sLeeP? pLeAsE!!

So, the night before Christmas went well with Jason and I hanging out. Our teenage friend was off with her father for a few hours, and Jason and I just relaxed. I really had not been feeling the best anyway so it worked out that there was not much going on. Christmas Day Jason was off to work and so was our teenage friend, so I hung out and had my usual holiday routine. Which consists of getting caught up on what ever I can and an occasional phone call or two. I had hoped that I would be able to drive to see Jason that day, but that was not the case as I had to rest most of the afternoon. I was feeling better in time to send our TF off with her Aunt Kay who took her to her grandparents home for a visit.

I was able to finally get the pajama pants finished for her that I had been sewing. It had been frustrating for me I just had a little bit of trim to finish them off and I kept getting to sore and tired so I had to take allot of breaks to get them done, but I did it!!! Woo HOO! So she had her cute pants to wear on her trip!

I even was able to work on mine, while they are not finished, they are mostly finished! I even got all packed to go out of town to stay with friends, and so Jason could be in town for his job at the hospital I was already to go, and proud of myself for plugging away and getting as much done as I could. I missed getting a few things finished, I had planned to finish up some laundry, and make some more chocolate covered pretzels, and a couple of other things, but hey, I was pretty happy with what I had done.

Jason arrived home the morning after Christmas, and we waited for some repair people to finish up some work on our house, he loaded up everything and off we went! I had been feeling fairly good, very tired and achy, and really over the past week just not sleeping well at all... which is why I am probably not able to sleep tonight and I am up typing at 3am after laying in bed for several hours. GRRRR.

The day's have been pretty good with average amounts of medication taken, no days lately of no medication, I don't know what is going on right now, I usually can squeeze at least a day with out taking meds. Hopefully that day is coming soon! My Dr's gave me some new cream to smear on my achy areas and that helps, it does not help for a long time but it is able to give me some relief. It is like asprin for your skin! I like it! It really has helped my hands stop hurting amongst other things.

So yesterday, was a pretty lazy day, I got to talk with my friend for a while before they left for a few days. I love it, we arrive, they leave, we can watch their dog, and a good friend of ours is watching our other dogs at home. I spent the entire morning asleep awoke in time to go to Jason's favorite place for a late lunch, came home and slept til evening, I was very wobley, and exhausted again, woke up in time for a marithon on tv of NCIS while eating leftovers from lunch. Tried to go to sleep... well here I am. Hmmm. Yes I know, I spent the entire day sleeping so it is a wonder why I am not asleep right now... giggle... Who knows about this crazy body of mine. Of course the night before talking with my friend we stayed up way to late, we always seem to do this if I am feeling good enough the first night I arrive. But, lately my usual bed time has been around 2 am.

I've gotta get this figured out. I really love to sleep at night and be awake with everyone during the day. Today will hopefully bring a day of all day awake and feeling well. Maybe we can even get to see my Aunt and Cousins who live near by.

We plan for a day of relaxation and if he get's called in to work well, that will be an adventure for him.

I'd been thinking of lots of other things to write about but at this moment I really can't recall what they are. Things are going really well actually, I've gotten out of my house, Jason's pretty happy to be having nothing much to think about, and he got his favorite food. So life is nice.

I wonder what I will make to eat for us today? I think I am actually getting tired, Thank YOU God! I really really want to feel good tomorrow!!!!! REALLY! Actually having a non medication needed 24 hours would be fantastic! Do I dare hope for 48 hours??? Hmmmm...

Anything is possible!

CoUNtDoWn 3 2 1 ChRiSTmAs!

Not to shabby! Things just keep falling together! I love it. I share with our Teenage Friend, that I don't know how but we always have what we need. Whether it be money to pay bills with or a way to get some where, it always seems to work out. Sometimes it requires us to ask for help, which sucks cause no one wants to feel as if they NEED help but now more than ever help seems to be offered.

Today, after waking up and having to take some medication, I was letting my fur kids out, and I noticed our neighbor guy walking up our drive with goodies in his hands. LIGHT BULB moment. I went in to the house to grab the plates of goodies I had gotten ready last night for my neighbors. He shared with me as I answered the door that my neighbor to the left had asked him to bring over a loaf of nut bread. I shared with him that I had goodies for his family too, and for other neighbors, he said that he could deliver them! This guy is great, he is a young fella, and he loves to do nice things to help out. So, I feed him goodies for his efforts! It seems to work out just great.

All of my neighborhood goodies got delivered, and I did not even have to venture out onto the slick streets. Woo Hoo!

