Waking up this morning, proved to be not as difficult as I had imagined. However, I did have to take a migraine pill along with the new one. The important things of the day, were the migraine pill worked, and I had enough energy to go shopping for a couple of hours, and then come home to rest. I have been pretty sore and tired today, but all in all a good day. I really did over do it yesterday, but would do it all over again, having a day like that was so worth it and I am so happy to know that I did not waste it.
Pretty much these days, I just click along doing regular things, not adding to much in to my day, not pushing myself a whole lot, just a little. The days go by and I am able to accomplish things a little at a time. Not to bad. But every once in a while a good day comes along with a burst of energy or less pain than average, and all of those things that you have been really looking at doing but just did not have the energy for seem possible.
I am not talking about rock climbing or running a marathon or anything but I might as well be. The people that do those train for months to perform those tasks... and similarly, all of those day's that I just steadily perk along seem to be the training I need for those one in a million days that come along. On those day's where I am just clicking along, doing the regular simple things, I am also planning and preparing, for the days where I will feel better. I lay things out, make lists, get organized, little by little, and then when the time arrives I am able to do those bigger things that need to be done.
Like making those curtains. I set up my area, gathered ideas, measured the space, made lists of supplies, on the day's where Jason was available to help, I would ask him to move any heavy items that I needed adjusted... then on a day I felt better, Jason took Luka and I to the fabric store, that had the best sale, and he helped me pick out the colors. I had already envisioned the general color, but finding something suitable is not always the best, and since he is living here with me I thought I would choose the fabric's that would work and he could help me narrow the choices down. It worked well, and he was able to carry all of those heavy bolts of fabric around for me. Until he could not take the estrogen levals of the fabric store any longer and I was left to my own devices.
Things seem to take so long for me to do them now. I mean, before I would just be able to focus and knock a project out in a short amount of time. The process I go through now is so deliberate, so planned orgainized, stratagized... I have to take schedules, logistics, cash flow, weather, and more factors in to concideration now, where before I did everything with deliberate action but more off of my cuff.
While I have finished one curtain for one window, I have several more to get done. I have everything packed and orgaized, the thread colors are matched, the patterns are packed the needles are organized, for my trip out west so Jason can fill in at the hospital, and we will stay with our friends for the week.
My friend, Jen, whom I have always done cooking projects, quilting projects, and more with, who we've always hung out with both her and her hubby is an inspiration, and she is a great motivator, as a person who enjoy's always being busy doing something just like me. While she has always been the more deliberate, and definately the instruction reader and follower, she has been my teacher when it came to the more complicated tasks... I more enjoy doing than figuring... thank goodness for friends. I can toss stuff together with out an exact pattern, I just visualize it and start... We are both good for each other, I give her creative options to the "directions" and she gives me directions for my "creativitiy".
My sister is like my friend Jen too, it is funny, how we collect people around us similar to each other. There are so many parallels in life.
On another note, there are also things, and people that make you stretch, make you try harder, who's symbiotic relationship may never develop into an easy going melodic rythem. You may thrive on the differences, and use each other to push the boundries, and who you always seem to be uncomfortable around, and you may even wonder if there is a mutual appriciation for each other. But you find that you are a better person for being around them, and no real harm is being caused, just simple uncomfortability. Uncomfortable is healthy I think, and pushing yourself to do better to be more to become more aware and more tollerant, is deffinately a good thing.
It's just the hard thing.
While being orgainzed and deliberate are not things I was born good at doing, or even really stressed during my childhood, I now find the skills nessessary and while I've been resistant over the years to adapt these atributes to my daily life, over the years as my Mary Kay business progressed, so did my skills in these area's. Thank goodness for that, while these things are not innate to who I am they are things I have had to learn out of friction in my life. Prompted by those who are different than me and knew better than me especially in these areas.
So, each day you work with what you've got and you work to improve yourself, you realize that it never ends, once you've improved one thing there is something else to work on. I guess that is half the fun. I never know what's going to come next, of course I would like to live like the Cleaver family as everything seemed so simple, so cut and dry, friction so easily resolved, and mistakes never repeated. I however am not the Cleaver's I wasn't rasied by them either... but I do admire the persistant principaled approach to problem solving, that the Cleavers presented. The willingness to do the correct thing even in the face of advirsity, and even when it wasn't easy.
The right thing feels right, it sometimes hurts, after doing it, you feel no remorse or guilt. Your concience is clear and you can breathe long clean breaths.
Make no assumption that I am perfect or that I am even striving for that, I just make a good solid effort to do things to the best of my ability, to not do something less than I am capable, whether it be the laundry, the dishes, or doing a makeover on Miss. Brasil before a large event. Each of those things are the same, each of those things are just as important every thing you do is important. It should be or you shouldn't be doing it. And if it is worth doing it it is worth seing it through.
I feel good if I've put my dish in the sink some day's, because that is all I could do, there is no shame in that. I made it to the sink with my dish I chose to do my best!