a SiMple GiFt... FoR YoU...

I was sitting here reading my collection of blogs.  This post really hit the spot for me today!  I think you might like it too!  I hope you take a minute to look at this one.  It is mostly pictures and will just reach into your heart and lift you up. 

Writing my blog has really been a great outlet for my soul.  I found myself as I kept loosing more and more of my dreams.  At this point I am not focused on any dreams or goals except making it through each day with as much grace and with as much as I can accomplish.  I don't really see how that adds up to much but possibly over the long term it may.

If you read my earlier posts you will notice I had some pretty big dreams.  If you knew me I worked constantly at self improvement.  It was something I have always struggled with.  But if I wanted something bad enough, I worked on myself until I could go after it. 

Reading the I Am In Love With This World post by Ree.  Just really reminds me of how big this world is and how little even a small goal or dream can become.  For me this post came at the perfect time.  The sun has been starting to shine and I have been able to see some beautiful robins outside my window. 

So this post is going to be of some of the wonderful things that Jason and I have captured on film.  Keep in mind it won't compare to hers but for us each of these things has had meaning in our lives as well. 

 

This reminds me of where I grew up.

  

This reminds me of those who have served so that I can be free.

  

This reminds me of how simple a pleasure can be.

  

I see this place and know the power of friendship.

 

A place to look and dream.

  

Things will pop up when you least expect them, and be better than you could have imagined.

  

The sun will rise and set each day.

 

There will be those who will follow you.

 

There is always a place to come home to.

Each of these pictures have been taken in Nebraska.  On our travels or around our home.  

If you've never visited Nebraska you really should.  

Of course to find these places or places similar to them you will have to leave the cities.

Jason's photography has become an outlet for us.  

He is even doing a wedding, engagement, and family pictures along with all of the fun senior pictures and more.

But most importantly he is finding a creative release for his frustrations.  

He goes out in the mornings while I sleep.  

Or out in the afternoons while I rest.

He finds beautiful things that I can see when he returns. 

His photography has been a blessing.

He took all of the pictures in this post.

I wanted to show them to you so you would know the beauty of the simplest things as well.

I hope some how our little picture show has brought you some joy today.

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

A continued thank you to Nebraska State Senator Kate Sullivan and to Channel 10/11 Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myer for your work on behalf of those with Service Dogs and those who utilize them.

ThE iNtErViEw... Alicia Myers from 10/11 News in Lincoln NE ... LB858

I fixed the bad links below. 
Thanks for letting me know they were bad!  Sorry they were. =)

~
 Click to see:
The Official 10/11 News Interview with Alicia Myers Click Here!

Click on Service Dog Rights Part 1

Check it out!  Anchor/Reporter Alicia Myers did an amazing job!

                        I can't wait to see Part 2 tomorrow night!

Our story even made the Headline Page!  How cool is that!  10/11 News Rocks!

See some pictures that Jason took from the interview!  He managed to avoid the video camera completely!

 

 

 

  

What do you think?  Put your comment's on Channel 10/11's site, and don't forget to add your opinion to their poll!  CLICK HERE!  I fixed this link also I think.. Give it a try!

I also had my mother's bracelet on and was fortunate to have Jason there with me.  I wanted to be wearing things that meant allot to me for the interview!  Makes me feel like they are all there with me.

Anyhoo...

I'd love to have you post your thoughts on the Channel 10/11 web page.  You are welcome to also post them here!  But please support this news station for taking such a positive approach to helping others!

Senator Kate Sullivan please give her kudo's as well!  

I have her information listed a few posts back!  

Cheer her on and support her as she gears up for round two of this legislation!  

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

SuRpRiSeS!!!, FiShiNG & HuNTiNG

When life shoots you lemons make some Pink Lemonade!  I sure try to do that.  Work within what I can do and do my best at it.  I am different, that is a given!  I have always known that.  I am a girl who grew up working on a farm like a boy.  My dad was an ag teacher and then farmer/rancher my mother was a Home Economist and then substitute teacher, librarian and then everything else until she found her calling as a career counselor for a local university.

