Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Find the details to submit your posts there also!
Yes I am still working on it but come on over anyway! Life is a work in progress, and so is my new blog space!!
See you there!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Oddly enough, I am not sticking around to get used to the new changes. =(
I am happy to report that I have gone uptown with the help of a great web designer who totally hooked me up! He transferred my posts to my new site!! Thanks to Andrew at Shutterhive we make a great team!
I am in the middle of my design process. I can't wait any longer to tell you! So just know as time goes on I will be adjusting and adding features. Andrew does all the heavy lifting and I just make things cute!
As a plug for Shutterhive I'd like to say while I have never met Andrew in person I've been working with him on other things and he has become and indispensable part of the new life I am creating! If you are in need of some great web design let him know that Tonja over at PinkDoberman recommended him and he will totally hook you up! So be sure to come visit the new blog site that Andrew created for me! YipEE!
I am just not sure when I am going to get it all finished out the way I want it! So you get to come over early and enjoy the changes as they happen! Since I am transitioning my life, it is so fantastic to have a transition to my blog.
I've got some great news to share too! Can't wait to spill the good news!
Come on over to PinkDoberman's new home!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
We served cake balls on sticks and marshmallows on sticks and strawberries all covered in white or dark chocolate. It was fantastic! Jason and I worked together on the things as long as we could and then the gal from across the street really picked up the slack and finished things out. I was getting my but kicked by the frosting... Oh yeah, and we also had little spice cupcakes with buttermilk frosting.
Our art was selected to hang at a new gallery, we are in the second round of artists. Which is just fabulous! Jason and I hung it last month. We will be featured in this weeks local paper, as we were interviewed a couple weeks ago. Time has gone by so fast. We've been busy working at so many things.
The evening of the event went quite well, lots of people came, looked and hung out. I am sure they all left a few pounds heavier as well. I had lots of fun, Luka led me around and we took pictures and even made a video of the event. Which was pretty cool...
It was so great to talk to everyone, I am always in such a daze in settings like this. I feel so scattered, and I am not really able to give anyone any sort of attention. But, I hope at least that I managed to tell everyone hello, and thank you for coming.
It sure meant a lot to have such a good showing of people that we knew. We even had some folks that we didn't know attend.
A beautiful harpist played beautiful harp music... and the gallery where which hosted the event served their wine.
We are excited. Our art will hang until the end of July.
I have worked at things when I could in between resting. I haven't really done much around the house otherwise but Jason has. He's been really great, he even hand made the frames for our pictures.
I've been resting and icing my body this whole week now. I've got one and a half more days to do this before we do another shoot. I am excited about it as well. We've got lots of fun things planned and I am working hard to take care of myself so I can keep up.
A little dab will do ya! While I am icing my neck I will be keeping my fingers busy. I am hoping to get an appointment to get silver thumb splints to keep my thumbs from causing me issues. I just have to find someone familiar with the technology so they can properly fit me for them. Hopefully my insurance will cover them.
On to other good news, Jason fixed my scooter!! We thought it was going to be $200 to fix it. So I'd decided that was to much to spend on it, I was starting to look for another one. But... Jason went to a battery store and found the parts to fix it on clearance and he got an additional discount on top of it so it only ended up costing $70. If I am able to get the thumb splints, then I should have no difficulties riding it for a bit. =D So I will be tackling that next! Oh and Jason took apart the whole thing and reassembled the power supply so it will now charge its self with a proper plug in!
The bad news... Luka is really starting to slow down, I am hoping that it is just because he is overweight and out of shape from the winter. We will go for a run in the scooter tomorrow in between my icing myself so he can get moving some more. At the gallery in between leading me around, he would plop down and rest. So, I am hoping he can pick up some more energy here soon, otherwise he may just have to be used for really short trips or completely retired. Which will leave me not able to go out again on my own. Which is not a fun thought.
So.... not sure what to do about this. Raising the money for a new helping dog is stressing me out.
But for right now I will just hope that he needs to get in better shape and see how this goes. He has managed to gain 20 pounds. =(... so he is now also on a diet.
Let's just focus on taking pictures. Maybe if we get enough clients and enough picture orders I won't have to fund raise and I can just earn my next dog. Fingers crossed.
Blessings and much grateful appreciation to everyone who came to our debut and those who will be passing through. Prayers also going out to those effected by the storms and tornadoes.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
How do you know where you are supposed to be at any given time?
For me this choice has been simplified to a great degree. My life has gone through a major transformation. You'll know this if you've been following me.
But really, given all of the choices I once had I am not sure I would be able to be present enough in this moment to really appreciate all of the things that I am able to witness. The slower pace at which I am able to experience it and the appreciation for the things that others take for granted.
I am far from a scholar. I am by no means an academic. I'd like to say I am a learner. I have always been a learner. I love to glean information. I also like to disseminate it.
I enjoy having a purpose, I am full of passion, and these things have stayed with me throughout my experiences.
The last few days I have been fortunate to participate in a FREE online course. I take in everything I can that is free as I really have no income source that can be spent on such things in an easy manner. The course was a photography class on cooking photography.
During my limited movement days when everyday was spent in bed on major pain medication I would watch PBS and the cooking shows. I learned to cook. I'd of course been given a rudimentary start in cooking with my mother, who tried as she might, finally gave up any hope of turning me into a domestic creature.
I was the kid who used salt instead of sugar. I was distractable and would always be trying to squirm my way out of the house. But now I can cook if I've got the energy. Lord knows I can eat, and I thoroughly enjoy amazing food.
Back to what I experienced over these last days. It started out like any other class. I wasn't able to watch the entire beginning but I caught what I could. I liked the teacher, Penny De Los Santos. She seemed real to me, grounded and open and willing to share. Like so many of the CreativeLIVE teachers.
Her rhythm was different. Unobtrusive calm, formidable, but easy going I found what she said to be deliberate, but with a casual intensity. She knows who she is, and when someone knows who they are they don't have to pretend, they are authentic, vulnerable and yet the words they say have more depth.
I think that most of the teachers that I have experienced in this forum have brought that. I really like that. They are right there with you getting into it, experiencing it, and feeling it while they teach it. These classes are not necessarily pen and paper classes. Parts are. But for the most part they bring you into the experience.
Even from where I sit in bed, in my bedroom with my service dog Luka by my side watching the birds outside my window, my environment fades away and I am in Seattle.
Watching a food photography class really did make me hungry. I was right there getting a steam bath as they took off the burlap which covered the oysters before they were shucked.
I don't know that I will ever go into kitchens to shoot food. I think that may be something dangerous for me to do. But I have come away with the continuing thought of bringing people to experience moments. Opening people up to new experiences and really making them feel as if they are a part of a moment when they see one of my pictures.
I am going to continue to work on this continue to grow and develop my eye and my skills.
I am grateful for the continued opportunity to learn from the best for free. I am amazed by their courage, their skills, and their willingness to put it all out there.
Will I ever be the greatest photographer? Take the greatest photos? I don't know..
What I do hope to do is... I hope to share the message of where I am at, who I am with and what I have gone through. To invite people into places they would never receive an invitation to and to allow them to witness another type of experience from a picture that I have taken. Even if it is one of themselves, I would hope that through what I am learning to do that I would allow someone to see themselves in a brighter light.
There is hope there is a place for us all and we each matter.
Thank you Penny De Los Santos, the entire CreativeLIVE team, and my husband Jason who I annoy with the amount of learning that I continue to involve him with. =)
Support CreativeLIVE so folks like me can continue to watch it for free!
