Sunday, January 25, 2009

SpArKLinG cLaRiTy

Today as I sit here and write this, I am amazed at how much easier it is for me to think. I know this won't sound understandable to those who've not walked this journey with me, but today was so much easier to process my thoughts. It was like before the accident, except for the aching pains that I still have in my body, but my energy level was good, I was able to talk and process my thoughts clearly. WoW, I sure hope this day wasn't a fluke.

I hate to think that a little pill could do this for me but, I don't know what else it could be. I have had good days before, but this day seemed different, not only did I have more energy today, but my brain fog lifted! OMG!!! I loved today! I did get tired and have to take breaks, I did start to get very sore in my neck and back and did have to stop moving, but instead of sitting in bed watching tv or sleeping, I sat propped up and talked on the phone!!!!!!

Ok, so I used to be a phone junky! Yep, on the phone every spare moment of the day, talking to people, friends, family, clients, people I had yet to become friends with... & since the accident this has been very hard for me to do, it always took so much more of my concentraton to stay with the conversation, that I would get tired so fast, but not today!

So, I am holding out hope that I will feel good again tomorrow, I am holding out hope that even if the pain persists, I will have enough energy, and a clear enough head to deal with it.

Oh, how I pray for this to be true. I have my doubts as well, so many things I have tried, and so many things have not worked, so many, so many hopes burst, and so much time and money spent to get better. I guess that is why I am writing this at 3:26 AM. I am afraid to go to sleep and wake up with my crummy world back again.

Today, I woke up and took my new medication early this morning, I woke up again with a headache, not a migraine, different, this one was like the one's I used to get before, the one's I had always gotten, just right in the front of my forehead, not the one's that make my whole body ache, and sear with pain. I took a couple of Excedrine Tension just for precautionary measures as I hadn't slept very good that night I was very tired yet and went back to sleep. I woke up later, and noticed I didn't want to stay in bed.

Fine with me the less time I spend in bed the better! While this is my most comfortable it is my least favorite and most boring place to be. I like to be in this room the least because it is where I have spent the most time these last four plus years.

We'll I have lots more to say, but my fingers just managed to delete the other paragraphs I had written. To write them again would serve no purpose, since in my mind those words had already been said. And while I really don't want to go to bed in case this was just a fluke... and I will wake up feeling like crap again and not be able to think... I hesitate, as I want to enjoy this moment and enjoy my mind not all clouded over. But I am getting sleepy, and my fingers keep wrecking my words as I type as fast as I can to share what I am thinking.

I will end this post with one of the most amazing things that I saw today. About 2:30 am this morning, I walked into my living room and just took a moment to look out the window. ( I do this allot, I really don't look at any thing in particular, I just really like to see out side the walls of my home) outside was the most glorious view. It looked like glitter being sent to me from heaven. Everything outside was covered in the blanket of the sparkliest snow I have ever seen. The crystals of ice just transformed the outside of my home and my street in to the most glorious celebration. The street light's warm glow added to the amazement, the light shown on each falling flake and caused it to light up and spread sparkling joy as it floated toward the bed of snow on the street. And with it being 2 am there has been no traffic for hours, and the perfection of the picture, just gave me chills, and thrills. I can't stop smiling, and I will remember the glistening flakes for years to come.

A sparkling end to a clarifying day. And it is now time for me to say good night, sweet dreams, and I pray that tomorrow will bring more clarity.

No comments: