AtTiTuDe & mY hUbBY!

What do you do when everything falls apart?



You just start picking up the pieces one at a time.





Our lives often feel like a puzzle.  Often times fitting together perfectly.  Most of the time a little effort is required, if not allot of effort.

Today seemed to be no exception.  I don't feel like disclosing what happened.  I will say it involved money of course..

But Jason is once again my hero.  This time he used major amounts of self control, I am sure!  I am sure thoughts of running the other direction entered his mind every time I started to speak.  He also gave me hope when I was losing it.

I appreciated that.  I am usually the hopeful one.. but I am frustrated these days and on and off of pain meds I am sure does not help my mental state.

At any rate.. Jason persisted through many obstacles that were in his way.  He came out on the other side my shining hero!  I really know that his frustration and stress level have not been decreasing.  He however has really been shining in the attitude department!  I am not sure what he is doing.  He really never has been bad or horrible... he used to just be less than excited about some things..  and his tone would reflect it.

His tone has changed.  His attitude is changing.  I am loving that!

He deserves so much credit for sticking with me!  He has just been the best husband anyway.  He does everything that has to be done.  This time what he did helped me be a stronger person.  His attitude and willingness to do all that he could with the best attitude really meant the world to me.  It makes me love him even more.  He is quite wonderful.  I feel blessed in the midst of difficult times.

He has also been out taking some other great pictures!!  I am really impressed with what he does!  I love looking at all of the cool things he is out seeing and capturing digitally! We have yet to print any of his shots.

Maybe in the future.  But since that costs extra we will just have to have a plan! 








I love this one.  It is so simple it is peaceful to me!

Some leaves hang on despite all of the challenges that winter provides and this winter was a doozie!  These leaves to me remind me of the potential in all of us to hang on spring or a new season will be here soon!



I wish I could do something that would improve things as we know it.  I am working on that...

For now I am just going to hang on and listen to him playing his guitar in the basement!


Love you honey, and I appreciate you and all that you do!

Pink Doberman

HoMe hEaRt iS

Home is where the heart is. 

Jason is home again.  Which is so nice.  He is sleeping now and since I've been a night owl, I am typing.  I think when I go to sleep he will soon wake up.  Which works out fine anyway.  He's got plans to go out and snap some more pictures! 

I am happy for that.  I know he didn't take many shots on his teaching trip.  So this will give me more to look at tomorrow.  I have really been craving something new to look at.  We have bunches of pictures, lots of decent ones and many good ones.  We also have lots of bad ones.. so I think I am going to work on deleting those!  Get them out of our files. 

I also need to get some pictures printed.  I have to get those chosen as well.  I am really hoping that tomorrow will be a nice day and I can get outside for a bit and sit in my chair.  My medication should be available as well.  So that might solve a few of my issues.  Fingers crossed! 

While my life has come to a slow down, others I know have had their lives put on the fast track.  They are busy multi-tasking and doing this interesting thing and that.  I am glad that they are.  My head lately has been slow.  Slow at even imagining.  I don't know if the depression is getting worse or what. 

Yeah, I realize I am depressed.  I have been down this road.  You could say I am an expert.  I will beat it.  I sure could use some warm weather and sunshine to make it easier.  Come on Spring!  Lets turn this country GREEN! 

I need to get our taxes sorted for our CPA also.  Yikes.  That is going to take a clear head.  I have hopes of doing that.  I have gathered everything, I did that in Feb... I am going to start running out of time. 

I also would like to do some baking.  A friend posted a gluten free recipe on her blog. 

Another friend would be fun to have over to eat the gluten free recipe with!  She could probably use it too.  She's going through a rough transition.  Brain Surgery.  Can you even imagine what that must be like.  Anyhoo.. she had a seizure this week her first week out from surgery.  We are worried for her as you can imagine. 

At the same time we are also quite frustrated.  I am not in any condition to go off galavanting to see her.  Hopefully I will get something worked out with that.  It would be perfect to go hang out with her.  I am not sure if she is buzzing around her house or sitting quietly.. but either would be fun.  Her hubby could probably use someone to talk with also. 

Since Jason is practically an expert in dealing with lifestyle change..  Both guys are so similar it is frightening!  It would be something that they may both enjoy as well.  Who knows, we will just have to see what happens.

I did look outside today.  Last week or sometime anyway, I had taken a picture of a robin.  A big big fat robin.  Full of eggs.  Today I glanced out the window to see skinny robin's out and about.  So I wonder if the eggs are all laid?  

I am quite proud of this picture!  Jason was even surprised!  I must say that I am even more proud because I changed the camera's settings to get the lighting right.  Jason had shown me how one day.. Well, I hadn't paid that good of attention to how he got to the screen..  So I just started pushing buttons.. 

I am sure he would have been mortified and terrified that I was going to wreck something.. But hey, the camera is virtually a computer right??  The main thing is not to drop it!  And I had that puppy hooked on so it was not going anywhere! 

I shot my first bird!  (BIG GRIN)

I really can't wait to see more birds.  My grandmother used to paint them all of the time.  Maybe that is what I will try to do as well.  She liked using acrillic paint.  But I think I am more of a watercolor girl.  I have been wanting to try out the oil thing... so who knows. 

I also want to make a braided rug.  I am guessing I will need help with this stitching the whole thing up because it will get quite heavy.  But we really need a rug for our living room and I think I could make a pretty great one!  I have it all in my mind.

I thankfully have not had a migraine the past day or so!  I am super thrilled about that!  The last one I had was a doozy with all of the other issues I was having.  Luka caught it, so while it did get worse than they have been we did get it caught soon enough for the meds here at home to take care of it.  Thankfully!  I really hate going to the ER. 

I might give the urgent care thing a try sometime.  But I need to find out more about that.  I have a feeling they'd just throw their hands up in the air with me.  Placate me and I still would have no relief. 

