Sunday, May 24, 2009

MiNdNumBinG ChAoS!

So as things go for me anymore. It is days and weeks before I am able to get things on my list accomplished. Don't think that because I am writing this now that I actually have my list completed. It is actually far from the case. I have written a list of things that covers two pages each line of things that I need to do.

Grrr. I've been saying that allot lately. It has been over a month since I have had the mental/emotional/as well as the timelyness factor to be able to write this post. My month has been totally out of control. I plan everything ahead of time, thank goodness I've started doing that. At least that is the way the month started out. Somethings are not able to be planned for but those that I can prepare for early I sure make every attempt to do.

I had the things for my garden planned out early... my plans fell through, but other options have risen, and I am making the most of those. The garden is still not all planted yet, but at least I've gotten it started. Jason has agreed to help me get the rest of that in, of course that will have to wait till next week sometime.

I ended up making a trip to a town with a great monument to tour. Jason taught a class and I was able to go with him! It made for a great Cinco de Mayo trip. I even won a tee-shirt! I love it too!!! Jason's mom made a great recommendation to try out a resturaunt! The night was fabulous, great friends, and great food!

On our way into town, we stopped by a natural rock formation and took pictures. We made it just in time to get a few pictures in before the sun had completely set. We travel and try to stop and read those histerical markers. At least that's what we call them. We drove into town, and checked in to the hotel then went looking for food. That took us quite a while, this town shut down at 9pm. Nothing was open. Thank goodness for Taco Bell, who's hours everywhere are super great!

His class was over, and the next day we took advantage of the morning and early afternoon to go see the sights. It went perfectly! I was feeling well this morning, after a week of on again off again migraines. I got better just in time to go out to eat the night before. And I was feeling great this morning! Jason was shocked! I haven't been able to walk that much in a long time. We didn't walk more than 300 yards total, but hey, we didn't have to for most of the things. Jason drove us up, and had just planned to do that. He'd drive, I'd get out and stand or sit, and then we'd be gone to the next area.

I had other plans. I wanted to give walking the paths a try! It worked out great, we went slow and we got to go on a couple of short trails, so that we could enjoy the views on the goregous day!
We took pictures, and read about each area, Luka enjoyed it as well. He was able to get out and sniff around for a while, so much better than smelling things from the back of the Jeep.

Things went so well we stopped at a state park on our way home. I didn't walk as much there, but we did get out and take a few more pictures.

Our trip home was interesting. The Jeep decided that it needed to have a pitstop. We chugged into a town along the road. We sat for a while while the awesome Jeep Dealership fixed it up and off we went again. By this time I was feeling the activities of the day. I had begun medicating. With all of the activity I hadn't noticed, and nither had Luka, he was too focused on the new surroundings, and then getting as much sleep as he could, that boy was exhausted. He'd been watching me for days with my migraines catching many of them, but even then it took some time for me to be out of that pain. It had been varying from a couple of hours to about 8 or so hours.

This time was to be one that reminded me how lucky I am now. With Luka, with the Radial Neuropathy Injections, with the medication, with the added strenghth I have, all of these things have made it better. Jason is even dealing with this better. Although we still have our moments. It turned out, that this migraine would last 5 days. All day all night, all of the things that are bad about getting them happened. I even tried to go to the ER to get some help from the Dr's. That didn't work either. The last couple time's I have gone, it seems they have changed how they treat people with migraines. They don't give them pain meds they give them other things. Which would be fine if it worked.

They asked me after the IV of fluid and medications, how I was feeling. I felt two different ways. 1. If I wasn't moving and didn't have to talk I felt pretty good, the pain was less. 2. If I had to talk or move at all, I would say or do anything to not have to move at all! It was HELL! So, since this form of treatment may work on other people, it does not work on me. The migraine lasted 3-4 more days, it never went away, and I just began taking all the medication I thought I could keep down, and not get in to trouble with.

That sucks! I would have rather been at the hospital being monitored. But since their protacols are different now, I seemed to have no choice. This had to stop. I was told after I came out of the migraine that everyone was very worried about me. I was in a coma like state just moaning and sleeping, or throwing up for days. I didn't eat much and I slept and slept and slept. I kept the ice on my head and neck. Also had it on my back.

Durring this time, there were many promises that I couldn't keep. I just kept putting things off one more day, one more day, .... I felt so bad that I couldn't even ask anyone to do those things for me. It would have been to hard, and too painful to get what I needed done.

