SuRpRisEs & SuNsHiNe!

Waking up today was a pleasant experience. My awesome guy, had a perfect egg, cheese, and canadian bacon slice inside of a hot and toasty english muffin on a tiny little plate in his hand this morning when he woke me up. He had just gotten home from work, and made this lovely creation. This is the second time this week he did this for me, the last time was exactly a week ago, last Sunday, Febuary 15th the day after I spent the night in the ER.

Kudo's to Jason for starting this Sunday off on a perfect note. I am doing lots better, I am now able to walk on my own, exept for when I get tired or the pain gets to great. I have been trying not to take the pain meds, as the more I take of them the worse my tummy feels. And as bad as the pain is the nausea and stomach cramping can make it all so much worse.

I am very happy the past two days I have gotten out of the house, Friday was therapy and Dr. visit day, that went pretty well. Thank You God for my awesome massage therapist! He made some of the swelling in my back and neck dissipate! Then it was off to see my pain management Dr. since all of the scan's, x-rays, and mri's showed no additional damage, I just have more soft tissue damage to deal with. For me this stuff takes forever to get under control.

The Dr's visit took forever... he was unusually behind that day, we waited for two hours to be seen and then he spent the shortest amount of time he ever had with me, as there were some patients who were in worse shape, and who were making much more noise than I was. He covered the bases, with my refil's and he moved on to the next person.

I had hoped that he would suggest to make another trip to see the Dr. who does the injections in my neck, but after the massage therapist and only a week of misery, I didn't push the issue. He was sending me back to Physical Therapy so hopefully that would do the trick!

Yesterday, my teenage friend and I went to see her grandparents, she hadn't seen them since she moved in with us except at Christmas. They had found out she was no longer living at home and realized that they hadn't been in touch with her much. It was a nice visit, I was feeling rough, but wanted to be there to support her. I took a pain pill before we left and another after we got there, she helped me get in the house and in leaving the med's were working and all she did was hold my hand as she helped me back to the car.

The drive was great, they don't live that far away but just getting out of my house and heading a different direction than normal was just fabulous! Since she has been so busy with her life, we hadn't had much time to get caught up, so the drive was nice. She is doing better and better, Jason and I are excited that she is starting to have the desire to focus on some things that are going to benefit her in the future, and we really can't wait to see her make some of her goals a reality!

We are going to be working on getting her graduation announcements done, and mailed in the next few weeks. She is getting exicted. She is also looking for a new job, I think she will even be doing some volunteer work in the meantime. How great is that! She might even have the time to drive me around a bit more so I can get some things done while Jason is busy with other things! Woo Hoo, I just need to keep getting stronger so I can start going out and doing errands again!

So, today, is another day in bed I fear, I've been icing my back and neck all night and this morning the main pain in my neck hasn't subsided, so I will be trying to pitter around the house some, and rest some, and if my luck holds out I just may get a walk around the block in! More would be great, but I will be thrilled to feel good enough to even be on the couch instead of my bed!

I haven't been having many migraines lately, which is so frustrating, as the weather hasn't been doing much fluctuating, and hope my body aches will heal enough before the spring rains start that I can have several more feeling good days. I really think a move to Arizona or New Mexico or South Texas would be a great idea! Jason is even warming up to the idea, who know's what we would do, but since traveling to Brazil I really could live well with out going through these cold winters, and Jason sure hates seeing me suffer, so he is up for a change as well. Now, if only he could find a Lateral Transfer Position!

So, Luka has been getting a little antsy, my service dog, who has been cooped up with me this whole time. I am hoping that Jason and our teen age friend and her boyfriend, will take him out for a good healthy walk this afternoon. I haven't been using him, I am too weak to hang on to him, and since he is a hundred pounds I don't need a cat to walk around the corner and freak him out! He's doing so much better, but I still need some muscles to be stronger before he and I will be safe together.

He has been great around the house with me though, he loves lying in bed with me when I don't feel well, and he is always near just in case I would need to lean on him for support. When I get on the floor he will come over and let me climb on him to get back up, and since I learned that he knows more helpful tricks, I will be working on those with him when I am stronger.