Hopefully that issue is mute anyway.  I plan on only going to the hospital as a visitor, not as a patient. 

Since I have not been moving around much, my neck is doing better!  No moving no causing unhappy nerves!  But my rear end and the back of my head are going to need a vacation.  They are so unhappy!  Way to much sitting in similar positions! 

I am looking forward to dying some Easter Eggs.  I can't wait to share pictures!  They are going to be glorious!  I even have friends coming to dye them with me!  I don't know what I will do with them, but I just thought they would be fun to make.  It is a workshop with a teacher and everything!  I am so excited! 

The last one of these I could not attend.  So I am better prepared this time.  Jason is going to be home and can run Luka and I out to the class!  Even if I feel crummy I will go and watch!  That way I can do it later on my own! 

I think the way we will be doing the eggs will be similar to using water color as well.  Not the same but similar.  It looks interesting to me anyway.  I can't wait to share pictures! 

Life is a gift, be sure to open yours!
Blessings,

Pink Doberman

a SiMple GiFt... FoR YoU...

I was sitting here reading my collection of blogs.  This post really hit the spot for me today!  I think you might like it too!  I hope you take a minute to look at this one.  It is mostly pictures and will just reach into your heart and lift you up. 

Writing my blog has really been a great outlet for my soul.  I found myself as I kept loosing more and more of my dreams.  At this point I am not focused on any dreams or goals except making it through each day with as much grace and with as much as I can accomplish.  I don't really see how that adds up to much but possibly over the long term it may.

If you read my earlier posts you will notice I had some pretty big dreams.  If you knew me I worked constantly at self improvement.  It was something I have always struggled with.  But if I wanted something bad enough, I worked on myself until I could go after it. 

Reading the I Am In Love With This World post by Ree.  Just really reminds me of how big this world is and how little even a small goal or dream can become.  For me this post came at the perfect time.  The sun has been starting to shine and I have been able to see some beautiful robins outside my window. 

So this post is going to be of some of the wonderful things that Jason and I have captured on film.  Keep in mind it won't compare to hers but for us each of these things has had meaning in our lives as well. 

 

This reminds me of where I grew up.

  

This reminds me of those who have served so that I can be free.

  

This reminds me of how simple a pleasure can be.

  

I see this place and know the power of friendship.

 

A place to look and dream.

  

Things will pop up when you least expect them, and be better than you could have imagined.

  

The sun will rise and set each day.

 

There will be those who will follow you.

 

There is always a place to come home to.

Each of these pictures have been taken in Nebraska.  On our travels or around our home.  

If you've never visited Nebraska you really should.  

Of course to find these places or places similar to them you will have to leave the cities.

Jason's photography has become an outlet for us.  

He is even doing a wedding, engagement, and family pictures along with all of the fun senior pictures and more.

But most importantly he is finding a creative release for his frustrations.  

He goes out in the mornings while I sleep.  

Or out in the afternoons while I rest.

He finds beautiful things that I can see when he returns. 

His photography has been a blessing.

He took all of the pictures in this post.

I wanted to show them to you so you would know the beauty of the simplest things as well.

I hope some how our little picture show has brought you some joy today.

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

A continued thank you to Nebraska State Senator Kate Sullivan and to Channel 10/11 Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myer for your work on behalf of those with Service Dogs and those who utilize them.

HaRd DaY & HiS cLaSs…

Depressing… so skip the top part if you don’t want to read.. It gets better below….

Today, I must have struggled.  Some days are harder than others.  I guess things cycle.  I get tired and my plans seem to go down the drain.  I wish that wasn’t the case. 

Procrastination can really kick in on those days too.  By the time I am actually having some energy or the pain has dissipated… I am so mentally miserable having thought of all I haven’t accomplished that I must force myself to follow through and do what is needed.  I hate this part. 

I know that everything in life does not revolve around fun.  I am not delusional.  I just wish that some things weren’t so hard.  Staying happy being one of them.  Staying focused on what needs done in the order that it needs done.  Many times I am thinking clearly enough to do the worst first.  Other times, like today the fog set in and life seems to go in a hodge podge of orders. 

Clearly not the type of day anyone wants to have.  I wish these days would go away.  When will it stop?  I wonder. 

I some days it seems impossible to push through, but I do.  I do not know how I do.  I always have really worked hard to do things my best. 

Days like this.  It seems a miracle that what ever I did got done.  It might be only the basics. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~ So in writing this last night I must have been getting the beginning of my weather induced pain issues..

I ended up sleeping most of the day.  The medication is finally helping.  It is now getting dark grrr.  I’ve had lots to do that I didn’t get done.  I still can’t really function which is why I chose to write again. 

I did manage to get the packages I needed to send out.  All but two of them anyway.  Jason will take the rest of them tomorrow. 

I am glad Jason just kept busy doing his thing today, he got some new long johns!  He received a recommendation to go to here to get them!  He loves that place anyway.  I was awake when he got home with them.  He had a smile on his face.  We had looked for them at the store where I got my socks.  The store was very picked over, and they were completely out of Insulating Pants.  Bummer!. ..  He’s been getting pretty cold at work these days.

He has one pair of them from before, I think he’s had these the entire time we’ve been married.  I’d had mine that long too.  They last forever!  Yea! 

The one’s that he ended up getting he put on right away!  I never knew but the one’s he’s had our entire marriage, ended at his calves.  These slid on effortlessly, and were soft and feel like a second skin like my Cuddle Duds. 

He was excited!!!  The best part from his perspective besides the feel of them was the fact they were actually long enough to cover his legs!  Woot!  Thank goodness for friends!  We’ve been hooked up again! 

That is one of the reason’s I have decided to start sharing about my favorite things!  We are benefiting from others sharing things that really work for them. 

