So, three posts in two days, wow for me this is an unintentional record. Having had a difficult time getting to sleep last night, I figured I'd be tired and my body would like to sleep in. However this is not the case. Bright and early at five thirty this morning I woke up. Everyone else still asleep. At least in this room, where all my guys are in their beds too. Well Luka is up here with me. And he is wishing that I and the other two clowns were still asleep.
Oh well, it is not to be. My back is not better. It is from not being up and around, but it isn't better from last nights sleep. I was really hoping I would wake up and everything would just have been a really bad dream.
So, last night, through my mind ran all of the things needing done today. That will now be falling on Jasons shoulders for sure. I had planned on doing some of them or at least what I could of them. He will drive is 1/2 hour home from work, pick up some things at home, drive them another 1/2 hour, drop them off, pick something up, and drive home, when hopefully it will be dry enough here to mow two lawns before taking me to Physical Therapy, unless by some miracle I am able to drive myself. If in this case I am, he will then go to a funeral an hour away, come home wash the dogs, sweep and mop the floors, clean the couch off in his room, and be begging to go back to work!
I just hope he's been able to get some sleep last night. As I sit here I can't help but think there is more that I've missed that needs to be done asap... The other day while at work he excaped a burning house just before the roof collapsed. Thank God! Each day is a gift.
Fortunately for the others he works with he actually has alot of training and experience. Fortunately also for the home owners of the city he works in. Unfortunately, most of the guys left on the job who've not been able to retire yet, have less experience and less training are the ones in charge. Due to his former city having been taken over by this city. When that happened, his career path became extended, and his chance of promotion and his years of service amounted to nothing. He has started his career over the last couple years. He can't even apply for a permenant station to work at yet, let alone a promotion.
I am sure I have talked about this before. It is some thing we are grateful for but at the same time feel sick about. He has a job. Yea! But I also know he goes to work in dangerous situations working under others with less experience and in his line of work, one day that could cost him his life. I don't care that he's not the one in charge, and neither does he. He's never had to be the one in charge. He is definately capable. It is just kinda freaky to know that people who've never had a career in fire fighting and who graduated their basic training a month before him are going to be in charge of him for the rest of his career.
I know that most everyone on the department is qualified. It isn't that, but qualifications are only part of the package. This is also not me freaking out! I've been on many fire scenes, as that is one of the things I used to do, first as a volunteer, and then as a career, always in a support position. While I don't understand everything, I do have a healthy respect for what they do, with an equal amount of respect for how dangerous the job is.
He never grew up like many little boys having the desire to become a fire fighter. He just sort fell into it. Found that he was good at it, and earned a spot on a department. Each of the men and women on the department have earned it, so I am not saying the people that he works with are at all incompetent. I just wish they had more experience in calling the shots, especially when it is my husband inside that building!
I am thankful that Jason speaks up when necessary, and that he has earned the respect of those around him enough that they listen to him. After all he is a pretty cool dude! Hee Hee. So for that I am grateful! Also, while I have not met many of the people that he works with, actually only 8 or so out of 600 plus, due to the fact that it has been impossible for me to get to functions while he is at work. The ones that I have met have all been pretty nice. Which says nothing of course for their skills, but he does really enjoy working with most of them. That helps quite alot.
Acutally it almost seems for the guys he's gotten brought over with, that he has had things pretty well. Yes, others got better deals financially in the begining, but things are working out in the long run, and I am sure he will continue to create a nifty future there.
While this wasn't the plan for us, that we had outlined. It is the path we are on at this time. Even if he could get a job somewhere else. There would be no way for us to afford it. Health Insurance, has become a Major topic in our household! I now have a hand full of pre existing conditions! starting on a new plan would mean at least a year of not being covered.
We could never financially survive that. Not that we've really been able to survive gracefully as is either. I don't like thinking about what we owe, even having insurance. We are even in the quite lucky boat with our insurance. They haven't thrown a fit over my care, we have had to fight for very little of it. But still everything isn't covered, and we are able to deal with things one day at a time.
Health Insurance Info I found interesting Another Site I found Interesting as well
I think that is how others do it too! Breathe in Breathe out, Breathe in Breathe out, and you'll make it through it all.
So today is going to be a busy day for Jason as he walks in the bedroom door, and I am once again feeling guilty. I feel so horribly bad for not healing like the doctors told me I would. I feel so horribly bad for having lost my International Mary Kay business, for having lost my Mary Kay Car, for having lost my Mary Kay Directorship, for having lost all but about a 5th of the clients that I once had serviced. I dissapointed alot of people. I had so many people counting on me with my business. Jason was counting on me to provide him the opportunity to work by choice not for necessity.
I volunteered as a member of Rotary with several duties, and I failed at that as well. There were people depending on me there as well. In fact, I was supposed to be starting a summer camp for teens to expand on their leadership skills. Having not known I wasn't going to get better, and I would be so highly medicated, I also messed up opportunities for not only Rotary but NLOM, to receive the funds from the booking that the Rotary camp would have provided.
Gosh the list goes on and on. I wasn't the only one contributing, but I had earned a position of leadership with them, and when a leader doesn't lead, what ever they are leading goes now where. I was struggling to live let alone lead anyone. I was struggling so much that I didn't even comprehend the disaster to my life that was about to happen.
Once I did it was way to late. I really feel for those who are loosing their homes, loosing their jobs etc. right now. I have already gone through this and know the pain. While we didn't loose our house, I almost sometimes wish we had. We'd be traveling through life a little lighter right now.
Well, I guess I woke up feeling pretty sorry for myself today. I am glad I got that out. I plan on having a really good day. I am not sure what that means I will do. But I will find some more sitting projects and get going on accomplishing them. And Maybe just maybe, my Physical therapist will have the answers that make my back better today!
You never know! I am glad I have INSURANCE I just wish I had ASSURANCE!