sTill HeRe!

Waking up last night with more pain in my lower back, just leaves me speechless.  OMG... is everything starting to feel pain again?

I mean seriously, have all of these injections just decided to wear out now or is the pain some how connected.  Is my bed really that bad... ( well yes, it is..) I do know the answer to that one.

We have a better mattress set.  It is lots smaller.  It is for our guests to sleep on... Jason being he is a tall guy really does not like sleeping on little beds.  I can understand that for sure.  No one wants to feel like they are going to be shoved off.   Or roll over in their sleep and fall off.

Yikes that would be really bad.


Maybe if we would get those baby bars then we couldn't fall off and he would be more willing to squish together in the little bed.  Oh, the memories!! ( not saying more than that )

Well, it is something to check out.

I am making a Needs/Wants/Dreams List.

I used to do that regularly with my Mary Kay.  I guess it would be something to start doing for my general regular life as well.  Jason really doesn't want to get involved in that type of stuff.  He just gets more and more depressed to talk about all of those things.  (as realistically not many of them will come to pass)

I am the dreamer though.  If they never happen, I will at least have had a tremendously fun time thinking about them, planning for things gives me something to do as I lay here.  Besides the thought of decorating or designing really does sound fun to me.  So I think I will do some dreaming!

I used to decorate a museum for Christmas for years!  I loved it.  It is more fun to do with others, and I did have help occasionally, but more often than not I had to do some arm twisting, as Jason's favorite thing to do was and is not decorating.  Now I know you find that hard to believe!  Really truly you do!  But he's a simple guy.  Thank goodness he loves me lots and showed up to help when asked.

So today I am going to be gathering my list together, at least the beginning of it.  I don't seem to be able to remember everything at one time, so I will just keep adding as time passes!

I have also been working on another resume for someone I know.  I hope it helps her get a great new job!  The other resume that I made got rave reviews from the University the guy applied to.  He did not get that job, he got another, but he did get a wonderful letter back about how they really liked his resume!  That made me feel great!  He also got a really well paying job!  So that is fun too!

Now I am for sure no resume expert.  I just know enough to be dangerous.  But it gives me something I can do to give back to others.  That makes me feel the best.  By no means can I crank these things out.  But I can do them every so often.  I really need to be able to focus.  I have difficulty with that.  I don't mean to believe that it is impossible.  But there are other things I have to focus in my day to day doings that over rides detailed focus on the computer.  Which is why all most all of my posts on my blog are the first draft of my thoughts.  To make each post perfect, well... I would never get anything written. 

While watching the evening news tonight.  I was watching the ABC Newscast tonight.  I learned about some side effects of a prescription medication.  It caught my attention.  I have been debating this medication.    I had almost started it.  I am not that old.  I think I will keep trying the old fashioned way for a while.  Vitamins and Minerals....  Sad thing is.. the prescriptions are usually less of an out of pocket expense due to insurance.  The Calcium, Vitamin D, Magnesium, etc are more expensive... At least in the quantities and from the companies I am comfortable taking them from.  I guess with anything you will pay for it one way or another. 

I personally would just rather not add any additional pain to my life. 

Have I mentioned I hate medications!  HATE THEM!  But I am needing them lately.  Oie Ve... I probably could accomplish more with being on them all of the time.  Of course that is until I am needing to get a new liver. 

My Pain Management Dr. Agrees.  Of that I am appreciative.  He said he would rather I rest than take pills to keep on keeping on.  I of course am no good on pain medications anyway.  I wouldn't dare get behind the wheel of a car.  Oh my!  Not a good choice. 

I just wish my tummy would cooperate.  I've recently had some extreme tummy issues... the medications are not agreeing with me at all.  So back to the Dr. I go.  I sure hope I get approved for more injections.  My back could sure use a break from laying on it for days! 

I have kept trying to get up, but it is not working.  Good thing Jason's been here!  That has been lovely today!  I took my bath, another thing I had not been able to do.  Not to good to do that on your own... seeing as how there is nothing to grab on your way to the floor but air! 

