to do their duty, I was following them out, and Whooop! There went my legs out from under me, the next thing I knew, I am sitting with a really sore rear on my stairs in the cold garage. I assessed the situation by seeing which body parts I could move, thankfully all of them cooperated, I was definitely all shook up, my rear was killing me, I had landed on the side of the stairs, I had not held on to the rail, and my swooning legs felt like jelly. I was also mad that I fell, I had just started to have such a great week, Ok so it hadn't been perfect or anything, but I was having a great time.
I decided that I had better get situated and rest after my fall, so I went to sit in my favorite spot. Wrong choice I discovered. After sitting there for several minutes I wasn't feeling so well, I gave Jason a call and he suggested that I take some of my Darvocet... Grrr! I am avoiding that stuff. I have really been trying to not take any pills, my tummy is not happy at all! I did take them and just relaxed for a while longer, I noticed that my muscles were not cooperating, and I couldn't get myself up. It wasn't that I couldn't move, it was that I had no muscles, and I was so achy. I had to call our teenage friend and ask her to come home, as Jason wouldn't be home until the next morning. She was at a school function, but she was also the only other person with a key to get in. Lovely! I am pulling her out of her activity. GRRRR! But no choice, I am now hurting worse and can't get myself up.
She and her boyfriend came over he is a very big guy he was able to help me up, I just needed some help. But by now I am worried, all the times I have fallen I usualy don't go to the ER and the time's that I haven't I have had problems. So my nerves and pain got the best of me I called the rescue squad to come take me to the ER. Fun Fun!!! Just loved doing that, Jason was already mad that I fell, he gets so worried for us he gets angry. It makes me feel so bad for being so needy. I used to never need help. Not with construction, not with housework, definately not with driving, not with anything, not that I didn't enjoy help but I didn't NEED it.
Now I depend on him for everything! Driving, Yeah, I didn't ever drive much, I still had my licence after the accident, since it wasn't my fault I didn't even loose any points or anything. But I never drove much because I have always been on so much medication since the accident especially the first three years that it just wasn't safe to be behind the wheel allot. There were days I wasn't having to take that much but they weren't very frequent... I have never been willing to put someone else at risk by my driving when I wasn't fully capable. I noticed my bad driving ability after my accident, I don't remember when it was exactly I do remember my in ablity, and the feeling of fear I had. I stopped driving for the most part after the incident. At least trips in to the city on my own. I kept asking my Dr's about driving, they never really thought much about it, told me not to drive with medication or until hours after having taken it and that was it. I still wasn't comfortable, killing myself in an auto accident I could tollerate, hurting or killing someone else, is not something that I could handle, especially if I were doing something that wasn't safe.
Well, the point of this being I don't drive, and since my birthday, I CAN'T DRIVE ANYMORE! I no longer have a drivers licence. Since I get dizzy/vertego since the accident I filled out that form that they send to you so you can renew your licence, and since I can not lie. ( I would be guilt ridden) I checked that box. I got told that I had to get a Dr.'s explaination for my medical conditions. LOVELY! They don't share that on the form! If they had I would have gotten that taken care of before walking in to the office. I would have been prepared.
So in going to the Dr. to get things sorted out for myself to see if driving would work for me. Jason has pretty much always driven me around but now he or some one has to. What makes it worse is living in a rural area where there is no public transportation. Woo Hoo, I really had the hope of being able to drive before, but since my Dr's visit, that hope has seriously gone out the window.
I am going to try some different med's to see if this wobblyness will go away. Which I HOPE it does.
So after having a few great days, my lovely visit to the DMV, falling going to the ER, staying in bed the whole weekend, going to the Dr... and finding out that getting myself to the point where I can drive will be a long shot. ( by taking medication that I don't want to take) Am I still happy? Happy yes, content NO! I hate taking pills that upset my stomach, have side effects, cause adverse effects, but I will try! I will try and see if modern medications have the potential to help me have a more self sufficiant life, so I won't be so dependent, so that I will have choices.
I will try everything to take the burden off of Jason. While he is so great to do all that he does, it isn't right. It hurts looking in to his eyes and see the shell of the person he is because he is so exhausted and spent by constant work, constant worry, and constant caregiving.
He is my blessing, he is my rock. But how can I keep doing this to him?
Exhausted but needing to write to get these thoughts out of my mind.
I decided that I had better get situated and rest after my fall, so I went to sit in my favorite spot. Wrong choice I discovered. After sitting there for several minutes I wasn't feeling so well, I gave Jason a call and he suggested that I take some of my Darvocet... Grrr! I am avoiding that stuff. I have really been trying to not take any pills, my tummy is not happy at all! I did take them and just relaxed for a while longer, I noticed that my muscles were not cooperating, and I couldn't get myself up. It wasn't that I couldn't move, it was that I had no muscles, and I was so achy. I had to call our teenage friend and ask her to come home, as Jason wouldn't be home until the next morning. She was at a school function, but she was also the only other person with a key to get in. Lovely! I am pulling her out of her activity. GRRRR! But no choice, I am now hurting worse and can't get myself up.
She and her boyfriend came over he is a very big guy he was able to help me up, I just needed some help. But by now I am worried, all the times I have fallen I usualy don't go to the ER and the time's that I haven't I have had problems. So my nerves and pain got the best of me I called the rescue squad to come take me to the ER. Fun Fun!!! Just loved doing that, Jason was already mad that I fell, he gets so worried for us he gets angry. It makes me feel so bad for being so needy. I used to never need help. Not with construction, not with housework, definately not with driving, not with anything, not that I didn't enjoy help but I didn't NEED it.
Now I depend on him for everything! Driving, Yeah, I didn't ever drive much, I still had my licence after the accident, since it wasn't my fault I didn't even loose any points or anything. But I never drove much because I have always been on so much medication since the accident especially the first three years that it just wasn't safe to be behind the wheel allot. There were days I wasn't having to take that much but they weren't very frequent... I have never been willing to put someone else at risk by my driving when I wasn't fully capable. I noticed my bad driving ability after my accident, I don't remember when it was exactly I do remember my in ablity, and the feeling of fear I had. I stopped driving for the most part after the incident. At least trips in to the city on my own. I kept asking my Dr's about driving, they never really thought much about it, told me not to drive with medication or until hours after having taken it and that was it. I still wasn't comfortable, killing myself in an auto accident I could tollerate, hurting or killing someone else, is not something that I could handle, especially if I were doing something that wasn't safe.
Well, the point of this being I don't drive, and since my birthday, I CAN'T DRIVE ANYMORE! I no longer have a drivers licence. Since I get dizzy/vertego since the accident I filled out that form that they send to you so you can renew your licence, and since I can not lie. ( I would be guilt ridden) I checked that box. I got told that I had to get a Dr.'s explaination for my medical conditions. LOVELY! They don't share that on the form! If they had I would have gotten that taken care of before walking in to the office. I would have been prepared.
So in going to the Dr. to get things sorted out for myself to see if driving would work for me. Jason has pretty much always driven me around but now he or some one has to. What makes it worse is living in a rural area where there is no public transportation. Woo Hoo, I really had the hope of being able to drive before, but since my Dr's visit, that hope has seriously gone out the window.
I am going to try some different med's to see if this wobblyness will go away. Which I HOPE it does.
So after having a few great days, my lovely visit to the DMV, falling going to the ER, staying in bed the whole weekend, going to the Dr... and finding out that getting myself to the point where I can drive will be a long shot. ( by taking medication that I don't want to take) Am I still happy? Happy yes, content NO! I hate taking pills that upset my stomach, have side effects, cause adverse effects, but I will try! I will try and see if modern medications have the potential to help me have a more self sufficiant life, so I won't be so dependent, so that I will have choices.
I will try everything to take the burden off of Jason. While he is so great to do all that he does, it isn't right. It hurts looking in to his eyes and see the shell of the person he is because he is so exhausted and spent by constant work, constant worry, and constant caregiving.
He is my blessing, he is my rock. But how can I keep doing this to him?
Exhausted but needing to write to get these thoughts out of my mind.
Friday, January 16, 2009
RuLEs
Invincibility, I remember when this was a state of being for myself. At least in most situations, I always have been the "rule follower type".
Rules I break-
* fashion rules- who makes those anyway? If I like it I wear it! That's my philosophy, of course I look at those crazy magazines with those oh, so skinny people, but mostly I look at what Oprah wears, if she looks great in something, I might give it a go.
* cooking/baking rules- sometimes those risky behaviors just don't turn out so well. I am learning! Sifting is mandatory if it calls for sifting you MUST sift. Too much hot pepper is not a good thing, even Jason agrees with that!
* my mother's sewing rules- way to time consuming. She was perfect at everything, that is so not me! I am experimenting! She would make at least 3 trips down every seam, I understand you don't want something to ravel or come apart, but Geesh, there's gotta be an easier way!
* lie's little white one's that are for the good/benefit of someone, like a surprise party or something fun like that. I am not good at them anyway, truth is easier and always better, even if it stings a little or could get me in to trouble, I'd rather just fess up, and take the results of my actions.
Rules I don't break-
* laws- I had a sip of a wine cooler with friends on prom night and about made myself crazy thinking I was going to go to hell! Do I push the rule to the definition, YES, but don't go past, Yeeks, then I feel guilty for Weeks! Months! and YEARS!
