Friday, January 16, 2009


Invincibility, I remember when this was a state of being for myself. At least in most situations, I always have been the "rule follower type".

Rules I break-
* fashion rules- who makes those anyway? If I like it I wear it! That's my philosophy, of course I look at those crazy magazines with those oh, so skinny people, but mostly I look at what Oprah wears, if she looks great in something, I might give it a go.

* cooking/baking rules- sometimes those risky behaviors just don't turn out so well. I am learning! Sifting is mandatory if it calls for sifting you MUST sift. Too much hot pepper is not a good thing, even Jason agrees with that!

* my mother's sewing rules- way to time consuming. She was perfect at everything, that is so not me! I am experimenting! She would make at least 3 trips down every seam, I understand you don't want something to ravel or come apart, but Geesh, there's gotta be an easier way!

* lie's little white one's that are for the good/benefit of someone, like a surprise party or something fun like that. I am not good at them anyway, truth is easier and always better, even if it stings a little or could get me in to trouble, I'd rather just fess up, and take the results of my actions.

Rules I don't break-
* laws- I had a sip of a wine cooler with friends on prom night and about made myself crazy thinking I was going to go to hell! Do I push the rule to the definition, YES, but don't go past, Yeeks, then I feel guilty for Weeks! Months! and YEARS!

Having a huge guilt O meter is good and bad. Good in the sense it keeps me on the straight and narrow, always has, when I have gone off course, I get back on track pretty darn quick, I just can't take it. Even if someone else is off of the track, I am compelled to let them know. I try to hold back, people learn from mistakes, I sure do. But wow is that hard to watch, I have found that even if I share with someone my experiences, in most cases they are doomed to not listen and go off making their own mistakes anyhow.

To some degree I did this too, although I sure try to pay attention to what mistakes other people find themselves making. I don't do this to judge anyone but I do this to try to learn from them BEFORE I am doing the same dumb things. I find that I have a great deal more empathy for others and way less judgment for what ever that is worth. I watch so many people keep repeating the same error's in judgment and they never seem to learn, and others are really out there trying to figure out how to do it better.

I rarely get things right on the first try, usually it takes a couple of times to do something, now it takes more effort since the accident on many occasions. I find that I am sitting down to think things through more thoroughly than before, just because if I am to put the effort into something I'd really like to do my research and set myself up to succeed before I end up with a mess.

Case and Point: I wanted to make a white sauce for spaghetti, Rachael Ray has instructions on how to do this in her cook book, so I get started with the first ingredient's things are going well, then towards the middle of her recipe, things have to get added quickly with stirring, grating, and other things. Needless to say, I should have prepped the ingredients before the cooking and adding things together began. I ended up with lumpy slightly burnt, rather yucky sauce for my meal, and I almost gave completely up.

Determined not to let this get the best of me, I made tuna sandwiches instead, and started on the same recipe a few day's later with my ingredient's prepped for entry into my sauce!

Wonderful! It is so good, and now I am not bad at making it either! Just have to plan ahead! Before, I don't think this would have been such a big deal, I was so fast at everything, I really took it for granted. Things would always work out for me with out much effort it seemed.

Things still do work out for me! I am certainly not saying that! Some things that I thought would work out haven't and I have begun to accept my limitations. But at the same time I am not going to let those limitations stop me from becoming great at other things.

So, I am going to keep my eyes and my mind open. I am right now making a plan.

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