For some reason Luka hates the bathroom.  He will come into it finally so that is a good step.  I do not feel like adding any potential trauma to his psyche.  I am not sure why he does not like them.  Having not raised Luka from a pup, well there is allot that we don't know about each other. 

I am just glad these days he will come in if I call him.  I don't need to have a traumatic incident in the bathroom.  ( Actually I don't need to have one of those ANYWHERE!)  I saw this post and it got my imagination going.   It is from a blog that I follow.  She has much greater problems than I have.  And she deals with much more pain than I do I am sure.  Her name isn't Grace but it should be. 

I think we need to start thinking outside of the box about what will make my world a little easier to negotiate.  Unfortunately the things that may do that may not be pretty or cheap.  Of course!  But a little ingenuity can go a long way!  Just thinking up ideas will give me some pleasure.  I have already found some more ideas!

Four Ideas Here..

And some good points here...

I love Do-It-Yourself projects!  Of course these day's I am not usually the one doing it myself.  That would be Jason!  With all of his extra jobs teaching in addition to firefighting..  well he is also mister house cleaner (not a career option), chief cook and bottle washer - (he does not like this either)... He is also Mr. Fix-it -whether it be car- plumbing- house- electrical...

Bless my hubby's heart!  He is amazing!! 

I had been able to do the dishes at least or maybe a load of laundry here and there.. before December I was even sewing a bit.  I really enjoyed that.  Which reminds me I need to get my step by step sewing project loaded up.  ( I took pictures!)  I had hopes of at least being able to sew.  Hopefully I'll be able to do that again here at some point. 

 

One block

 

It is a four block project.  It still needs a back and a binding..

Unless I change it up and make it the center part of a whole quilt...

I just got that idea tonight while fiddling with these pictures.

We will all be surprised I guess..

It is not a finished piece but late last year I was able to get more of it done.   So we will have to see how it turns out.  I can't wait to be able to sit for a bit and get some more finished! 

Hope you are creating something in your life right now! 

Blessings,
Pink Doberman

Prayers please for the Dr.s to sign off on some more pain relief procedures.

 

HaRd DaY & HiS cLaSs…

Depressing… so skip the top part if you don’t want to read.. It gets better below….

Today, I must have struggled.  Some days are harder than others.  I guess things cycle.  I get tired and my plans seem to go down the drain.  I wish that wasn’t the case. 

Procrastination can really kick in on those days too.  By the time I am actually having some energy or the pain has dissipated… I am so mentally miserable having thought of all I haven’t accomplished that I must force myself to follow through and do what is needed.  I hate this part. 

I know that everything in life does not revolve around fun.  I am not delusional.  I just wish that some things weren’t so hard.  Staying happy being one of them.  Staying focused on what needs done in the order that it needs done.  Many times I am thinking clearly enough to do the worst first.  Other times, like today the fog set in and life seems to go in a hodge podge of orders. 

Clearly not the type of day anyone wants to have.  I wish these days would go away.  When will it stop?  I wonder. 

I some days it seems impossible to push through, but I do.  I do not know how I do.  I always have really worked hard to do things my best. 

Days like this.  It seems a miracle that what ever I did got done.  It might be only the basics. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~ So in writing this last night I must have been getting the beginning of my weather induced pain issues..

I ended up sleeping most of the day.  The medication is finally helping.  It is now getting dark grrr.  I’ve had lots to do that I didn’t get done.  I still can’t really function which is why I chose to write again. 

I did manage to get the packages I needed to send out.  All but two of them anyway.  Jason will take the rest of them tomorrow. 

I am glad Jason just kept busy doing his thing today, he got some new long johns!  He received a recommendation to go to here to get them!  He loves that place anyway.  I was awake when he got home with them.  He had a smile on his face.  We had looked for them at the store where I got my socks.  The store was very picked over, and they were completely out of Insulating Pants.  Bummer!. ..  He’s been getting pretty cold at work these days.

He has one pair of them from before, I think he’s had these the entire time we’ve been married.  I’d had mine that long too.  They last forever!  Yea! 