So I grew up with both worlds being shoved at me.  I did the farm chores, the irrigating, the digging of musk thistle roots and dead heading into a bag, laying out of aluminum irrigation pipe and picking it up, as well as everything in between.  My mom enrolled me in 4-H.. I was a handful.  I did all of the "girl stuff" wrong... being a very frustrating child for my perfectionist mother.  She soon kicked me out of the house and gave me to my father to keep using for chores and things outside.  I even ended up enrolling in Ag in High School.  What a shock that was for everyone!

Well, all that time with boys, meant I was also learning to use some boy's toys.  Heavy metal bands, cars, as well as shooting.  My dad has always loved to fish so I did that too.  I much preferred water skiing!  But just loved being out on the lake even if swimming wasn't in the plan for the day.

If we did a good job chopping thistles my dad would take us to the lake.  If it had rained we'd go to the lake... as I became an adult the opportunities didn't present themselves and the boat my dad had had to small of a motor to pull adults out of the water very well.  Every opportunity I go to go out to the lake I would take of course!  I still loved it.

The hunting opportunities went by the wayside as well.  I'd say I am more of a shooter of non alive objects.  But since Luka my service dog is allergic to everything, I now feed him deer.  A friend has gotten me one every year.  That has been great!  Luka eats so much that that isn't going to last us all year for sure.  So I was thrilled when after going to the latest "Outdoor Type Show" in the area, that my husband came home with a brochure for a group of hunters and fishermen that take out people with disabilities.  They even have adaptive devices for us to use!  I thought I couldn't even fish because holding on to the pole would prove to be painful!  Let alone reeling it in.  Shooting a gun, well lets just say I can't even lift my guns up.  ( Yes, I am a gun owner.)

I never bought my guns I earned them.  I sold magazines in High School and if you were the top seller of magazines that week you got to pick out prizes.  They were boys prizes since we were raising money for FFA.  Guns and knives and stuff.  So that's what I earned!  I also got a bunch of other junky stuff as well.  But I worked hard to be the best, even if the prize was a gun.  ( I thought I'd give them to my dad.)

Nope, he was happy I had earned them and he got me shells for them, and then some of the guys in FFA took me out shooting, and my outdoor adventures took another turn.  I ended up shooting a few animals, not for sport, but living on the farm rabid animals or dangerous animals sometimes appear.  I could shoot and so I did what needed to be done.

I love target shooting, and shooting traps.  I really also like eating deer since it is hormone free and very lean and it costs less.  It is also great for Luka.  Jason used to hunt as well.  He's been talking about getting out again.  I have shared that he should go, that I just didn't know how to make it work.  Taking me along is no vacation.  I am allot of work for him.  I need a mattress, I need help with this and that, I need a level place to sit, I can't be out there picking up branches for a fire or chopping anything.  I could cook, if things were at standing height and I had a flat surface.  I really need a camper..   He's wanted to go camping for a long time now, we used to do that!  We have friends with matching tents and chairs, we used to go on outdoor adventures!  Go canoeing, or hiking checking out all that was around to see.  I guess I just need to give it a try and see what I can do.. 

Read about how I am finding the impossible might once again be possible..

Check out this organization!     SANDS  I want you to check it out so I won't even share what the acronym means...

I guess there are people who may help us with all sorts of things.  I am a handful without my physical issues.. =D.

Oddly enough one of the people in the group is a boy ( a man now) who I grew up sitting in front of at church when I was little!  I think that is pretty cool! 

Yes I really am also a girly girl too!  Fashion, Makeup, Pink.. I guess my personality is sort of a dichotomy. 

If you know one side of me you may not know about the other... I am different I always have been.  I may look just like you, but I am unique.  You may look just like me but you are unique.  I value you and what you are able to do.  Please value me and what I am able to do.  Look at our similarities not our differences. 

When I open a door, treat me with respect, I promise to do the same.  That is all I ask! 

By the way Channel 10/11 Lincoln NE will be featuring LB 858 on March 2 and 3 with a series of different interviews.  I hope you will watch, record, or check out their website on the subject!  So THAT IS TODAY AND TOMORROW!  ...  (this is one of my surprises) 

Hope you will watch! 
You might just find out who I am!

Blessings,
Pink Doberman

InTeReStiNg!

Ok so if you don’t want to read the depressing part of this post skip to the ***’s

Well as of late I have not been expending much energy.  My neck has flared up and no position is comfortable.  It had gotten to where I could do an activity and rest and do an activity and rest and be fine. 

