Have you heard what I’ve heard? Can you see what I see? the snow the snow, is coming in tonight, it will make everything all white. It will make everything all white.
Watching the snow blow out my window, brings thoughts of ease as well as unease. I am at ease that I am all tucked away at home. I’ve got no where to go and no way to get there even if I did have somewhere to go.
On the other hand, Jason still has to make it home. Will that be tonight as he hopes with a turn in of extra hours on his part or will someone else with more seniority take precedence? Or will he be traveling home in the morning? Only time will tell.
Mysteries! Gotta love the suspense!
So my plans for tomorrow have shifted. I am not likely to be venturing out tomorrow. I had hoped to be going to the movies. I am guessing that that venture will be given a veto by Jason.
Two fold, if he ends up pulling his full shift, he may be very very tired. He is at a fairly busy station and may very well not get any sleep. So that may be what he does tomorrow. The weather may also be something that he declares to be to dangerous so we’d be staying home.
I am not sad about that I am realistic. I have chosen to take on this perspective instead of becoming more angry and resentful for my situation.
1. I know if I stay out of the cold my body won’t hurt as bad.
2. I know if I stay off of the ice that I will have a substantially greater chance of staying on my feet!
3. I do not have an emergency to attend or a role to play that would do a disservice to others if I did not show up. Therefore why put myself at risk for being in an auto accident, and why put another car on the road when you shouldn’t be out and about anyway.
Being responsible, taking responsibility, and choosing to be happy where I am at is my plan. It isn’t that I wouldn’t have liked to travel to be with friends and family but I am doing just great on my own as well.
While hanging out on my own today, I had time to reflect. I remembered how things used to be. I also am having time to think about how this next year can go.
I’ve been making some changes since August of 2004. There are more to come yet this coming year. I am working on what I can do. Staying emotionally stable is my focus, the more I can do the worse that has gotten in many aspects. I don’t take as much medication, so reality is perceived more clearly by me.
The years before, I was miserable for sure, the pain was all I could focus on. Now while the pain is still substantial, I am dealing with it. It doesn’t go away, I couldn’t stay on the high levels of medication if I am going to keep my organs healthy. Taking myself off of them has been good over all. I still do use some medications but they are intermittent. Mostly I just deal with the pain I have, sleep more, rest more and relax more until I can once again do more.
Not the best, but should keep me healthier longer. I have no plans of wrecking my liver or something else.
The Dr agrees so I am going to keep on keeping on.
Well this post isn’t exactly what I had planned in my mind for my Christmas Eve Post. I had planned on writing about shoes…. I guess you’ll learn about that later! I don’t think I will publish this until after Christmas… so I guess you’ll read it then!
Mystery still persists if Jason will head home tonight or if it will be in the morning. The weather is bad tonight… Hope whatever it is he is home safe.
Blessings! Take care and be safe!