Friday, January 29, 2010

PrOuD u DiD!

Today, relief is finally starting.  I put some clothes away today from a basket that has been sitting in our room ready to put away for a while.  I felt good to have done that.  It isn't much but it felt good to do. 

I actually felt good enough later after resting to do some more, but thought I had better not push it.  I have my Massage Therapy tomorrow, that should help me feel even better and I really need to get our house clean.  So doing one more thing today, instead of resting to feel even better for tomorrow, so I can hopefully do even more is my strategy.  I hope it works. 

I've been sleeping pretty well lately!  I am pretty happy about that.  Well for the past few nights anyhow.  I guess I don't talk a lot about that.  Some nights it is hard to get to sleep... Jason just rolls his eyes each night. 

I have a certain pillow that goes under my head, another above that as a back up head pillow, two big heavy ones that go under my legs two that go on the outside of the bed, a little U shaped one that goes there towards my head another triangle one towards the center, another bow one there too, and an extra bean bag pillow that I have as a spare. 

This is so weird.  Before I remember sleeping always on my stomach or if I wasn't sleeping like that I was curled up in some sort of ball to sleep I just used one pillow.  Since the accident, I have required pillows everywhere.  If I don't my limbs fall asleep, blood stops flowing and it is very bad and painful.  I used to need two more big pillows as well, but I have eliminated those since getting the Radial Neuropothy Injections.  Those things were a huge turning point in my life.  They were the hugest blessing!  I am not sure if I am needing more or not since my neck is bugging me more lately, but so far so good. 

So which ever direction I turn to get comfortable in my sleep I can prop my body up with pillows.  I need to share that I hate my nightly ritual.  Jason can just do things so easily, I often find myself jealous of his ability to do everything easily.

It frustrates me so many people live their lives with a mental block.  I watched a show tonight the host was the guy from the show Survivor at least I think it was.  It was a show about a guy who has been told he has ALS.  This show is helping him live his dreams.  One of the most poinient things he shared was to finish what you start, he had that regret.  He wants to make sure his kids learn to do that before he dies.  It was a really neat show, reminding us all of our lives have an ending that for many comes way to soon. 

I think I am going to like this show.  I don't know what the title is but I am sure I will soon.  I am not dying!  But I am no longer living, I feel as if I am in flux.  Flux isn't very fun, but it is necessary for arriving at a different destination.  I look at it I guess as if I am inside the Star Trek Transporter Beam, and I have yet to be beamed to my complete state and new destination.  Even in Star Trek people get lost in the transporter beam, with a little effort everything works out in the end, at least most of the time! =)!

I miss Star Trek!

When we keep our eyes on the road ahead we see that things are coming closer to fruition.  A while ago we were able to pay one big bill off.  We have more to go, and we will eventually get it all done.  Each step we take toward this really does feel good.  Jason doesn't like to deal with the details, it frustrates him.  The details were hard for me before, and now it is even harder to get correct.  It takes me longer to think and longer to figure things out, but I can and I do. 

Besides around here, I guess I have time.  One thing I remembered that was on my computer was a resume I have been working on for a relative.  I will be starting that over I guess, as I don't know how to get the information off of the computer when it has died. 

Something else fun is happening, I am going to speak in front of a committee of my state legislature.  I am rather excited about the prospect of this.  I am excited to share my perspective.  All three to five minutes of it!  YaHoo!  I will share more about this later!   I will get to express LOTS of frustration I have a bout a topic I feel very passionately about! 

Another thing is happening as well that I am almost equally excited about.  I am not talking about that either!  Funny as both of the things are related.  They are practically going to  be happening at the same time well, not quite but oddly enough..  Ha!  It feels good!

I have also been asked to participate in something else.  I am not sure I will do this, but I may.  Need to think about this more though. 

Other things well they are happening one thing at a time.  I am hoping that things hold together long enough for us to make it down our road a while further.  It might not be graceful, but it would be do able! 

I am figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life again.  I thought I knew what I was called to do.  Evidently God has a different plan since the other has come pretty much to a complete halt.  Hmmm..  I've got some Ideas.  I just need to keep working at it all.  Educating myself is the key it would seem. 

Jason's been a little unfocused lately, he hasn't been pushing to many buttons and is beginning to find there isn't anything to download.  I sure hope he finds his focus and can start pushing buttons again.  He really needs to improve his aim and create more downloads. 

Luka, he is loving his sleep lately!  We seem to make quite the pair, this has been the winter that never ends.  On Facebook today a former neighbor who has moved to Texas posted how amazed she is to have her spring flowers and green grass already..  Grrrrr. is the response I posted. 

Another friend posted some people have everything and really have nothing and those who appear to have nothing really have everything.  I find this also to be true.  I feel very fortunate even though I complain.  I am alive and I am spending time with Jason I am lucky to be loved.  I have more than most, I am grateful for what I have! 

I also have my imagination as well.  It is giving me lots of ideas I hope I can soon sit up on my own long enough to tackle.  Lately I have had to have my head rested on pillows for a good part of the day, this is so frustrating.  This is why I am going to want to talk to my Dr about this again.  I am not sure what the solution is but , somehow I would like to sit up on my own for a length of time.  It would also be nice to turn my head a bit from side to side with out fear of it hurting worse.  Wha Wah WHAWha....Wa.... 

I am happy, I have pictures that prove it!  Ha! 

I will hope that you also figure your directions out, that you don't get to worked up about the things you have no control over, that you are happy with what you have and where you are at, that you have dreams that you are in pursuit of and that you finish what you start, even if you find that your path may eventually take a different direction.  You will be proud you did.  Each day is special unique and offers you something, grab your nugget and use it in the days to come!  I plan on doing just this and I really sincerely hope that you do too! 

Pink Doberman


stipeygirl75 said...

LOL about the pillows. I do the same thing, propping myself up. It really annoys my hubby so on bad nights when I need LOTS of pillows I end up sleeping on the couch. Also true about finding your new "plan" for your life. I'm trying to do that too - although I can still work, some days it is really hard and I wonder how many more years I can do it. That is exciting you get to talk to the committee!

~Pink~Doberman~ said...

Thanks Sarah, I ended up doing better than I thought I would. I was pretty nervous. I think it went well in the end.

I am proud of myself for doing it. I may end up doing it again as the committee did not pass this bill. But it will be coming around again next year.

I so enjoy your comments!
Blessings! Tonja