This afternoon, my Mary Kay delivery's are being made by our Teenage Friend's boyfriend. He is running those things around for me! Thanks to Joan and Susan S. for their orders, he even took a few things to the post office, so now I have more presents being delivered via USPS... With my computer being broken, I can't do the postage thing at home at the moment, it used to be so convenient, through www.stamps.com but now, I have to do it the old fashioned way.

That reminds me I need to call and get my computer scheduled for repair. That is going to be my Christmas Present! It should actually be our Teenage Friend's present, since I've been using her computer allot, she is so gracious!

Well, I've got lots more things to do today, laundry, dishes, floors, and make chocolate covered pretzels, sort my Mary Kay, and do a little sewing for Christmas. Hmmm... the medication worked but I am also feeling I need a nap, after sleeping all of the morning to get rid of a migraine, I really wish I was not tired. I will be hanging out by myself the rest of the day, I'd better get the day organized so I can be ready for what tomorrow holds.

Christmas is coming and even though I will be spending Christmas on my own as Jason works, I still want to have everything done as then I can do whatever I want the whole day I want nothing left that NEEDS to be done to do. I just want to enjoy my time with reading, drawing, or whatever crosses my mind.

Maybe I will feel well enough to travel to Jason's work to see him on Christmas Day? I haven't ever been to his work. We'll see!

PhEw!

I have definitely cramming in as much as possible these days! It helps so much that I have had so many great visitors and assistants! Without them I would definitely have looked bad. My cousin Julie showed up just in time to assist me with baking for the bridal shower I was throwing for my neighbor Karen! As luck would have it (Luck for me not for Julie) She and her hubby got snowed in at my place so they could not travel on to their planned designation. So they spent allot of time in the area with me! Woo Hoo! God works wonders! I had not spent that much time, or that quality of time with them in years! It was so nice, and as an added perk, part of her snowy hostage situation, she helped me master my Chocolate Chip Angelfood Cake Recipe, and the Decadent Chocolate Frosting recipe that I had chosen to make for the shower. The cake and cupcakes turned out great! MMMMmmmM!

The shower went off with out a hitch, Jason helped me get all set up for it! Thank God for him! My neighbor Ruth brought gifts ideas, and extra things I would need, and she was my back up hostess just in case I had to be medicated. I will include some pictures of the shower.
Each of Karen's friends shared a favorite quality about her on the little cards around the bouquet, and the bow's from her gifts were neatly tucked into the center of her bouquet, for her to carry with her in her rehearsal. She had so much fun listening to what everyone had to say about her, and each of us had fun sharing with her what we appreciated about her.
Sometimes it is hard for us to see what others really think of us, especially the good things. It is always nice to have reminders that we are loved and appreciated. Especially from those who are around us most.

As some additional fun, we all pitched in to give the bride to be a wonderful white wedding gown. We all worked hard to insure that she had every detail covered. As Karen does not wear dresses often, we really had to make this one special. Her fiance is a great guy and they have decided to have a less formal wedding so she won't be walking down the isle in a white wedding gown, instead she will probably wear her blue jeans. Which suits her perfectly! Since she has opted to forgo the formality of tradition, we thought it only appropriate to dowse her with it at the shower, or should we have called it the roast?

She looked lovely in her ribboned dress complete with train, veil, bouquet and jewlery! She wore it well and was very elegant looking. Her family and friends out did themselves. She was a sight to behold. We all had so much fun torturing her! Hee Hee!!

After the shower, Ruth did the dishes, and Jason and our Teenage Friend helped get everything wrapped up and cleaned up after our fun party. There was toilet paper EVERYWHERE! It was so fun! I even got in on this picture with my Pink Dobe! THANKS Jason for taking it!


So the shower was Saturday night, we had spent Friday night baking, Saturday morning getting ready to leave the house (it takes me forever to get cute). Then we headed to the city for some lunch it had supposed to have been breakfast, or brunch but turned into lunch. Hee Hee! Jason had had a very busy night at work and was exhausted, Julie's hubby drove us all to the city for lunch and some shopping. We ate at Hooters since the guys would be drug around to stores and malls in the holiday madness, it only made sence to have happy hubbys on our journey. It makes for much better cooperation! And they were FABULOUS! We arrived back home just in time for them to depart to a hotel for some PRIVATE time, and for Jason to help me finish setting up for the shower!

Sunday became a day of rest for me as my body seemed to be going on strike! I was icky and medicated all day, late afternoon the edge of the pain had disapated, and I began another project. Our Teenage Friend needed cookies for the band concert on monday, so as she arrived home and after her nap, she invited friends over and we made sugar cookies, puppy chow, carmel chow, and no bake cookies... I got to supervise the progress and help answer questions. I was told to get out of the kitchen to go rest several times, but they were good to me doing everything I shouldn't be doing! And now today, we have cookies for the concert, and for other holiday activities!