Now the down side of the purchase they were more than double the price at the other store.  Upside. They should last a long time and he will be really happy with them.  He may need to get another pair eventually, but we’ve got some other things he needs as well on our list so laundry will have to be done regularly.  Nothing wrong with that! 

Tonight he is attending a class to learn to better utilize his camera!  It is an investment for him.  He is learning the basics.  He’s read the book or parts of it at least.  I enrolled him in a class to learn the first steps to using his camera.  I have a feeling the class may bore him a bit. 

Life experience being what it is, sometimes if you don’t start at the very beginning thinking you could skip that part, then when you move forward to greater experiences, they sometimes do not translate as well.  You feel behind, or you do not get to take advantage of the knowledge being offered as you have missed something very basic along the way.

Besides hands on learning does provide another method for delivering information.  Books may not answer all of your questions or provide you with actual real world learning experiences.  I think it will be helpful for him to ask questions and get answers from experts in the photo industry who are willing to share their skills and knowledge. 

It is good that Jason does have other friends with the same camera or similar ones!  I think this line of camera’s is the most popular with those we know.  We only know one other person who has a different brand.  She of course loves that brand.  Differences are good.  So are similarities.  Both can be learned from and both are respected. 

So maybe he will also be able to help out friends if they have a question after this simple class.  At the very least he will know what someone is talking about when they talk about something that can be done. 

I hope he comes home from this class happy that I registered him for it and happy that he went.  He really didn’t want to go.  I don’t know that it was so much that he wasn’t interested.  I think it was more of the fact he hasn’t really been home in days.  Then that we are expecting more snow, and I haven’t been well and it is colder than our freezers are set for outside.  Well, hopefully it will all be worth it. 

It would be great to have him get back home all charged up about what he learned!  He will have more things to try out, more things he will be wanting to do, and more things that he will be better at. 

He listens well and he will also benefit from the questions that others are asking.  Since the class is being taught at a camera shop well, I am sure he will come away with a list of things that would help him get the pictures he is aching to take.  The question will be whether or not we can afford it.  Ahhh the joys! 

It is good to have dreams!

Right now it makes me happy thinking of him being happy! 

It is now several hours past when I woke up.  It is supper time and I am able to sit up on my own, phew!  I made some food for Luka and will finish writing this before I move on to write some explanations for some art that I have done for a project. 

I had planned to have them mailed out today, but they will have to go out tomorrow.  After I get results back I will share my ideas.  At least the one’s that didn’t get chosen.  That may be all that I did… but I did have fun doing it, so either way it will have been worth it.  I am happy with what I have done.  I hadn’t drawn for about 20 years.  So it was good for me to sit down and do. 

It was fun and I enjoyed coming up with a variety of ideas.  Personally I am impressed with the diversity of styles that I have come up with.  I can’t wait to share them.  I will probably turn some of them or variations of them into digital art if they don’t get used. 

So Jason just called!  He is excited, he shared wow, have I got allot to learn!  He did know some of what was taught but is excited for sure!  He is glad that he went!..  He will be home soon!  That is awesome!  I am so excited for him.  Now I will have to get him enrolled for the intermediate class!  Or the lighting class… Or ..?? there are so many to choose from!  He’s going to be having some fun! 

This series of the same thing is fun!  He’s sure been surprising me when he loads the pictures for me to see. 

He usually goes out while I am still asleep or when I am not feeling well and am out of it.  Sometimes we go together but most of the time it gives him something fun to do on his own.  That is so nice, knowing that he is doing something that he is enjoying, and he is learning and developing his skills!!

 

He has been having some fun experimenting.  Note there is no snow in these pictures… So they were taken a while ago, but he is learning!  I love seeing what he comes up with!  Even if his ideas didn’t work! 

I have even been inspired to try some simple things.  The big blotches of snow were a neat surprise!  He worked so hard that day scooping snow.  I love this picture, it won’t win any awards for sure, but I do love it!  It made me giggle with glee when I saw the little snow dots appear!  How fun, natures confetti! 

ThUmB SpRiNg…gReEn

I am planning my garden right now.  In planning my garden I am also planning my garden party!  Since I am here all of the time or most of it…  I am having parties here!  Something for me to look forward to. 

Jason has been great about it, as he isn’t the party type of guy usually.  Before, all I used to do was go to parties, granted they were makeup parties, but hey!  They were fun, there were people there and I was helping them! 

It was wonderful.  So now, I had neighbors over on New Years, (that was even their idea not mine) so how fun is that? 

It has been great, I am getting some nice surprise visitors and also some fun planned ones as well. 

Gardening is something to look forward to that is for sure!  Jason is even looking forward to doing more with it!  Which is so nice for me.  Hopefully he will find it fun and relaxing as well.  He in the past has got the garden tilled and ready to go, but has left it up to me to plant and care for it as well as pick things.  I find those things quite hard to do.  Worth doing for what you get, and it is fun at times too when the pain doesn’t get in the way.  But I had a hard time for sure doing it last year. 

With my dietary needs and with Luka’s as well, a garden is a necessity not an option.  It is the only way to reasonably afford the food we need.  I just have to focus on making enough of it grow. 

With Jason’s revelation the other day of him wanting to have more to do with the garden as he had heard it was a good way to relieve stress, my excitement grew.  I have often thought how fun it would be to actually have him more involved in something like that.  He does always help when I need it, but only if I really need it.  Most often only if I am asking for it. 

So his winter enthusiasm for the project I hope will last until the fall of twenty ten.  I hope he finds the stress relief in the tedious actions of gardening.  The fulfillment of having completed something, having made something, watched it grow and in gleaning the reward of the effort finding pride in knowing that it wouldn’t have been as successful without his participation.

I can’t wait!  Not sure he feels the same but the sentiment he shared goes a long way with me!

Blessings and green thumb thinking!!

Pink Doberman

PrAyErS…

I have started to write multiple times.  I have been told multiple times that I haven’t written for a while.  I have been weighing several options. 