Penny's Blog, CreativeLIVE's Site, The Class.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
First of all I'd like to say that it is National Ehlers Danlos Awareness Month (EDS). I have EDS. On it's own with out my accident I would probably be able to hold down a job combined with the accident and another issue which I will get to in a moment...well lets just say I am doing the best I can. Some of the other folks with EDS are not so lucky. Take a moment to learn more about EDS.
Secondly I would like to say that it is National Celiac Awareness Month. Did you know that they say one out of every 10 people has a Gluten Reaction and that one out of every 133 is Celiac? Here are SOME of the symptoms folks with Celiac's experience.
Did you know that right now there is PENDING legislation.. Pending since 2008 that would require clear labeling of Gluten Free Foods so that those with Celiac's and those who have an allergy are not made ill? Learn more here.
This is a place that you can go to sign the petition asking for proper labeling. They already do it for peanuts and other food issues.
Here are the links I am currently checking out.
Huffington Post about the need for proper food labels
I've been wondering about Genetically Modified foods... I read this link from the Institute for Responsible Technology
Tips for avoiding Genetically Modified foods.. Link Non GMO Food Guide
Celiac Disease Symptoms From the Celiac Disease Foundation
National Digestive Diseases Clearinghouse NDDIC More information..
Disabled Officer fights for equal access... Fort Worth WFAA.com
Costly Mistake Portland Press Herald
And my Favorite Learning Place! Where I can learn no matter how much I earn. Because it is free when you watch it LIVE! Up next week... I will be learning how to photograph food! CreativeLIVE is a CreativeSPOONIE's Opportunity!
Lots on my mind...
Friday, April 22, 2011
It is something I've been meaning to do for a while now. I finally got it done. You'll have to check out the tabs at the top of this post!
I have also included on that page information about Service/Assistance Dogs. An easy place to send folks who have questions.
Thinks are going well, I got some AMAZING test results, which I will share soon. And I am waiting for more. I am hopeful.
Jason's been busy working and making picture frames. It has finally gotten nice enough for him to mow, and is dry enough, and he is home so that is what he is out doing now.
Some how my neck flared up again a couple days ago, I am wearing my new glasses and I seem to be taking my sweet time adjusting to those as well. Ice packs and lying flat on my back are my friends. I am getting more movies watched and more photography training watched as well.
We've started re arranging some things so I can do some picture taking in an easier fashion. But that has come to a stand still for the moment. Until I can start moving around again. Hope that will be soon, as this is never fun for me. I finally broke down and took my pain medication today. I had been trying to get through with out it. Which is stupid I know.
It takes the edge off but it doesn't take the pain away. At least I can think a little better now.
That is about it. Hope you are having a good day too. Make the most of it!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Things had gotten easier. I mean to say that Thinking actually HURTS. I know it is strange to have that be someone's reality. But it physically hurts me to think. I had come to a point where I was able to do more and still have good energy.
I fell again. The other day. I think I wrote about it but I don't recall for sure. One moment I was standing the next I am on the ground. This fall was JUST after I mean like immediately after my Dr. had just given me the nearly clear to drive from his perspective!
I guess that knocked my head around just enough that I am back to square one. I have just gotten my new glasses in the little box and so I hope I will soon be back to thinking with out so much pain.
My Doctor: Dr. James Nedrow Yes, you can visit his website and contact his staff if you wish. I don't think I get anything for telling you about him. I just get the satisfaction of knowing that I may be helping someone else who has been suffering similarly to me. He is not a regular Eye Doctor. His website does not do justice to the issues that he can help.
I am thrilled for my new lenses in my glasses. THRILLED. Soon it will be easier to think again. (Yes there is a reason it hurts me to think and the glasses help fix this and a myriad of other issues I have due to getting banged around) Dr. Nedrow can measure it on his computers.
At any rate things are going well. Difficult but well. I have found the place I want to get my new Assistance Dog from. I am going to start saving my pennies again. I am going to need to come up with $8,000 - $10,000 to get a dog trained for me.
I had really been hoping to use one of the local Nebraska non-profit training places. But it looks like that is not going to happen. So, I have found a for profit place that actually trains and places many dogs a year and can train one perfect for me!
So that is where I will be getting my dog. Unless there is another miracle. =)
I have also FINALLY started getting all of the tests and appointments done that I had been putting off. I have two left to go. Which I have just gotten scheduled today.
So.... hopefully they will find that everything is just fine and I am doing better!! That is my wish anyway! Or at least not worse.
One day at a time right?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
We have the most lovely neighbors. Each one. Even though we don't know some as well as others. We live in a fantastic neighborhood. One that watches out for one another and while we all aren't overly social, we are all neighborly nosy.
Not in a bad way, just in an I am paying attention to make sure that you are alright way. No gossip, just genuine concern. It is simple really, we all like where we live and we like who lives by us.
And change for our little "hood" is hard. This week it changed. One of our oldest and most heroic and most loved neighbors has passed away.
I can't help but think of his wife today, she is quite heroic herself. Without going into more details, I will just simply say that in spite of everything, she was at her husbands side nearly everyday while he was in the nursing home eating meals with him and spending time with him. It was a lovely thing to see. It is a rare quality these days. Maybe not for their generation, but for many to come it is going to be.
I am lucky to have seen this first hand in my own life. My grand parents did this as well as my parents. I am the luckiest girl in the world that I have also found this amazing quality in my spouse.
Change is hard. It is hard when it happens fast and it is hard when it happens slow and you have time to plan. I don't know which is worse.
Change is ever constant. The only security we really have is that we get choose how we feel and for the most part what we do in each moment as it passes. All of the planing, dreaming, and saving for the future does nothing if your moments run out.
To survive the changes, to be proactive in setting your life up to change, you must be mentally prepared for it. Or when it happens you must be willing to move on. For some of us, it can take a while. If you've been following my blog since the beginning you will know that I've not always been the most graceful at change. I've fought it. I've tried to hold on to the comforts of what I had planned and loved.
In the end what I loved most was my marriage. I still have that. I let everything else go. Sometimes there are choices to be made. Prices to pay, when change happens. I am still going through changes, we all are. My neighbor will be going through some pretty big ones. I sit here typing, and hoping that she will be strong enough to make it through them.
I also sit here typing as my life is still changing, and I hope that I too will be strong enough to make it through the changes that are to come. In a grace filled manner. Grace is often something I find lacking in myself. I am more like a bumbling bull in a china shop. The harder I try to be careful the more I end up breaking.
When I earned my first MK car, I had to do a lot of changing. The year my mother passed which was before this blog started was within the same time period of nine-eleven and when Mary Kay Ash also passed... That was an amazingly trying time for me. But some how those things propelled me. Forward to working harder and smarter and living a fuller life.
Mentally mostly, and in my actions as well, but it was mostly a mental game for me. When I've lost my MK International business, I felt broken, lost and sick. When I lost my U.S. MK business, I was nearly done for. I lost my ability to control my body, my freedoms, and my mental awareness due to the amount of medications I was on to control my physical pain.
Activities limited. Life seemingly cut short. Wanting to die myself. I was in Hell. The only thing that kept me going was that Jason was here for me. While I really did not want to I finally did accept all of the changes that had taken place. I did accept that my life might be lived from a bed lying flat for the rest of my life, and that my life might only involve trips to the Dr. and the ER.
I held out hope, and it set out to start diminishing... I'd try this, and I'd try that... Each suggestion offered I did not roll my eyes at, I just tried it.