PhEW!!!

ANgEL's fOOd

Believing in friends makes the difference. I know when I have friends who believe in me, I definitely feel stronger, with a greater sense of well being. It does not matter how good or bad my life is going, but if I have friends in my corner, my life does go smoother. They don't have to agree with me on things, but to know that they are there for me no matter what is the best feeling ever.

Through the times like these, where my life is not as I had planned or dreamed it would be, that I find myself with limited resources my friends mean the most! The phone calls, emails, and those who stop by and share their time are the BEST! Just to know some one is rooting for me, that someone is taking time to listen to me, and still wants to spend time with me even though I can't do things with/for them as I used to.

I wish I could be a better friend to my friends. I know that I have so many people around me who could use some help, use a hug, or just someone to listen to them. I always have hoped to be a good friend. Sometimes life happens as it is right now for me, where all of your energy seems to be used up. Your time disappears, and life happens, I know that everyone goes through this, their problems, and their needs, seem so important, so trying and so difficult.

The past few years, giving back to others, became so impossible, compared to the life I had before. Now the differences that I make are on a smaller scale, they are simpler, and some how mean more to me.

Before the accident I never really "needed" others in my life to the degree that I seem to after the accident, I found that most of the people I knew and counted as my friends disappeared, and others just did not know how to react to my new situation. It hurt, as change often does. This has made me so much more grateful for those who have stuck by me/us, as Jason's life has changed during this time as well.

It is funny as well that the new people I meet have the same issues with me as well, I find that they are more accepting of me initially, but then many have a hard time wanting to be around me as it is more difficult to be with someone who does not always feel well, who has a dog follow them around and who is not always able to be "ON".

But for the most part, the people who are coming into my life now accept me as I am and for that I am grateful as well. I know it is hard for people to adjust to change.

I have made better relationships with those around me, like my neighbors around where I live, I was always gone before, so never seemed to have time to spend, and now I am getting to know many of them so much better. In fact I am so thrilled with the relationship that a neighbor and I have developed, I am throwing her a bridal shower!

She so deserves it, she is a sort of recluse with out many close friends, her job and her personality add to that. She is so great, has such a great heart, and works so hard, I feel great to do something nice for her. So I've been researching all of the best things to do for a Bridal Shower. I've come up with a fun Chocolate Chip Angel Food Cake Recipe and some frosting everyone says is amazing! I am so excited to share this with her. To make it even better, another neighbor ASKED if she could help me! I am so excited about that too! I have never had anyone ask me if they could HELP me do something! I love it!

I think prior to my accident I was so capable that no one ever thought I needed help, and really most of the time I really did not feel as if I did need it. I put on events all over the world, and was very capable, I decorated an entire museum for Christmas sometimes with Jason or another friend's help but mostly and usually by myself for the many years I did it.

Asking for help is hard, but accepting it can be just as hard, but now, I fight my past and just say yes if others offer. I might even ask for it too. I am working on that.

I am blessed for those around me for those who've stuck by me, and for those that continue to want to do things with me! Blessed grateful for my friends is how I am everyday!

THANKS TO EACH OF YOU! You know who you are!

DReAmINg Of ThE PoSSiBiLiTiES!

Pretty good day today, I've been to my regular Dr. to get some things sorted out. That is always a good thing. She is so great about listening to me and helping me solve what problems I am having!

Then we traveled into the city, we grabbed some lunch went to the bank the auto parts store and Petsmart for MORE dog food! Geesh dogs eat allot!

Each day I get up, I hope to learn something new, to push myself a little more and to squeeze more into my day or more out of it. Focusing on this really helps me keep motivated, keep my spirits up and helps me to improve myself.

Even if it is a little each day, I might not finish one task in a day anymore, but over time I am able to finish anything! I like that, it has really made me focus on finishing what I start! I have an idea to finish all of my projects before I really start taking on new ones.

In fact, I've even been finishing some projects that my mother had started when she was alive. I love my mom, but she had issues with finishing what she started, I think somehow she shared that gift with all three of us girls. We each struggle with it in different ways.

Right now I am fixing a quilt that I made for Jason, it is a pretty cool quilt, at least I think so, I cut up all of his old tee-shirts the ones he would wear when he was a rock star, and I made a king size quilt of them all so they would be preserved. Some of them had been getting quite thin.