I don’t know if it is the weather, or what, but Aie Yie Yiiie!  I can’t sit, can’t stand, can’t sleep.  GrrRSrstsGrs  

We’ll the snow’s been interesting at least!  I don’t know what I would do with out windows!  I love my windows, of course I would love more of them or to be running around shoveling and playing in the snow… but hey… I am happy with my clean and clear windows that we invested in! 

So much better than the leaky perpetually dirty ones that our home came with!  Yea! 

Well, Luka is starting to show his age.  I am not sure how much longer he’s going to be able to help me out.  Right now he is out of commission anyway.  His feet are still healing.  I’ve got to get some new boots ordered as well. 

I did manage to find a place that gives a discount on boots to service dogs.  They are a Canadian company.  I’ll share more about them later. 

When his feet finally heal this time, he will be wearing boots everywhere.  So his feet can’t be cut up anymore. 

Hopefully we have his allergies under control now so all should be well after this episode.  Thank goodness for Porter Ridge Vet Clinic and all of their help.

I talk about this because this is my priority for the day, insure that he gets fed and that he gets his medication.  Get my self fed, and not to do anything that may make me feel worse. 

I think I over did, now that I think about it… I helped Jason take pictures of kids yesterday.  I had a great time and was feeling well so I probably moved around more than I should have.  grrrrrr…  Or it could just be the weather, it is changing..   hmmm..

It was fun, don’t think I’ll do exactly the same thing again. I will help but do so in a more directive way instead of directly involved way.  Hope that won’t make me come across bossy. 

I’d sure love to be able to do more than talk at people.  I’d like to do things to interact as well….  hmmmmm…   I need to think about it to figure out how!

The snow has staved off some prospective visitors.  I figured it would.  Plans have been canceled adjusted for everyone around here. 

It had been nice to look forward to people coming over!  I have been happy planning to have them over.  I am still happy even if plans have changed.  Knowing that they thought enough to consider stopping by means allot! 

  ***

The better part!  It has been nice having Jason home allot, he’s been on his break, so with all of the snow, he’s been having a time of it for sure!  It is nice though to see him happy about finishing things!  You can scoop a drive and be feel like you’ve accomplished something, you can see what you’ve done! 

Put a fire out!  You can tell you did well, when the fire is gone and you have all the gear cleaned and put away for the next one.  While the things he has been doing have tired him out, they have been gratifying for him.  Which is so nice to see.

He managed to get the couch we no longer wanted out to the curb for the garbage guys.  Not the one I had put the picture up of but another.  The one we were going to post on Craigslist well, we decided to keep it!  It works perfect where a kennel used to be and Luka really likes to lie on it.  So we’ll be keeping that one. 

He asked a friend over to help him!  Miracle of Miracles!  So together they moved the $50 tread mill downstairs.  It doesn’t work that well, I am hoping he can study the manuals that I downloaded and he can make it work better.  As of now, it will move when I stand on it, but when he does, it won’t move an inch…. I think the motor is on its way out.  Oh, well..  It is something at least. Hopefully my neck will stop yelling at me and I will be able to use it!

He did manage to make the generator work again!  He persisted in that endeavor and used his non existent small motor skills to make it roar!  So if we loose electricity we will be all ready to go! 

We’ve gotten to talk with family and friends, our neighbors are great.  I didn’t get out with any gifts for them but hope that Jason can deliver a few things later this week.  Wish I could have baked some goodies.. but well, that isn’t the way things went for me. 

We did end up getting our share of things, good thing I haven’t gone completely gluten free yet.  Cookie plates were delivered and devoured.  We even had friends over before the major second snow storm.  That was super!  We hadn’t gotten together in months and we all really had a great time!  I was feeling good that night so I cooked and everything! 

Jason’s Jeep has had a little problem with the cold.  Poor Jeep didn’t really want to start after staying outside all night.  He’s really gotten spoiled by our nice toasty garage.  Jason is going to get some sort of heater thing to keep him cozy when he has to sit out while Jason is at work.   I can completely understand, I don’t start well if I am cold either!

So I am not sure what direction to go with Luka needing to retire.  There is a local training group that could be utalized that could cost up to $2600 OUCH! 