Jason's folks surprised us with a visit this week, they were up and out with some Dr. visits of their own, and had enough time to swing by! How cool was that! We sure don't get to see them enough as we would like. I wasn't exactly up ad at'em the day they came, I was still only able to be comfortable laying flat on my back, but with a little extra medication, I was able to sit up in the living room with them for a bit. I don't think I added much to the conversation, but I do remember that I enjoyed listening to them talk and getting caught up with what's going on with everyone else. When they left he shared that they had left some of his dad's BBQ pork, Jason raves about this each time he has it and it is a meal that I like too, it really can fill me up fast! Jason was stoked, he really enjoyed the visit, and it gave him a bright spot to his crummy week! One of his brothers even called him later that day! It was awesome! I love seeing him happy!

The great thing is, that I have had some Mary Kay orders, I might even have a new MK client! Jason has been great about getting those things packed up and delivered! Thanks Susan, Joyce, Kara, Susan, Jill, Pat, I think there were even a few more of you too!

I got a quick visit this week from my friend Jen, who I was able to give her some things I had for her, and she brought the most wonderful gift over for us! A cooler of treats! Jason this past week was Jason's vacation from work, and who wants to spend their vacation getting hit in a car wreck and then caring for and watching your wife suffer with more pain. This wrecked his time off. So when she came with her cooler of goodies, it was both a blessing and a surprise! It had Jason running around the house excitedly showing me the bag of M&M's the grilling supplies, the ruben materials, and more! The one thing he forgot to share with me was the homade brownie's that she had brought, thankfully she told me about those before she left... Sneaky Sneaky Sneaky Jason!!!

I've decided to give up on most of my shopping in stores, I will miss that so much! I love looking and touching all of the things I am interested in. Well, I used to love it. It mostly overwhelms me and wears me out now. I will have to do it for some clothing items and things that I am not so sure about, but for the most part I have decided to bite the bullet and shop online. I think it will be much better for me, I won't feel as tired, and I can then have more time to spend with people instead of wasting my energy on searching for things in stores! So if anyone has any favorite online shopping sites, PLEASE share them with me!

Jason shared this morning that the weather this next week would be getting nicer again! Wow, I can't wait, the last nice day we had I spent the afternoon in the back yard in a chair just soaking in the sun! Ozzie our foxhound, Shelby our newly rehomed foster dog, and Luka my service dog, got to hang out and enjoy the sun with me! It was grand!

I am sure looking forward to that again soon! I always feel better after having a little sunshine! I sure hope that where ever you are when you are reading this that you are able to get yourself a little sunshine too!!

BrEaKfaSt WaS gReaT!

We ate breakfast mmMm it was good! The truck stop ended up having a nice buffet that morning, and we had the pleasure of having a little of this and a little of that! We had a great day, I took a nice long nap in the afternoon. The following day was full of visits therapy, and a Mary Kay visit where I got to help one of my favorite people find a shade that makes her feel great! I had a great day! We got home just in time to watch the deep pillows of snow be scooped from our street.

Valentine's Day was a day I had been looking forward to, when you are married to a man who's job is protecting other's lives and property, who's usually working on every holiday. I say it doesn't matter, in reality it sometimes does, more so now than it did before, what day he works or what day he doesn't. Before I could get in the car and go spend the day with him at work or where ever else I would want, even stay home, which I often did, as the actual holiday didn't have much going on for our family, and I would use it to do a party at someone else's holiday, still getting to celebrate having been give the great gift of extending my family, or maybe I would spend the day at home getting caught up on paperwork or rest.

Now holiday's at least most of them he has had the privilege of working over the past four years, for various reasons, everyone out of his control whether to have the day off or not. I spend them pretending that they aren't really holiday's.

Valentine's Day was different this year, not only did he have the day off, I was feeling well, and I had made plans! Granted they weren't all roses, and champagne but hey they were plans and they were ours!

Woo Hoo, we were off! Have you ever heard of wheelchair basket ball? We are fans of that! We had a great home town guy plugged in to a tournemant and we were delighted to see his game! The game was great, fun and exciting all the things you could ask for! I had to take some extra meds as I was feeling the strain of my physical limitations, but hey, it was all caught early and I was feeling great, tired but great, after the game we headed off to try and find a movie, but gave in to our tummies and made a stop at Taco Bell, gotta love Taco Bell, not exactly the most romantic but we both love their food, so it fit! Perfect for us.