I’ve mentioned before that I enjoy change.  I am really thinking of how to evolve this site.  We’ve also been struggling here through an illness.  A couple of the foster dogs arrived at our home healthy, then a day or so later they were no longer healthy.  The Flintstones the pair named Fred and Wilma ended up having Kennel Cough.  They are doing fine now healed up and have found their forever home…  BUT…  =(!

Our Ozzer got it.  Our old man has been very sick, still is.  He’s still pulling for a recovery, he hasn’t given up.  But oh my has this been a stressor for us. 

My body is no longer capable of doing what he needs done.  I’ve gotten more sore than I’ve been in a while.  I’ve been getting better, and I am now going backwards.  I’ve been in bed again all week.  This is not the way I’ve planned for my week to go. 

Jason has started taking a primary role now in taking care of Ozzie.  Previous to this he was doing the secondary stuff.  But since my body feels like it’s been beat to hell, he is taking care of the medication delivery,the bathroom breaks, the food and water consumption. 

Which is good as Ozzie needs more help than I can physically handle giving at this point.  We are sure hoping our old dog can pull through this one.  Thank goodness he is so stubborn.  His kennel cough turned into pneumonia, his kidney’s started having issues… so we are holding out hope that the meds can help him!

Ozzie lives for the time that Jason cuddles up with him.  He is the one who really makes Ozzie’s world go around.  I am just a consolation prize anyway. 

To top it off, we were paying so much attention to the Flintstones and Ozzie, that I ignored Luka’s paws.  OMG!  He really reacted to the latest food adventure and was going after his paws.  We’ll he sure did a number on one of them. 

He can’t go out with me until he is healed up.  He is limping everywhere and we are keeping it dressed with Grape goo that the vet gave us.  Poor Luka!  At least his isn’t life threatening. 

Jason’s been getting a little stressed out, we both really have, no sleep due to Ozzie’s constant coughing, Luka’s licking and unhappiness with the cone that we’ve stuck on his head.  He keeps waking us both up with his discomfort.  We now understand what new parents are going through.  Which has reminded us of why we don’t have a tiny baby in our house!

We could sure use some prayers.  Ozzie has been wearing his little fleece coat and a prayer shawl I received earlier this year.  He sure could use some prayers!  Thanks to those of you who have already been praying for him.

The snow has been another “bonus” this week.  We stayed home due to it, he had been supposed to work out of town, we were scheduled to leave and everything, but with the forecast for immense amounts of snow, meaning bad roads, well, he canceled the job.  Didn’t want to take me out on the roads.  I am frustrated by this as much as I am grateful. 

I was really looking forward to a change of scenery.  With the snow, I won’t be going out much.  I guess, the snow isn’t actually the preventer.  The ice that the snow becomes is the true criminal in my mind. 

Thank goodness for our neighbor’s snow blower this year!  D & R you both rock!  You saved Jason’s back!

I have intended to be adding more pictures.  In fact, I have been thinking of lots of things.  I really like some of the things that Jason has been doing with the camera.  I have yet to put my identity on here.  Probably for the most part anyone who is reading this knows me, but then again the hesitation is that there are those that don’t.  So I am still thinking about it I guess. 

Another blog I follow had a gal with an issue similar but not the same.  Her reasons were different, but being they were different, they still required thought on her part. 

 

I have also been trying to think of ways to add extra income to our lives.  The classes that Jason teaches are by no means regular.  The income from them is something that we need to have on a more regular basis.  So taking pictures might just be the answer.  He enjoys it and he appears by the evidence so far to be great at it!  Not that we expect to make piles of money.  Heck at this point we’d settle for volunteers willing to be practiced on.  If people felt he’d done a great job they could “donate” to our camera fund. 

We are wanting to do something different with the photography.  I think the pictures we are already taking are going to show that.  He loves taking still pictures.  One thing he also may decide to do besides portraits is taking pictures of items people would like to sell on Craigslist or on Ebay.  At this point that is just a thought.  He is working on that.  I don’t know that we will be headed out to do wedding photo’s or anything.  But pictures that capture a persons essence are really what he is has started to do.  We’ll see.  Maybe they were just a fluke.  But he really has come up with some really great shots!

Here is the Click Clack Couch/Bed we will be selling! 

Want it?

 

Size 12 I think..

I can’t wait to see what he does!  Maybe if you are reading this you will let him “practice” on you. 

Other than that, I have gotten my office all spruced up.  I did take pictures, thankfully.  As it is now quite messed up with a Christmas project I am working on.  I sure hope I can get it done.  I had a good start on it and it seems to have skidded to a screeching halt since the effects of taking care of Ozzie and the storm fronts that have washed over the area have taken effect. 

Here is a project in progress, it is the first quilt I ever started.  I still have yet to finish it, but I am now closer than ever!

He has the camera on a stand so I can hold it with out dropping it!  Woot!

Jason’s next Tee Shirt Quilt.

Stay tuned for more progress on this one at a later date.  This is not the project for Christmas, but I did need the left over tee shirt fabric for the Christmas project.  I am recycling and I am thrifty! 

I’ve been taking pictures of this as well so I hope to be posting those.  But I can’t until I get my project finished and the gift has been received.  So for sure you will see my craft pictures. 

A quick picture of my organized and clean craft room, it has taken me months to get it in order.  I just work at it a little at a time in between resting.  I do feel proud that I got it finished!

Thank you Jason for making me such a lovely place to do things in!  It is my goal to get a better chair to work in, but a little at a time I do just fine.

I didn’t take any pictures of the catastrophe it started out to be, suffice it to say it was horrible!

Jason’s already been itching to read this menagerie.  I feel bad for not posting earlier.  I was either too tired from having a really productive day, or too miserable to write lately.  Today things fell into place once again! 