Having a huge guilt O meter is good and bad. Good in the sense it keeps me on the straight and narrow, always has, when I have gone off course, I get back on track pretty darn quick, I just can't take it. Even if someone else is off of the track, I am compelled to let them know. I try to hold back, people learn from mistakes, I sure do. But wow is that hard to watch, I have found that even if I share with someone my experiences, in most cases they are doomed to not listen and go off making their own mistakes anyhow.
To some degree I did this too, although I sure try to pay attention to what mistakes other people find themselves making. I don't do this to judge anyone but I do this to try to learn from them BEFORE I am doing the same dumb things. I find that I have a great deal more empathy for others and way less judgment for what ever that is worth. I watch so many people keep repeating the same error's in judgment and they never seem to learn, and others are really out there trying to figure out how to do it better.
I rarely get things right on the first try, usually it takes a couple of times to do something, now it takes more effort since the accident on many occasions. I find that I am sitting down to think things through more thoroughly than before, just because if I am to put the effort into something I'd really like to do my research and set myself up to succeed before I end up with a mess.
Case and Point: I wanted to make a white sauce for spaghetti, Rachael Ray has instructions on how to do this in her cook book, so I get started with the first ingredient's things are going well, then towards the middle of her recipe, things have to get added quickly with stirring, grating, and other things. Needless to say, I should have prepped the ingredients before the cooking and adding things together began. I ended up with lumpy slightly burnt, rather yucky sauce for my meal, and I almost gave completely up.
Determined not to let this get the best of me, I made tuna sandwiches instead, and started on the same recipe a few day's later with my ingredient's prepped for entry into my sauce!
Wonderful! It is so good, and now I am not bad at making it either! Just have to plan ahead! Before, I don't think this would have been such a big deal, I was so fast at everything, I really took it for granted. Things would always work out for me with out much effort it seemed.
Things still do work out for me! I am certainly not saying that! Some things that I thought would work out haven't and I have begun to accept my limitations. But at the same time I am not going to let those limitations stop me from becoming great at other things.
So, I am going to keep my eyes and my mind open. I am right now making a plan.
Rules I break-
* fashion rules- who makes those anyway? If I like it I wear it! That's my philosophy, of course I look at those crazy magazines with those oh, so skinny people, but mostly I look at what Oprah wears, if she looks great in something, I might give it a go.
* cooking/baking rules- sometimes those risky behaviors just don't turn out so well. I am learning! Sifting is mandatory if it calls for sifting you MUST sift. Too much hot pepper is not a good thing, even Jason agrees with that!
* my mother's sewing rules- way to time consuming. She was perfect at everything, that is so not me! I am experimenting! She would make at least 3 trips down every seam, I understand you don't want something to ravel or come apart, but Geesh, there's gotta be an easier way!
* lie's little white one's that are for the good/benefit of someone, like a surprise party or something fun like that. I am not good at them anyway, truth is easier and always better, even if it stings a little or could get me in to trouble, I'd rather just fess up, and take the results of my actions.
Rules I don't break-
* laws- I had a sip of a wine cooler with friends on prom night and about made myself crazy thinking I was going to go to hell! Do I push the rule to the definition, YES, but don't go past, Yeeks, then I feel guilty for Weeks! Months! and YEARS!
Having a huge guilt O meter is good and bad. Good in the sense it keeps me on the straight and narrow, always has, when I have gone off course, I get back on track pretty darn quick, I just can't take it. Even if someone else is off of the track, I am compelled to let them know. I try to hold back, people learn from mistakes, I sure do. But wow is that hard to watch, I have found that even if I share with someone my experiences, in most cases they are doomed to not listen and go off making their own mistakes anyhow.
To some degree I did this too, although I sure try to pay attention to what mistakes other people find themselves making. I don't do this to judge anyone but I do this to try to learn from them BEFORE I am doing the same dumb things. I find that I have a great deal more empathy for others and way less judgment for what ever that is worth. I watch so many people keep repeating the same error's in judgment and they never seem to learn, and others are really out there trying to figure out how to do it better.
I rarely get things right on the first try, usually it takes a couple of times to do something, now it takes more effort since the accident on many occasions. I find that I am sitting down to think things through more thoroughly than before, just because if I am to put the effort into something I'd really like to do my research and set myself up to succeed before I end up with a mess.
Case and Point: I wanted to make a white sauce for spaghetti, Rachael Ray has instructions on how to do this in her cook book, so I get started with the first ingredient's things are going well, then towards the middle of her recipe, things have to get added quickly with stirring, grating, and other things. Needless to say, I should have prepped the ingredients before the cooking and adding things together began. I ended up with lumpy slightly burnt, rather yucky sauce for my meal, and I almost gave completely up.
Determined not to let this get the best of me, I made tuna sandwiches instead, and started on the same recipe a few day's later with my ingredient's prepped for entry into my sauce!
Wonderful! It is so good, and now I am not bad at making it either! Just have to plan ahead! Before, I don't think this would have been such a big deal, I was so fast at everything, I really took it for granted. Things would always work out for me with out much effort it seemed.
Things still do work out for me! I am certainly not saying that! Some things that I thought would work out haven't and I have begun to accept my limitations. But at the same time I am not going to let those limitations stop me from becoming great at other things.
So, I am going to keep my eyes and my mind open. I am right now making a plan.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
InJEcTioNs & WinDoW cOvEriNgs!
While being driven around today, I was wondering if I would be up to writing today or not. For many days now I have really wanted to write, but was either not up to it or a computer was not available.
Today was the day to see the Dr. who gives my Epidural Steroid Injections. I got two today in my lower Cervical Spine (neck). I am pretty achy I must say, but I really am wanting to get something written down. This morning I woke up having fought off yet another migraine, this one lasted 36 hours I haven't been sleeping much and I woke up with migraine relief but completely exhausted. Prior to getting this migraine I had been working my butt off (fingers really) I've got lots of projects that I am working on. I am in the process of learning to do embroidery, I finished one pillow case earlier this week, I am wanting to get the matching case done as well. My first project will be officially complete after I finish that.
I am also anxious to finish a large project for my home. We've lived in our home for 10 years and really have never had "Proper" window treatments. Ok it is something that has never been that important to me, we had shades/coverings that while they did not look horrible they did not look finished. After having to get new windows, Jason mentioned to me that he would really like to have REAL curtains. So with a gift given to us at Christmas, Jason took me to the fabric store. He helped me for about 40 minutes in the store looking at some fabrics and then he had had it, so Luka finished accompaning me through out my fabric shopping experience.
I can't remember the last time that I was able to do some shopping for any length of time on my own! Jason went off to drive around town, while I finished my shopping at Hancock Fabrics, thank goodness that I had been paying attention to the sale adds! Almost everything that I needed was on sale that week! Woo HOO!
I got fabric from the remnet section for my kitchen curtains, and bedroom curtains, and then Jason had helped me choose the fabric for the living room curtains. Shopping for a pattern was next, then, I looked at the curtain rods and found some perfect ones for 60% off as well! PHEW! Ok, Ok, Yes I had never gotten curtain rods for our home. I know! Geesh, I used a few nails and had called it happy for all of these years. I thought it looked just fine, but evidently I am the only one with that opinion.
The ladies at Hancock's helped me get my selections cut! Thank goodness for their help as well! Jason came back to carry it all out, WoW, he was shocked, STICKER SHOCK! He never understood what REAL curtains would cost for us. And I had gotten almost everyting at at least 50% off! I mentioned to him on the way out of the store that that is why I had never decided to get REAL curtains before. But I also explained that this was also the reason that I was making them as when you shop for them pre made to get the ones that I would be happy with looking at for the next 10 years that they would have cost three to four times as much.
So, I have a huge project ahead of me. I have managed to get one window finished, of course I started making the curtains for the windows I didn't find curtain rods for... but Hey, I am started. I will take some pictures soon and share my projects with you.
It's not as if I don't have other things to do here, I have a list, but one thing at a time I am checking it off. My goal is to do things around the house, cooking, some cleaning, some laundry, and being present for Jason and our teenage friend with enough energy to actually be good company and keep our relationships on the right track. Since starting the curtains, I have stopped the laundry, and the cleaning, just not enough energy for it all, but I am still trying to cook when I can as I know that Jason dreads having to come up with food to make for meals.
I have been blessed to borrow our teenage friends laptop and am able to sit propped up in bed and type this all out! So much better than Jason's desk! I am just too short for his stuff. Hee hee!
Looking forward to this weekend I am excited that Jason has the opportunity to teach a great paying class, and that he gets to do it with people that he likes. I hope he enjoy's himself he even gets to stay in a hotel! While he is gone I've got my sister coming in! So Woo Hoo for me!
On another note, I have friends going to a party this weekend, it is a fundrasier, and they get to dress up in period dress. I LOVE that sort of thing! I will be thinking of them and can't wait to see their picture's and hear their stories.
Sorry Honey, tonight's meal is definately up to you! Luka and I are resting after our long day.
