Friday, December 5, 2008

Moving On

Starting fresh each day waking up and willing to give it your best! I do this each day! Each day I can wake up with out intense pain is a huge blessing to me! I am elated for the small things that the day can bring. I have begun to adjust my life so that I can be more helpful. I still focus on my Mary Kay business. I love it! I am working to grow it, I know that with my physical issues that I will have to keep working at it slowly. That used to be frustrating for me, well it still is, I am a full speed ahead person. I want to do it and get it done and move on to my next goal.

My goals these days are smaller, more focused, seem to take much more time that they should and are are becoming somehow more and more fulfilling. I've had lots of role models in my life who've overcome many obstacles, some physical, some emotional, some work related, some situational, etc. I have drawn on many of their stories to and examples to keep plugging away at doing what ever I am able to do to the best of my ability.

Perfection is achieved for me through balance, effort, willingness, and peace of mind. What I have accomplished may not be perfect in someone else's life but for me if I have given it all that I can and I have worked as hard as I could it is perfect to me.

I was talking to a couple friends who were struggling last night about integrity, personal integrity, that is one thing that I had built my life around. My business was based on it, and so were my relationships. The accident that changed my life in 2004 collapsed my integrity, I was no longer able to keep with my commitments, the relationships that I had worked so hard to nourish to flourish began to slowly diminish and die. My communication skills had abruptly changed.

I was medicated 24/7 and not with Tylenol... I was unable to keep promises, appointments, and schedules. The network of local business people in my Rotary group became estranged as I was unable to follow through... My fast growing business in Brazil slowly came crashing down into nothingness, My Director business dwindled into oblivion and my client base disappeared because of issues caused by this accident.

To everyone I looked perfectly normal, I was not in a wheel chair, or did not have scars to point to, there was no coma, no long extended hospital stay, and no fanfare of what had happened to me. It was slow, almost methodical in the way this accident slowly crept in to all areas of my life like a cancer, it was not apparent until it was too late to get rid of it. I am still trying to rid it from my life.

I would cut one area of my life off to find it had already spread to another, that area was cut off and it spread to another.. WHOOOA!

All this time I am trying to get healthier, stronger better, and things in my life still are falling apart around me. But I am no longer holding on to my past, I am focused on what tomorrow will bring.

I wish I could move on, I wish and try and try and wish for things to be better, I am not asking for things to go back to how they were, although I would absolutely love that! I am however, working toward how I can do the best with what I have.

Now with the continued support of my husband, my great and loyal friends! And even a few new ones, I am trecking on each day with Luka on one side and Jason on the other.

I am on to clipping coupons and going through the grocery adds, before calling a couple of clients. Building my life one moment at a time. Thanks to my hubby Jason for keeping it all together and my friends Jen, Curtis, and Julie for having checked in on me today, and Linda for being so supportive of our teenage friend! And for my sisters S & K! Who are along for the ride.

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