rEaLiZaTiOn

[Jason when you read this this is not a condemnation.  This is my realization!]

So this morning I woke up to Jason putting a note on my phone.  He was leaving.

He often does this.  This was the first time in ages he had left a note. 

I was quite groggy when he shared he was leaving to get his hair cut.  When I am awake and he shares where he is headed, or talks to me.  It takes me longer than it takes him to process what has just transpired.

I used to be faster. 

At any rate, he can now say what he has to say, and leave while I am processing the information.  He can be all the way downstairs, before I have noticed that he is gone, and that my thought following his has gotten to my lips.

FRUSTRATION!

He is frustrated by the lack of timely response from me.  He says, “ Why couldn’t you have said this while I was upstairs?”  In my mind I think and sometimes I say, “because you LEFT before I was finished.”

It doesn’t make for a good two sided conversation. 

This morning was no exception, except that when I am groggy or medicated or hurting, it takes me even longer! 

Once he gets something in his mind he wants to go do it right away!  Not wait for a list of things that I have that need to be done when he is headed off in the right direction. 

For example, this morning I needed him to proof some pictures I have put in a document.  For our New Years greeting that we will send to family and friends.  I want him to check them out before I send them to Kinko’s to be printed.  Where he will need to pick them up.

Kinko’s is great!  I can send them a document online via the internet.  They will have it printed and ready by the time I specify, and Jason can pick these things up when he is scheduled to be in the area!  It is fabulous.

Doing this takes coordination on our parts..

Yes, I could just print it and he’d have to live with it.  I suppose I could.  But I like getting his opinion, and if he comments on something that needs change, it is usually something I wouldn’t have thought of and is worth considering.

His opinion matters.

So, I also have a need for getting back and forth to therapy.  Since money is tight, I have opted not to make any appointments.  I am doing what I can at home of course.  But I was gradually improving with the PT and now I know I am not. 

It would have been great to say, lets do that on Tuesday when you are free again, and I can get therapy and you will have something to do while you are waiting for me.

Then I remembered, I will have to also be responsible to pay the copay required by our insurance for the year out of our pockets. 

We don’t have the money to pay for that right now.  So, I guess no point in bringing that up either.

Grrrr.

So I guess why I am writing this, is a realization of fact.

It is a fact that Jason likes to do things spur of the moment.  It is also a fact, that I never have my “shit” together enough to just be ready at the moment he is spontaneous. 

Are we alone in this?

I really don’t think so.  I think that many other couples are very similar.

Jason and I seem to be polar opposites in most things.  In fact when we do agree on something we instantly agree to get it.  It may not be either of our FAVORITES but since we both like it it now has become OUR FAVORITE! 

We work things out.

Today, in my infinite wisdom…  NOT!  I opted to just call and ask Jason if the salon he was headed to was open on this Sunday morning.  He had checked and it was. 

Wow! He was set.  I chose not to mention all of the other things that had popped into my mind including the fact that he hadn’t had breakfast, and my desire for him to actually ask her to give him a hair style, not a buzz cut.  In addition the area in which he goes to get his hair cut has a new crafting place, I have been dying to check out, it hasn’t ever worked for me to get there.

How my mind works if we are making a trip to the city?

What all needs to be done on this trip? 

1. Hair cut

2. PT or MT or Dr or other medical need

3. Kinko’s

4. Deliver Dad’s Christmas present to UPS

5. Deliver friends Christmas presents

6. etc.. well you get the picture

It is enough to drive my husband mad!  He deals with my lists most days.  Today he is getting a vacation!

After all it is his head, his hair, it isn’t mine.  I want him to be comfortable. 

He has been like this well, since I can remember.  I shouldn’t expect him to change.  I should just change.  I am trying to.  I can’t control what he thinks or does.  I can’t control what anyone thinks or does.  THANK GOD FOR THAT! 

This is my Sunday morning revelation!  This morning while having known these things to be true about him.  I chose to keep my mouth shut!  YipEE for me!  Now Jason will be out having a much better day. 

My things don’t have to be done today anyway, my letter was supposed to be ready by Thanksgiving, at least in my mind. 

We’ll I have taken my pain meds, I have started with my cleanse for the day, I will soon be getting breakfast, and guess what?

He let Luka out before he left!  How awesome is that!  (He doesn’t often think of this before leaving either!  He is changing too!) 

I am not sure how I will handle things differently for each situation in the future, or for that matter, if I will.  I just did today, that is all that I can control.  What I do right now!

Ahhhhh it feels good to know he is doing his thing.

I am back typing propped up in bed.  Now where is my Isagenix breakfast shake?  Now if only these meds would kick in so I don’t get any worse.