CaTcH Up

Awake when I should be asleep.  Oh well what’s new.  I just ate my Isagenix Bar and now I am hoping that by getting some of the words out of my head and into the computer that I might just be able to fall back asleep again.  I need some.  I told Jason this morning that I think my insomnia is back.  Grrr.  Well, at least I did manage to stay in bed all of last night instead of getting up and wondering around the house aimlessly.  Not the best thing to do in the middle of the night while groggy. 

Luka did wake up with me once though, Jason was a hero and took him out and even got me a glass of cold water.  Which worked out great as my body had gotten very warm.. weirdly so..  I am excited for today.  I have lots I want to do. 

Some of which involves going for a swim.  Hope my suit is clean.. =)

We’ve been pretty busy around here in more ways than one.  Jason has been a mad man cleaning up and doing constructive projects around the house..  We have rid ourselves of one couch and are looking to find homes for one more loveseat and a reclining chair.  Less is more.  Less to move around, less to clean around.  We are going for a minimalist approach to living… Ok I am not very minimalistic.. but I am trying. 

I have hopes soon that I will also have a newly organized clothing closet.  He finished one organizer for our project room and it is working out fabulously I might add!  Have yet to find a place for everything but I’ve got a good start on it. 

We do things a little bit at a time around here.  Wish I could do it all at once, but neither my attention span nor my energy seems to last that long. 

I did make a skirt yesterday for our granddaughter!!  Yea!!  Excited about that!  I can’t wait to get it mailed off to Brazil!  It is an adorable Red Tule Skirt for her to play in.  We were informed that red is her favorite color.  So I think we may have to find a Husker shirt to go along with her skirt! 

In other family news all of our girls are doing well!  D is expecting again!!   YiPeee.. another G-baby!!  And she is almost an Exec Sr. Director in MK!  We couldn’t be prouder! 

F is finishing up law school, she is doing quite well!  A is in medical school, she has wrapped up her surgery rotation and is going strong! 

Our young friend N is now married and working in town, T is in school in Lincoln and working as well. 

Sisters and their kids are doing great also!!  We hope to be gathering in the spring when Dad and G come for a visit!  Yipee!!

Well lots of things to look forward to that is for sure.  Lots more as well but I am silent about that for now.

Life is moving forward, even if I have to drag it kicking and screaming!  Ha!

Oh, and Jason and I watched the super game last night.  Well he watched and I worked on the computer.  He did do his duty and remind me when the commercials were on though.  I had a margarita chips and salsa and then went to bed early, which may be the cause of my early rise and restless night.  =)

All in all we had a GREAT night watching TV and hanging out together!  And it worked out great, with both teams wearing yellow pants you couldn’t tell which team was going which way, or who was winning really and so  in our house at least there wasn’t much yelling at the screen!

As per feeds on Twitter we gathered this was not the case in other households. 

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

PiLLy-VaNiLLi

This month has been a bit hellish.  I don’t know what is going on other than it could be weather related, and attached as well to the fall I took at the Dr.s’ office, or the glasses being on and off and on and off, or just the simple fact that my brain has indeed been traumatized...  But I have been getting worse and longer lasting migraines nearly every day again. 

Right now they seem to be increasing in their life disruption… Not that my life is anything that exciting.  I have been working at some things that I’d really like to get done though… and these things are driving me NUTS!

I’d like them to go away.  I am however so grateful that they are no longer what they were for years after the accident.  I will be grateful for that every day of my life I don’t have those again.  These hurt and I can’t do much when I have them but I can move around a bit and I can do some things that don’t require perfection. 

I would just really like to be able to stop taking all of these migraine pain and muscle relaxation pills.  Pills pills pills pills… oh God, I hate pills! 

To top it off I fear I am running out of my allotted pill amount again.  The insurance company only lets you get so many migraines a month.  After that they aren’t considered worth treating I guess.  Which really stinks as these dumb pills are $$$$$$$$$ 

Sorry for the stinky post.  I am just frustrated.  I have big plans and these buggers have been making it very difficult to get my plans done.  It is very hard to try to function through these for me.  I try.  Maybe I shouldn’t, but I can’t bear the thought of another unproductive day passing. 