I feel good that I wrote!  Maybe the anxiety I’ve been feeling will dissipate.  The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson just popped on!  So I will bid the night ado.

I just want to say, that on Christmas Day I am looking forward to attending the opening of the movie Nine!  Not so sure Jason feels the same way, but at least he will have a movie filled with gorgeous legs to watch for a couple of hours.  I am sure he will be able to handle that!

Well I am off to wash my face then off to never never land with dreams of sugar plums and a healthy crew of boys when I wake up in the morning!

Peace and Blessings!

iNsPiRaTiOn 1o1

Inspiration- so many things to me fall into that category. 

Some of the things are small, like how our 14 year old foxhound keeps rising for the day each morning.  ( ok so some days he is up at noon with me )  Each morning I find him to be motivating.  If he can do it I can do it.  He wakes, lays there for a minute or two, stretches, and decides if it is time to start his day or not.  Sometimes getting right up and sometimes sleeping a bit longer before getting up.  I always check to see if he is breathing in the mornings.  I know he has to go at some point, and I hope for his sake he goes peacefully in his sleep.  Having watched my mother die and my lovely doberman Jag die both painfully I pray for those I love to go in their sleep even though the shock would be harder for me to deal with.

Some of the things are larger- like watching my mother and father fight the cancer that was taking over her body.  Dad almost never left Mom during that time, he drove her everywhere.  She wanted to continue working, he would drive her to work, wait til she was done working and drive her home.  While fighting she finished up her Masters Degree.  She walked proudly across stage in her cap and gown!  It was wonderful!  Mom looked great in hats, they  went on a trip early on, while on the trip they found a hat shop, they bought several hats for her to wear instead of a wig.  She looked great with a bald head, and absolutely adorable when she donned a hat!  She knew when to fight the fight and she knew when to just live her life.  My Dad showed me the value of loyalty, love, and true devotion.

 

I am inspired by a husband who works a 56 hour work week at his regular job, picks up between 4-24 hours of extra work a week, and still does things around the house, runs errands, volunteers for local emergency services ( which is where he is tonight ), helps neighbors, and drives me to appointments each week.  My hero, and my inspiration to work hard to be the best me I can be!

I am inspired by a friend who is making the most of living a life with the different abilities that spina-bifida presents.  He is my age and has been in a wheel chair since I have known him, he has lived in a nursing home for a while now, and is now making heads spin, as he chairs the residence council and is making a positive impact in the lives of the other residents by affecting policies.  He has even attracted the attention of a certain older (no not that much older) person and is now dating.  I was blessed to have had some time to spend with him recently he is focused on the good things!  I just love that!

I am inspired by a woman who sewed her own clothes for her family even her bra’s, who took advantage of an opportunity to make herself look and feel better and was so grateful for what it did for her she shared the same stuff with others!   She not only shared Mary Kay with women who eventually shared it with me, she personally shared with me how I could get my vitamins and loose weight as well.  I am so grateful to her, for not keeping these great things to herself.   Because she decided to share and didn’t keep these things a secret, my skin looks so great, and now so does my body!  And so does the skin of many more women because I decided to share, and the bodies of those I’ve started sharing with are looking and feeling better too! 

I am inspired by people who follow through on what they say they will do.  The people that follow through.  They do their best, they don’t compromise integrity, they strive to do their personal best.  Show people they are valued, show them they are worthy, talk is cheap actions are where the true value is shown. 

I have so many more people in my life who inspire me.  I will try and write about more of them soon.

My cousin J and her family of 5

My friends B&J

My many friends who work for non profit and social service type jobs, not to mention those in the military.

My Sisters and Brothers in Law and their kids

The friends I know who volunteer in so many areas

My former unit members who are strong survivors

My grandmothers

 

Gosh, my list keeps on going… I guess I have even more to write about than I have mentioned but it is time to go.  My hubby is home and needs some zzzzz’s!

Blessings,

SeCoNd tHiRd FoUrTh & FiFtH oF jUlY!

The days these days somehow seem to just all run together. I realize that each day does hold some distinction, but when I sit to recall, it is so much easier to not apply a date and time to a past activitiy.

Yesterday for me is sticking in my mind rather easily though today. I got up in the morning to let the dogs out, Jason had already left for work. There are always things needing to be done around here. Yesterday was no exception. I have had a list mounting as lists do. I had been hurting for a few days, Thurs, Fri, Sat... when waking up to let the dogs out, I could hardly move yet again... I was so not happy. I wasn't having migraines, I was just having the neck shoulder and arm pain, it did radiate to my head but mostly just to my ear and jaw. I'd been icing with ice bags all night and during the day as I could as well.

Friday night, I refused to stay home, after getting a massage, waiting in the car for Jason to get his hair cut, driving through Runza to grab some food, I was famished! I ate a whole value meal. I hadn't done that in a long while.. ok I didn't eat it ALL but most of it. We arrived home in time for me to rest up, we had supper plans with friends that night, I had only been taking one darvocet every six to eight hours or so. Now being fearful of destroying my liver... It helped a little, but I certainly wasn't able to function. I was just walking around, or riding in the car as if I were on egg shells. I knew as long as I didn't get worse that I could make it to supper.

I might not be the most exciting person to have over, but I would be able to sit somewhere and not move much, but have some type of conversation. I really look forward to the changes of scenery. As well as spending time with old or new friends. Our old friends, Wendy and Kelvin are the best! They are both super sweet, and Jason and I really enjoy spending some time with them. We don't see them to often, but when we do Jason and I like getting caught up on their lives. They are such giving and talented people, Friday night was no exception. They were able to help with an alumni project I am working on as well. YEA!

It was so much fun to conjur up old memories working on that project. I was even able to help by writing some names down. My lawn chair is begining to go everywhere I go. It is one of the few places that I can sit in for any length of time. I am looking for another one of these chairs, but have found that no one is carrying that model or even something similar. And the few times I have actually seen one, there hasn't been any money, or enough to get more. I just pray that this chair doesn't break... the others all have..

