PTSD...

Over! As most things do our having a child live with us has come to an end. This time the end was terrible. Of all the people we have let come and live with us Debora, Agi, Fernanda, The Cutler Parent's family, The Cutler Kyle's family, this experience has come to the worst end by far. While the other experiences were at times difficult as they would be with so many personalities involved. This experience was by far the worst. We had given the most, as the most help in this situation was needed.

We never asked for things in return... ok, we did... keep the floor swept. (that didn't work out so well. She would do it sometimes. When she felt like it.. or we would remind or ask her to do it.) The last few weeks since she's graduated, her attitude changed. Dramatically. She was angry and started being gone alot more. When she was here she would be more secluded.

This all happened after we talked about rules for her after graduation. She thought she shouldn't have any. She was FREE! Well, honey, in our house, freedom isn't free! She should realize that her brother just enlisted... I guess she thought those were the only people who had to pay for the privledge of being free.

Responsibility is the price we all pay. Being responsible for ourselves, those who are not, many of them end up in jail if they take asserting their free freedoms so far.

Well, today, we had hoped to set up a time to get her transition figured out. You know the logistics of it all. I guess she thought, our house would be a storage unit for her while she was off enjoying her new freedoms. Yes, we had talked about it before, when she would go off to college she could leave her things here.. Come back her on weekends if need be.

But things changed when she didn't want the responsibilities, of the new rules for living in our home. Expanded ones at that similar to what she would experience in college. A test run if you will. Nope those rules didn't apply to her, at least that's how she felt. Resentful, angry, upset, we were holding her back, causing her not to reach her dreams.

Growing opportunities hurt. This one sure hurt me. After she threatened to sue us, for wanting to talk to her before she moved, I of course said go ahead and sue... GET REAL! Who thinks of these things? REALLY!

I wondered to her... what if she had to repay everything that everyone had done for her? Now things really getting out of hand... any way. I wasn't the best person for saying that I suppose, but I wondered... she really hates us so bad that she won't have a conversation with us before she moves all of her stuff out? I mean she does have a cell phone that she uses that is in our name. Our name is attached to several other things as well for her that we've set up. Can't we have a conversation about how this should be worked out?

She won't have a conversation. Geesh! really? We are that bad I guess.

I was really a mess by this time. She was now sending her father over to the house, who freaks me out, and whom I can't stand for how he's treated us, friends of ours, and his own kids, who all now love him, and he can do no wrong.

She knows that he freaks me out, and since I am a person who deals with PTSD, she probably doesn't realize that this was the worst possible situation for me. I lost it, I mean nutso lost it. He called to say he was coming to get her stuff. I said NO! Not wanting him in my home especially when I am alone. I told him her things would be on the lawn. I had no intention of letting him in. And I certainly didn't want her stuff here either at this point. Actually, who want's other peoples things? Wierd! I keep giving mine away... I don't need to collect any more!

He's pulled up outside, I've got a few boxes on the lawn, and Jason's finally called back... Perfect, I am screaming, shutting doors windows, freaking out, can't breathe, can't breathe... ... Not good!

She's still texting me that I am a horrible person...

Gosh, this is not the way my life should be!

This has got to end.

It is over. I am not sure if I will ever let anyone back into our home. I don't expect these things to be easy, but wow, this was like something off of Jerry Springer! How'd I get involved with this?

Dear Dear Gwen, momma to these kids, and married to their dad died. We were friends. She would send her kids over to us when she needed a break, when they needed to get out of the house... they'd been coming over for years.

Wow, well, we came into this with more than we have now, she should be better for it, that was the goal. Her brother hates us I am sure, we helped him get out on his own too. But how soon they forget. You see this with families so often, it doesn't matter how bad you get treated, you want to be treated bad, because that is all that you know. You hope for things to change, and for things to be better, and maybe they will be. But you will do anything if your parent's/ spouse will just acknowledge you exist.

I am not saying there was abuse or things like that, neglect for sure. But people change. I hope that they all live the life of their dreams. But it won't be involving me. I am done.

There is too much pain, too much drama, there has been too much for me. Sometimes going through this stuff may be worth it. I hope this time it was. She is moved back in with her dad now, at least her stuff is there.

Wow, I am going to feel so much better tomorrow at the dentist! Thank God for that!

I am no longer going to be the better person. I am going to rescue dogs! Dogs don't turn into Jerry Springer shows! Dogs!!!

How sad for all of the kids we had thought about fostering. But sad to say they are in foster care for a reason. Through this experience we also found out about how helpful the state is for kids who need help. So baby! I'm out!

That is why I never became a teacher, the parents don't support you, the kids don't listen to you, the administration isn't there for you, and you might go to jail because a kid just slammed you into a wall and if you touch them back to get them off of you, then you have abused them. Yes, while subbing I actually saw that!

This Jerry Springer show is over!

So here I will be quietly figuring out what to do next with my dogs! We are not taking your kids!