Today was the day to see the Dr. who gives my Epidural Steroid Injections. I got two today in my lower Cervical Spine (neck). I am pretty achy I must say, but I really am wanting to get something written down. This morning I woke up having fought off yet another migraine, this one lasted 36 hours I haven't been sleeping much and I woke up with migraine relief but completely exhausted. Prior to getting this migraine I had been working my butt off (fingers really) I've got lots of projects that I am working on. I am in the process of learning to do embroidery, I finished one pillow case earlier this week, I am wanting to get the matching case done as well. My first project will be officially complete after I finish that.
I am also anxious to finish a large project for my home. We've lived in our home for 10 years and really have never had "Proper" window treatments. Ok it is something that has never been that important to me, we had shades/coverings that while they did not look horrible they did not look finished. After having to get new windows, Jason mentioned to me that he would really like to have REAL curtains. So with a gift given to us at Christmas, Jason took me to the fabric store. He helped me for about 40 minutes in the store looking at some fabrics and then he had had it, so Luka finished accompaning me through out my fabric shopping experience.
I can't remember the last time that I was able to do some shopping for any length of time on my own! Jason went off to drive around town, while I finished my shopping at Hancock Fabrics, thank goodness that I had been paying attention to the sale adds! Almost everything that I needed was on sale that week! Woo HOO!
I got fabric from the remnet section for my kitchen curtains, and bedroom curtains, and then Jason had helped me choose the fabric for the living room curtains. Shopping for a pattern was next, then, I looked at the curtain rods and found some perfect ones for 60% off as well! PHEW! Ok, Ok, Yes I had never gotten curtain rods for our home. I know! Geesh, I used a few nails and had called it happy for all of these years. I thought it looked just fine, but evidently I am the only one with that opinion.
The ladies at Hancock's helped me get my selections cut! Thank goodness for their help as well! Jason came back to carry it all out, WoW, he was shocked, STICKER SHOCK! He never understood what REAL curtains would cost for us. And I had gotten almost everyting at at least 50% off! I mentioned to him on the way out of the store that that is why I had never decided to get REAL curtains before. But I also explained that this was also the reason that I was making them as when you shop for them pre made to get the ones that I would be happy with looking at for the next 10 years that they would have cost three to four times as much.
So, I have a huge project ahead of me. I have managed to get one window finished, of course I started making the curtains for the windows I didn't find curtain rods for... but Hey, I am started. I will take some pictures soon and share my projects with you.
It's not as if I don't have other things to do here, I have a list, but one thing at a time I am checking it off. My goal is to do things around the house, cooking, some cleaning, some laundry, and being present for Jason and our teenage friend with enough energy to actually be good company and keep our relationships on the right track. Since starting the curtains, I have stopped the laundry, and the cleaning, just not enough energy for it all, but I am still trying to cook when I can as I know that Jason dreads having to come up with food to make for meals.
I have been blessed to borrow our teenage friends laptop and am able to sit propped up in bed and type this all out! So much better than Jason's desk! I am just too short for his stuff. Hee hee!
Looking forward to this weekend I am excited that Jason has the opportunity to teach a great paying class, and that he gets to do it with people that he likes. I hope he enjoy's himself he even gets to stay in a hotel! While he is gone I've got my sister coming in! So Woo Hoo for me!
On another note, I have friends going to a party this weekend, it is a fundrasier, and they get to dress up in period dress. I LOVE that sort of thing! I will be thinking of them and can't wait to see their picture's and hear their stories.
Sorry Honey, tonight's meal is definately up to you! Luka and I are resting after our long day.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
FriEnDsHiP
So, having not posted for a while, I am not sure where to start. Some of my days have been rather busy and some have been mostly unproductive. Just like normal I guess. These days I am doing everything I can to not take much medication. I don't know how well it is working yesterday I took no medication, I just rested and put up with the pain, but this morning brought on the migraine type pain as well, so I had to deal with that. Took some Excedrine the tension kind, it is easier on your tummy. It is helping, it didn't take it away but it is tollarable, the pain is still there in my body, but I am up and moving.
My computer is still not fixed but Jason got his going so, Woo Hoo, for now anyhow's & I am sitting at his desk typing away, not sure how long this will last as I am already getting tired and more sore after sitting in this position. But hey! I am up and moving! Woo HOOOO!!
So my friend from high school Ronnie, ( he doesn't go by that now) is heading off to surgery soon, his 39th surgery to be exact. He is 39 years old, wow, he's sure gone through allot. We sat together everyday in High School as I tried to be a good friend to him. He has Spina Biffida and has always been in a wheelchair since I've known him. We didn't exactly have the best relationship, he was always kinda grumpy. I was always annoyingly happy, honestly I think I drove him nuts. Not to mention that I can blither on about absolutely nothing. We both played the trumpet in band, we both would have excelled at the baritone I think but the band director never brought up switching, we were both not very good at the trumpet, but we both stuck it out! He better than me, I fiddled with a few other things, but he was always very consistant.
He and I stayed in touch into college, but then lost touch, I started moving around the country, and our lives just took other directions. He's been a great example to me my whole life. He's the nicest guy, even when he was grumpy, he and his best friend were always together, and still hang out today. His best friend Roger was also my example, a truly kind hearted guy, who was loyal, patient, kind, understanding, fun to be around, and who never cared about anything but the size of a person's heart. I am sure he is still that way, he married a gal that I went to grade school with and I they have cute little kids and are both so very wonderful. ( I am sure that they are still as wonderful as then, as I haven't seen them in years)
Watching the two friends, was so fun for me, I think many people go through their whole lives not ever feeling the devotion of a good friend, one who will be there through thick and thin, on who doesn't care what has happened, or what mood your in, what job you have, or how much money, or what you can do for them. These two friends really exemplified the type of friend I want to be for others. They each really cared about the other and understood that they would be there for eachother.
I have met so many people, from so many walks of life, to meet two good friends like these two men I have not seen an anyone else. Roger who could do anything easily, and Ronnie who struggled to do things at all, were the coolest people in school. They set the bar high, yes they didn't always get along, but they both never gave up on each other. And it wasn't easy. So today I wanted to devote my blog post to great friends, who really put their friendship on the line, friends who go the extra mile.
Ronnie and Roger, thanks for being my example. I sure hope that I can come close to being the kind of friend that the two of you exemplified for me & thanks for being my friend to! Praying that your 39th surgery will give you a speedy and full recovery!
My computer is still not fixed but Jason got his going so, Woo Hoo, for now anyhow's & I am sitting at his desk typing away, not sure how long this will last as I am already getting tired and more sore after sitting in this position. But hey! I am up and moving! Woo HOOOO!!
So my friend from high school Ronnie, ( he doesn't go by that now) is heading off to surgery soon, his 39th surgery to be exact. He is 39 years old, wow, he's sure gone through allot. We sat together everyday in High School as I tried to be a good friend to him. He has Spina Biffida and has always been in a wheelchair since I've known him. We didn't exactly have the best relationship, he was always kinda grumpy. I was always annoyingly happy, honestly I think I drove him nuts. Not to mention that I can blither on about absolutely nothing. We both played the trumpet in band, we both would have excelled at the baritone I think but the band director never brought up switching, we were both not very good at the trumpet, but we both stuck it out! He better than me, I fiddled with a few other things, but he was always very consistant.
He and I stayed in touch into college, but then lost touch, I started moving around the country, and our lives just took other directions. He's been a great example to me my whole life. He's the nicest guy, even when he was grumpy, he and his best friend were always together, and still hang out today. His best friend Roger was also my example, a truly kind hearted guy, who was loyal, patient, kind, understanding, fun to be around, and who never cared about anything but the size of a person's heart. I am sure he is still that way, he married a gal that I went to grade school with and I they have cute little kids and are both so very wonderful. ( I am sure that they are still as wonderful as then, as I haven't seen them in years)
Watching the two friends, was so fun for me, I think many people go through their whole lives not ever feeling the devotion of a good friend, one who will be there through thick and thin, on who doesn't care what has happened, or what mood your in, what job you have, or how much money, or what you can do for them. These two friends really exemplified the type of friend I want to be for others. They each really cared about the other and understood that they would be there for eachother.
I have met so many people, from so many walks of life, to meet two good friends like these two men I have not seen an anyone else. Roger who could do anything easily, and Ronnie who struggled to do things at all, were the coolest people in school. They set the bar high, yes they didn't always get along, but they both never gave up on each other. And it wasn't easy. So today I wanted to devote my blog post to great friends, who really put their friendship on the line, friends who go the extra mile.
Ronnie and Roger, thanks for being my example. I sure hope that I can come close to being the kind of friend that the two of you exemplified for me & thanks for being my friend to! Praying that your 39th surgery will give you a speedy and full recovery!
Monday, January 5, 2009
RESOLUTE!