For the last part of the night I was actually laying down flat on my back with my legs up bent up to my chest. I know that seems like the most uncomfortable position for most people, but this is one of the ways I can lay that takes the pressure off of most of my hurting joints. I usually don't do this in front of others. It isn't the most proper way to behave, in fact it is probably one of the least proper ways to spend time with others. Thank goodness we've got understanding friends.

They were able to come to a stopping point in our project and Jason insisted we go. That was all on the third ao July. Waking up on the fourth to let the dogs out, my ice was warm, Jason had even refreshed it when he left in the morning, I decided I would just do what I had to do, go to the bathroom, grab my shake, and the dogs were taken care of. I grabed more ice packs, and headed back to bed. the dobermans curled up on bed with me Luka on one side, and our foster dog Shelby on the other. Luka just laid there completely in line with me, with his head on my tummy for hours. I slept, woke slept woke, slept woke... I had turned the television on to a PBS station Create, keeping the volume low gave my mind something to do so I wouldn't have to have random thoughts going through my mind. About 1pm I was finally able to get up. The pain mostly had left now. I fiddled around a while, grabbed some cheese and kiwi to eat. We really need to get some groceries. I hope we will be able to this week.

I was craving crackers too, but those have been gone for a while now. It's not that there isn't food in the house, there certainly is. I am just out of some of our favorites, and some staples... The other day, Wednesday, after my great Physical Therapy session, I was able to drive myself to Goodwill to do some clothes shopping.

I had had a great Physical Therapy Session! Woo HOO! My therapist Kristi shared that this was the best I had ever been able to do! That I actually did all that she had planned, and that it was the first session I had ever really been able to complete! I was so excited! It felt so good! Each session 2-3x per week I've been going since Feb or March I think and this was the first week that I did every element on her plan for the day. More than that, I did each of them enough times, and for as long as she had in her plan! YEA!

I know that I've been improving, I could tell. While I struggle with things each day, I haven't fallen in a long time. I most of the time don't feel as if my legs are going to buckle out from underneath me. Not that I am the most steady person, but it is a big relief to stand and feel that my legs will not fail. My goal is to get back to wearing heels, my dream would be that I could once again wear my platform heels!

I had been wearing heels since eighth grade. I love them! I love pretty pretty shoes. I know that sounds vain and wierd. I don't know why I love shoes, heels in particular. I just do, I always have! My back ground in ballet, made wearing them a breeze, I'd always been able to wear higher heels than most everyone else, while I never wore 3 1/2 inch or higher much I could, 2 1/2 to 3 inch were the most comfortable for me. The low ones 1/2 to 1 inch were not comfortable at all. I don't know why. Now anything with a heel makes me nervous, I will try them on every once in a while, I have loaned most of them out, as it makes me unhappy to see my beautiful shoes collecting dust.

There are much more important issues in therapy than wearing heels, I know that is something that really isn't important at all. It is just something that is important to me. I have pretty much given it up, but I still in the back of my mind hold out hope. Hope is something that keeps me going when everything else goes down the tubes.

Jason was at work that day, something else that I've been able to do lately is drive myself around a little bit. I've been going to therapy and home. If I am up to it after PT I will stop and get a gelatto! I've discovered that even though I am lactose intolerant that I can have gellato! At least the fruit based ones at the place I go! YEA! My favorites are pomegranet/blueberry, green machine, and watermellon! MMMMMMMmmmMMM! I never thought I'd be able to go somewhere and get an ice cream cone again! It is so great! No place carries soy ice cream to eat in a cone, and when Jason or other friends would go to get ice cream I'd just get a water. I don't dring soda either. (maybe once a year or so if that) I haven't drank soda for almost 10 years, and for my milk issues about 8 years or so I suppose.

On Thursday I did stop and get a cone! Luka and I make a great team, I wish I could share my gelato with him... maybe after he's retired... When Jason drives me, he even likes to stop and have a cone with me! That is so great! Thursday's lunch was a gelato cone, and then I was off to Goodwill. I drove around and around trying to find the Goodwill. I wish I had an easier time of remembering where things are. If I would go there before my accident, I know where everything is. But if it is a place I have just reciently started going, or something they have built since... geesh! I put a call in to Jason to ask for some help. It turns out I'd been driving past my turn at least 3 times already. He clarified things for me and I made it there!

I am so thankful that prior to my accident I was a very experienced driver. That's pretty much all that I did, drive here and drive there. The car was one place I felt safe, and I would drop myself off at friends and families doors, and work or hang! So the driving part comes easily to me. I am now ultra parinoid though. I watch everyone! I've been told that I drive to cautiously. I am working on that. But when you relive the guy pulling out in front of you over and over again each time someone pulls up to a corner on my right, I really feel the need to make sure they don't pull out infront of me. I am looking at them to make sure that they actually look and see me! That is so scarry! I don't like driving now. I like the freedom of it, but the actual act of it isn't fun, enjoyable or something that feels safe at all. Not that driving was a barrel of monkeys for me before, but it was something I did that I enjoyed. Especially long trips in the car, wow, I would always feel refreshed mentally after them. That doesn't happen anymore.

At least it is a way for me to actually leave my house and the tiny little town that we live in. Having finally made it to Goodwill, Luka and I were off on a clothes hunting adventure. I know now after having gone to a few stores to try on clothes what size I am now. Of course every brand is different, and for that matter so is every style. I begin putting everything in my cart that looks cute that I think might fit. I filled my cart and went to the check out line. I just bought it all. You can return it at this store with in 7 days if you don't want it. My arms hurt when I would grab some of the clothes off the rack and lift them to my cart. I just reminded myself that it was good therapy! Luka would park himself by my cart and I would just go through the racks of clothes. I love Goodwill, everything that is the same size or close to is in the same area, you don't have to go from rack to rack to rack, searching for a style, and then search for a size.