We headed off toward home, we decided to rent some movies and then see about spending the rest of our Valentine energy for later in the day it was only the middle of the afternoon. I was so happy, we were having a super great day, no worries, and plans of lots of fun! Guess when the most whipped cream is purchased? You guessed it, Valentine's Day, I know most people think Thanksgiving.

We were headed down the street, since I can't drive I was just sitting and enjoying the ride. Thinking about what movie's we might be going to watch, (we'd stopped renting movies due to budgetary constraints) I was so excited! We were splurging! It had been so long, I even had trouble coming up with a "want to see list".

Traffic wasn't slow but it wasn't fast either, we were out on the road with many others, who I think were also getting ready to head to their Valentine Day festivities. Who would have thought it but someone was paying more attention to something other than driving her car and where she was going, Jason tried to warn me, but it happened too fast, that girl ran in to the car behind us and they slammed in to us, the car we had been stopped behind made the turn, thank goodness we were far enough back from them to not cause another chain reaction.

Our jeep fared the best, of course, Jeeps are tough especially those bumpers! Jason had gone out to explore, I sat there in shock and the course of events happened follow most any accident protical, the police, the reports etc.

As far as accident's go this one was pretty minor, had I not been in one of the car's there may not have been any one hurt. Geesh, dumb girl PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

I DO NOT ENJOY SITTING IN BED HURTING FOR DAYS ON END!!!!

I DO NOT ENJOY IV'S!

I DO NOT ENJOY GETTING RADIATION RADIATED INTO MY BODY OVER AND OVER AND OVER! Wondering if this is the time that the bones in my neck broke. Or more muscles or ligaments are ripped.

I DO NOT ENJOY NOT BEING ABLE TO LIFT MY LEFT ARM AND MY LEFT LEG! LAYING THERE THINKING I WAS GOING TO BE PARALIZED! IT ISN'T FUN!

I DO NOT ENJOY WATCHING MY INCREDIBLE HUSBAND TURN TO MUSH OVER ALL OF THE BAD THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH HIS MIND OF WHAT I NOW WON'T BE ABLE TO DO!

I have a hard enough time walking now, I have a hard enough time getting out of bed now, I have a hard enough time doing daily household chores now. Jason has a hard enough time picking up the pieces, driving me everywhere, doing all that I can't do and being all that I can't be. He doesn't need me to be hurt more, to be in bed more, to have more medical bills to figure out how to pay for.

AND IT ISN'T FUN ANY TIME! BUT ON VALENTINE'S DAY???? COME ON!

COME ON PEOPLE!!!! PAY ATTENTION!


Ok, so I have vented! I would have never imagined the frustration we have gone through had you asked me a short five years ago. I don't write this as a complaint, please understand, I write these things to be able to get these frustrations off of my mind, out of my heart and so that I can move on. I can't be dwelling on these things, as the thoughts come through my mind I am able to get them out and written down, and I stop thinking of them and don't dwell on them.

This past week depression has set in, and it has been so hard to stay out of it, I have to fight every day to stay positive, and I have to fight every day to stay focused on what I have and what I can do. And for each of those things I am grateful! I know there are so many out there who have things worse, who have life harder, who've gone through more and who can do less.

I and we are very fortunate! I am very very aware of this! I am grateful, and in order to be grateful, I have to have a safe place to put all of the things that don't belong in the daily activities of my mind.

This also gives those in my life a place to go to understand me, what is going on with me and maybe an opportunity to be grateful for what they have in their lives as well.

I am grateful, the swelling went down and I began to regain the use of my left arm and leg. I am walking on my own now after five days of needing constant assistance, the swelling in my neck is slowly going down and today, I had my first good day since the Valentine's Day Car Accident.

It is hard for me to share the bad things that I am going through, having been trained and taught to only share the good and the positive. Four years ago, Jason and I hid what had happened, not out of shame but out of a desire to not "infect" the lives of those around us with the negitivity.