The one’s that he ended up getting he put on right away!  I never knew but the one’s he’s had our entire marriage, ended at his calves.  These slid on effortlessly, and were soft and feel like a second skin like my Cuddle Duds. 

He was excited!!!  The best part from his perspective besides the feel of them was the fact they were actually long enough to cover his legs!  Woot!  Thank goodness for friends!  We’ve been hooked up again! 

That is one of the reason’s I have decided to start sharing about my favorite things!  We are benefiting from others sharing things that really work for them. 

Now the down side of the purchase they were more than double the price at the other store.  Upside. They should last a long time and he will be really happy with them.  He may need to get another pair eventually, but we’ve got some other things he needs as well on our list so laundry will have to be done regularly.  Nothing wrong with that! 

Tonight he is attending a class to learn to better utilize his camera!  It is an investment for him.  He is learning the basics.  He’s read the book or parts of it at least.  I enrolled him in a class to learn the first steps to using his camera.  I have a feeling the class may bore him a bit. 

Life experience being what it is, sometimes if you don’t start at the very beginning thinking you could skip that part, then when you move forward to greater experiences, they sometimes do not translate as well.  You feel behind, or you do not get to take advantage of the knowledge being offered as you have missed something very basic along the way.

Besides hands on learning does provide another method for delivering information.  Books may not answer all of your questions or provide you with actual real world learning experiences.  I think it will be helpful for him to ask questions and get answers from experts in the photo industry who are willing to share their skills and knowledge. 

It is good that Jason does have other friends with the same camera or similar ones!  I think this line of camera’s is the most popular with those we know.  We only know one other person who has a different brand.  She of course loves that brand.  Differences are good.  So are similarities.  Both can be learned from and both are respected. 

So maybe he will also be able to help out friends if they have a question after this simple class.  At the very least he will know what someone is talking about when they talk about something that can be done. 

I hope he comes home from this class happy that I registered him for it and happy that he went.  He really didn’t want to go.  I don’t know that it was so much that he wasn’t interested.  I think it was more of the fact he hasn’t really been home in days.  Then that we are expecting more snow, and I haven’t been well and it is colder than our freezers are set for outside.  Well, hopefully it will all be worth it. 

It would be great to have him get back home all charged up about what he learned!  He will have more things to try out, more things he will be wanting to do, and more things that he will be better at. 

He listens well and he will also benefit from the questions that others are asking.  Since the class is being taught at a camera shop well, I am sure he will come away with a list of things that would help him get the pictures he is aching to take.  The question will be whether or not we can afford it.  Ahhh the joys! 

It is good to have dreams!

Right now it makes me happy thinking of him being happy! 

It is now several hours past when I woke up.  It is supper time and I am able to sit up on my own, phew!  I made some food for Luka and will finish writing this before I move on to write some explanations for some art that I have done for a project. 

I had planned to have them mailed out today, but they will have to go out tomorrow.  After I get results back I will share my ideas.  At least the one’s that didn’t get chosen.  That may be all that I did… but I did have fun doing it, so either way it will have been worth it.  I am happy with what I have done.  I hadn’t drawn for about 20 years.  So it was good for me to sit down and do. 

It was fun and I enjoyed coming up with a variety of ideas.  Personally I am impressed with the diversity of styles that I have come up with.  I can’t wait to share them.  I will probably turn some of them or variations of them into digital art if they don’t get used. 

So Jason just called!  He is excited, he shared wow, have I got allot to learn!  He did know some of what was taught but is excited for sure!  He is glad that he went!..  He will be home soon!  That is awesome!  I am so excited for him.  Now I will have to get him enrolled for the intermediate class!  Or the lighting class… Or ..?? there are so many to choose from!  He’s going to be having some fun! 

This series of the same thing is fun!  He’s sure been surprising me when he loads the pictures for me to see. 

He usually goes out while I am still asleep or when I am not feeling well and am out of it.  Sometimes we go together but most of the time it gives him something fun to do on his own.  That is so nice, knowing that he is doing something that he is enjoying, and he is learning and developing his skills!!