Jason made me rest yesterday, it did help.  I have only been awake a couple of hours now again and I will be heading back to sleep yet again.  There is sunshine and I will be asleep.  Drat!

On other notes, I am becoming an artist.  I will be sharing more about this later!  Just know I am making my dream happen.  Even though by other standards it may not seem like much, it is and has been something I am having to work very hard for. 

I am not doing it alone, but I am doing it.  I am so grateful for the people who’ve been placed in my life.  Jason especially.  Others of you you, well most of you know who you are.  Thanks!

I am pushing through.  Make way!

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

BeD HoG..

Not sleeping tonight leads to blog post.  I’ve been doing pretty well in the sleep department as of late.  Which I enjoy and I think helps to make my days a bit more productive.  This night however has seemed unusually long.  Which is unfortunate as Jason is trying to sleep. 

I finally relented and am on the computer.  I have just caught up reading a myriad of blog posts that had built up in my Google Reader.  I love GR.. Just saying.  When I started moving around Luka too thought it was time for him to get up on the bed. 

The good and bad things about letting your dog (Assistance Dog or Not) upon your bed…

I will start with the bad. 

Dirty feet.  No matter how hard we try he has dirty feet.  Which require us to do extra washing.

Bed Hog!  100 pound Dobermans take up just as much space as I do.  Seeing as I only weigh a small amount over him…  Thank goodness for a King Size bed. 

He things he owns the bed.  Well not really, he always asks permission to get up here.. but he is getting really spoiled and now has second thoughts about having to sleep on his floor mat. 

He wears a cone to bed.  Yes a Comfey Cone.  Which prevents him from chewing on his allergy ridden feet.  If you recall he is allergic to grass, dust, foods, etc.. which makes pretty much any environment a hazard for him.  100 pound dog with an appropriate sized cone on his head.. makes an even bigger dent when it comes to bed space.

Right now I am relegated to the top 1/3 of the bed on the left 1/2.. Jason has the other full 1/2 and is hopefully sleeping peacefully. 

 

Ok now the good.

When Jason is gone, it is nice to have Luka up here with me.  Many times I will wake and his head will be rested on me.  I love that. 

When I am not feeling well it is magnificent to have him curled up with me.  I feel as if I am not alone.  Most of the time Jason may be gone.  However even if he is here, snuggling up with me when I am feeling crappy isn’t his strong suit, and he has tons of other things he is trying to get done… Laundry, dishes, work..

It would seem as if the bad outweighs the good.  It would seem that way in writing.  But emotionally, it is worth all of the bad to have the good. 

 

Growing up I would bribe my sisters to sleep in my bed with me so I wouldn’t be alone.  I don’t think they ever got much sleep as I tossed and thrashed about so badly.. But I always slept great and I never got cold.

Sometimes it is nice to not be alone.

 

Blessings & Sweet Dreams,

Pink Doberman

HoW i FoUnD mY DiAgNoSiS… My AdViCe..

 

I am writing today a post for a blog carnival that is to be hosted on one of my favorite bloggers sites.  The Carnival will be posted on the 26th of January.  A blog Carnival is where several bloggers write about a common topic, and one blogger will be the “host” and post all of the links to all of the different posts on the same subject by the different bloggers.  It is a great way to connect with others and increase awareness and enjoy differing perspectives.

TOPIC:  What advice would you give to those, who have been recently diagnosed with an illness or are going through the process of diagnosis? - Any experience or tips you would like to share. Any words to give strength or some straight forward facts. Any clinical information, specific or general. Anything that you feel someone had told you. 

To let you know a bit about PFAM- Patients For A Moment- it’s a patient-centred blog carnival initiated by Duncan Cross to build connections within the community of people who blog about illness, disease and disability.   Thanks to Leslie for carrying it on and to Shweta Chaubey for hosting this edition! 