So, the new year starts over as they drop the ball. You have all of these grand intentions, and may or may not have follow through. I usually don't make resolutions. I really haven't since I have been a young child. I used to set pretty silly one's back then, and never seemed to take my intentions seriously. I just got out of the habit. As I got older I would take time to evaluate my life not necessarily when that big shinny ball would drop but periodically, through out the year to see if my life was progressing in a manner that I was happy with. I had found that things can pass me by so quickly and that some how I have gotten sidetracked with things that I really had not intended on doing. Some good and some bad. This past year, I feel I made allot of progress. I am certainly not on the plan that I had developed for myself and started myself out on years ago, but since I am on a different road than expected, seemingly held hostage while my dreams of my other life are put on hold or are going to be put to side permanently. I need to come up with a plan! That some how allows me to move further forward. Either toward the goals of my past, or toward some thing new. There is also the possibility of working on a combination of both, which I have been doing for the past 2 years. After the accident strongly for at least the first 2 maybe even 3 years, I was focused on getting my life back to the way it was. Can you ever go back? I have not found that to work so well. So onward I go.
I am finally to the point where I can think about other possibilities. Although I don't know what they are at this point for me.
Frustrating, I'd had my life all planned out! It was working out great! I was very focused and driven and passionfilled for my purpose. I loved it! I think that is why it has been so hard to let go of it and refocus on something else. I wanted the life I had with everything I was and I put all of myself into it! Jason did too! It is so hard to watch him see it all slip away. With our plan from before he should have been looking at retiring or at least having the choice to retire working as a firefighter at the end of this year. I don't know that he really would have, he really does love what he does. But be able to go to work with the mindset of really knowing he didn't HAVE to do it, he was really looking forward to.
I feel very guilty, that my promises to him are not being followed through on. That he will not have that choice, in fact that he has had to work every hour that is available to him at what ever job is available so that we can just make ends meet.
Please understand that these are not cries for sympathy! This is just as it is. The facts! The emotional facts of our situation. The things that we dreamed about and that both of us not just me put everything in to pretty much since we got married. For me it had started long before then when I first began my Mary Kay business. I had a plan.
I've never been one of those "hot shot" people who just start to do something and are imediately the best at it. I am actually one of those people who believed I could, I just put in the minutes, hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, determination and focus to get myself there.
Now it seems as if my age/physical condition will be preventing me from starting over and making it as far as I had intended. Not that I still couldn't do it, but the odds are now highly stacked against me. I've been trying to figure out ways to make it all start over, with a plan that might actually work with the resources that I have. I at this point not able to make it fit.
So now to realignment. I've done it before. It's not that I fear change, I actually welcome it, it brings growth, I was just so happy changing and growing in the ways I was before with the dreams and goals that we had set before us.
So this is the year for me of change. I am going to finally give up the dreams of my past and really figure out what it is that I can and want to sink everything I've got into. Figure out how Jason and I can come to actual terms with the adjustment and make the absolute best of what we've got.
This brings to mind the Beatles song, "All You Need Is Love". Hee hee! I feel as if that's what we've been living off of for the past four years. That God for that! Thank God for Jason! He is the biggest blessing to me, I know that it has taken all that he had and could muster to make it to this point. I am hoping that as this year progress's that he is able to come to terms with the loss of our dreams, and to help us create a new dream for our future.
So this year is not resolute. But is in flux as we are able to open our minds, and our hearts to something new. Something great! Something we haven't yet thought of or put into action.
The thing that is resolute, is my desire to finish up all that we have started on our house, to help it stop falling in on it's self! We've got a good start as last year the furnace and water heater failed on us with in weeks of eachother, the front of our house, the brick part started to fall off, and we discovered leaking windows, the day before Christmas new windows appeared in our home, so we will now just need to repair the brick and siding... and alot more but hey! It will give us something to do while we figure out where we are headed!
We do love our new windows! They are so much warmer and we can actually see through them, not to mention that the front of our home will no longer be falling off! Geesh!
So on to working on what's next for us, and that has lots to do with me! I wonder what I can do? I am going to continue working with my personal coach, I will also be checking in to more resources that may be available, maybe even some schooling...?? Yipes! Ok I am keeping my mind open! Everything is on the table!
Hey, over the past 4 years, I've hosted our 3rd exchange student, welcomed a grown family of four to stay with us for a few months to get resettled, I've welcomed another family of four with little kids and a mom who is deaf to live with us for over a year, I've learned sign language, I've fostered two dogs, taken in a teenage neighbor who is currently here, and I've begun to grow my client base back with my Mary Kay business and I have fought my best and worked my hardest to get my body and life back to preaccident conditions. I've come to accept that things will never be back to the way they were, and that my life now involves medication and procedures, a slower pace, less choices with more effort, and a service dog whom I do love and appreciate. While working hard at keeping my marriage strong with the man of my dreams who I've been ever so blessed by! I know that there's more and I know that I've been busy moving forward and helping those I can along the way. I used to do more! I want to do more! But now the question is how?
I am resolute in the fact that I am going forward! And no longer looking to the past for direction. Thanks Jason for staying on the ride!
I am finally to the point where I can think about other possibilities. Although I don't know what they are at this point for me.
Frustrating, I'd had my life all planned out! It was working out great! I was very focused and driven and passionfilled for my purpose. I loved it! I think that is why it has been so hard to let go of it and refocus on something else. I wanted the life I had with everything I was and I put all of myself into it! Jason did too! It is so hard to watch him see it all slip away. With our plan from before he should have been looking at retiring or at least having the choice to retire working as a firefighter at the end of this year. I don't know that he really would have, he really does love what he does. But be able to go to work with the mindset of really knowing he didn't HAVE to do it, he was really looking forward to.
I feel very guilty, that my promises to him are not being followed through on. That he will not have that choice, in fact that he has had to work every hour that is available to him at what ever job is available so that we can just make ends meet.
Please understand that these are not cries for sympathy! This is just as it is. The facts! The emotional facts of our situation. The things that we dreamed about and that both of us not just me put everything in to pretty much since we got married. For me it had started long before then when I first began my Mary Kay business. I had a plan.
I've never been one of those "hot shot" people who just start to do something and are imediately the best at it. I am actually one of those people who believed I could, I just put in the minutes, hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, determination and focus to get myself there.
Now it seems as if my age/physical condition will be preventing me from starting over and making it as far as I had intended. Not that I still couldn't do it, but the odds are now highly stacked against me. I've been trying to figure out ways to make it all start over, with a plan that might actually work with the resources that I have. I at this point not able to make it fit.
So now to realignment. I've done it before. It's not that I fear change, I actually welcome it, it brings growth, I was just so happy changing and growing in the ways I was before with the dreams and goals that we had set before us.
So this is the year for me of change. I am going to finally give up the dreams of my past and really figure out what it is that I can and want to sink everything I've got into. Figure out how Jason and I can come to actual terms with the adjustment and make the absolute best of what we've got.
This brings to mind the Beatles song, "All You Need Is Love". Hee hee! I feel as if that's what we've been living off of for the past four years. That God for that! Thank God for Jason! He is the biggest blessing to me, I know that it has taken all that he had and could muster to make it to this point. I am hoping that as this year progress's that he is able to come to terms with the loss of our dreams, and to help us create a new dream for our future.
So this year is not resolute. But is in flux as we are able to open our minds, and our hearts to something new. Something great! Something we haven't yet thought of or put into action.
The thing that is resolute, is my desire to finish up all that we have started on our house, to help it stop falling in on it's self! We've got a good start as last year the furnace and water heater failed on us with in weeks of eachother, the front of our house, the brick part started to fall off, and we discovered leaking windows, the day before Christmas new windows appeared in our home, so we will now just need to repair the brick and siding... and alot more but hey! It will give us something to do while we figure out where we are headed!
We do love our new windows! They are so much warmer and we can actually see through them, not to mention that the front of our home will no longer be falling off! Geesh!
So on to working on what's next for us, and that has lots to do with me! I wonder what I can do? I am going to continue working with my personal coach, I will also be checking in to more resources that may be available, maybe even some schooling...?? Yipes! Ok I am keeping my mind open! Everything is on the table!
Hey, over the past 4 years, I've hosted our 3rd exchange student, welcomed a grown family of four to stay with us for a few months to get resettled, I've welcomed another family of four with little kids and a mom who is deaf to live with us for over a year, I've learned sign language, I've fostered two dogs, taken in a teenage neighbor who is currently here, and I've begun to grow my client base back with my Mary Kay business and I have fought my best and worked my hardest to get my body and life back to preaccident conditions. I've come to accept that things will never be back to the way they were, and that my life now involves medication and procedures, a slower pace, less choices with more effort, and a service dog whom I do love and appreciate. While working hard at keeping my marriage strong with the man of my dreams who I've been ever so blessed by! I know that there's more and I know that I've been busy moving forward and helping those I can along the way. I used to do more! I want to do more! But now the question is how?
I am resolute in the fact that I am going forward! And no longer looking to the past for direction. Thanks Jason for staying on the ride!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
sLeeP? pLeAsE!!
So, the night before Christmas went well with Jason and I hanging out. Our teenage friend was off with her father for a few hours, and Jason and I just relaxed. I really had not been feeling the best anyway so it worked out that there was not much going on. Christmas Day Jason was off to work and so was our teenage friend, so I hung out and had my usual holiday routine. Which consists of getting caught up on what ever I can and an occasional phone call or two. I had hoped that I would be able to drive to see Jason that day, but that was not the case as I had to rest most of the afternoon. I was feeling better in time to send our TF off with her Aunt Kay who took her to her grandparents home for a visit.
