What keeps me going?
Several things do. Let me start by sharing, I have always lived my life looking forward to what new adventures tomorrow can bring. No I know that the word adventures can lend itself to good things and bad things. But that is life. Down deep I am a practical gal. On the surface you will think I am all diamonds and fluff.. Which is why it would behoove people to look at least three times before giving a final judgment.
Even when I’ve been in a medicated coma like state suffering with pain beyond wildest imaginations… I would keep saying to myself it will be over soon. Soon, I’ll be able to move. Soon I will be able to sleep, soon I will be able to have a conversation, soon I will be able to remember. Sometimes soon is all you have. There is no exact time definition of the word soon. I remember praying for God to take my life away. I remember my conversation. If I have done all that there is for me to do here, take me home. If I am to do something else here, I will stay. But if you are done, I am begging you to end this misery.
Jason would come home and check if I were still breathing, fearful that I had died in the night while he was gone. I prayed for my suffering to end one way or another.
I am here for a reason. This unknown reason is keeping me going.
I am taking life one day at a time, testing out and trying to be open to possibilities as they unfold. I am trying to be accepting of where I am at and the fact that I am still here. There is a mission that I am meant to complete. A road that I have yet to travel. A life that I have yet to touch. A reason to keep living.
I am not sure of the exact nature of this reason. I just know that there is one.