You might wonder why I am writing this now. Well the heroic man who lived next door often found himself doing much of the same thing I am doing. I am not calling him a hero for this, he truly was a decorated hero. But I think he was one also for the consistent fight he showed in his life as well. He went through unseen difficulties. And literally so. He didn't like where he was, but he was full of grace, most moments of the day. He had learned to live with change, while he didn't like it may not have embraced it he did what he needed to do to survive it. To do so with love in his life and love for those around him.
I think that is one of the most courageous things.
As far as change goes, as long as I am alive and far past the time I am gone there is one thing that is consistent and that is change. I am trying to embrace it. Sometimes I do this well and other times..
I may need some extra prayers.
Wishing you all of God's Grace and Mercy Mr. Robinson.
Monday, March 28, 2011
I don't mean second guessing, I just mean looking at something as it is through fresh eyes with and aged perspective. You could have done it last week, six months ago or several years ago.
I know most things don't need revisiting. But often times I have found looking at things through different eyes having now been through different experiences, adjusts an outcome or a perception or a feeling.
It is easy for me to do this now with my photography.
As it has been for years taking the picture actually snapping the shutter is only a small fraction of what it takes for a photo to really come to life.
The next step is the development of the picture. There are many ways, and infinite amount really of different techniques and different methods. Ansel Adams a very famous photographer was genius at this. When he was exposing his images to light he would adjust the length of time each area was exposed. This subtle adjustment in the developing and printing stage was key in achieving the moody, emotional, evocative prints he sold. As his negative projected he would hold up hand made tools that would help him to create his vision. He charted what he did in notes that only he understood.
When he would make the "same" picture after a period of years his style would have adjusted, when he may have preferred dark gray tones to black ones earlier in his life and as he aged his perspective shifted and so did his art.
I have found this to be the case with my workings as well. What I liked at one time, and I created at one moment, has in a future date and place shifted with age, experience, perspective, education, emotions... really an infinite amount of things come into play when creating something.
One day while working on a photo my mood may have been somber. Or I may have been medicated and feeling much pain, I may have been happy or I may have just been overwhelmed by the beauty of an image.
I occasionally will find that I am spent. I have nothing left to give, no perspective, no vision. I just stare. That is when Jason being the smart man that he is tells me to go buy some shoes, or we do something different.
Being such a visual person, I find it difficult to relay what I am thinking to Jason... in many cases he is my shutter pusher. In many cases he is his own shutter pusher. I am often my own shutter pusher. We have distinct styles. He can see them clearly, in my minds eye they blur together a bit more. I am influenced by his likings and he has been influenced by mine.
I don't know that we will ever see through the same eyes, but I hope that we never do. Different perspective is a gift. He offers what I would have never seen and vice-versa. In one moment we have two different aged views. I don't have to wait another moment to gain a fresh set of eyes.
A while back he and a buddy went to Yellowstone. Of course he took his camera. It was not a trip for me. Hiking and such.. he'd really love to take me so I could see for my own eyes the grandeur and feel what he felt while he was there. But getting to see what he saw through his camera lens was also incredible. He took pictures he recorded his sights to share with me. He froze moments in time in an effort to relay what he was feeling at these moments and to share what he was seeing.
Can a picture do Yellowstone justice. I highly doubt it. It can however convey some of the emotion that you may have felt standing there. For him, seeing the pictures again, especially now that we've gotten a couple of them on canvas, he can channel the feelings that he personally felt when standing there and gazing at the marvelous scene before him.
While I was not there, I have never been there. I have watched television shows on Yellowstone, but with out seeing it in person I don't have those memories etched in my mind. When I work on those photographs as I am now doing for the second time... I look at each image with a fresh eye. I start from the negative that was given when the shutter went off.
I take all that the camera recorded and then I begin sculpting it to make it my own. To make this image into something that I feel has a soul, that offers someone who views it a perspective, an emotion, an interest, or a feeling to want to know more. Maybe a sense of peace... possibilities are once again endless..
Someone may even have a negative reaction to what I have done. That is good too. Allowing people to feel something, to realize something to be alive enough to cause a reaction.
I find that in comparing how I chose to expose an image before and how I am choosing to expose an image now to be a dichotomy of sorts. The one image that comes to mind that I just worked on compared side to side with the same image I had exposed nearly a year or so ago.. you of course can tell it is the same image. However at the time I had originally worked on it I had focused on the sky. When I did it this time I was drawn to focus the attention on the land.
All I can tell you about why I changed is that today the image with the focus on the land made me feel more grounded. More steady. Maybe right now today I am more grounded than I was a year ago. Maybe there is no more need to read into this any more than I just liked it better this way now.
I don't know, but it struck me as I put the final touches on it that the image was made stronger for having the focus on the land. However when looking at the image from before, I felt a sense of lightness as well.
Funny huh? Deep? Probably just a little loony.
I wanted to take some time to explain what I went through while working on this picture. I have a whole series left to get through. I am creating our gallery.
Tomorrow Jason and I will have more pictures to take. He's got some amazing ideas too, I can't wait to see what he see's through his eyes.
Take some time to look at something in your life through fresh eyes.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I am all about fashion of course, I have been that way since I could speak. However these days I really gravitate toward the simple classic things that you can wear over time. I started doing this about 10 years ago, as taught by my Mary Kay Mentor Joyce. (I secretly think she knows everything) Well mostly so anyway.
At any rate, as I go through my life I realized when it came to choosing what went in my life at least for the long term was going to be a classic. Car's excluded... My first car that I purchased was a little sporty Nissan with a sunroof two doors, and about as much room inside as a carry on suitcase. It was black had headlights that flipped up and I adored it. Needless to say my father was less than proud of my purchase, as he prefers white cars and would always choose the stable variety over the sporty one.
Those were the days when my taste in clothing, men, and, pretty much everything else changed every five seconds. =) Impulsive, carefree, delighted, living on a cloud... my life was glorious.
I remember who I was then, I carry her with me still, if I am not careful she'll explode and pop out and create all sorts of messes! Happy ones!
Practicality can be boring, but consistency does breed security. While many people including myself strive for a life that goes great all of the time, the consistent moments can easily all blur into a moment and you will feel as if you've never lived. Mixing life up adding the creative side to the practical side makes my life so much richer.
I have the opportunity now to enjoy both, where as when I was younger I don't think I would have grasped the duality in such a blending manner. It isn't as I have set out to follow my life along a certain path. I have at some points, mainly I've focused on setting goals that help me to achieve dreams.
For some time now I've not been a very good dreamer. I've struggled with finding a dream that I feel I can make come true. Wishing for my past paths is not going to get me anywhere, and finding a new one has been a challenge that has taken me years.
I have gifts and skills, I am blessed, I know this. I am grateful. But when you are given gifts at least in my case I have a guilt inside if I am not utilizing them at least in some degree. God doesn't make junk!
So I've been looking for a way to turn my gifts into something realistically achievable with my current physical and mental abilities and stamina. It didn't really click for me until Jason wanted a camera again. (I've always loved taking pictures, I did so as a child, in 4-H) I enjoyed it. I can't say I was ever that good at it, but I had fun with it. Over the years I improved. I even dabbled in a bit of editing that I picked up through my sister.
At any rate, he started going crazy with taking the pictures, bringing his prizes back to show me after his morning adventures. I've had a bird feeder for some time out my window, and I began grabbing the camera for a few shots of the birds. (couldn't hold it for much longer than that)
What do you know, I improved, my strength holding the camera improved and well.. my hubby enjoyed it and I enjoyed it.. so we've now created our own little "hobby business".
