rEaLiZaTiOn.. SaLvAgE tHe bEsT!

So I was catching up on a little reading tonight.  I've been neglecting to read several of the blogs I have subscribed to.  Which is perfectly fine as they aren't going anywhere!  =)!

I have either been in to much pain or to busy trying to get things done around here, and today I went out twice and drove once! (An Unexpected Blessing!)  Not very far, but I got out on my own with Luka!  More on that later.

While reading the blogs I came across this one.  Kara Swanson's Brain Injury Blog.  This post struck me today. 
I hope you will take a minute to check it out. 

If you have read her post then the rest of this will make more sense.  For the longest time I held on to my life.  Held on to the hope of having it back.  I still do I guess.  Emotionally that is.  I need to let that girl go and bury her.  Start over fresh.  

My mom passed, and the three of us girls did that.  Dad told us what was important to him, and we took care of the rest.  We were immediate about it.  While it was not easy, it was cathartic.  We each saved what made us happy.  The rest of her life was gifted to others donated or sold.  My dad moved on dramatically as well.  He had a period of struggling to find a proper age appropriate way to move on, but he figured it out with a little help {Wink} and is doing well. 

Are you ever over loosing someone?  I don't think so, but you are able to move on a make a new life for yourself.  When I was given the opinion from the Dr.'s that I was going to be better in 2 Days 2 Weeks and 2 Years..  time kept going on and so did my hope to return to my life.  YEARS WENT BY... Hope held on.  Finally I looked at my Doc.  I said.  I am not going to ever be like I was am I?  He finally said that I was not. 

I think I was at 4 -5 years into this when he told me that.  I was sick.  Emotionally sick, but Emotionally relieved as well.  I had been fighting this whole time to get that life back.  All of the energy I had was focused on the past.  Focused on getting back to that.  Time had gone on.  Even if I could physically get back together, I would never have "that" life back. 

And at this point I didn't even really have a life to hold on to at that moment.  Not of my own.  But I did with the relationship with my husband.  So I hang on to that as I try build one for myself.  I miss who I was.  I am hopeful that who I am becoming will mean something. 

I have lost myself before.  This is the second time.  It is hard to salvage and move on. 

Who I am changed each time.  Who I had to be was different.  Who I will be will be different. 

But I will also be exactly the same. 

Thanks Kara for sharing your story.

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

AtTiTuDe & mY hUbBY!

What do you do when everything falls apart?



You just start picking up the pieces one at a time.





Our lives often feel like a puzzle.  Often times fitting together perfectly.  Most of the time a little effort is required, if not allot of effort.

Today seemed to be no exception.  I don't feel like disclosing what happened.  I will say it involved money of course..

But Jason is once again my hero.  This time he used major amounts of self control, I am sure!  I am sure thoughts of running the other direction entered his mind every time I started to speak.  He also gave me hope when I was losing it.

I appreciated that.  I am usually the hopeful one.. but I am frustrated these days and on and off of pain meds I am sure does not help my mental state.

At any rate.. Jason persisted through many obstacles that were in his way.  He came out on the other side my shining hero!  I really know that his frustration and stress level have not been decreasing.  He however has really been shining in the attitude department!  I am not sure what he is doing.  He really never has been bad or horrible... he used to just be less than excited about some things..  and his tone would reflect it.

His tone has changed.  His attitude is changing.  I am loving that!

He deserves so much credit for sticking with me!  He has just been the best husband anyway.  He does everything that has to be done.  This time what he did helped me be a stronger person.  His attitude and willingness to do all that he could with the best attitude really meant the world to me.  It makes me love him even more.  He is quite wonderful.  I feel blessed in the midst of difficult times.

He has also been out taking some other great pictures!!  I am really impressed with what he does!  I love looking at all of the cool things he is out seeing and capturing digitally! We have yet to print any of his shots.

Maybe in the future.  But since that costs extra we will just have to have a plan! 








I love this one.  It is so simple it is peaceful to me!

Some leaves hang on despite all of the challenges that winter provides and this winter was a doozie!  These leaves to me remind me of the potential in all of us to hang on spring or a new season will be here soon!



I wish I could do something that would improve things as we know it.  I am working on that...

For now I am just going to hang on and listen to him playing his guitar in the basement!


Love you honey, and I appreciate you and all that you do!

Pink Doberman

ThE iNtErViEw... Alicia Myers from 10/11 News in Lincoln NE ... LB858

I fixed the bad links below. 
Thanks for letting me know they were bad!  Sorry they were. =)

~
 Click to see:
The Official 10/11 News Interview with Alicia Myers Click Here!

Click on Service Dog Rights Part 1

Check it out!  Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myers did an amazing job!

                        I can't wait to see Part 2 tomorrow night!

Our story even made the Headline Page!  How cool is that!  10/11 News Rocks!

See some pictures that Jason took from the interview!  He managed to avoid the video camera completely!

 

 

 

  

What do you think?  Put your comment's on Channel 10/11's site, and don't forget to add your opinion to their poll!  CLICK HERE!  I fixed this link also I think.. Give it a try!

