This is not a complaint it is just a recognition…
These past six plus years have been a trying time for me mentally. Everything I do, every relationship I have, and how I think have all had to be completely adjusted.
Some friendships have fallen to the wayside, others have grown stronger.
It still hurts when I think of the good I was involved in doing prior to my accident. I was in charge of designing and implementing a teen leadership development week for District 5650 in Rotary. We were hosting exchange students almost every year, I would pick up trash with my local Rotary Club and hand out boxes of food for the holidays to people. I was doing all of these things to not only help others but to push myself to become more comfortable around others and in different situations.
I’ve written before about my MK business and what I was doing with that. In a short snippet I was gearing ourselves to be financially secure, while growing my comfort level and business acumen. Each day was a test for me, a push to work through my issues and fears. While I was working on my own issues, I was working to help others face and deal with theirs as well. I focused on helping others, which in turn allowed me to help myself.
I am finally starting to feel as if I am pointed in the right direction since the accident. There is so much more that has gone on that I am not able to talk about just yet. It will shock you when I am able to finally put it into print.
I am currently waiting for my THIRD set of lenses for my Traumatic Brain Injury treatment. ( To learn more about that click on About Tonja at the top of this page )
We are sending out real holiday cards for the first time in six years I think. To top it off I designed them, and Jason took the pictures! If you’d like one be sure I have your address! I’ve felt guilty for years not getting this done. I LOVE getting the yearly updates, I especially love the pictures people include. They decorate my kitchen and dining area for the year, I make a collage of them and then they are displayed. It is fun to see how everyone changes! It is also handy in recognizing peoples children and remembering their names. I do wish people included their children’s ages or grades on them though. I have difficulty in remembering those things.
I am weird I suppose, but every card or personal letter that I have ever gotten I have saved. Things on my computer or things that have been emailed to me I try to save but often times they just become lost in the overwhelming data, and they turn into virtual junk. I am going to have to work on a better filing system for those things as well I think.
Speaking of sending out cards, I have been working diligently at recreating my address list. So many faces have changed in my life. I have been so discombobulated, along with people moving, my lack of organizational skills, and computer and phone documentation lost or being non transferable recreating my address list has been a daunting task. I have been determined and I have been working at it now for weeks!
While these things never reach a final completion. I now have an adequate grasp on the task and will be able to print labels for all of my cards. I ordered them with preprinted return addresses so everything is ready to go. No handwriting. While I am able to write, I am not able to write for long or legibly as well any more. My hand just doesn’t work like that these days. It is also going better because Jason is also involved in the process.
I’ve also been taking more online classes at creativeLIVE in addition to teaching myself how to use some computer programs better. I will never fully understand EXCEL in fact I really am not sure if it will ever be possible for me to actually know how to use that program. But I am learning how to use Photoshop better. Not that I want to “completely edit our pictures” I do want to be able to process them properly though. I would also like to use it at some point to make fine art with or be hired to do jobs in graphic design or editing.
I guess that is the direction I am headed at this moment. As far as taking pictures goes.. I’ve been taking pictures of the beautiful birds outside my window lately! It makes me so happy to see and listen to my birds. Some how through this activity my lonely feelings have lessened. I am happy about that! One of the neatest things, is that the birds are pretty tolerant now of having me around. They like to watch me through the window, and they even perch on the sill to tell me they are out of food. When I or Jason fill up the feeders now they no longer completely disappear, in fact they are eagerly waiting inches away in some cases for us to refill their food.
Luka is doing well, he’s getting lumpy now. Which I can’t say that I am that excited about, but he is still in good health and still able to hang with me and help me as I need. So that is fantastic.
When my new lenses arrive, I am under instructions to begin walking. So we will be out and about doing that, hopefully somewhere warm!