 

 

My thoughts…. for what they are worth..

When I was blasted in the car accident over 6 years ago, the last thoughts on my mind were that the Dr.’s that I would be seeing had no clue what to do with me. 

For as much as one learns in medical school it is never enough.  The sad thing is that I had the idea that Dr’s knew it all, and I was not to question them.  They give that impression they never tell you that they are not sure, and if they don’t know what they are dealing with it is very few who will admit it. 

To get a diagnosis, this is what I had to learn.  Look out of the box.. Not out of the medical establishment, but look toward Dr.’s who would research for you who would continue to refer you to other places.  Who would never get upset if you second guessed there thoughts.  The most defensive were usually the ones with out a clue. 

Look toward others who are suffering right along with you, scour the internet, blogs, support groups of other people.. tell others what is going on with you, writing this blog, and sharing what I was having troubles with was a key factor in one of my diagnosis. 

If you are looking to someone to diagnose you, start with doing what work you can for yourself.  If you are working to help someone else fine a diagnosis you can do the same thing for them.

Make a list: 

Identify everything you can think of symptom wise.  Even the insignificant things.  I began my list with the details of my auto accident.  I also included similar experiences of family and friends, as they turned out to be key in diagnosis of a genetic issue that hindered my improvement.  I just slowly added things as I could recall. 

Start your list, and continually go back to it updating it.  Add also if you can recall the date or approximate date that the symptom happened.  If you’ve experienced things longer than you can recall, make sure that you list those things as well. 

In my life many of the things that I had always thought were “cool” about myself were the things that had been the beginning of some of my troubles, and the key to one part of my mystery. 

Ask others what they see that is going on with you.  You may not be able to personally identify it all.  For example I was having issues thinking.  I still had all of the same thoughts they were now just in slow motion much of the time.  I had just gotten used to the slowness, it wasn’t until someone else shared about it that I recalled the way it used to be for me. 

Allowing others to help, and not turning people away when they offer well meaning advise.  It was a dinner with friends, one of my girlfriends eats Gluten Free… I researched it so I knew what she could have.  Later I realized that I had subconsciously been avoiding gluten and I was feeling better for it.  I spoke with the Dr. we did one of the tests, it came back that gluten was not a problem, the test we did was the easy one, and I really did not want to go through the other one, so I just did my own test to figure it out instead of the more invasive one.  I just stopped eating gluten.  Big changes happened for me.  I am glad I listened to my body.

Have faith that you will find the right diagnosis, with out a proper diagnosis, you many times have no clue in which to head.  However even with out a proper diagnosis, it shouldn’t stop you from doing the best you can to be healthy.  Eating simple foods from basic ingredients, in proper amounts.  Reducing anything that is premade or made with sugars, artificial ingredients, talk to a dietitian many grocery stores have one you can talk to for free that will give you a proper shopping list and recipes as well.

If you are not going to treat yourself well, how can you expect to go to the Dr. and get them to give you their best when you don’t even give your best to yourself. 

Small things, like holding your tummy in for two seconds 10 times a day or squeezing your buttocks, straightening your foot or flexing here and there..  You don’t have to be out running a mile or walking one either.  But what ever you are able to do figure it out and do it.  If someone else tries to do it for you when you can ask them to let you.  As long as you have the spoons for it. 

I fought for myself.  After years of thinking someone was going to figure this out and “fix” me.  I figured out, that I had better get with the program.  I stopped listening to the placation, the extended… Oh, well, you must just take longer to heal, or I can’t find anything wrong…etc.  I stopped.  I took control of what I could and that includes seeing different specialists, and pushing for more. 

One other thing that really helped was having someone else to advocate for me.  My husband who has and had gone through this all with me, who watched and listened to me wretch and moan in pain with every breath, for years, was now becoming my advocate.  When Dr’s wouldn’t listen to me he stepped in.  They listened to him. 