Well this king size project was my first quilt, and I missed a couple of stitches here and there, so I am going back over it by hand to make sure the seams are all sturdy. I love this quilt I made it prior to 2004 thank goodness, otherwise I am just sure that I would still be working on finishing it! My friend Jen and newer friend Jen go on these trips with me and others pop in occasionally. Jen has helped me in this endeavor to make Jason's quilt, at least once a year we do a ladies weekend! We go for 2 days and just focus on quilting, crafting, scrapbooking, reading, or whatever. This was one of the projects I worked on on our weekends together. Their quilts are much fancier ones, but I am happy with the one I made. It suits Jason, lots of flannel, and a heavy cotton batting, it provides great snuggle qualities!

Now on these weekends I bring smaller projects, as my need to finish what I start is the goal! This last one, I just went to it with the intention of helping them with their projects, but mostly sat on the couch watching them work and enjoying their company. It was a good break for me that month, I hadn't been able to get out of the house much as Jason was working his ass off! My friends provided a perfect outlet to have some girl time! It is so great that they put up with me even though I am definately not as much fun as I used to be.

I can't wait to get back to being able to travel all over! That is one of the things that I have always planned my life to do. Don't get me wrong, I love to be home as well, even more than I used to I will admit. Before my accident I was NEVER home! I was always off doing something I found to be fun or exciting, mostly involving my work. I loved it! Jason would go with me when he could, and we just planned our lives to be lived on the go!

He loved that too! As his job provides many days in a row off each month if we would choose, so we could take many mini vacations, and even some for a month! I remember our last big trip to Brasil, Jason had never been to the ocean before, and I was able to take him to the Atlantic Ocean off of the coast of Brasil after having traveled around the country for three weeks, come home and with in a week of having been in the Atlantic, we were in California in the Pacific! A dream come true for him! How cool was that?

I don't write these things to be braggy, but just to share how much fun we've had traveling, and how much we love to do new things. We both watched the movie "The Bucket List" receintly, I think we each have one of those, while not clearly defined at the moment, we will be working on what we want to do or accomplish before we die. Not from a morbid prospective, but a list filled with things that will bring joy to others or enrich our lives. Jason's list includes things like walk on the moon, fly in Airforce One, cruise the Nile, ... the list is infinate. Mine, well mine will be more defined I think before mine might have included many grand seeming things, but now, well, one thing I definately would like to do is open the eyes of others so that they may experience life at a different leval, Ok so I know that doesn't make much sense and it may not seem defined... but here is one small example of what I mean.

Our teenage friend who's living with us, her life hasn't always been the easiest, I don't know if easy is something that should even be someone's goal, I have always found that the things that are harder to obtain, that require more of yourself, that push your limits are the ones that are to be the most treasured. But still when you are a child you should be allowed to be a child, not have piles of adult responsibilities heaped upon you. So while she is living with us, we are trying to open up her eyes to a different world, a world which isn't easy to live in either, but a world that is full of possibilities! Endless Possiblities, all she would have to do is make a choice of what she would want, and then work to make it happen.

I see so many people give up on their dreams, most of the time, they are almost to atain them, and then they just let everything fall away in to nothing. It has happened to me earlier in my life. It is a great learning opportunity to pick yourself up and hold yourself high and give it an even harder effort in achieving your goal. Never giving up!

I want her to know that she doesn't have to live the life she was brough up in, that she can choose the type of life that she wants and make it happen for herself. And while learning and growing each step may be painful, but the successes that she would experience while getting to her goal would be personally gratifing. I don't care if her passion is to make minimum wage or if it is to make a million each year, but she should know that she can choose! She is the one who settles for what is available easily, or works hard to get what she has her heart set on.

So many people settle, they stop fighting just before the greatness comes into their lives, and so many others, never even start on the path. Few people it seems actually finish what they've started. While you may think that getting the prize at the end is the reward, the reward is actually all of the times you've learned to pick yourself off, hold yourself high, and keep on going, having learned from your mistakes so as not to repeat them. Moving on to different mistakes or different ways of seeing the world or percieving the world.

That is what I wish I could watch everyone experience. That is what I wish I could be apart of others experience. That is what I miss most about my travels, the people, the women, the families, and the children, learning that they can dream, and that thier dreams can become their reality! Whether in Cuiaba, Kansas, New Hampshire, Sao Paulo , Hawaii, or at home that I was able to impart this message to them. The scenery was just a bonus for me!

I am dreaming!

pLAnS & PReP

Happy Day, while my morning started out with some medication I once again caught it early enough to still have a great day! Woo HOO! I have been busy on my list of things to do!
Breakfast, get our teenage friend out to work with a lunch, I got myself all ship shape, and then cleaned up Luka's mess from the back yard. I took some pictures, went to see a neighbor, and then went to Dena's Tuppaware Sale. Pretty tired after that so here I sit in bed resting, Jason insisted, he is right he is ALWAYS right!