I am an artist. A Photographer.
I am able to combine my classic with my artistic, and continue living my life in a way that interests and excites me. I will venture to say that I won't be becoming a millionaire.. But I'll be giving my mind something positive to focus on and creating art that people can enjoy.
These past 6+ years I have only been able to banter around in my home or lay in bed in my room much of the time.. the art on my walls and the birds outside my window, have been a great distraction and interest for me. When your body stops being able to move easily, your mind finds other ways of looking at life. (If you let it.)
What I used to never notice or pay attention to I now am able to spend more time studying, and really seeing what is around me. Listening to what things have to say, feeling an emotion when I see an image, really take the time to appreciate something instead of quickly glossing over something and never really comprehending the beauty, the thought behind it, or the intention of it.
My grandmothers both shared this side of life with me. In different ways. One grandmother was all about photos and family history, the other was about the birds, and butterflies outside her window. Both took the time to really understand and to soak in what it means to be apart of this life.
The pictures I take are not really the important part of the equation, the important part is what you feel when you are in their presence.
I hope you take some time to appreciate the beauty of the things around you. Feel what it is saying to you.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
His guard came down, he was real with me. So real. The special kind of real that you can feel the sincerity and the moment lives on forever through that one space and time. It a feeling of symbiosis of clarity, of no barriers, no hidden moments.
Where everything has laid itself out there on the line. The worst and the best all at the same time. No one had ever been that frankly honest. Shared what he shared and in the way that he shared it that day.
It was special, the moments were special and after these moments and this time it was all going to change. I knew it. I felt it. I had been in so many moments before where the walls were gated and held tight with every ounce of energy one could muster. Other times moments would show cracks.
No moment had crumbled before me so sincerely before and my breath was taken away. I remember lying there. Listening. Listening. His voice softly sharing his soul and his secrets. I could feel his pain through his words and his soul shown through his eyes and his cracking voice.
It was only the fifth time I had ever been in his presence or he in mine. I knew then what I know now. That he would have my heart on a string from that moment on.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Migraines have stepped up exponentially and keeping them under control has been a relatively difficult task once again. They have yet to reach previous standards Thank Goodness! But have been highly persistant and successful at stopping many activities I have been trying to do.
I was sad that today I couldn't handle watching my favorite web training as well. Creativelive.com and while the training they were offering today wasn't what I am physically capable of doing, I do learn a lot and can use those ideas in other ways. Hoping that tomorrow is a better day. I have managed to make it to lunch with Jason's folks, tour a new grocery store, as well as visit a friend. While that has tuckered me out for the last couple days paired with migraines.. it was worth it to get out of the house and have some fun with great people.
Didn't take Luka, which was a good thing as he ended up getting sick. =(
Won't be typing long tonight as it is still hurting to sit up. My neck and upper back are pissed off and evidently need some more lying flat time. Grrr. I've got things I need to do! On the list for tomorrow for sure is a bath!
Good news is ready or not my ideas on being an artist are starting to take shape.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You can't just sit there and not try. You have to be working at something, learning something, benefiting something. Stagnanty (my word) is just not possible. If you are not moving forward then you have died a little bit.
I don't know why I am such a persistent person. I am amazed at how many times I try to work things out. I know that others have given up long before now. People give up on me because they do not feel the hope I have inside myself. I don't care. I don't give up on me. If those around me have given up I just let them go.
Life is what you make of it with the hand that you've been dealt. You may be only carrying around a pair of deuces but you know your straight flush is around the corner. Holding on to the hope holding on to any shred of hope sometimes is all that you have. Pushing through persevering when the odds or low or the deck is stacked completely against you does not mean that you are destined to fail.
That life has given up on you. Sometimes the fight just needs to be a small struggle, other times you need to come out swinging. I know that if you are fighting through your life everyday than there are days where you feel less hope than others. But know if you keep searching if you are willing to keep changing. If you are willing to learn, to listen, to adjust there is hope.
For if you keep on doing the same things you will continue to get the same results.
If you are willing to examine what in your life may be holding you back from getting you what you want or need and eliminate or adjust to try something different... you will eventually find a way.
Sometimes this needs to be done to the point of exhaustion. If one thing doesn't work, try another. If one key does not unlock the door find another key. Don't give up.
My life is proof that things that you struggle with need not defeat you. People who define you or who write you off do not defeat you. If you fall you get back up again. If you fail you find another way to head toward what you want.
Are you giving up because the "experts" have given up on you? The experts only know so much. Their brains can only consume and spill so much information.. what if your "expert" has a closed off mind and is not listening to the latest amounts of proof, or the little voice inside them that shares there is something more that can be done.
What do you shut your self off from? Do you shut others out who love you so much that every time they see you they are telling you what you need to do with your life. What if you started listening? What if you actually took their well meaning works to heart, not in anger, embarrassment, or in pain, but genuinely gave some of their ideas a good and well meaning try.
Including them on the journey, enlisting their help. Will it solve your problems? Who knows, but instead of hating or delving in bad feelings about yourself or your situation, you have just enlisted someone and gave them some respect and some love for listening what they had to say.
Giving something new a try, or trying something again that you had tried before isn't a bad thing. Trying alone, and not bringing others into your process is isolating for you. In addition if they can be by your side and acknowledge your efforts and see for themselves that you have really tried to make something work, you will find that they can turn their "nagging" into support.
Just because you may be the one that is hurting in some way does not mean that you are the only one who is. People need to be needed. Let yourself need someone around you. Open yourself up to someone. Share.
Holding things in is detrimental to the healing process.
In my case after holding things in for so long, sometimes they come out all screwed up. Some times things can come out and be harmful, hateful, or horrible. Realize this is happening. Do your best to protect others from the bad feelings. But don't hold the pain in.
It takes time to figure out ways to release it that are not harmful to yourself or others. But persist. Persist in becoming the you that you dream of being.
I know this post is a cheerleadery post. I have lots more of them to share I am sure.
Through out this process, and through out my life I have had to try and try and try again at things. One way or another I find a way. People have counted me out, people have left me behind. I don't care. I know what I am capable of and I know what I have inside me.
Only this matters. When you feel this strongly about yourself you can't help but persist. Before my accident I did this. I think because I fought so hard to get to where I was that it was so so hard for me to let it go.
But I did. It may not have been graceful, but I released it. I have moved on, I am stronger for it. I am wiser and I am more determined than ever. Some people go through life seemingly on a gilded path, while others seem to lie down in defeat. There are others yet, few of us... that hurdle after hurdle, fall after fall, detour after detour, failure after failure, pick ourselves up find a new path and figure it out again and again.
My journey has not been easy. It is not over. But I will persist.
I would like to say a HUGE Thank You to the folks at CreativeLIVE.com I have found a new direction, I am traveling on yet another journey. The things that are freely offered are being put to good use and I am making myself proud once again. I hope you take a moment to check out CreativeLIVE.com It has been a life saver for me.
Sitting home with PBS for years has been another big blessing for me. I have learned to cook. I am now learning photography. Watch out world because this girl has a new passion. I am out there making memories. I will have more to share soon. But just know that big changes are happening in my life.
With my health, with my aspirations and with my time. I am making the most of what I can do with myself. It may be less than others can do but it is the most that I can do. I am proud of that!
I hope you are proud of what you are doing as well! Persist and Adjust and.. in the words of Winston Churchill, "Never Never Never Give Up."