At good will the size is in one area and I can just search for a style! My life made much easier. I am constantly amazed at the nice clothes people choose to donate. Growing up in a farming area the thrift stores, mostly just had junky raggy stuff. Not that the stuff at Goodwill is perfect. Some things have holes, some have stains, some have buttons missing, but most are good and most are nice. Even some designer type brands. Being a shoe fiend, I am also a lover of beautiful clothes and nice fabrics. My mom taught me that. She was a home economist. She sewed, and she taught me to sew. I never was good at it, or for that matter enjoyed it much.

Mom was a perfectionist. I am not. I suppose that is quite apparent from my unedited posts here on this blog. I now like to sew, my way, not moms!

I really don't worry about most of the things I find there at Goodwill, I can repair most of them easily, I could even change the style of them to some degree I think if it would be called for. I have taken my swim suits that I wore at a larger size and taken them in. I am also doing that for my undies... as wierd as that seems to me, but I would rather use what I have than take more money out of our budget for those things. I am not getting undies at Goodwill! YUCK! I haven't figured out to take my bra's in, I hope I do because those things are expensive!

My cart being full, I ended up with four bags of clothes. I got each one of them to the car. That is an exhausting process... Deb a former employee of one of my Doctors was in line behind me. It was nice to see her. We took a minute or two to get caught up. It is kinda wierd, my new friends are becoming my medical professionals. As that is who I see most often. What a wierd life.

My main problem with shopping is trying the clothes on to find out the size, by the time I've picked them out and tried them on, I can hardly move. Not to mention drive myself home. But my new system of grabbing and going works well. With Goodwill, I can actually afford, that term being relative, to buy extra and then take back what I didn't want. I don't know that I could actually afford to get clothes, but I've been struggling to find things that fit at home. I've been trying to wear some of my clothes from before, but that usually results in me looking sloppy or having my bra or something else show from things slipping around.

I know, I am glad to have the problem. I did my BMI body mass index score the other day. I am now in the normal range for my height. Before I was in the Obesse section. So I am glad for my health that I am doing better for my longevity. I am just frustrated. It should be a package deal, loose alot of weight, and your insurance should buy you a new wardrobe! That would be a good trade off I would think! Hee Hee!!

So yesterday after I woke up, after I piddled around and ate my cheese and kiwi, after I let the dogs out again, I began trying some of the clothes on. When I got home from Goodwill, I knew I was tired, so I sat in bed in my usual position. I then began to have increasing amounts of pain... and the fun began... Thur Fri Sat.. That sucks! The rain came and went, and still I was miserable... Saturday afternoon was a welcome relief. Still achy, but not immobilized by the pain, I could get back to functioning. I tried the clothes on in sections, resting in between. Layed them in different piles for later evaluation.

I now have clothes, I washed them, and am washing them,,, I have even repaired some of them. Thank goodness I did some streightening up of my sewing/craft/Mary Kay room the other day!

I thought I might wear them today, but I am in a pair of cutoffs and an old shirt. Seemed suitable for today, as it is Sunday and we have no plans to go anywhere. I woke up feeling pretty good today! I had been up and going til about 3 am last night, the house had become a disaster after feeling so icky starting on Thursday, things just pile up.

You would think things wouldn't being there is only two of us who live there... Mostly it is my fault things get all messed up. When I am in pain, I do the least amount possible, that means, leave dirty dishes around, don't sweep or mop, no laundry, stuff left out on the counters, boxes not folded up mail strewn about... not cute!

So last night while I was feeling well, I just got things back to tolerable, not clean but tolerable. I still need to clean. But I've learned that when I feel well enough I need to do all that I can, because the next minute things could change for me. Feeling well enough this morning, I had my usuall shake as I do most everyday, dogs out, bathroom, clothes... Jason and I chatted for a while in the living room, I had been a little bummed out yesterday.

In addition to trying on my clothes, the day seemed horribly uneventful! Not complaining, but it was noticable this holiday. As I can hear everyone else having fun as the fireworks go off. Christmas isn't nearly as bad, you don't see or hear anything. But this holiday hit, and so did the loneliness. I did finally have a conversation with another human being about 10pm. Jason finally called. I knew he would be busy at work as this holiday is one that he does alot of community service work.

I could have called someone, but really didn't feel like listening to their celebration, or feeling like I was inturrupting the events that they were taking part in. That is something that sucks. The good thing, is I have another regular type day to get the list of things done that I have to do. Staying busy really helped that once I got going.

Truth be told, I am quite good at being on my own. For as much as I am a people person, I do like myself, I don't mind being with myself. It does get old some days. I'd love for each day to be surrounded by people like it used to be. Then I could choose what days I wanted to be by myself, I acutally used to look forward to holidays for that very reason. Jason usually works on holidays, so I would just use the day to get my thoughts together, and get caught up. It worked well.

Today, after we talked in the living room, Jason needed to keep working on his projects in the garage so we moved outside. I plucked some weeds from my planters, and then planted some new plants in them. I am frustrated as crab grass somehow got in my planters! All of the soil came from bags! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Crappy dirt... digging crab grass even a little of it sucks! That stuff is gnarley. 6 planters of pulling a plant or two out, and adding a plant or two, and I wasn't able to move again. The pain had started coming back.. Which stinks because I've got weeds growing everywhere, and lots of little vegetables to plant yet.

Jason noticed me and kicked me back inside.. not literally of course. So I am now in bed, having taken yet another darvocet, typing away, as my hands hadn't been hurting... now after typing for a while as I have written yet another novel, that is another story.

So I am ending this post. Luka is at my feet, I am in bed propped up by my pillows, and Jason is in the garage doing something... he menntioned lunch, but never got any further than that. I don't know if we will eat anything or not... Oh well. here I sit. Mabey in a bit I will move to my outdoor chair outside in the sun since I see that it has finally come out.