Last night I was searching through some other blogger posts, and I found the coolest song! It is by an Indonesian 14 year old, her name is Gita Gutawa and her song is called Kembang Perawan, she is on www.ilike.com and a few other sites, not to mention www.youtube.com. I think I have listened to that song about 50 times since last night. I can't even understand what she is singing about, but her voice is so lyrical, it just speaks to my soul.

Jason was super sweet, on my facebook site, I had mentioned that I wanted to get an Ipod so I could listen to this song over and over and over! That's what I do, I am like a little toddler, I want to see my favorite movies and my favorite songs, even my favorite audio cd's Over and Over and Over and Over, DRIVES HIM NUTS!

I remember when I would be driving a million miles a week, I would listen to the same training CD's he would ride with me and hear the same thing over and over again, he just could not take it. For starters the CD's usually featured a southern accented woman, and by the end of the trip I would be talking with my Ya'all's intact... I am not from the south, I have no real southern accent and he would be quite annoyed by the end of our trip.

I usually would give my CD's a break when he would ride with me, at least for half of the trip. I never seemed to get anything soaked into my brain and then into my daily activity unless I really focused on making the effort, and by listening to my training CD's I would find that slowly but surely without much effort other than listening while driving my life would start to adjust in the manner I had been directing it. This is the method of preference for me, as making a concentrated effort to stick to something is something that I found difficult. Now, after my accident, since everything is new to me once again, I am learning a new way of life with new routines, the things I have learned in the past are able to help me shape the activities and routines of what I am determined to focus on.

Before when I was young, I'd inherited, some of my mom's procrastination issues, over time and with a great deal of work on my part, I had curbed those issues. I did procrastinate a bit but my focus was to always have things done early, therefore, I was almost always on time with everything as being on time was for me considered late.

Still to this day, I am focused on having things done in advance, probably even more so than before. With the daily issues that I face, I never know if I will be having huge pain issues, and since they can last several days in a row with no break, I really want to be on top of the things that I have committed to doing.

It does mean saying no more often, and it does mean doing things sooner than anyone would normally think of doing them, for instance, I have already started planning for my garden next year, my Christmas shopping was done at the begining of December, and I chose not to push my self to go with the neighbor to see the homes that were decorated for Christmas today, as I have another neighbor coming over to help me with a bridal shower I am throwing for a completely different neighbor. I've gotta have enough energy to get it all done, the houses would surley been fun to see! But I have committments to keep!

I must follow through, I must be prepared, and I must create contingency plans in case my body does not follow my plan!

Tonight we will be vegitables! I can't wait! We will watch what ever is on TV, or a movie from our favorites, and just veg! How nice will that be!

I am going to go, since I have more to follow through with, dishes, Bethanne's order, a past client reconnected yesterday thanks Mary! Susan will be coming over tomorrow for MK and I need to be ready today! Got lots of things to get done! Blessings!! I am off!

Staying Still and Looking Forward

So my migraine finally went away 36 plus hours of intense pain, gotta love to hate that! I have now gone yesterday with feeling crappy in the morning, needing medication and sleeping til noon, to today doing the same thing, but hey, after lunch both days I was able to be up and perking around. So I will take it! My birthday was this week, and while I felt crappy on my birthday I did have some good parts to it too! My hubby got me tickets! Woo Hoo! So the three of us will be going to STOMP! Our teenage friend is a percussionist, and I have always wanted to see STOMP and so has Jason! So there we go! The perfect night out! I can't wait to get dressed up!

I've been given strict instructions not to do any bending lifting over exerting, getting upset, or anything that I actually have control over so I couldn't possibly get a migraine from any activities that I have pursued... I do want my house cleaner so I will have to get that figured out. Of course I can't control the wonderful December weather and all of the shifts of the barometer that happen to be going on, but hey, I will do my part and make every effort to go to the show unmedicated, so I will have the hope of actually remembering the show.

Since sound doesn't USUALLY bug me to extremes, lights sometimes can but hey, I've got tickets to STOMP! I am going to do everything I can to go!...

I've stopped buying tickets to things, it actually bums me out, I've had tickets to conferences in the past or to other events, and I've had to cancel because of my pain issues since my auto accident. I hate wasting money!

Tickets for events happen at one date and time... and sometimes it just does not work for me to make their schedule fit into MY NEW YUCKY Lifes's plans...

Don't get me wrong, I love living, I just wish I was not always struggling to stay pain free, and I wish Wish WISH!!! that my main source of relief did not come in a bottle of pills! My massage therapist is great and everything, but who can get in all the time EXACTLY when you need to be there with the MOST amount of pain? And while he makes it better for sure, he sure does not have the key to making the pain just go completely away.