Blessings, Pink Doberman
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Moving an inch or two can sometimes be a painful thing. I woke this morning only to find that during the night I have once a gain done something horrible to myself.
It is usual that my arms or legs or both will be “asleep” due to lack of circulation, which is no doubt painful, but temporary. This would happen to me as a child as well quite often. The funniest time and the one that sticks hardest in my memory, and I may have mentioned before in previous posts… was when I was asleep on the top bunk as a child. I was probably 14 or so. The phone rang, I woke and jumped down to run to the phone.
It was only after jumping that I realized that both of my legs had fallen “asleep” and I not only couldn’t walk, I was in such agonizing pins and needles pain, and pain from having landed on the floor in an uncontrolled heap that the shock of things had set in and while the phone was still ringing..
I found myself dragging my whole body down the hall with my arms to reach the phone. Fruitlessly I must say. As I realized the craziness of my behavior I stopped dragging myself down the hall and just laid there in my misery until the wrenching pain had calmed down.
It was after this incident that I now wake up and take a quick stock of my situation before moving. Which I once again did this morning to find that I had moved in some way to once a gain damage my chances of bounding out of bed.
Ha Ha.. these days I do not bound.. I even on my good days still inch carefully up and out of bed. As one wrong move and BLAM… screwed for the day or week.
Today however my assessment revealed that I didn’t even want to move an inch. I have done something miserable to myself while asleep. I thought I may be able to “tough it out” but more likely I will be breaking down and taking more of my “unhappy” pills to deal with it. These things have a sneaky way of growing unless dealt with.
I am hoping to still be able to reach my goals.. I plan to ride my recumbent bike today.. fingers crossed. I also plan to be able to work out some more kinks on my project.
Most mornings or days I do a series of exercises that don’t require much movement on my part. I am sure there is a name for this type of thing, but I don’t know what it is.
I take ever muscle group I can think of and one at a time do a series of muscle activations that clench up the muscle and then relax it. I also breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. When possible I also do a little stretch with this as well. If I am having issues with one part of my body I just move on to a different part and go from there. Avoiding all sore areas.
This exercise while not perfect is something, and it helps to keep my muscles know that I still need them I suppose. It also gives me the peace of mind that I am doing something positive for myself as well.
And it works!! Which is even better. I can keep my tummy muscles pretty darn strong by just tightening and breathing. I am hoping to also give my self a butt! (after loosing all of the weight I did two years ago, I had no rear end.) Which is frustrating. I am now doing better in this department. Slowly but surely!
So today, I am going to be doing lots of those exercises as my neck and left shoulder are all pissed off today.. I will be also riding my bike for a bit if I can manage with out further pain.
What do you do when you can not do what you had planned to do? Do you just chuck everything out the window or do you make concessions and proudly go about doing what you can?
Today I am happy I can still do many things even though I may have to go about them a bit differently or all together avoid some. I am still in control of my choices. Yipee!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Two Fer… I know it is only Monday and this is my second post of the day. But I’ve just watched and read about this artist. I had to share!
I love what he is doing. I think it is beautiful. I love it even more that he also has an assistance dog!
Check out Pete Eckert
I seriously think you will love what he does as well!
I am close to sharing what I am up to as well…. but you’ll just have to be patient a while longer! In the meantime admire the art that he has been creating! I love how it was displayed on huge buildings! It made those bricks come alive!
Awake when I should be asleep. Oh well what’s new. I just ate my Isagenix Bar and now I am hoping that by getting some of the words out of my head and into the computer that I might just be able to fall back asleep again. I need some. I told Jason this morning that I think my insomnia is back. Grrr. Well, at least I did manage to stay in bed all of last night instead of getting up and wondering around the house aimlessly. Not the best thing to do in the middle of the night while groggy.
Luka did wake up with me once though, Jason was a hero and took him out and even got me a glass of cold water. Which worked out great as my body had gotten very warm.. weirdly so.. I am excited for today. I have lots I want to do.
Some of which involves going for a swim. Hope my suit is clean.. =)
We’ve been pretty busy around here in more ways than one. Jason has been a mad man cleaning up and doing constructive projects around the house.. We have rid ourselves of one couch and are looking to find homes for one more loveseat and a reclining chair. Less is more. Less to move around, less to clean around. We are going for a minimalist approach to living… Ok I am not very minimalistic.. but I am trying.
I have hopes soon that I will also have a newly organized clothing closet. He finished one organizer for our project room and it is working out fabulously I might add! Have yet to find a place for everything but I’ve got a good start on it.
We do things a little bit at a time around here. Wish I could do it all at once, but neither my attention span nor my energy seems to last that long.
I did make a skirt yesterday for our granddaughter!! Yea!! Excited about that! I can’t wait to get it mailed off to Brazil! It is an adorable Red Tule Skirt for her to play in. We were informed that red is her favorite color. So I think we may have to find a Husker shirt to go along with her skirt!
In other family news all of our girls are doing well! D is expecting again!! YiPeee.. another G-baby!! And she is almost an Exec Sr. Director in MK! We couldn’t be prouder!
F is finishing up law school, she is doing quite well! A is in medical school, she has wrapped up her surgery rotation and is going strong!
Our young friend N is now married and working in town, T is in school in Lincoln and working as well.
Sisters and their kids are doing great also!! We hope to be gathering in the spring when Dad and G come for a visit! Yipee!!
Well lots of things to look forward to that is for sure. Lots more as well but I am silent about that for now.
Life is moving forward, even if I have to drag it kicking and screaming! Ha!
Oh, and Jason and I watched the super game last night. Well he watched and I worked on the computer. He did do his duty and remind me when the commercials were on though. I had a margarita chips and salsa and then went to bed early, which may be the cause of my early rise and restless night. =)
All in all we had a GREAT night watching TV and hanging out together! And it worked out great, with both teams wearing yellow pants you couldn’t tell which team was going which way, or who was winning really and so in our house at least there wasn’t much yelling at the screen!
As per feeds on Twitter we gathered this was not the case in other households.
Friday, February 4, 2011
This month has been a bit hellish. I don’t know what is going on other than it could be weather related, and attached as well to the fall I took at the Dr.s’ office, or the glasses being on and off and on and off, or just the simple fact that my brain has indeed been traumatized... But I have been getting worse and longer lasting migraines nearly every day again.
Right now they seem to be increasing in their life disruption… Not that my life is anything that exciting. I have been working at some things that I’d really like to get done though… and these things are driving me NUTS!
I’d like them to go away. I am however so grateful that they are no longer what they were for years after the accident. I will be grateful for that every day of my life I don’t have those again. These hurt and I can’t do much when I have them but I can move around a bit and I can do some things that don’t require perfection.
I would just really like to be able to stop taking all of these migraine pain and muscle relaxation pills. Pills pills pills pills… oh God, I hate pills!
To top it off I fear I am running out of my allotted pill amount again. The insurance company only lets you get so many migraines a month. After that they aren’t considered worth treating I guess. Which really stinks as these dumb pills are $$$$$$$$$
Sorry for the stinky post. I am just frustrated. I have big plans and these buggers have been making it very difficult to get my plans done. It is very hard to try to function through these for me. I try. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I can’t bear the thought of another unproductive day passing.
Jason made me rest yesterday, it did help. I have only been awake a couple of hours now again and I will be heading back to sleep yet again. There is sunshine and I will be asleep. Drat!
On other notes, I am becoming an artist. I will be sharing more about this later! Just know I am making my dream happen. Even though by other standards it may not seem like much, it is and has been something I am having to work very hard for.