I was able to finally get the pajama pants finished for her that I had been sewing. It had been frustrating for me I just had a little bit of trim to finish them off and I kept getting to sore and tired so I had to take allot of breaks to get them done, but I did it!!! Woo HOO! So she had her cute pants to wear on her trip!
I even was able to work on mine, while they are not finished, they are mostly finished! I even got all packed to go out of town to stay with friends, and so Jason could be in town for his job at the hospital I was already to go, and proud of myself for plugging away and getting as much done as I could. I missed getting a few things finished, I had planned to finish up some laundry, and make some more chocolate covered pretzels, and a couple of other things, but hey, I was pretty happy with what I had done.
Jason arrived home the morning after Christmas, and we waited for some repair people to finish up some work on our house, he loaded up everything and off we went! I had been feeling fairly good, very tired and achy, and really over the past week just not sleeping well at all... which is why I am probably not able to sleep tonight and I am up typing at 3am after laying in bed for several hours. GRRRR.
The day's have been pretty good with average amounts of medication taken, no days lately of no medication, I don't know what is going on right now, I usually can squeeze at least a day with out taking meds. Hopefully that day is coming soon! My Dr's gave me some new cream to smear on my achy areas and that helps, it does not help for a long time but it is able to give me some relief. It is like asprin for your skin! I like it! It really has helped my hands stop hurting amongst other things.
So yesterday, was a pretty lazy day, I got to talk with my friend for a while before they left for a few days. I love it, we arrive, they leave, we can watch their dog, and a good friend of ours is watching our other dogs at home. I spent the entire morning asleep awoke in time to go to Jason's favorite place for a late lunch, came home and slept til evening, I was very wobley, and exhausted again, woke up in time for a marithon on tv of NCIS while eating leftovers from lunch. Tried to go to sleep... well here I am. Hmmm. Yes I know, I spent the entire day sleeping so it is a wonder why I am not asleep right now... giggle... Who knows about this crazy body of mine. Of course the night before talking with my friend we stayed up way to late, we always seem to do this if I am feeling good enough the first night I arrive. But, lately my usual bed time has been around 2 am.
I've gotta get this figured out. I really love to sleep at night and be awake with everyone during the day. Today will hopefully bring a day of all day awake and feeling well. Maybe we can even get to see my Aunt and Cousins who live near by.
We plan for a day of relaxation and if he get's called in to work well, that will be an adventure for him.
I'd been thinking of lots of other things to write about but at this moment I really can't recall what they are. Things are going really well actually, I've gotten out of my house, Jason's pretty happy to be having nothing much to think about, and he got his favorite food. So life is nice.
I wonder what I will make to eat for us today? I think I am actually getting tired, Thank YOU God! I really really want to feel good tomorrow!!!!! REALLY! Actually having a non medication needed 24 hours would be fantastic! Do I dare hope for 48 hours??? Hmmmm...
Anything is possible!
I was able to finally get the pajama pants finished for her that I had been sewing. It had been frustrating for me I just had a little bit of trim to finish them off and I kept getting to sore and tired so I had to take allot of breaks to get them done, but I did it!!! Woo HOO! So she had her cute pants to wear on her trip!
I even was able to work on mine, while they are not finished, they are mostly finished! I even got all packed to go out of town to stay with friends, and so Jason could be in town for his job at the hospital I was already to go, and proud of myself for plugging away and getting as much done as I could. I missed getting a few things finished, I had planned to finish up some laundry, and make some more chocolate covered pretzels, and a couple of other things, but hey, I was pretty happy with what I had done.
Jason arrived home the morning after Christmas, and we waited for some repair people to finish up some work on our house, he loaded up everything and off we went! I had been feeling fairly good, very tired and achy, and really over the past week just not sleeping well at all... which is why I am probably not able to sleep tonight and I am up typing at 3am after laying in bed for several hours. GRRRR.
The day's have been pretty good with average amounts of medication taken, no days lately of no medication, I don't know what is going on right now, I usually can squeeze at least a day with out taking meds. Hopefully that day is coming soon! My Dr's gave me some new cream to smear on my achy areas and that helps, it does not help for a long time but it is able to give me some relief. It is like asprin for your skin! I like it! It really has helped my hands stop hurting amongst other things.
So yesterday, was a pretty lazy day, I got to talk with my friend for a while before they left for a few days. I love it, we arrive, they leave, we can watch their dog, and a good friend of ours is watching our other dogs at home. I spent the entire morning asleep awoke in time to go to Jason's favorite place for a late lunch, came home and slept til evening, I was very wobley, and exhausted again, woke up in time for a marithon on tv of NCIS while eating leftovers from lunch. Tried to go to sleep... well here I am. Hmmm. Yes I know, I spent the entire day sleeping so it is a wonder why I am not asleep right now... giggle... Who knows about this crazy body of mine. Of course the night before talking with my friend we stayed up way to late, we always seem to do this if I am feeling good enough the first night I arrive. But, lately my usual bed time has been around 2 am.
I've gotta get this figured out. I really love to sleep at night and be awake with everyone during the day. Today will hopefully bring a day of all day awake and feeling well. Maybe we can even get to see my Aunt and Cousins who live near by.
We plan for a day of relaxation and if he get's called in to work well, that will be an adventure for him.
I'd been thinking of lots of other things to write about but at this moment I really can't recall what they are. Things are going really well actually, I've gotten out of my house, Jason's pretty happy to be having nothing much to think about, and he got his favorite food. So life is nice.
I wonder what I will make to eat for us today? I think I am actually getting tired, Thank YOU God! I really really want to feel good tomorrow!!!!! REALLY! Actually having a non medication needed 24 hours would be fantastic! Do I dare hope for 48 hours??? Hmmmm...
Anything is possible!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
CoUNtDoWn 3 2 1 ChRiSTmAs!
Not to shabby! Things just keep falling together! I love it. I share with our Teenage Friend, that I don't know how but we always have what we need. Whether it be money to pay bills with or a way to get some where, it always seems to work out. Sometimes it requires us to ask for help, which sucks cause no one wants to feel as if they NEED help but now more than ever help seems to be offered.
Today, after waking up and having to take some medication, I was letting my fur kids out, and I noticed our neighbor guy walking up our drive with goodies in his hands. LIGHT BULB moment. I went in to the house to grab the plates of goodies I had gotten ready last night for my neighbors. He shared with me as I answered the door that my neighbor to the left had asked him to bring over a loaf of nut bread. I shared with him that I had goodies for his family too, and for other neighbors, he said that he could deliver them! This guy is great, he is a young fella, and he loves to do nice things to help out. So, I feed him goodies for his efforts! It seems to work out just great.
All of my neighborhood goodies got delivered, and I did not even have to venture out onto the slick streets. Woo Hoo!
This afternoon, my Mary Kay delivery's are being made by our Teenage Friend's boyfriend. He is running those things around for me! Thanks to Joan and Susan S. for their orders, he even took a few things to the post office, so now I have more presents being delivered via USPS... With my computer being broken, I can't do the postage thing at home at the moment, it used to be so convenient, through www.stamps.com but now, I have to do it the old fashioned way.
That reminds me I need to call and get my computer scheduled for repair. That is going to be my Christmas Present! It should actually be our Teenage Friend's present, since I've been using her computer allot, she is so gracious!
Well, I've got lots more things to do today, laundry, dishes, floors, and make chocolate covered pretzels, sort my Mary Kay, and do a little sewing for Christmas. Hmmm... the medication worked but I am also feeling I need a nap, after sleeping all of the morning to get rid of a migraine, I really wish I was not tired. I will be hanging out by myself the rest of the day, I'd better get the day organized so I can be ready for what tomorrow holds.
Christmas is coming and even though I will be spending Christmas on my own as Jason works, I still want to have everything done as then I can do whatever I want the whole day I want nothing left that NEEDS to be done to do. I just want to enjoy my time with reading, drawing, or whatever crosses my mind.
Maybe I will feel well enough to travel to Jason's work to see him on Christmas Day? I haven't ever been to his work. We'll see!
Today, after waking up and having to take some medication, I was letting my fur kids out, and I noticed our neighbor guy walking up our drive with goodies in his hands. LIGHT BULB moment. I went in to the house to grab the plates of goodies I had gotten ready last night for my neighbors. He shared with me as I answered the door that my neighbor to the left had asked him to bring over a loaf of nut bread. I shared with him that I had goodies for his family too, and for other neighbors, he said that he could deliver them! This guy is great, he is a young fella, and he loves to do nice things to help out. So, I feed him goodies for his efforts! It seems to work out just great.
All of my neighborhood goodies got delivered, and I did not even have to venture out onto the slick streets. Woo Hoo!
This afternoon, my Mary Kay delivery's are being made by our Teenage Friend's boyfriend. He is running those things around for me! Thanks to Joan and Susan S. for their orders, he even took a few things to the post office, so now I have more presents being delivered via USPS... With my computer being broken, I can't do the postage thing at home at the moment, it used to be so convenient, through www.stamps.com but now, I have to do it the old fashioned way.
That reminds me I need to call and get my computer scheduled for repair. That is going to be my Christmas Present! It should actually be our Teenage Friend's present, since I've been using her computer allot, she is so gracious!