What we found was a whole lot of isolation, a whole lot of anger, and a whole lot of lonely struggle, that no one understood. Still to this day, people in our lives are just finding out about the changes that have gone on in our lives. If you are one of those people, this is one of the reason's that we are sharing our story.

Not for pitty, but for understanding. So when I say I can't do that, or I can't lift that, you don't look at me like I am lazy or trying to not do my part. Because I do look the same as I always have. If you don't want to do something for me, just tell me, or don't offer. I usually don't ask.

But do realize that there are others out there like me, they deserve your compassion, these people work harder at getting dressed everyday than you do most days at work. You see someone who is struggling with something, whether it be a math problem, negotiating the stairs, stuttering through a sentence, having to take the long way around in their wheelchair, someone who has a screaming child, or someone who isn't as clean as you think they should be, HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING! Offer a kind smile, and teach that to your kids!

You never know, tomorrow, that person could be you or someone you love, and you go through the rest of your life "teaching others" to be nicer, more compassionate, more patient! It could be you, I surely hope it isn't!

InsOmNiaC!

Gotta love insomnia, I had a hard time falling asleep last night, not the worst night by far, but just a little difficult. However, waking up, like WIDE AWAKE around 2:30-3:00 AM is not my idea of fun. I woke up starving, ( I had just eaten at 10 pm the night before ) I tried to sleep to no avail, finally I decided to just get up, get something for my tummy, make the rounds of the house, sit on the couch and watch the nothing ness of town go by my big living room window. I went back to bed around 5:00am thinking I had done what I could to get back to sleep, lay there for a while, with out feeling at all sleepy, so started to Facebook. (yeah, I am addicted!)

Thank goodness for Facebook, since I am no longer out and about seeing everyone in person, and meeting new people at doctors offices is SOOOOO exciting. I have really loved staying in touch with those I used to see regularly, and finding others whom I had lost contact with years ago.

Finally around 6:30am I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Jason had woken up! Whoopie! I started chatting like mad, to my half asleep hubby. (he is the early riser) I had just told him the day before, how if he felt like making breakfast in the morning that I would be happy to wake up and eat what he had made. Since, I am not at all a morning person, and he so definately is.

Perfect I thought! He is going to LOVE my idea and bounce right up out of bed... not quite, Mr. Sleepy was needing a bit more beauty sleep... so I got ready for our morning out at the local truck stop while he caught some more zzzzzz's. He is up now and ready to go, he has even started the Jeep so it will be warm when we hop in for our ride out of town. Luka is ready to go, not at all sure of what is happening, since I am NEVER UP this early. Hee Hee!!

Well, gotta go, the eggs and bacon await!

PaNtinE i LoVe It!

Ok, so soft hair, well in the whole scheme of things it really doesn't matter I am sure. At least not a great amount. But for me lately it does, it may sound funny but I have been struggling with hair products for sometime now. I know, I know, another vain thing I have to talk about. Aside from almost just whacking all of my hair off to some short style or keeping it in a pony tail constantly I was struggling with what to do. The conditioner that I had been using the company stopped making it. It really did make all the difference. I am blonde you see, and with out the right hair products, my hair can really cause me problems.

My hair has always tangled easily, really easily, I do have very long hair now, for the simple fact that going to the salon since the accident has caused me a great deal of pain to have them messing with my head, I really felt bad after having gone to the stylist. I would be in bed for days, so I just stopped going. I used to go to the salon all the time, my hair styles changed it seemed with the days of the week.

I had had long hair before we got married, in fact Jason did too, (hee hee) I enjoyed having different styles. Jason used to have to brush it out every day, I couldn't hold my arms up to do it after the accident, I couldn't blow dry it on my own or fix it. FRUSTRATING! It's gotten better, for the most part, I still have a hard time doing it but it is so much easier.

So all this time I've been trying to find products that make my hair look nice all day long, I used to get my hair colored and highlighted it gave it that extra glow or a change. Now, that would mean a trip to the salon, or holding my arms up that much longer, not my idea of a good time. So, I have gone back to being ny natural self, not that there is anything at all wrong with that, I just have hair that when you don't use the "Perfect" products on it it looks like I haven't washed it in days. ICKY!