I am not doing it alone, but I am doing it. I am so grateful for the people who’ve been placed in my life. Jason especially. Others of you you, well most of you know who you are. Thanks!
I am pushing through. Make way!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Not sleeping tonight leads to blog post. I’ve been doing pretty well in the sleep department as of late. Which I enjoy and I think helps to make my days a bit more productive. This night however has seemed unusually long. Which is unfortunate as Jason is trying to sleep.
I finally relented and am on the computer. I have just caught up reading a myriad of blog posts that had built up in my Google Reader. I love GR.. Just saying. When I started moving around Luka too thought it was time for him to get up on the bed.
The good and bad things about letting your dog (Assistance Dog or Not) upon your bed…
I will start with the bad.
Dirty feet. No matter how hard we try he has dirty feet. Which require us to do extra washing.
Bed Hog! 100 pound Dobermans take up just as much space as I do. Seeing as I only weigh a small amount over him… Thank goodness for a King Size bed.
He things he owns the bed. Well not really, he always asks permission to get up here.. but he is getting really spoiled and now has second thoughts about having to sleep on his floor mat.
He wears a cone to bed. Yes a Comfey Cone. Which prevents him from chewing on his allergy ridden feet. If you recall he is allergic to grass, dust, foods, etc.. which makes pretty much any environment a hazard for him. 100 pound dog with an appropriate sized cone on his head.. makes an even bigger dent when it comes to bed space.
Right now I am relegated to the top 1/3 of the bed on the left 1/2.. Jason has the other full 1/2 and is hopefully sleeping peacefully.
Ok now the good.
When Jason is gone, it is nice to have Luka up here with me. Many times I will wake and his head will be rested on me. I love that.
When I am not feeling well it is magnificent to have him curled up with me. I feel as if I am not alone. Most of the time Jason may be gone. However even if he is here, snuggling up with me when I am feeling crappy isn’t his strong suit, and he has tons of other things he is trying to get done… Laundry, dishes, work..
It would seem as if the bad outweighs the good. It would seem that way in writing. But emotionally, it is worth all of the bad to have the good.
Growing up I would bribe my sisters to sleep in my bed with me so I wouldn’t be alone. I don’t think they ever got much sleep as I tossed and thrashed about so badly.. But I always slept great and I never got cold.
Sometimes it is nice to not be alone.
Blessings & Sweet Dreams,
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I am writing today a post for a blog carnival that is to be hosted on one of my favorite bloggers sites. The Carnival will be posted on the 26th of January. A blog Carnival is where several bloggers write about a common topic, and one blogger will be the “host” and post all of the links to all of the different posts on the same subject by the different bloggers. It is a great way to connect with others and increase awareness and enjoy differing perspectives.
TOPIC: What advice would you give to those, who have been recently diagnosed with an illness or are going through the process of diagnosis? - Any experience or tips you would like to share. Any words to give strength or some straight forward facts. Any clinical information, specific or general. Anything that you feel someone had told you.
To let you know a bit about PFAM- Patients For A Moment- it’s a patient-centred blog carnival initiated by Duncan Cross to build connections within the community of people who blog about illness, disease and disability. Thanks to Leslie for carrying it on and to Shweta Chaubey for hosting this edition!
My thoughts…. for what they are worth..
When I was blasted in the car accident over 6 years ago, the last thoughts on my mind were that the Dr.’s that I would be seeing had no clue what to do with me.
For as much as one learns in medical school it is never enough. The sad thing is that I had the idea that Dr’s knew it all, and I was not to question them. They give that impression they never tell you that they are not sure, and if they don’t know what they are dealing with it is very few who will admit it.
To get a diagnosis, this is what I had to learn. Look out of the box.. Not out of the medical establishment, but look toward Dr.’s who would research for you who would continue to refer you to other places. Who would never get upset if you second guessed there thoughts. The most defensive were usually the ones with out a clue.
Look toward others who are suffering right along with you, scour the internet, blogs, support groups of other people.. tell others what is going on with you, writing this blog, and sharing what I was having troubles with was a key factor in one of my diagnosis.
If you are looking to someone to diagnose you, start with doing what work you can for yourself. If you are working to help someone else fine a diagnosis you can do the same thing for them.
Make a list:
Identify everything you can think of symptom wise. Even the insignificant things. I began my list with the details of my auto accident. I also included similar experiences of family and friends, as they turned out to be key in diagnosis of a genetic issue that hindered my improvement. I just slowly added things as I could recall.
Start your list, and continually go back to it updating it. Add also if you can recall the date or approximate date that the symptom happened. If you’ve experienced things longer than you can recall, make sure that you list those things as well.
In my life many of the things that I had always thought were “cool” about myself were the things that had been the beginning of some of my troubles, and the key to one part of my mystery.
Ask others what they see that is going on with you. You may not be able to personally identify it all. For example I was having issues thinking. I still had all of the same thoughts they were now just in slow motion much of the time. I had just gotten used to the slowness, it wasn’t until someone else shared about it that I recalled the way it used to be for me.
Allowing others to help, and not turning people away when they offer well meaning advise. It was a dinner with friends, one of my girlfriends eats Gluten Free… I researched it so I knew what she could have. Later I realized that I had subconsciously been avoiding gluten and I was feeling better for it. I spoke with the Dr. we did one of the tests, it came back that gluten was not a problem, the test we did was the easy one, and I really did not want to go through the other one, so I just did my own test to figure it out instead of the more invasive one. I just stopped eating gluten. Big changes happened for me. I am glad I listened to my body.
Have faith that you will find the right diagnosis, with out a proper diagnosis, you many times have no clue in which to head. However even with out a proper diagnosis, it shouldn’t stop you from doing the best you can to be healthy. Eating simple foods from basic ingredients, in proper amounts. Reducing anything that is premade or made with sugars, artificial ingredients, talk to a dietitian many grocery stores have one you can talk to for free that will give you a proper shopping list and recipes as well.
If you are not going to treat yourself well, how can you expect to go to the Dr. and get them to give you their best when you don’t even give your best to yourself.
Small things, like holding your tummy in for two seconds 10 times a day or squeezing your buttocks, straightening your foot or flexing here and there.. You don’t have to be out running a mile or walking one either. But what ever you are able to do figure it out and do it. If someone else tries to do it for you when you can ask them to let you. As long as you have the spoons for it.
I fought for myself. After years of thinking someone was going to figure this out and “fix” me. I figured out, that I had better get with the program. I stopped listening to the placation, the extended… Oh, well, you must just take longer to heal, or I can’t find anything wrong…etc. I stopped. I took control of what I could and that includes seeing different specialists, and pushing for more.
One other thing that really helped was having someone else to advocate for me. My husband who has and had gone through this all with me, who watched and listened to me wretch and moan in pain with every breath, for years, was now becoming my advocate. When Dr’s wouldn’t listen to me he stepped in. They listened to him.
Find yourself and advocate, just another person to corroborate your story to the Dr. I know it doesn’t seem like much but realize that Dr’s also do not know who to trust or what to deal with first in some cases. Help them help you. Help them hear you.
On the note of writing your symptoms down, also write down what you are doing for yourself to create wellness. Write that you now drink water instead of soda. Write that you are avoiding xxxx foods… Tell them that you are doing xyz exercise on your own in addition to what they have already suggested for you.
Let them know in writing that you are working to help yourself. If they see you doing your best to help yourself, you will make them a stronger team player for you. Don’t complain and whine at them. Keep things as simple and focused as possible, and have a short list of things you need.