 

He has been having some fun experimenting.  Note there is no snow in these pictures… So they were taken a while ago, but he is learning!  I love seeing what he comes up with!  Even if his ideas didn’t work! 

I have even been inspired to try some simple things.  The big blotches of snow were a neat surprise!  He worked so hard that day scooping snow.  I love this picture, it won’t win any awards for sure, but I do love it!  It made me giggle with glee when I saw the little snow dots appear!  How fun, natures confetti! 

ThUmB SpRiNg…gReEn

I am planning my garden right now.  In planning my garden I am also planning my garden party!  Since I am here all of the time or most of it…  I am having parties here!  Something for me to look forward to. 

Jason has been great about it, as he isn’t the party type of guy usually.  Before, all I used to do was go to parties, granted they were makeup parties, but hey!  They were fun, there were people there and I was helping them! 

It was wonderful.  So now, I had neighbors over on New Years, (that was even their idea not mine) so how fun is that? 

It has been great, I am getting some nice surprise visitors and also some fun planned ones as well. 

Gardening is something to look forward to that is for sure!  Jason is even looking forward to doing more with it!  Which is so nice for me.  Hopefully he will find it fun and relaxing as well.  He in the past has got the garden tilled and ready to go, but has left it up to me to plant and care for it as well as pick things.  I find those things quite hard to do.  Worth doing for what you get, and it is fun at times too when the pain doesn’t get in the way.  But I had a hard time for sure doing it last year. 

With my dietary needs and with Luka’s as well, a garden is a necessity not an option.  It is the only way to reasonably afford the food we need.  I just have to focus on making enough of it grow. 

With Jason’s revelation the other day of him wanting to have more to do with the garden as he had heard it was a good way to relieve stress, my excitement grew.  I have often thought how fun it would be to actually have him more involved in something like that.  He does always help when I need it, but only if I really need it.  Most often only if I am asking for it. 

So his winter enthusiasm for the project I hope will last until the fall of twenty ten.  I hope he finds the stress relief in the tedious actions of gardening.  The fulfillment of having completed something, having made something, watched it grow and in gleaning the reward of the effort finding pride in knowing that it wouldn’t have been as successful without his participation.

I can’t wait!  Not sure he feels the same but the sentiment he shared goes a long way with me!

Blessings and green thumb thinking!!

Pink Doberman

StAr LiGhT sTaR bRiGht...

Wish I may Wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. Life is funny you know. One minute you are headed one direction, the next minute you've been taken hostage blindsided and end up twisted up, turned around and sideways.

The next minute you've been dusted off, wiped up, and your piece has been added back to the game board.

As a kid I would always love playing Monopoly I have several old versions of the game, although I haven't played in what seems forever. I loved buying properties, I liked building hotels and houses and collecting the money. I know that probably makes me some warped child.. I would play the game with the goal of getting both Boardwalk and Park Place. I think that is how many people play the game. I of course like those, but I am also happy with many of the others as well, owning them doesn't insure you of anything.

Just like life. You may see people who's lives look like they've got it all, when in reality, their world is nothing but a shell. Not always, as books have many covers, but to assume that life is better on someone elses journey than it is on yours is one of the biggest deceptions. Each of us are on the path that we were meant to travel. I don't know why, I feel like that I just do. We've got choices to make that impact ourselves and others. Consequenses to face both good and bad.

When I was a child I had a glorious existance. Other's might not have thought so as I thought I lived on Park Place. I never felt bad about growing up in a trailor for much of my life. Some of my favorite toys outside were the old rusty iron pieces from cars and implements, that were piled up to some day take to the scrap yard. The beautiful shell of a barn that held unique boards, tools, and other misc items was like a play house. I remember one of my favorite times when I was really small was making mud bowls under a tree. I also collected rocks and then sold them door to door, I still amazed that people gave me money for them. I think that is one of the first times I knew I loved to share things I loved with people, and in doing so I would be rewarded. I probably got a whole dollar or something.