I could go without.  Which would mean I wouldn’t be getting out on my own much at all but we’d save money and I’d probably be back to taking more medications as my migraines would have the potential of getting out of control again.  Jason would continue to have to take his time to do all I needed to do with me.  Groceries to clothes shop, or whatever I enjoy giving him a break, and I like to get some independence back.  He still ends up doing quite allot for me but with a Service Dog he would have a break and know I was better cared for when he wasn’t around.

I could other training facilities as well.  Some may cost more or less, but would have travel expenses.  They may be better equipped to train a dog for the needs I have as well. 

I could also do something called owner training.  Well, I would never do it all myself.  I would have to hire a trainer to work with us.  Attend classes, or have the trainer come here to train us to do what I need.  Some days I think I would be good at this but most others I don’t believe that this would be something that would be the best choice for me to do. 

It is difficult, I can go around the house quite well as when I get down on the floor and can’t get myself up, I can crawl to something of substance and get myself up, or I can lie down until things start to work again.  Jason often comes by and will lift me up, Luka does too, but I also like to do it myself if possible.  But out in public, in stores or what ever, I don’t know what is stable or what will fall on me or break if I use it to boost myself up.  Don’t know what is slick or what will distract me.  Home is known, so most times I am able to pay enough attention.  Out in public, getting distracted, focused on different things, overwhelmed by different people, large areas, small areas, kids, noise, etc.  It all effects me now.  I am so much more sensitive to environments than I have ever been.  Even more than before the accident, when I also had difficulty. 

So I need to figure out what to do.  Jason and I need to figure it out.  Get a plan and start going on it. 

Wow, lots to think about! 

Blessings and wonder!

Pink Doberman

sNoWeD iN… bLizZaRd Of 2009

It is strange, all of the people that live within the whole area in which I live has been trapped inside like I am.  Like I have been for most of..  The only differences that I can notice are that most of them have been stuck in with their families. They know that once the snow is cleared they will once again be free to go back to life as it was before the snow fell.

aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2004

jan, feb, mar, apr, may, jun, jul, aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2005

jan, feb, mar, apr, may, jun, jul, aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2006

jan, feb, mar, apr, may, jun, jul, aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2007

jan, feb, mar, apr, may, jun, jul, aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2008

jan, feb, mar, apr, may, jun, jul, aug, sept, oct, nov, dec  2009

All I can say is that thank goodness that we had the foresight to paint our walls in wonderful colors!  I think more people would be doing better in their homes had their walls been gloriously painted in colors that truly made them smile! 

Thank you Jason for this wonderful gift!

I wonder what 2010 will hold. 

PeRsPeCtiVe & KeEpiN On

I read a post in a group today.  It was about people who’ve lost abilities in their lives causing them to have disabilities. I am no stranger to loosing things, having been a regular looser of car keys, favorite lipsticks, and more..

But loosing a freedom once experienced and taken for granted often results in periods of self pity, depression, anger, acceptance and more.  Usually a person may go through these things more than one time for an ability having been lost.  Thus causing yet a longer period of transition.

Couples can both morn these losses as well.  Not only is the person injured or effected, but so are the people around them.  It is a transition and a period of loss for all involved. 

Many times these feelings can be stuffed, depending on the amount of medical transition, intervention, or treatment. 

Well, this blog helps me deal with mine.  I still haven’t given up, I am still mad about my lost life, but I am moving on.  I wish I knew how long it would take. 

I have friends who were born with disabilities.   I know that they also go through the same types of feelings.  It isn’t easy watching the world float by or seemingly so. 

I don’t know why but it really helped me out to read that.  I mean I knew that stuff, but when you are going through it you some how loose it.  Perspective!

So, that being said and perspective being gained at least for the moment.  I will keep plugging away! SMILE!

 

So tomorrow I get to look forward to spending the entire day in the dental chair!  Yes, I am not kidding, the ENTIRE day.  I may not feel much like talking afterwards.  I don’t use dental anesthetic.  I hate those shots!  They hurt so much worse than the actual dental work in most cases.  Now the root canal I just had done ranked right up there with the shots but the pain was intermittent and it went away fast enough so I was glad I had stuck to my guns and much to the dismay of my dental students who work on me gutted it out. 