Looking forward to more good days! At least I'm not having a migraine! YEA! There are blessings! I am so happy about that!

And I think there are some fun things that should be happening this week... I think it is this week! Hmmmmmm.....

sLeEp, BaD dReAm.

Waking up today was not pleasant at all, actually all night long I was waking up. I am not sure what time I started but it had to be three or four am. I usually try not to look at the clock, but after continued sporadic bouts of sleep, I saw the number six on the clock. I hate that feeling, I know that so many others struggle with this too! Oddly enough except for the rare occasion before my auto accident, I was the best sleeper.

While watching Oprah today, I heard the topic of artificial hormone treatments being helpful for many my age. While I am pretty sure that this isn't my issue, (I'd been tested and tried that stuff years ago) I think I will ask to be tested again.

With the addition to my life of the Absolutely No Driving Rule for me, the Dr. has prescribed a weird treatment for me to see if it will stop the dizziness, for those of you who've known me for years, not the dizziness I was born with, the blond kind but the actual vertigo, head spinning, legs failing kind. Jason was able to finally pick up the prescription today. He has to measure my blood pressure every day and record it. The goal is to raise my very low blood pressure to see if it helps with my being dizzy. I would sure love to feel better, and definitely stop falling, and those horrible feelings of not knowing where the ground really is. I would love to know that I was safe to drive, so I could drive again!

So for two weeks I will be on this medication, and then I will add another medication to that in the evening that will help me sleep, at least that is my understanding. My Dr. is trying something different for me because the things that would normally be used to raise one's blood pressure are a very bad idea for me so he won't let me use the regular methods.

Geepers, why is my body so peculiar? Oh, well it is what it is. We will see how it goes!

Jason got home this morning, woke me up before leaving again, he was just home long enough to change clothes drop our teenager off to school and run to his appointment to get his Jeep fixed, for the second day in a row of his free days. When he woke me up I could hardly move I had taken some migraine medication earlier, and it had not worked. By the way, I really wonder, when you get your medication and they have it in those "child proof" containers, believe me I understand the need for that, but at SIX AM, you have a migraine, you have arthritis in your hands and shoulders, and you can't see, OMG! Misery! I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that the container open and this morning was no exception. I managed to get the container open dig the tiny pill out of the package it was sealed in only to drop it, all of this using my sence of touch, I found the pill on the bed and took it. Only later to wake up after Jason left to take some stronger medication and have to pray that container open as well.

I really need better pill containers. I have no small children, and this is just ridicules! So now that I have been sleeping and medicating the day away, I am finally feeling better, not great but better.

I haven't really accomplished anything other than getting the dogs fed, getting a Mary Kay order placed in my mail box for Amy to pick up, and making some pasta for lunch, but I am happy I was able to do all of those things on my own. I am grateful for that.

I have got such great clients, Jason just mailed Gayle's order today, he will deliver Kristy's order tomorrow, and I am loving the ability to still do that! It is so fun to get an order via email, or a great phone call/voicemail, or face book message with what someone is needing or wanting to try, as well as stay caught up with what great things are going on in their life. That keeps me going! When I am feeling better I am dreaming of getting an event together here at home that will invite everyone in to hang out and play makeup or just have some great conversation.

Our teenage friend, has a friend who is also going through a rough time, and I am going to help her have some great Senior Pictures! We will plan several days that we can get together, and I will do her hair and makeup and take her pictures! I am really working to get my computer fixed ASAP! I will need it to edit her pictures, that software is on that computer, and we don't have another that will hold it. So with that project in front of me I know that something will happen soon, to get it to all fall together. I've been saving to get things fixed and soon I will be set! I am so excited.

I am also, working on another project for myself as well. I have begun the search for Luka's replacement. As he is an older large dog, he won't be able to continue helping me to the degree that I need for much longer and it can take up to two years to find a match for another trained service dog, I am in the planning stages. Not to mention the cost of getting another one. So I am in the process of working all of that out.

I am giving myself an education. Surprisingly all that I knew before about service dogs was that they could go everywhere, they were trained and I shouldn't touch them. While all of this is true the information about where to find trainers and more information was harder to find. Thanks to the Internet for this! You really can find out almost anything.

So, curtains, getting evaluated to work again, stopping the vertigo, finding another service dog, helping make a girl's senior pictures fabulous, servicing my great Mary Kay Clients, keeping my marriage strong, my friends close, helping our teenage friend, fostering dobermans, and doing as much housework and physical activity as I can. Hmmm, really that isn't bad. I sit here sometimes and think I am not able to do anything, but when I list it out, I really I am able to do quite allot.

Before I drove everywhere, and while I am holding out hope that the medications will work so I can drive again, the thought of not being able to breaks my heart. I loved to drive, I loved to be free to get out and see anyone at anytime. To make trips back to see my mom while she was receiving cancer treatment, to drive home to visit my grandmother once a week to rub her feet and paint her nails, to see client's when they needed me, and to see my sisters and friends when ever I wished. It was so wonderful. My trips in the car would clear my head allow me to focus and I also attended Mary Kay University in the car, listening to training CD's over and over.

I was able to drive in to see Jason at work on holidays, or really anytime I wanted, and now while other's families go to the fire station to see their spouse he spends the day with out visitors and I spend the day alone. While holiday's are really just other days, watching everyone else having fun with their families, has got to be difficult for him, and answering the question "Is your family coming?" With the word No, just has to leave a lump in his throat. It certainly does in mine.

Today, realizing that while he went to get his car fixed, I realized that he had no one to pick him up and take him home if the car needed to stay overnight. I was no longer going to provide that security for him. It breaks my heart. I feel as if I am waking up from a nightmare.

I can only hold out hope that things will work out. HOPE!