In high school, I sold magazines, and fruit to raise money for my Future Farmers of America group. I sold alot of magazines! I went door to door then too. I know, I must have been pretty annoying! But I was excited, I was motivated, each day I had spare time after school I chose to go out and sell magazines in town. Most of the people I sold them to I had never seen before. I planned my route, and wore my FFA Jacket and told people about all of the cool magazines they could get and why I was so excited. I ended up winning lots of great prizes over the years. I wasn't nearly as excited about the fruit, only selling a box or two of that. The fruit was good and all but I was more excited about the magazines.

Being the only girl in my class, and not being from a prominant family at all, I was very proud of my sales accomplishments as I would many times have sold more than most everyone else. I learned later that many had parents who'd sit at coffee shops and show off the magazines to friends for their kids, or take them to work with them... I wish I'd thought of that! I could have sold so many more with a combined effort... Not only would I have gotten cooler prizes, more people gotten the magazines they would probably have bought in line at the supermarket and paid full price, but my FFA group would have had a larger operating budget.

I guess it is now wonder that I excelled in selling lipstick! Hee Hee! Since I love lipstick more than magazines... I didn't even go door to door! My friends love it too! Everything just bloomed and grew! I am still enjoying that! Although I do it on a more limited scale these days, but I am thankful that I still have the opportunity to help others get what they want.

I think that is also why I am having fun sharing about the changes with my life that were brought about by starting a better nutrition and cleansing program. I'd been pretty upset, being told that Vocational Rehabilitation wouldn't even open a case with me. Told me I had too many things wrong, told me to work from home in a mail stuffing scam... the lady even sent me the paper. Geesh!

While I certainly didn't start using the Isagenix Nutrition and Cleanse to share with others. I didn't keep track of much, the Dr.s office did. Which is pretty cool, I didn't even own a scale until reciently. Wow! I still need to get some more tests done to make sure I am meeting my health goals. But my physical body is undergoing some crazy changes. I am looking more toned and healthy each month! I can't help but share, but this is the craziest thing, everyone who's been watching my transformation is excited too! It has almost been a year since I started using the shakes and stuff!

In addition I am also working to start another idea shared by my sister. I am preping things so that I can sell them too, on my time. I don't know if any of these things will lead to something that I can actually make enough money to impact our financial needs. Besides the maintenence on our home and vehicles which we are sorely behind on I am now going to be working on saving money for my next service dog.

I got so lucky with Luka, as he was given to me essentially with only minimal costs... he's allowed me so much more freedom than I was able to have before he came along. I feel much safer going out and doing things, he gives me a great deal of comfort around the house as well. While he doesn't catch every migraine, he catches many, and by doing so has freed me up to actually get up and out more. He's a steady force for me to use when I don't feel well at all, and I can be assured that once on the floor, I can get myself back up using him as leverage. He loves doing these things! But he is also loving to sleep more and more as he is pretty old for this job.

My next service dog I need to save minimum of $2,100.oo just to get the dog. This amount isn't nearly what one would cost if I would have to pay for all of the training and more. It is tens of thouands in some cases. While I don't know how I am going to make what I need happen, I am going to give it my best shot. One step at a time, keeping us afloat first and then squrling away what we can for our plan. All things will come to pass, I just need to work like it is all up to me and pray as if it is all up to God! I can do that! I am not speedy especially now, but I don't give up easy!

I have to admit I am very nervous since we've not been able to even save enough for a deck so we have steps out the front of our house, or to get me a car of my own, or fix the things we have so we could sell them to help pay for other things... I do have faith, I also have a great deal of determination. I have the memories of my past endeavors, and while embarking on something new is always scarry for me, I truly believe anything is possible. It might take a while, but I am worth working for, and so is Jason's peace of mind knowing that I am not stuck somewhere on my own.

Who knows maybe someday I can buy land and build homes, or help people in other ways. I am sure first in line to admit I don't know what tomorrow holds. I am not going to stop dreaming!

Star light, Star bright... the wish I have is to work tonight!