I also had my mother's bracelet on and was fortunate to have Jason there with me.  I wanted to be wearing things that meant allot to me for the interview!  Makes me feel like they are all there with me.

Anyhoo...

I'd love to have you post your thoughts on the Channel 10/11 web page.  You are welcome to also post them here!  But please support this news station for taking such a positive approach to helping others!

Senator Kate Sullivan please give her kudo's as well!  

I have her information listed a few posts back!  

Cheer her on and support her as she gears up for round two of this legislation!  

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

TwEnTy TeN!!!

Keeping busy.  The start of Twenty Ten brings hope for me.  I have been working on being more steady.  More regular at what I can do. 

Examining what I am capable of and when.  In my life I have done many things.  More I suppose than almost everyone my age.  The diversity of my background, skills, talents and experience is quite broad.  Having been in 4-H as a child, having grown up on a farm, enrolling in agriculture classes, music classes, and art classes… I definitely have broader interests than most.

At the same time running three businesses of my own, one of them being an international business brought a whole new gamete of possibilities for my future.  I enjoy all that I know, and all that I have done. 

Many things I will never do again, and would aspire to never do them again, such as working cattle, or taking care of livestock in the winter.  Other things I enjoyed for sure.

These days have been spent thinking of where I can go from here.  I am not reliable health wise.  But working around that, there are plenty of things I can do.  But what…

Even when medicated I am able to write, and edit photos or create digital art on the computer.  I haven’t ever been taught any of these things, I have just been making it up as I go.  I guess the more you do of these things, trial and error wise, the more you learn and can eventually do.

Now in my other areas, I can not do math dependably medicated.  I can not drive medicated, or in pain for that matter.  So anything that involves those two things needs to be forgotten about for now. 

So, with Jason taking more and more pictures.  Most of them still of me, although we are getting more and more willing photo victims lined up! 

Jason has already photographed a family of 4 children, and another family of all grown boys.  I think the 4 little children may have been easier than capturing the grumpy grown boys…  MEN.. geesh! 

He also is making a list of others who have mentioned that they want him to do their pictures too!  FANTASTIC!

I can help with the pictures, that is fun for me.  I  used to help with wedding photo’s all of the time with my business.  After the accident I wasn’t reliable enough to do it any longer.  Brides are kind of picky about people not following through..

So this is giving me another avenue of doing what I used to do, but in a different way.  More fulfilling actually, since I get to do it with Jason, and it is developing his skills as a photographer as well as doing something special for others.

Right now he isn’t doing this for a business.  We have quite the interesting set up, it is working but the real stuff would work simpler and better.  He is taking pictures of everyone for FREE!  Yea!  For practice, and hopefully some of these folks will even let their pictures be shown in his portfolio.  It is always good to ask permission, some people are funny about their picture being shown off… and we want them to be happy of course.

Eventually Jason would like to turn this hobby into a business.  How this will work, we aren’t exactly sure, but since I can do most of the things related to this even while medicated it should work well.  And all of our photo victims know what is going on with me health wise and are very understanding which is also wonderful.

So if you’d like to get your picture taken, let us know!  He will take pictures, then I will do some photo art to the pictures, and we will give you a CD that you can take and get pictures printed from to share with your family and friends. 

Yea!  Good experience for us, and hopefully fun for you!

 

So that has been one of the projects we’ve been working on lately.  It is something that I found a long time ago that I was good at.  It is something for Jason and I to actually work together.  I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and letting him do his thing..  He has a hard time letting me do my thing sometimes too… but he is so much more patient than I am.   Thank goodness!

I will start posting more pictures soon I promise.  I am just not quite ready to yet. 

He has been practicing taking pictures of me.  Most of the time when I am feeling well and ready to “perform” for the camera, sit still and look cute…  I do manage to get quite a few sour expressions as well…   I am getting better at posing too, which I hope will help me set other people up for their poses. 

I will probably share a few of me at lesser moments too, it is only fair to share the whole realistic experience.  I need my Mary Kay, let’s just be clear about that!  With out it and with out my feeling my best I don’t look very fun to take pictures of.  Thank goodness for all of my makeup experience!  It is really coming in handy.

Oh, that is something fun too!  We can do your makeup before you get shot too!  I have yet to do that, or tell anyone about that option.  I have just been wanting to make it through the shoots with Jason.  As he improves setting people up for their pictures, I will do more of the pre stuff.  I get pretty tired doing these things so I definitely have to pace myself so I do not end up in bed for weeks…

Well, that’s what I am excited about these days, well, that and a whole lot more.  I can’t stand being bored.  If I must be “locked” inside our house for the winter, I will at least be doing what I can to stay occupied. 

This is my best winter so far since the accident!  YEA!  I am learning how to live with my new problems.  Hopefully I will keep improving!  Gotta keep working at it that is for sure!

Happy Twenty Ten!  I have some hope again! 

Blessings,

Tonja