My client Kristy, I remember I spent many days worried about her MK order not getting out. But I couldn't do anything about it other than worry about it. Now Kristy, is very nice, and she was more than gracious. It isn't that. I just hate not doing what I say I will do. I hate not being able to follow through. I was also supposed to be getting the garden in the flowers planted, other MK orders out, and the house cleaned, and food made for a birthday party and a graduation party to be held at our house. These are things that others could pull off, but not as I had planned.

To our teenager who the parties were for, our house was already clean in her mind. (keep in mind that she came from a home where the mother wasn't able to clean for years!) I am determined to not let that be me. It might take me longer, things might not be perfect, but they will be done as good as I am able to do them. And with that I will be satisfied.

And that's how it went. I got better from this episode. Luka by my side, now feeling guilty for watching me suffer so. He was like glue. I've been to my Dr again, and the new medication is 1/2 gone already this season has brought many barometer changes. Aie Yie Yie.. Not to mention I am pushing myself to make sure that things are accomplished. Jason is working all he can, and well our teenager is a teenager. While concerned and helping, is helping like a typical teen who is self absorbed, and focused on her social life. I was the same way, no amount of talking to would make this better, at least not for the long haul, we had had a couple of talks but none that warrented any long term change.

We just hope that as she grows up and has personal responsibilities that she will fufill her obligations. But since she hasn't had the best examples of that in the past, we are just trying to be the best examples that we can. She will constantly compare, in her mind an occasionally verbally, that everything is already better, cleaner, nicer or whatever than it was, and did make the comment that so many people would be thrilled with our home as it is, that it was just fine it didn't have to be perfect.

While that is true I know. The standards that I have set for myself and that I expect from myself are not set this low. While I've had to compromise, I am certainly not willing to give up, on the cleanlieness, or the fixed up portions. If I can find a way, I will make a way!

Her birthday was great! Thank goodness for tax money. We had planned to bank it, but with having those that had promised to help us with her, find other places for their financial assistance, we had invitations out for these things by now, and that made it our responsiblity to follow through with them. Graduation and her birthday, used up the money. We had combined her party with another who was graduating. That did help, while we had double the people, we had others responsible for things as well. As I knew even on my best day, that I would never be able to make the salads and sides needed to feed people. I made BBQ pork, I made allot 4 shoulders worth. OUCH! I should have picked something easier, but never having done it before, and having planned to do it a couple weeks in advance, well, the timing didn't work out, and it was done just in time.

The arthritus in my hands was going full force and the pulling apart of the fat and the meat about did my hands arms and back in. But it did turn out to taste very good. It was a success. I spent up to the moment getting things ready, and everyone pitched in. We have a neighbor guy and gal who it wouldn't have been possible with out their help. I did allot of dishes, and I felt pretty good for the day.

During graduation Luka caught another one. I took my meds and Jason took me home early. I didn't have time to rest, I just had to hope that Luka had caught it in time, and the meds would now do their job. I stayed in the kitchen, as that is all I could manage. No extra people, and nothing more to focus on than one thing at a time.

Outside there were people everywhere! It went well. Off with out a hitch. Two happy seniors, and the house was cleaned up for the most part that night! Phew!

Now the past days have been for catching up. Gardening, watering, paperwork, regular cleaning and such. We've seen a few friends, done a few things. Tonight is the first time I am finding my head clear enough to write this post. While there have been many more things go on. Over all I am proud of how I handled everything. I did as good as I could. I didn't give up, and I think most things went very well.

I guess that is all that I can ask of myself. We are headed out tomorrow for another trip to one of Jason's jobs. We are so fortunate to have such good friends! We could have never done this with out everyone's help!

We are broke but thankful we did our best! Should we have spent the money? I don't know. I have guilt about it for sure. Could we have done it less expensive? I believe so, I never dreamed that those who had promised to support her and us for doing this would not. Hindsite being what it is, we should have just served cake! But, we made it through, our bills are paid on time. Somehow, it happened. God is good! Thank God and Thanks to my MK and Jason's extra jobs!


I hope to post some pictures of my garden soon too!! Check out my facebook for most pictures! And as usual I am now by far too tired to check my spelling and grammer... So I appologize, but this blog is not about that so on to publishing and bed I go!

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