So our Christmas decorations have gotten put up, we just have boxes left to get put away and a little more sprucing up to do. Thanks to our teenage friend and her friend Amanda V. They had fun and so did I. A big thank you to my awesome hubby who got all of my decoration boxes out for us! The tree looks great, I have noticed that I have almost as many nativity sets as I do ornaments... How fun is that?

Things are going to be great! I just know that they are going to be better soon! Jason's cousin Susan has something fun for me to do tomorrow! I am happy about that! I sure have lots of great things to look forward too!

Weather

Changing weather gives me pain! LOTS of it! Going on 24 hours of it. My injection protection is wearing off and the Dr. won't do the proceedure til January... MISERY!

Refound

Today has been a nice day of sorts. I felt pretty crummy until about one in the afternoon, our teen age friend had a bad night last night so we were up pretty late with her, then this morning we were up early with her as her troubles had not dissipated. She did not go to school today, we'd hoped she'd be up for it in the afternoon, instead of making it to school her Aunt Kay stopped over and took her to get her glasses, and then took her to her mothers grave, to decorate it for Christmas. Her aunt even went to the school to speak with them about making things easier for her there.

Things are going to work out for her slowly but surely. As they will for me. Each day we plug away at different things. Sometimes it feels as if we are going no where, then suddenly poof! Something happens that gives us a benchmark towards our dreams.

The harder things are for me the more satisfied I feel with them when I have completed them. I try to set little goals for myself each day, last night I had planned to get an order out for a NEW Client... Well she used to be my client YEARS ago, and she has come back to me. She placed an order, I had planned to get it out today.

Jason had left to help his parents out, his dad had back surgery and it went well, he is home now and is very very sore. Jason had gone out to fix the bathroom up for him. It was an unsuccessful trip as the small town plumber did not have the correct parts. He will be making the trip another day.

He was gone until 5 or so and the post office closes at 4:30 so no getting my package out today. =(! But tomorrow it is TOP of the list of things for me to do for the day! I hope I can drive! Today too much medication to get behind the wheel of the car, although I did make shakes for lunch and I did make a mystery concoction of vegetables for supper.

I am super excited about my new client! I just loved her, she had moved and we lost touch, I really miss our chats, we used to volunteer together, and I always just had the best time being in her space. It really is not the makeup that I enjoy so much it is the time spent with these neat women that really makes me smile. I do love the makeup helping someone look a little cuter or get their skin to be softer is also really great, I do love making others feel better!

But sitting with someone and spending time with them does really fill my heart! I can't wait to hear what my refound friend has been up to over these past 10+ years!

Here is to pleasant persistence!

Beautiful Day's Anyway

Each day any of us get's to experience is a beautiful day. Even if things don't always go your way. After waking up to Luka's whine and nosing him self at me, I knew to start taking my meds. He climbed up on the bed and lay on me until I would feel better. Two doses of medication and several hours later I finally got out of bed just before noon.

With groceries on the brain, I started to get myself ready for the day. My hair was a tangled mess as I hadn't gotten it brushed out after my bath the night before. It took a while but I was finally cute. I needed to drop off two Mary Kay orders to Erin and to Kristy who lived on our way to the stores~ It was so great to see them, and I am so grateful for their orders.

We ended up getting to two grocery stores, I had gone through the adds to find the great sale items and we now have groceries in our home! Woo Hoo! My sister had gotten us the necessities and even enough to make Jason's favorite sandwich ,the ruben, just before Thanksgiving. She also brought back to our home the deer that our friend had shot! Thanks to our friend Jason K, and to my sister K!

Blessings are abundant! We are so tight with money since the auto accident, before thngs were always plentiful, and since they have been strained. We follow a strict budget, and any extra money that we get goes to repair what we have or replace what cannot be repaired.

Occasionally, we even get to do something fresh and fun, Jason has currently been saving all of his change so that we can go on a vacation sometime. We had this fund started before, but we had to use it as our emergency fund to fix the necessities.

We really have done well, we do and can survive on what Jason makes... we can have fun and do interesting thought provoking things, we can help others and as we have been discovering it gives others the opportunity to help us too! Which is kinda neat, because before we didn't need any help, and while we could survive with out the help of others for me it makes life so much nicer to have people, family as well as friends who are in your corner cheering for you and giving you a hand when times are tough.

I am blessed, each day is beautiful, each day is a gift and my life is blessed through the simple things my hubby does every day, the gift of time my teenage friend brings to my life, our supportive family who is finally understanding, and our friends who are there for us!