Well, I've got lots more things to do today, laundry, dishes, floors, and make chocolate covered pretzels, sort my Mary Kay, and do a little sewing for Christmas. Hmmm... the medication worked but I am also feeling I need a nap, after sleeping all of the morning to get rid of a migraine, I really wish I was not tired. I will be hanging out by myself the rest of the day, I'd better get the day organized so I can be ready for what tomorrow holds.
Christmas is coming and even though I will be spending Christmas on my own as Jason works, I still want to have everything done as then I can do whatever I want the whole day I want nothing left that NEEDS to be done to do. I just want to enjoy my time with reading, drawing, or whatever crosses my mind.
Maybe I will feel well enough to travel to Jason's work to see him on Christmas Day? I haven't ever been to his work. We'll see!
Monday, December 22, 2008
PhEw!
I have definitely cramming in as much as possible these days! It helps so much that I have had so many great visitors and assistants! Without them I would definitely have looked bad. My cousin Julie showed up just in time to assist me with baking for the bridal shower I was throwing for my neighbor Karen! As luck would have it (Luck for me not for Julie) She and her hubby got snowed in at my place so they could not travel on to their planned designation. So they spent allot of time in the area with me! Woo Hoo! God works wonders! I had not spent that much time, or that quality of time with them in years! It was so nice, and as an added perk, part of her
snowy hostage situation, she helped me master my Chocolate Chip Angelfood Cake Recipe, and the Decadent Chocolate Frosting recipe that I had chosen to make for the shower. The cake and cupcakes turned out great! MMMMmmmM!
snowy hostage situation, she helped me master my Chocolate Chip Angelfood Cake Recipe, and the Decadent Chocolate Frosting recipe that I had chosen to make for the shower. The cake and cupcakes turned out great! MMMMmmmM!The shower went off with out a hitch, Jason helped me get all set up for it! Thank God for him! My neighbor Ruth brought gifts ideas, and extra things I would need, and she was my back up hostess just in case I had to be medi
cated. I will include some pictures of the shower.Each of Karen's friends shared a favorite quality about her on the little cards around the bouquet, and the bow's from her gifts were neatly tucked into the center of her bouquet, for her to carry with her in her rehearsal. She had so much fun listening to what everyone had to say about her, and each of us had fun sharing with her what we appreciated about her.
Sometimes it is hard for us to see what others really think of us, especially the good things. It is always nice to have reminders that we are loved and appreciated. Especially from those who are around us most.
As some additional fun, we all pitched in to give the bride to be a wonderful white wedding gown. We all worked hard to insure that she had every detail covered. As Karen does not wear dresses often, we really had to make this one special. Her fiance is a great guy and they have decided to have a less formal wedding so she won't be walking down the isle in a white wedding gown, instead she will probably wear her blue jeans. Which suits her perfectly! Since she has opted to forgo the formality of tradition, we thought it only appropriate to dowse her with it at the shower, or should we have called it the roast?
She looked lovely in her ribboned dress complete with train, veil, bouquet and jewlery! She wore it well and was very elegant looking. Her family and friends out did themselves. She was a sight to behold.
We all had so much fun torturing her! Hee Hee!!After the shower, Ruth did the dishes, and Jason and our Teenage Friend helped get everything wrapped up and cleaned up after our fun party. There was toilet paper EVERYWHERE! It was so fun! I even got in on this picture with my Pink Dobe! THANKS Jason for taking it!
So the shower was Saturday night, we had spent Friday night baking, Saturday morning getting ready to leave the house (it takes me forever to get cute). Then we headed to the city for some lunch it had supposed to have been breakfast, or brunch but turned into lunch. Hee Hee! Jason had had a very busy night at work and was exhausted, Julie's hubby drove us all to the city for lunch and some shopping. We ate at Hooters since the guys would be drug around to stores and malls in the holiday madness, it only made sence to have happy hubbys on our journey. It makes for much better cooperation! And they were FABULOUS! We arrived back home just in time for them to depart to a hotel for some PRIVATE time, and for Jason to help me finish setting up for the shower!
Sunday became a day of rest for me as my body seemed to be going on strike! I was icky and medicated all day, late afternoon the edge of the pain had disapated, and I began another project. Our Teenage Friend needed cookies for the band concert on monday, so as she arrived home and after her nap, she invited friends over and we made sugar cookies, puppy chow, carmel chow, and no bake cookies... I got to supervise the progress and help answer questions. I was told to get out of the kitchen to go rest several times, but they were good to me doing everything I shouldn't be doing! And now today, we have cookies for the concert, and for other holiday activities!
PhEW!!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
ANgEL's fOOd
Believing in friends makes the difference. I know when I have friends who believe in me, I definitely feel stronger, with a greater sense of well being. It does not matter how good or bad my life is going, but if I have friends in my corner, my life does go smoother. They don't have to agree with me on things, but to know that they are there for me no matter what is the best feeling ever.
Through the times like these, where my life is not as I had planned or dreamed it would be, that I find myself with limited resources my friends mean the most! The phone calls, emails, and those who stop by and share their time are the BEST! Just to know some one is rooting for me, that someone is taking time to listen to me, and still wants to spend time with me even though I can't do things with/for them as I used to.
I wish I could be a better friend to my friends. I know that I have so many people around me who could use some help, use a hug, or just someone to listen to them. I always have hoped to be a good friend. Sometimes life happens as it is right now for me, where all of your energy seems to be used up. Your time disappears, and life happens, I know that everyone goes through this, their problems, and their needs, seem so important, so trying and so difficult.
The past few years, giving back to others, became so impossible, compared to the life I had before. Now the differences that I make are on a smaller scale, they are simpler, and some how mean more to me.
Before the accident I never really "needed" others in my life to the degree that I seem to after the accident, I found that most of the people I knew and counted as my friends disappeared, and others just did not know how to react to my new situation. It hurt, as change often does. This has made me so much more grateful for those who have stuck by me/us, as Jason's life has changed during this time as well.
It is funny as well that the new people I meet have the same issues with me as well, I find that they are more accepting of me initially, but then many have a hard time wanting to be around me as it is more difficult to be with someone who does not always feel well, who has a dog follow them around and who is not always able to be "ON".
But for the most part, the people who are coming into my life now accept me as I am and for that I am grateful as well. I know it is hard for people to adjust to change.
I have made better relationships with those around me, like my neighbors around where I live, I was always gone before, so never seemed to have time to spend, and now I am getting to know many of them so much better. In fact I am so thrilled with the relationship that a neighbor and I have developed, I am throwing her a bridal shower!
She so deserves it, she is a sort of recluse with out many close friends, her job and her personality add to that. She is so great, has such a great heart, and works so hard, I feel great to do something nice for her. So I've been researching all of the best things to do for a Bridal Shower. I've come up with a fun Chocolate Chip Angel Food Cake Recipe and some frosting everyone says is amazing! I am so excited to share this with her. To make it even better, another neighbor ASKED if she could help me! I am so excited about that too! I have never had anyone ask me if they could HELP me do something! I love it!
I think prior to my accident I was so capable that no one ever thought I needed help, and really most of the time I really did not feel as if I did need it. I put on events all over the world, and was very capable, I decorated an entire museum for Christmas sometimes with Jason or another friend's help but mostly and usually by myself for the many years I did it.
Asking for help is hard, but accepting it can be just as hard, but now, I fight my past and just say yes if others offer. I might even ask for it too. I am working on that.
I am blessed for those around me for those who've stuck by me, and for those that continue to want to do things with me! Blessed grateful for my friends is how I am everyday!
THANKS TO EACH OF YOU! You know who you are!
Through the times like these, where my life is not as I had planned or dreamed it would be, that I find myself with limited resources my friends mean the most! The phone calls, emails, and those who stop by and share their time are the BEST! Just to know some one is rooting for me, that someone is taking time to listen to me, and still wants to spend time with me even though I can't do things with/for them as I used to.
I wish I could be a better friend to my friends. I know that I have so many people around me who could use some help, use a hug, or just someone to listen to them. I always have hoped to be a good friend. Sometimes life happens as it is right now for me, where all of your energy seems to be used up. Your time disappears, and life happens, I know that everyone goes through this, their problems, and their needs, seem so important, so trying and so difficult.
The past few years, giving back to others, became so impossible, compared to the life I had before. Now the differences that I make are on a smaller scale, they are simpler, and some how mean more to me.
Before the accident I never really "needed" others in my life to the degree that I seem to after the accident, I found that most of the people I knew and counted as my friends disappeared, and others just did not know how to react to my new situation. It hurt, as change often does. This has made me so much more grateful for those who have stuck by me/us, as Jason's life has changed during this time as well.
It is funny as well that the new people I meet have the same issues with me as well, I find that they are more accepting of me initially, but then many have a hard time wanting to be around me as it is more difficult to be with someone who does not always feel well, who has a dog follow them around and who is not always able to be "ON".
But for the most part, the people who are coming into my life now accept me as I am and for that I am grateful as well. I know it is hard for people to adjust to change.
I have made better relationships with those around me, like my neighbors around where I live, I was always gone before, so never seemed to have time to spend, and now I am getting to know many of them so much better. In fact I am so thrilled with the relationship that a neighbor and I have developed, I am throwing her a bridal shower!