So, I have gotten by, there are lots of things out there I have tried, and I've been happy not extatic about them but happy. I had finally found a conditioner that didn't freak out my hair but evidently I was the only one in the USA that felt that way, because the company no longer makes it. So I had asked Jason to take me shopping to Alco while we were on our regular trip out to our friends home. I was hoping to find something inexpensive to tide me over, I had forgotten my hair products at home, and was having really bad hair. If we had to go find something in a salon I would but, I sure didn't want to spend more money on expensive things that won't work as good as I hoped. So, I followed those commercials on TV, the ones with all of the beautiful girls who have the beautiful long hair and bought Pantene. I got the conditioner, the shampoo, and I also got some Suave stuff that stops the frizz! The combination is PERFECT! My hair not only looks good it FEELS GOOD! Woo Hoo!!!!

I am so happy!

It is amazing what the right hair products can do for a gal!

So I haven't written in a while, not because things haven't been going well or that they have been going so well that I haven't had time... I broke our teenage friend's computer while trying to update it. Well, broke may be the wrong word, but it is all gummed up and not cooperating that is for sure. We've taken it in to Best Buy spent about $80 for them to do nothing to fix it but to tell us that we need to completely reload everything! $80 I think we got ripped off, oooh, I forgot, they gave us this FANCY folder with "The Geek Squad" written all over it. So two days and $80 later? Nothing fixed and my guilt leval is rising rappidly.

My massage therapist recommended a friend that had helped him with his computer and he was very pleased. So we are trying him too. So far so good, we will pick up the computer on Saturday. It is running now, the guilt is dissipating.

COMPUTERS!!!! AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Making me CRAZY! So thankfully Jason's computer has been holding out, as slow as it is it works! Woo Hoo! I wish I knew more about this computer stuff, I am self taught, I am learning more but I am sure not learning it fast enough.

As far as the new medication I've been trying, things as far as I can tell are going well. I definately have an easier time thinking, it makes it easier for me to be a better wife, friend, and person in general. I am not nearly as foggy! It almost seems as if this medication is helping my body pump more blood to my brain... and my hands and feet. My hands and feet are not nearly as cold, as they have been, they still do get cold, but not nearly so, and sometimes they are even warm. I have more energy, not huge amounts of it, but I just feel better, and I think some of the best news besides the foggie's being gone, is the fact that I haven't been dizzy at all! I am amazed, in fact I find myself reaching to steady myself all the time, after four plus years of a constant woozy feeling to a down right spinning sensation at moments, this new clarity is taking some time to get used to.

I am not pushing myself to any great limits, but I am doing as much as I can in regular amounts of action. I am still getting tired. But not quite as fast as before. Today I took a nap in the afternoon, and I feel great this evening, I am waking up in the morning fairly early taking the pill, and then I've been having a good time getting going with things, much easier than before. I could never seem to wake up.

So all in all, I think the medication is doing exactly what the Dr. hoped it would do! I at least hope so because I am feeling so much better. Wish the Dr. would figure out what would make the pain go away.

My migraines are still here, I still get wobbly when I get them, and my vision and all of that are still the same. I had really hoped that they would go away too, or at least be diminished, but that seems to not be the case.

Today was good, our teenage friend has had some changes this week (for the better we hope). She has started going to school only one hour a day, which is all that she needs to finish high school with. She has been doing well with that shift and she is gone for the weekend with her friends. There is more to the story than this of curse but since it is not about me I am choosing not to write about it here. We'll see how it goes, we sure hope it helps her stay on track and maybe get some things working out for her for the better.

Since I last wrote, my Mary Kay business has been doing well, I have had quite a few client's ordering! What a blessing that has been, I even got some new clients! This makes me feel so good. I love playing with makeup, and helping women choose things that make them feel better. When I look better, I sure feel better, I think the majority of people feel that way. I sure had fun! I think they did too!

I was also able to get some cleaning done in our home today, that felt fabulous! I love it when everything is clean and organized, while everything isn't done, it sure is better than it was. I am happy about that!

I even had some friends stop by today, they brought me suchi! I LOVE SUCHI!! I loved the visit! It was so great to have them stop by! What a gift!