If you hand a list of meds to the nurse that you are needing refills on or wanting to try, she/he can work on that while you are talking to the Dr. Make a plan to work on this now, and then come back in 2 weeks to work on the rest if you have a longer list. Or when you book the appointment, ask the receptionist to schedule you for two spots.
Be nice! Be very nice. Make them want to see you. They are people too. If you wouldn’t want to be around you then no one else including those whom you pay will want to be around you. There are other ways of expressing to others how horrible you feel figure out how you can best express how you feel with out it involving blame anger resentment and feelings like that.
Believe me I am angry, but the anger will kill me. The happiness I feel focusing on the positives can cure me. This does not mean I ignore what makes me angry, I just find more positive ways to deal with it.
I write. If you are better at speaking then you should vlog (video blog) or maybe you draw, take your time. I know that my Dr’s put my list of issues and improvements, and discouragements in my file. I carry this list around to my appointments, updating it every few months or so.
I used to think that if they thought xyz about me was important that they would ask. They didn’t even know to ask. Dr’s forms are very generalized and don’t have room for very specific information that is relative to obscure issues. These forms also don’t lead you much into telling more information.
When you hand their filled out forms along with your list of issues that you’ve created, that includes dates and symptoms, issues you have as well as what you have tried and are already doing to get better, you can give them a more complete picture. Don’t forget to list all of your medications, even if they are the one’s who prescribed them, what you have learned from other Dr.’s and what medications you have tried that were not successful. Be sure to include anything that helped you to feel better, and what makes you feel worse.
Now that I have figured out what my “diagnosis's” are on that paper I have also written the Doctors who diagnosed me and when. I include their contact information and any thing else I can come up with that may be helpful.
Chronic patients are difficult. My doctor loves seeing me. I am like a breath of fresh air for his office. His receptionists like me, they get me appointments easily now, the nurse’s deal with me swiftly, and the Dr. is always greeting me and excited to see me. My doctor does not know it all, but I am not looking at him to solve it all for me. I am looking at him to listen enough to what is going on with me to know what direction to send me next and to support me in my efforts, and steer me correctly when I need it.
Now I fully realize that what has worked for me and what I have learned, and what I can do are not going to work for everyone. However, if this has helped you or given you some ideas as to what may work or what someone else might be going through then I hope you come away happy having learned another perspective. I know there are those out there who are only able to blink, or may only be able to move their thumb, or may be dealing with dying.
This is just my story about what has worked for me. I hope it gives you greater understanding.
Receiving your diagnosis is just one part of your journey. If you don’t have one, don’t be discouraged. Believe in yourself, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve to have as great of a life as you can manage. Love others and let them love you. Help others and let them help you. Life is not a path you should travel alone, so don’t push people off of your path because of how you feel.
Learn to accept how you feel, and learn to accept that no one else in this world can understand exactly what you are going through. Accept it and learn that what is more important sometimes is trying to understand some one else’s perspective.
As a note it was over 6 years after my car accident that my problems were given a label, don’t be discouraged. Keep on going. You are worth it!
Wishing you many blessings, speedy diagnosis, and a pile of love and understanding,
P.S. I am a member of the group Chronic Babe you can be a member too, it is free. There is a link to it on my blog page, in addition Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter and other places have some very good groups/links where you can connect with others who may be having similar issues.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Do you ever wonder what you’ve done in your day that gets you so tired?
Today I have done just that. I woke up around eight am after having slept I’d say since midnight or so. Which is pretty good for me. I hadn’t heard Jason sneak out to take night pictures either. So I was soundly sleeping. I had taken migraine meds before sleeping as I had one. I woke and it was gone. Which was great as I had gotten rid of it before actually falling to sleep.
I fiddled around on the computer, and drank my morning cleanse. Jason went and got it for me this morning. I noticed a bit later that my right side was flaring up. Which is a sure sign of a migraine starting, so I once again took my meds.. Managed to stay awake long enough for Jason to leave for town to run errands. Slept until he called me.
It was a good thing he did call, because I had been dreaming and he was in trouble with me in the dream. I dreamt that he had let me sleep until six that night. I was livid. Anyhow, this was not reality. He called at a half past noon. Asking if I might need anything else. I sounded terrible I gather by the tone of his voice on the other end of the phone.
I had to keep reminding myself that it must have been a dream in which I was so mad at him and in reality I was not. So in other words… be very nice on the phone! I was, I was also extremely groggy. Now this grogginess lasted until about three that afternoon. When I finally mustered up enough brain power to make it out of bed. I had plans you see, and I was frustrated that I wasn’t gathered enough to make them happen.
Sometimes in life you just need to always be aware that there is lemonade no matter how many lemons you see staring you in the face. Today was no exception. While I hadn’t gotten much accomplished, I did manage to fold a load of laundry, wipe out part of my shower all be it not very well, and get a surprise we’ve been working on started.
Not to bad. Of course now by nine this evening I was completely exhausted, I’d only been up now for six whole hours, and as I type this it has been eight. I am drained exhausted, physically aching. I must say that I did manage another trip out today, the trip out yesterday I am sure is the one that resulted in me getting two migraines, however the trip today I guess was enough to make me clearly wasted as well. In addition I did also manage to get 10 minutes of bike riding done which did not happen yesterday.
It was all fun, and all worth it. I feel as we are accomplishing something together and I love that feeling.
Even though it has resulted in a pretty exhausted body of mine. I guess I will just rest again until I am all caught up.
Even though I have few spoons I feel I have used them wisely to accomplish something. I am happy about that! (Spoons are a term that is used for folks who have to choose what they do each day very carefully, each spoon represents an activity or action. Some people may only have a couple of spoons available to them each day and others may have unlimited. Those with disabilities, usually have fewer spoons and have to use them very sparingly in order to insure they can accomplish something.)
I hope you had a spoon filled day!
Mine has been grand,
Monday, January 17, 2011
Well as you might imagine this post is going to be about my hips. I am frustrated. It used to be only the right one would get hung up. Now the left is doing it too. I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised, after all they both slip out.
I haven’t figured out how to be able to wiggle them around enough to slip them back in, everything I do has caused more pain or been ineffectual. I did have a Physical Therapist who had gotten the hang of it on my right hip. It wasn’t an easy thing or a pretty one but it worked.
After DaaaaYS of it being off, last night my left hip finally had a nearly drop me to the floor while I was getting off of the bike recovery moment. I’ve been trying to peddle anyway, some days I could only get a few minutes in others I might make it to five or to 10 minutes which is my goal. Last night I made it five minutes before deciding the pain had grown to fast and I needed to stop. In lifting my right leg up over the bar of my recumbent bike and while letting it down on the other side as I was getting ready to stand, well, my whole pelvic region did this crunching popping twisting… which resulted I believe in my left hip being properly seated. However the pain this caused was intense and I felt very unstable.
Of course Luka hearing my discomfort screaming ( softly as I could, as Jason was sleeping already ) ran to the other room to insure that what ever had happened to me wasn’t going to happen to him… Chicken..
He did come back after I called for him, Jason never once waking up. Ha! My man was beat. Luka helped me back to bed and then Jason woke up. My very gracious man settled Luka in and then dozed off immediately.
My hip is still sore. It is angry and I think I need to tie my knees together to insure that my hips don’t splay to much today. Which to me is not at all a fun thought. It might just be the less painful way to make it through the day though. It is going to be considered.
Instead I am wearing my very tight jeans in hopes that they will keep my hips securely locked into place so they can stop yelling at me for my lack of strength and tightness.