Tomorrow will be no exception.  I really really hate those shots, they hurt for days with me and hurt worse than the actual dental work.  So no shots for this girl.  So for Amy who dreads the dentist, I don’t but it certainly isn’t up there with my favorite things to do.  I can certainly understand why you hate it.  I used to dread it when I would have to get those shots. 

I figure if I can walk around with the large bone in my upper arm broken clean through for a few weeks, and not know it was broke, I can sit a day in a dental chair and get the worst done to me.

Before the accident I don’t know if I could have done these things, my pain level was still pretty high, but it seems now it is really off.  I’ve got more pain desensitization stories but I think what I’ve shared paints a clear picture. 

The PA who diagnosed my broken arm by pulling down on my hand still gets chills thinking about it.  She takes me seriously when I say there is something wrong but I can’t tell her what it is.  She will persist until it is figured out.  Wish I could sense things better physically. 

I guess that is why Luka is so important, I can’t and he can!  He makes a huge difference in my life!  I’ve been able to take less medication since I’ve gotten him!  Yippee!

So hopefully lunch will be with a friend tomorrow, so Jason won’t have to wait the WHOLE DAY IN TOWN with me.  8 hours of finding something to do is beyond what should be expected of him.  He will hopefully be able to drop me off in the morning and then pick me up around 4 or 5.  Becka I am sure hoping you can grab me for lunch! 

But I fear after this week I won’t see it until spring!  Hurry up spring!  I am sure missing you!  My gloves don’t even seem to keep the wind off of my fingers!  Brrrrr.r…r..r…r.

 

I’ve got the greatest friends!  I keep getting more and more of them!  While I’ve lost touch with many, lost respect for others, I still treasure the past but I am moving on to the future! 

I’ve branched out and am doing pottery with a new friend, and an old friend, she isn’t old just known for a while… That is new and fun for me, great for getting my hands back in shape.

I’ve been repairing clothing and have just consigned my first batch of it!  Yea!  I was going to sell it on ebay, I still may but I am trying this out first.

I am helping my fab hubby set up to take pictures and sell them.  At least that is the plan.  So if anyone wants their picture’s taken let us know!  He’s taken some great shots so far and he is super cheap!

I have even signed up an paid for a workshop.  Something that I’d stopped doing because I’d been paying all of this money and then not being able to attend and loosing all of my money due to migraines or too much pain or medication to handle attending.

I’ve missed attending all of my workshops, and the latest one is only putting me out $20 and it isn’t a pre pay workshop, I will pay when I arrive on site.  I like that too!  I’d like to sign up for more, but I will be doing this gradually.

My MK business in order to stay current with things needed that, I wasted so much money.  =(!

Isagenix things, well I haven’t done any of those.  I am not shelling out $$ and then not being able to go!  I just as well toss the money out the window while driving down the interstate. 

Ok, so I am finding other things to do to help myself.  Online training!  Online marketing, and email communications!  While not perfect, I find that many times I have a conversation with someone in person and I’ve forgotten things I promised, or what they shared.  I feel stupid asking them to repeat it…

Jason shares often – YES you’ve told me that 3 times now, or you’ve asked me for help with that 4 times now, I get it.  And here I am thinking that this is the first time I’ve mentioned it as I can’t remember if I had or not. 

This week I’ve also sewn a dog bed, actually the insert for a dog bed out of an old falling apart quilt.  Quite ingenious I think.  Folded in half and stitched, folded in half again and stitched before completely stitched it get’s stuffed, and then finished stitching, and Wala!  A dog cushion!  Yea!  We needed another one as the foster dogs we’ve had in the past shredded several of them.  So now I am collecting OLD BLANKETS, they can have holes stains or what ever… SHEETS QUILTS AND LARGE PIECES OF FABRIC will also work great! 

I will attach a picture sometime.  For now all of the latest pictures are on the hubbies computer I don’t have access to them… So check back, it is possible after reading this he will forward the ones I want on to me…. Thanks Honey! 

Well, I’ve gotta go, I’ve just brushed my teeth and I am going to sleep so I can be bright and perky tomorrow for the dental student.  I get a crown and a cleaning!  Yipee!

Blessings!