I am blessed! We are blessed, even though days seem hard, they are fulfilling, the good makes the bad so much better!

Beautiful!

Faith

Waking up many mornings, the first thing I reach for isn't the light or my slippers, it is the bottle of medication next to my pillow then I pat my hand around to find the glass of water waiting for me. My hope is each morning to be reaching for my slippers, robe, and light switch or curtain to get my days started. Some mornings this is the case but over the last four plus years this is not usually the case.

Luka has begun to notice when I am beginning to get pain. However, he is not yet become reliable, but anything helps at this point. Getting the medication in my system to get the pain under control in the beginning is the key! If I get a little medication early enough, then I am off and having a more productive day.

Some days work out like today has, waking up reaching for the bottle of medication, resting, taking more medication, resting, more medication, resting, more medication, resting until now at almost six in the evening FINALLY starting to feel better. Like I can get out of bed for the day.

I don't know when these days will happen, planning my life is extremely difficult. I had planned to go to a Geocaching Breakfast with Jason, then off with him to help him bring his father home from the hospital after back surgery, then to send off our teenage friend to school for band.. Well, I did get to sleep allot, pitter around the house a bit, and watch a movie... Jason went to help out his parents, his father is sore but doing well, he has learned that many days the things that we have planned to do together, he will end up doing alone.

I miss doing so many things with him. We used to do so much together. On my good days we do as much as we can cram in. Tomorrow, grocery shopping is on the list! Who know's what else the day will hold. I will be thrilled to get the grocery shopping done, and some house cleaning... Simple but it will make the rest of the week so much nicer for me as well as everyone else.

Never know who will stop by??? I love company. Each day waking up I have faith that I will be able to accomplish the list I have set forth for myself! Maybe I'll even be able to do more MK!

Moving On

Starting fresh each day waking up and willing to give it your best! I do this each day! Each day I can wake up with out intense pain is a huge blessing to me! I am elated for the small things that the day can bring. I have begun to adjust my life so that I can be more helpful. I still focus on my Mary Kay business. I love it! I am working to grow it, I know that with my physical issues that I will have to keep working at it slowly. That used to be frustrating for me, well it still is, I am a full speed ahead person. I want to do it and get it done and move on to my next goal.

My goals these days are smaller, more focused, seem to take much more time that they should and are are becoming somehow more and more fulfilling. I've had lots of role models in my life who've overcome many obstacles, some physical, some emotional, some work related, some situational, etc. I have drawn on many of their stories to and examples to keep plugging away at doing what ever I am able to do to the best of my ability.

Perfection is achieved for me through balance, effort, willingness, and peace of mind. What I have accomplished may not be perfect in someone else's life but for me if I have given it all that I can and I have worked as hard as I could it is perfect to me.

I was talking to a couple friends who were struggling last night about integrity, personal integrity, that is one thing that I had built my life around. My business was based on it, and so were my relationships. The accident that changed my life in 2004 collapsed my integrity, I was no longer able to keep with my commitments, the relationships that I had worked so hard to nourish to flourish began to slowly diminish and die. My communication skills had abruptly changed.

I was medicated 24/7 and not with Tylenol... I was unable to keep promises, appointments, and schedules. The network of local business people in my Rotary group became estranged as I was unable to follow through... My fast growing business in Brazil slowly came crashing down into nothingness, My Director business dwindled into oblivion and my client base disappeared because of issues caused by this accident.

To everyone I looked perfectly normal, I was not in a wheel chair, or did not have scars to point to, there was no coma, no long extended hospital stay, and no fanfare of what had happened to me. It was slow, almost methodical in the way this accident slowly crept in to all areas of my life like a cancer, it was not apparent until it was too late to get rid of it. I am still trying to rid it from my life.

I would cut one area of my life off to find it had already spread to another, that area was cut off and it spread to another.. WHOOOA!

All this time I am trying to get healthier, stronger better, and things in my life still are falling apart around me. But I am no longer holding on to my past, I am focused on what tomorrow will bring.

I wish I could move on, I wish and try and try and wish for things to be better, I am not asking for things to go back to how they were, although I would absolutely love that! I am however, working toward how I can do the best with what I have.

Now with the continued support of my husband, my great and loyal friends! And even a few new ones, I am trecking on each day with Luka on one side and Jason on the other.

I am on to clipping coupons and going through the grocery adds, before calling a couple of clients. Building my life one moment at a time. Thanks to my hubby Jason for keeping it all together and my friends Jen, Curtis, and Julie for having checked in on me today, and Linda for being so supportive of our teenage friend! And for my sisters S & K! Who are along for the ride.

Question of the day???