She so deserves it, she is a sort of recluse with out many close friends, her job and her personality add to that. She is so great, has such a great heart, and works so hard, I feel great to do something nice for her. So I've been researching all of the best things to do for a Bridal Shower. I've come up with a fun Chocolate Chip Angel Food Cake Recipe and some frosting everyone says is amazing! I am so excited to share this with her. To make it even better, another neighbor ASKED if she could help me! I am so excited about that too! I have never had anyone ask me if they could HELP me do something! I love it!
I think prior to my accident I was so capable that no one ever thought I needed help, and really most of the time I really did not feel as if I did need it. I put on events all over the world, and was very capable, I decorated an entire museum for Christmas sometimes with Jason or another friend's help but mostly and usually by myself for the many years I did it.
Asking for help is hard, but accepting it can be just as hard, but now, I fight my past and just say yes if others offer. I might even ask for it too. I am working on that.
I am blessed for those around me for those who've stuck by me, and for those that continue to want to do things with me! Blessed grateful for my friends is how I am everyday!
THANKS TO EACH OF YOU! You know who you are!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
DReAmINg Of ThE PoSSiBiLiTiES!
Pretty good day today, I've been to my regular Dr. to get some things sorted out. That is always a good thing. She is so great about listening to me and helping me solve what problems I am having!
Then we traveled into the city, we grabbed some lunch went to the bank the auto parts store and Petsmart for MORE dog food! Geesh dogs eat allot!
Each day I get up, I hope to learn something new, to push myself a little more and to squeeze more into my day or more out of it. Focusing on this really helps me keep motivated, keep my spirits up and helps me to improve myself.
Even if it is a little each day, I might not finish one task in a day anymore, but over time I am able to finish anything! I like that, it has really made me focus on finishing what I start! I have an idea to finish all of my projects before I really start taking on new ones.
In fact, I've even been finishing some projects that my mother had started when she was alive. I love my mom, but she had issues with finishing what she started, I think somehow she shared that gift with all three of us girls. We each struggle with it in different ways.
Right now I am fixing a quilt that I made for Jason, it is a pretty cool quilt, at least I think so, I cut up all of his old tee-shirts the ones he would wear when he was a rock star, and I made a king size quilt of them all so they would be preserved. Some of them had been getting quite thin.
Well this king size project was my first quilt, and I missed a couple of stitches here and there, so I am going back over it by hand to make sure the seams are all sturdy. I love this quilt I made it prior to 2004 thank goodness, otherwise I am just sure that I would still be working on finishing it! My friend Jen and newer friend Jen go on these trips with me and others pop in occasionally. Jen has helped me in this endeavor to make Jason's quilt, at least once a year we do a ladies weekend! We go for 2 days and just focus on quilting, crafting, scrapbooking, reading, or whatever. This was one of the projects I worked on on our weekends together. Their quilts are much fancier ones, but I am happy with the one I made. It suits Jason, lots of flannel, and a heavy cotton batting, it provides great snuggle qualities!
Now on these weekends I bring smaller projects, as my need to finish what I start is the goal! This last one, I just went to it with the intention of helping them with their projects, but mostly sat on the couch watching them work and enjoying their company. It was a good break for me that month, I hadn't been able to get out of the house much as Jason was working his ass off! My friends provided a perfect outlet to have some girl time! It is so great that they put up with me even though I am definately not as much fun as I used to be.
I can't wait to get back to being able to travel all over! That is one of the things that I have always planned my life to do. Don't get me wrong, I love to be home as well, even more than I used to I will admit. Before my accident I was NEVER home! I was always off doing something I found to be fun or exciting, mostly involving my work. I loved it! Jason would go with me when he could, and we just planned our lives to be lived on the go!
He loved that too! As his job provides many days in a row off each month if we would choose, so we could take many mini vacations, and even some for a month! I remember our last big trip to Brasil, Jason had never been to the ocean before, and I was able to take him to the Atlantic Ocean off of the coast of Brasil after having traveled around the country for three weeks, come home and with in a week of having been in the Atlantic, we were in California in the Pacific! A dream come true for him! How cool was that?
I don't write these things to be braggy, but just to share how much fun we've had traveling, and how much we love to do new things. We both watched the movie "The Bucket List" receintly, I think we each have one of those, while not clearly defined at the moment, we will be working on what we want to do or accomplish before we die. Not from a morbid prospective, but a list filled with things that will bring joy to others or enrich our lives. Jason's list includes things like walk on the moon, fly in Airforce One, cruise the Nile, ... the list is infinate. Mine, well mine will be more defined I think before mine might have included many grand seeming things, but now, well, one thing I definately would like to do is open the eyes of others so that they may experience life at a different leval, Ok so I know that doesn't make much sense and it may not seem defined... but here is one small example of what I mean.
Our teenage friend who's living with us, her life hasn't always been the easiest, I don't know if easy is something that should even be someone's goal, I have always found that the things that are harder to obtain, that require more of yourself, that push your limits are the ones that are to be the most treasured. But still when you are a child you should be allowed to be a child, not have piles of adult responsibilities heaped upon you. So while she is living with us, we are trying to open up her eyes to a different world, a world which isn't easy to live in either, but a world that is full of possibilities! Endless Possiblities, all she would have to do is make a choice of what she would want, and then work to make it happen.
I see so many people give up on their dreams, most of the time, they are almost to atain them, and then they just let everything fall away in to nothing. It has happened to me earlier in my life. It is a great learning opportunity to pick yourself up and hold yourself high and give it an even harder effort in achieving your goal. Never giving up!
I want her to know that she doesn't have to live the life she was brough up in, that she can choose the type of life that she wants and make it happen for herself. And while learning and growing each step may be painful, but the successes that she would experience while getting to her goal would be personally gratifing. I don't care if her passion is to make minimum wage or if it is to make a million each year, but she should know that she can choose! She is the one who settles for what is available easily, or works hard to get what she has her heart set on.
So many people settle, they stop fighting just before the greatness comes into their lives, and so many others, never even start on the path. Few people it seems actually finish what they've started. While you may think that getting the prize at the end is the reward, the reward is actually all of the times you've learned to pick yourself off, hold yourself high, and keep on going, having learned from your mistakes so as not to repeat them. Moving on to different mistakes or different ways of seeing the world or percieving the world.
That is what I wish I could watch everyone experience. That is what I wish I could be apart of others experience. That is what I miss most about my travels, the people, the women, the families, and the children, learning that they can dream, and that thier dreams can become their reality! Whether in Cuiaba, Kansas, New Hampshire, Sao Paulo , Hawaii, or at home that I was able to impart this message to them. The scenery was just a bonus for me!
I am dreaming!
Then we traveled into the city, we grabbed some lunch went to the bank the auto parts store and Petsmart for MORE dog food! Geesh dogs eat allot!
Each day I get up, I hope to learn something new, to push myself a little more and to squeeze more into my day or more out of it. Focusing on this really helps me keep motivated, keep my spirits up and helps me to improve myself.
Even if it is a little each day, I might not finish one task in a day anymore, but over time I am able to finish anything! I like that, it has really made me focus on finishing what I start! I have an idea to finish all of my projects before I really start taking on new ones.
In fact, I've even been finishing some projects that my mother had started when she was alive. I love my mom, but she had issues with finishing what she started, I think somehow she shared that gift with all three of us girls. We each struggle with it in different ways.
Right now I am fixing a quilt that I made for Jason, it is a pretty cool quilt, at least I think so, I cut up all of his old tee-shirts the ones he would wear when he was a rock star, and I made a king size quilt of them all so they would be preserved. Some of them had been getting quite thin.
Well this king size project was my first quilt, and I missed a couple of stitches here and there, so I am going back over it by hand to make sure the seams are all sturdy. I love this quilt I made it prior to 2004 thank goodness, otherwise I am just sure that I would still be working on finishing it! My friend Jen and newer friend Jen go on these trips with me and others pop in occasionally. Jen has helped me in this endeavor to make Jason's quilt, at least once a year we do a ladies weekend! We go for 2 days and just focus on quilting, crafting, scrapbooking, reading, or whatever. This was one of the projects I worked on on our weekends together. Their quilts are much fancier ones, but I am happy with the one I made. It suits Jason, lots of flannel, and a heavy cotton batting, it provides great snuggle qualities!
Now on these weekends I bring smaller projects, as my need to finish what I start is the goal! This last one, I just went to it with the intention of helping them with their projects, but mostly sat on the couch watching them work and enjoying their company. It was a good break for me that month, I hadn't been able to get out of the house much as Jason was working his ass off! My friends provided a perfect outlet to have some girl time! It is so great that they put up with me even though I am definately not as much fun as I used to be.
I can't wait to get back to being able to travel all over! That is one of the things that I have always planned my life to do. Don't get me wrong, I love to be home as well, even more than I used to I will admit. Before my accident I was NEVER home! I was always off doing something I found to be fun or exciting, mostly involving my work. I loved it! Jason would go with me when he could, and we just planned our lives to be lived on the go!
He loved that too! As his job provides many days in a row off each month if we would choose, so we could take many mini vacations, and even some for a month! I remember our last big trip to Brasil, Jason had never been to the ocean before, and I was able to take him to the Atlantic Ocean off of the coast of Brasil after having traveled around the country for three weeks, come home and with in a week of having been in the Atlantic, we were in California in the Pacific! A dream come true for him! How cool was that?