DriViNg

So this past Friday, I was feeling so great! I had been for a few days, I was working on all sorts of things here at the house. Thursday night was just fabulous! Friday night I had let our two boys and our girl out in to the garage to do their duty, I was following them out, and Whooop! There went my legs out from under me, the next thing I knew, I am sitting with a really sore rear on my stairs in the cold garage. I assessed the situation by seeing which body parts I could move, thankfully all of them cooperated, I was definitely all shook up, my rear was killing me, I had landed on the side of the stairs, I had not held on to the rail, and my swooning legs felt like jelly. I was also mad that I fell, I had just started to have such a great week, Ok so it hadn't been perfect or anything, but I was having a great time.

I decided that I had better get situated and rest after my fall, so I went to sit in my favorite spot. Wrong choice I discovered. After sitting there for several minutes I wasn't feeling so well, I gave Jason a call and he suggested that I take some of my Darvocet... Grrr! I am avoiding that stuff. I have really been trying to not take any pills, my tummy is not happy at all! I did take them and just relaxed for a while longer, I noticed that my muscles were not cooperating, and I couldn't get myself up. It wasn't that I couldn't move, it was that I had no muscles, and I was so achy. I had to call our teenage friend and ask her to come home, as Jason wouldn't be home until the next morning. She was at a school function, but she was also the only other person with a key to get in. Lovely! I am pulling her out of her activity. GRRRR! But no choice, I am now hurting worse and can't get myself up.

She and her boyfriend came over he is a very big guy he was able to help me up, I just needed some help. But by now I am worried, all the times I have fallen I usualy don't go to the ER and the time's that I haven't I have had problems. So my nerves and pain got the best of me I called the rescue squad to come take me to the ER. Fun Fun!!! Just loved doing that, Jason was already mad that I fell, he gets so worried for us he gets angry. It makes me feel so bad for being so needy. I used to never need help. Not with construction, not with housework, definately not with driving, not with anything, not that I didn't enjoy help but I didn't NEED it.

Now I depend on him for everything! Driving, Yeah, I didn't ever drive much, I still had my licence after the accident, since it wasn't my fault I didn't even loose any points or anything. But I never drove much because I have always been on so much medication since the accident especially the first three years that it just wasn't safe to be behind the wheel allot. There were days I wasn't having to take that much but they weren't very frequent... I have never been willing to put someone else at risk by my driving when I wasn't fully capable. I noticed my bad driving ability after my accident, I don't remember when it was exactly I do remember my in ablity, and the feeling of fear I had. I stopped driving for the most part after the incident. At least trips in to the city on my own. I kept asking my Dr's about driving, they never really thought much about it, told me not to drive with medication or until hours after having taken it and that was it. I still wasn't comfortable, killing myself in an auto accident I could tollerate, hurting or killing someone else, is not something that I could handle, especially if I were doing something that wasn't safe.

Well, the point of this being I don't drive, and since my birthday, I CAN'T DRIVE ANYMORE! I no longer have a drivers licence. Since I get dizzy/vertego since the accident I filled out that form that they send to you so you can renew your licence, and since I can not lie. ( I would be guilt ridden) I checked that box. I got told that I had to get a Dr.'s explaination for my medical conditions. LOVELY! They don't share that on the form! If they had I would have gotten that taken care of before walking in to the office. I would have been prepared.

So in going to the Dr. to get things sorted out for myself to see if driving would work for me. Jason has pretty much always driven me around but now he or some one has to. What makes it worse is living in a rural area where there is no public transportation. Woo Hoo, I really had the hope of being able to drive before, but since my Dr's visit, that hope has seriously gone out the window.

I am going to try some different med's to see if this wobblyness will go away. Which I HOPE it does.

So after having a few great days, my lovely visit to the DMV, falling going to the ER, staying in bed the whole weekend, going to the Dr... and finding out that getting myself to the point where I can drive will be a long shot. ( by taking medication that I don't want to take) Am I still happy? Happy yes, content NO! I hate taking pills that upset my stomach, have side effects, cause adverse effects, but I will try! I will try and see if modern medications have the potential to help me have a more self sufficiant life, so I won't be so dependent, so that I will have choices.

I will try everything to take the burden off of Jason. While he is so great to do all that he does, it isn't right. It hurts looking in to his eyes and see the shell of the person he is because he is so exhausted and spent by constant work, constant worry, and constant caregiving.

He is my blessing, he is my rock. But how can I keep doing this to him?

Exhausted but needing to write to get these thoughts out of my mind.