What do you do when everything seems to be falling down around you and you are yearning to stand tall and go forward through the rubble?

That is the question of the day!

Thanksgiving

Going from having a really bad week physically with way less stress and lots more fun to feeling better physically and having more stress... HMMM.... I think I prefer the second. Thanksgiving day for me was spent in bed. We had gone to spend a few days with friends over the holiday. Jason was picking up an extra job at the same time. The evening we arrived I was able to help get the feast started, by setting the table, and helping to make the stuffing and other items for the following day. My friend and I had a great time talking as well, it is great she can talk about her life to me and listen to me about mine. She is a great friend! I hope I am to her as well.

Waking up the following morning proved to be a challenge. During the night Luka had stuck his nose in my face two seperate times. Geesh.. I wondered could he really have to go to the bathroom that bad??? I certainly wasn't getting up for that, I told him to go to bed, and he did, but would try again later to wake me up. I asked him if he wanted to go outside... he didn't do his crazy waggle so that isn't what he wanted. I dozed off again, realizing that I felt terrible, but my meds were to far away to grab ( I'd been tired from the trip and from talking to my friend and Jason was already asleep so I didn't want to disturb him by waking him up digging through my bags ).. so I hadn't preped my meds. MISTAKE!!! BIG MISTAKE! The next morning when Jason got up, I could hardly move, my body HURT EVERYWHERE and my head was so hard to lift up. The accident over four years ago has reaked havac on my life ever sence! I just LOVE taking all this medication.... NOT!

Jason took Luka out who by this time did want to go outside, and he also dug out my medication and I proceeded to take the pain medication along with the migraine pills. Back to bed I went. I woke up in time to toss some makeup while feeling better but not great for the Late Thanksgiving Lunch. I ate with my friends husband, parents, grandparent, sister and co-worker, durring the desert course, I my pain started to increase again, Jason and Luka helped me back downstairs, where I took more meds and slept until the late supper of left overs. I woke up in time to get in on the tail end of left overs, I ate a little and guess what,,, I had to be helped back to my room again, MORE SLEEP.. Lovely, this is just the way everyone wants to spend their holiday's... GRRRR.

Am I mad YES! I am MAD! What can I do? I do everything I can think of to make this all be better, and nothing much seems to help. Well things help but not to the point I could actually get a semblance of my old life back. I know you can never go back you just have to focus on the future, do what you can do today! I do that, but don't ever think for a minute that I am happy about all of the pain, the limits I am confined to, and the medications! I HATE THEM!

I used to be able to impact so many other people, and now I sometimes feel as if I am making very little difference at all.

The following day after Thanksgiving was spent sleeping as well with more medication. Luka had woken me up in the middle of the night too by standing on the bed nosing me... I finally got it! He was waking me up trying to tell me I was getting sick! TAKE THE MEDS! WOO HOO! I did! I by now had them lined up and ready to go! I had already started to feel icky and so this was great! Maybe I could get a handle on this pain.

The day turned out alright, I was able to help decorate my friends home. I didn't do anything exciting to help, but I did sit on the couch and open all of the ornament boxes! I was happy I at least wasn't having to stay in bed and sleep! She and her daughter decorated the huge tree! It was great to be apart of something!

I got some sewing in too, I took more meds and by evening two days after Thanksgiving the major pain finally subsided. Phew!

My PinkDoberman Luka worked for me! I am so happy! I know he may not catch each time my pain will increase, but I am so grateful for when he will! Maybe I will be able to feel better more often, if I can catch my pain sooner.

For those of you who don't know about pain issues ( this was me before my nasty car accident ) if you don't get your medications taken soon enough and the pain grows faster than the meds can kick in you can't get it under control. No matter how much scarry medication you shove down your throat or in your IV. I really hate it, and it is really scarry for me because before the car accident I was taking absolutely no medications, we had even started talking about having kids.

I know those of you who know me know that having kids really were not on my radar or Jason's, but we were finally getting to a point in our lives where it was at least an option for us. Now we are not ever going to have them not of our own of course.

We do have Natalie here with us now, and that is great! Not at all expected, but we have known her since she was 5 or 6 and now she is 17 and her home life had gone to hell. So we are happy to have her but so sad to watch the events unfold which landed her in our laps. At least I can help her. I am happy for that.

I've got so much more to say but the food at Thanksgiving was really great! My favorite was a cornbread stuffing (I helped make it the day before). Spending the day with Jason and friends even if I was only up for a little bit was nice... I got to lay in bed and listen to everyone having fun, and that was comforting to me. I am sure thankful for my husband, friends and family! A special thanks to my sister K! Who I will talk about later!

Blessings to all!