Ha Ha!! I guess you could call me loose. =) Which is certainly funny.
Please note: I inherited my mother’s horrible sense of humor. I try to control it. As most things I think should be funny usually turn out to piss someone off or hurt some one’s feelings.
Additional Note: Perhaps more importantly. I am a drama queen. Yes. I know the truth hurts. DQ is really all about being me, and getting what I want, so stay out of my way people.
…. Just kidding. I am a Drama Queen, but please don’t stay out of my way. I like to have people around so they can get mixed up in my drama.
I am going to get back on the “horse” again today, and give myself some more exercise. Not quite ready to do that at this moment but I will before I go to bed. I had been trying to get 2 ten minute biking sessions in. I am now down to one and if I can manage it I will be thrilled to do two.
Life is funny. So am I but if I start getting funny you’d better run. I may have permanently damaged you in some way. Really the truth? I am just a big dork that is having difficulty amusing herself at the moment.
Oh the joys of being alone in the house to long. I might be going mad. We’ll I am not mad have you looked outside lately. I would really like to go somewhere, but it will be days before that happens. And it is cold out there and I AM warm in here. So I will just continue amusing myself at your expense. That is if you are still bored enough to be reading this.
I was tired, I slept for nearly 3 hours shortly after writing the above message. I think I might have been loosing my mind.. Oh the joys!
Anyhow now that I am feeling much better, I am going to try and get a few things done around here.. I am drinking my shake for lunch it is past two but that counts I think.
Well I’m having a good day and am looking forward to my bike ride later.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Glasses are back on. I have not been back to the Dr. But I was feeling foggier and a mess again… Glasses back on today.. much better day. Happy about that.
I do have an appointment, but it isn’t for a while.
Other things are going well which is nice. My internet service has been fixed. No more getting kicked off every 5-10 minutes!! Woo HOo!!!
Luka well, his feet are still messed up from a couple of weeks ago. He lost a bootie and we put a small booty on him, it messed up two different feet. So he is back to being an unhappy cone head. =(. Means we really can’t go out together, as his feet are messed up. And he is sneaky, if you take his cone off the next thing you know he’s chewed on his feet again. So.. Cone on. Full time for the next however long until his skin is healed.
I did get more Muttluks ordered. I got four more pairs, as the last batch of them that he is wearing now, has already gotten holes worn in them. FRUSTRATING!! I am going to try adding Sugru to the bottom of one of the pairs. I can have hope I guess. The Sugru has worked on the chair for my new to me recumbent bike. I should really take a picture.
Speaking of Sugu.. I used it to mount hanging devices on some Christmas presents we gave out. I think it worked like a charm…
Luka is lying her right now moaning.. so hard, I can’t really go itch what he want’s itched, I don’t want to break it open again. =( Heartbreaking..
He does have a guest right now. Our dog sitting guest is back. She’s doing great! they play a little but mostly she just follows someone around… whomever is moving, she is hot on their heels. Drives Jason a little batty, but hey. It is all good! He loves giving her attention too.
Oh, and the migraine I had last night I got rid of before I woke. This is the SECOND time that this has worked. Usually the meds don’t work for me overnight. I tried a new combination. LOVE this! Fingers crossed that it continues to do the trick!! WooT Woo!!
I am enjoying my new to me computer and my good internet. NICE!!
Hope you are having a good day too!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
You know you are doing the right thing when waves of enthusiasm sweep over you. You stay awake at night dreaming of the possibilities the potentials and the vision you are creating for yourself.
I finally feel as if I am on the right path. It is a path to some degree that I began 20 years ago. I am finding myself again. I am creating a dream for myself. Then I will be setting some goals for myself to put into my reality.
In my case this has been difficult. I am capable of many things. The draw back lies in the fact that while I am capable of doing many things, I need to be able to do them in my time frame not in someone else’s. I need to be able to take out time for what my health needs are both physically and mentally.
I am finally working out ways of making these things happen. I am finally seeing a light.
I wanted to post, this since I have been so bad lately it seems all I do is write posts about how I am not posting much. I am glad to not be posting much. I like posting, and sharing. I am sure I will be back to doing it more regularly once I get this all figured out, but right now most of my energy is going toward getting my vision for myself set up.
I am not going to say more because I’d like you to enjoy the surprise I am planning. I will post in between now and when I am ready to go.
I am working with what I am able to do, which makes me happy. I am finding others to help me with what I am not able to do which makes me nervous, but also happy. Additionally I have a project that I’ve not gotten done for someone else that I need to get done.
So I will be making a very cute set of curtains here soon. At least that is the plan. Still not sure when I am going to get my own curtains made. Jason asked me that the other day. I said I needed help getting them cut out as they are so big and slippery. I asked if he’d be willing to help me. He said YES. So I may be getting that project done as well before I start on this other plan.
Oh, I am currently glasses free. They are helping. I don’t know whether or not I will get a fourth set of lenses or what comes next but when I see the Dr. I will know.
That is a whole nother set of things I have been putting off. Dr visits. I don’t ever want to go see another one. But, I’ve got a mamogram, dexa scan, regular check up, another check up, eye check up, and probably something else I am not thinking of right now to get done. I like my Dr’s don’t get me wrong. I just would rather never see them professionally again.
Oh, and we are starting back at the gym next week. At least that is the plan. Thanks to Groupon, we got a great deal for three months. I can get back in the pool for pool therapy! Yipee, and one of my neighbors is going to drive me! YEA!
We have also been scouring Craigslist. We found a recumbent bike for $50!! A nice one that works… the seat was a little ripped up but I patched it with my Sugru and we are now in business. I love it. I’ve been riding it every morning for 10 minutes and every night for 10 minutes. It has been awesome! Now I need to find a good treadmill for not to much money that I can use at home. We’d gotten one in the past but it is broken and we don’t know how to fix it. So we are searching again.
The snow has officially arrived in Nebraska. Piles of huge fluffy flakes have whitened up the state. It looks beautiful I have to say. Jason is going to have some fun with the shovel and our neighbors snow blower I think. The birds have been flocking to my feeders like crazy. I am loving their visits.
Luka is doing well. He’s been having a few issues lately with missing boots, throwing up and a little diarrhea so he hasn’t been going out with us as much. Besides I haven’t gone anywhere by myself in ages, Jason does a good job of giving me support and so do my friends. I just miss my independence. Hopefully with my glasses having a better effect, and my getting stronger, I can do more on my own. Just keeping him for places with stairs or that I know I will be getting up and down a lot. We’ll see.
We’ve decided I think that I won’t be venturing outside this winter on ice much at all. Don’t need a fall to make things difficult. So I’ll be using my disability tag in the car at the gym to get closer parking so I don’t fall, and so I can make it back to the car after exercising. Besides the cold seems to do nasty things to me any more. Good thing I am a former farm girl and know how to pack on the layers. I do think a nice pair of toasty warm snow pants is in order though. I used to have some that would probably fit me now, but I think they may be long gone. Besides they weren’t the warm kind, just the waterproof kind.
Might be something to think about. I am getting goggles ordered for swimming and a swim cap too. Hope those things will make my experience nicer in the pool.
I am getting things set up again finally. I am so looking forward to spring, when I am planning to get started walking outside again. I do like having the indoor bike. I find that many times I exercise at 11 or after midnight. I am strange. I know. But it works for me, and there is no way I’d be venturing outside for a walk at those hours no matter how nice it was outside.
Dreaming of sunny warm weather when everything is green!