I don't write these things to be braggy, but just to share how much fun we've had traveling, and how much we love to do new things. We both watched the movie "The Bucket List" receintly, I think we each have one of those, while not clearly defined at the moment, we will be working on what we want to do or accomplish before we die. Not from a morbid prospective, but a list filled with things that will bring joy to others or enrich our lives. Jason's list includes things like walk on the moon, fly in Airforce One, cruise the Nile, ... the list is infinate. Mine, well mine will be more defined I think before mine might have included many grand seeming things, but now, well, one thing I definately would like to do is open the eyes of others so that they may experience life at a different leval, Ok so I know that doesn't make much sense and it may not seem defined... but here is one small example of what I mean.
Our teenage friend who's living with us, her life hasn't always been the easiest, I don't know if easy is something that should even be someone's goal, I have always found that the things that are harder to obtain, that require more of yourself, that push your limits are the ones that are to be the most treasured. But still when you are a child you should be allowed to be a child, not have piles of adult responsibilities heaped upon you. So while she is living with us, we are trying to open up her eyes to a different world, a world which isn't easy to live in either, but a world that is full of possibilities! Endless Possiblities, all she would have to do is make a choice of what she would want, and then work to make it happen.
I see so many people give up on their dreams, most of the time, they are almost to atain them, and then they just let everything fall away in to nothing. It has happened to me earlier in my life. It is a great learning opportunity to pick yourself up and hold yourself high and give it an even harder effort in achieving your goal. Never giving up!
I want her to know that she doesn't have to live the life she was brough up in, that she can choose the type of life that she wants and make it happen for herself. And while learning and growing each step may be painful, but the successes that she would experience while getting to her goal would be personally gratifing. I don't care if her passion is to make minimum wage or if it is to make a million each year, but she should know that she can choose! She is the one who settles for what is available easily, or works hard to get what she has her heart set on.
So many people settle, they stop fighting just before the greatness comes into their lives, and so many others, never even start on the path. Few people it seems actually finish what they've started. While you may think that getting the prize at the end is the reward, the reward is actually all of the times you've learned to pick yourself off, hold yourself high, and keep on going, having learned from your mistakes so as not to repeat them. Moving on to different mistakes or different ways of seeing the world or percieving the world.
That is what I wish I could watch everyone experience. That is what I wish I could be apart of others experience. That is what I miss most about my travels, the people, the women, the families, and the children, learning that they can dream, and that thier dreams can become their reality! Whether in Cuiaba, Kansas, New Hampshire, Sao Paulo , Hawaii, or at home that I was able to impart this message to them. The scenery was just a bonus for me!
I am dreaming!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
pLAnS & PReP
Happy Day, while my morning started out with some medication I once again caught it early enough to still have a great day! Woo HOO! I have been busy on my list of things to do!
Breakfast, get our teenage friend out to work with a lunch, I got myself all ship shape, and then cleaned up Luka's mess from the back yard. I took some pictures, went to see a neighbor, and then went to Dena's Tuppaware Sale. Pretty tired after that so here I sit in bed resting, Jason insisted, he is right he is ALWAYS right!
Last night I was searching through some other blogger posts, and I found the coolest song! It is by an Indonesian 14 year old, her name is Gita Gutawa and her song is called Kembang Perawan, she is on www.ilike.com and a few other sites, not to mention www.youtube.com. I think I have listened to that song about 50 times since last night. I can't even understand what she is singing about, but her voice is so lyrical, it just speaks to my soul.
Jason was super sweet, on my facebook site, I had mentioned that I wanted to get an Ipod so I could listen to this song over and over and over! That's what I do, I am like a little toddler, I want to see my favorite movies and my favorite songs, even my favorite audio cd's Over and Over and Over and Over, DRIVES HIM NUTS!
I remember when I would be driving a million miles a week, I would listen to the same training CD's he would ride with me and hear the same thing over and over again, he just could not take it. For starters the CD's usually featured a southern accented woman, and by the end of the trip I would be talking with my Ya'all's intact... I am not from the south, I have no real southern accent and he would be quite annoyed by the end of our trip.
I usually would give my CD's a break when he would ride with me, at least for half of the trip. I never seemed to get anything soaked into my brain and then into my daily activity unless I really focused on making the effort, and by listening to my training CD's I would find that slowly but surely without much effort other than listening while driving my life would start to adjust in the manner I had been directing it. This is the method of preference for me, as making a concentrated effort to stick to something is something that I found difficult. Now, after my accident, since everything is new to me once again, I am learning a new way of life with new routines, the things I have learned in the past are able to help me shape the activities and routines of what I am determined to focus on.
Before when I was young, I'd inherited, some of my mom's procrastination issues, over time and with a great deal of work on my part, I had curbed those issues. I did procrastinate a bit but my focus was to always have things done early, therefore, I was almost always on time with everything as being on time was for me considered late.
Still to this day, I am focused on having things done in advance, probably even more so than before. With the daily issues that I face, I never know if I will be having huge pain issues, and since they can last several days in a row with no break, I really want to be on top of the things that I have committed to doing.
It does mean saying no more often, and it does mean doing things sooner than anyone would normally think of doing them, for instance, I have already started planning for my garden next year, my Christmas shopping was done at the begining of December, and I chose not to push my self to go with the neighbor to see the homes that were decorated for Christmas today, as I have another neighbor coming over to help me with a bridal shower I am throwing for a completely different neighbor. I've gotta have enough energy to get it all done, the houses would surley been fun to see! But I have committments to keep!
I must follow through, I must be prepared, and I must create contingency plans in case my body does not follow my plan!
Tonight we will be vegitables! I can't wait! We will watch what ever is on TV, or a movie from our favorites, and just veg! How nice will that be!
I am going to go, since I have more to follow through with, dishes, Bethanne's order, a past client reconnected yesterday thanks Mary! Susan will be coming over tomorrow for MK and I need to be ready today! Got lots of things to get done! Blessings!! I am off!
Breakfast, get our teenage friend out to work with a lunch, I got myself all ship shape, and then cleaned up Luka's mess from the back yard. I took some pictures, went to see a neighbor, and then went to Dena's Tuppaware Sale. Pretty tired after that so here I sit in bed resting, Jason insisted, he is right he is ALWAYS right!
Last night I was searching through some other blogger posts, and I found the coolest song! It is by an Indonesian 14 year old, her name is Gita Gutawa and her song is called Kembang Perawan, she is on www.ilike.com and a few other sites, not to mention www.youtube.com. I think I have listened to that song about 50 times since last night. I can't even understand what she is singing about, but her voice is so lyrical, it just speaks to my soul.
Jason was super sweet, on my facebook site, I had mentioned that I wanted to get an Ipod so I could listen to this song over and over and over! That's what I do, I am like a little toddler, I want to see my favorite movies and my favorite songs, even my favorite audio cd's Over and Over and Over and Over, DRIVES HIM NUTS!
I remember when I would be driving a million miles a week, I would listen to the same training CD's he would ride with me and hear the same thing over and over again, he just could not take it. For starters the CD's usually featured a southern accented woman, and by the end of the trip I would be talking with my Ya'all's intact... I am not from the south, I have no real southern accent and he would be quite annoyed by the end of our trip.
I usually would give my CD's a break when he would ride with me, at least for half of the trip. I never seemed to get anything soaked into my brain and then into my daily activity unless I really focused on making the effort, and by listening to my training CD's I would find that slowly but surely without much effort other than listening while driving my life would start to adjust in the manner I had been directing it. This is the method of preference for me, as making a concentrated effort to stick to something is something that I found difficult. Now, after my accident, since everything is new to me once again, I am learning a new way of life with new routines, the things I have learned in the past are able to help me shape the activities and routines of what I am determined to focus on.
Before when I was young, I'd inherited, some of my mom's procrastination issues, over time and with a great deal of work on my part, I had curbed those issues. I did procrastinate a bit but my focus was to always have things done early, therefore, I was almost always on time with everything as being on time was for me considered late.
Still to this day, I am focused on having things done in advance, probably even more so than before. With the daily issues that I face, I never know if I will be having huge pain issues, and since they can last several days in a row with no break, I really want to be on top of the things that I have committed to doing.
It does mean saying no more often, and it does mean doing things sooner than anyone would normally think of doing them, for instance, I have already started planning for my garden next year, my Christmas shopping was done at the begining of December, and I chose not to push my self to go with the neighbor to see the homes that were decorated for Christmas today, as I have another neighbor coming over to help me with a bridal shower I am throwing for a completely different neighbor. I've gotta have enough energy to get it all done, the houses would surley been fun to see! But I have committments to keep!
I must follow through, I must be prepared, and I must create contingency plans in case my body does not follow my plan!
Tonight we will be vegitables! I can't wait! We will watch what ever is on TV, or a movie from our favorites, and just veg! How nice will that be!
I am going to go, since I have more to follow through with, dishes, Bethanne's order, a past client reconnected yesterday thanks Mary! Susan will be coming over tomorrow for MK and I need to be ready today! Got lots of things to get done! Blessings!! I am off!
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