Find yourself and advocate, just another person to corroborate your story to the Dr.  I know it doesn’t seem like much but realize that Dr’s also do not know who to trust or what to deal with first in some cases.  Help them help you.  Help them hear you. 

On the note of writing your symptoms down, also write down what you are doing for yourself to create wellness.  Write that you now drink water instead of soda.  Write that you are avoiding xxxx foods… Tell them that you are doing xyz exercise on your own in addition to what they have already suggested for you. 

Let them know in writing that you are working to help yourself.  If they see you doing your best to help yourself, you will make them a stronger team player for you.  Don’t complain and whine at them.  Keep things as simple and focused as possible, and have a short list of things you need. 

If you hand a list of meds to the nurse that you are needing refills on or wanting to try, she/he can work on that while you are talking to the Dr.  Make a plan to work on this now, and then come back in 2 weeks to work on the rest if you have a longer list.  Or when you book the appointment, ask the receptionist to schedule you for two spots. 

Be nice!  Be very nice.  Make them want to see you.  They are people too.  If you wouldn’t want to be around you then no one else including those whom you pay will want to be around you.  There are other ways of expressing to others how horrible you feel figure out how you can best express how you feel with out it involving blame anger resentment and feelings like that. 

Believe me I am angry, but the anger will kill me.  The happiness I feel focusing on the positives can cure me.  This does not mean I ignore what makes me angry, I just find more positive ways to deal with it. 

I write.  If you are better at speaking then you should vlog (video blog) or maybe you draw, take your time.  I know that my Dr’s put my list of issues and improvements, and discouragements in my file.  I carry this list around to my appointments, updating it every few months or so. 

I used to think that if they thought xyz about me was important that they would ask.  They didn’t even know to ask.  Dr’s forms are very generalized and don’t have room for very specific information that is relative to obscure issues.  These forms also don’t lead you much into telling more information.

When you hand their filled out forms along with your list of issues that you’ve created, that includes dates and symptoms, issues you have as well as what you have tried and are already doing to get better, you can give them a more complete picture.  Don’t forget to list all of your medications, even if they are the one’s who prescribed them, what you have learned from other Dr.’s and what medications you have tried that were not successful.  Be sure to include anything that helped you to feel better, and what makes you feel worse. 

Now that I have figured out what my “diagnosis's” are on that paper I have also written the Doctors who diagnosed me and when.  I include their contact information and any thing else I can come up with that may be helpful. 

Chronic patients are difficult.  My doctor loves seeing me.  I am like a breath of fresh air for his office.  His receptionists like me, they get me appointments easily now, the nurse’s deal with me swiftly, and the Dr. is always greeting me and excited to see me.  My doctor does not know it all, but I am not looking at him to solve it all for me.  I am looking at him to listen enough to what is going on with me to know what direction to send me next and to support me in my efforts, and steer me correctly when I need it.

Now I fully realize that what has worked for me and what I have learned, and what I can do are not going to work for everyone.  However, if this has helped you or given you some ideas as to what may work or what someone else might be going through then I hope you come away happy having learned another perspective.  I know there are those out there who are only able to blink, or may only be able to move their thumb, or may be dealing with dying. 

This is just my story about what has worked for me.  I hope it gives you greater understanding. 

Receiving your diagnosis is just one part of your journey.  If you don’t have one, don’t be discouraged.  Believe in yourself, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve to have as great of a life as you can manage.  Love others and let them love you.  Help others and let them help you.  Life is not a path you should travel alone, so don’t push people off of your path because of how you feel.

Learn to accept how you feel, and learn to accept that no one else in this world can understand exactly what you are going through.  Accept it and learn that what is more important sometimes is trying to understand some one else’s perspective.

As a note it was over 6 years after my car accident that my problems were given a label, don’t be discouraged.  Keep on going.  You are worth it!

Wishing you many blessings, speedy diagnosis, and a pile of love and understanding,

Pink Doberman

 

P.S. I am a member of the group Chronic Babe  you can be a member too, it is free.  There is a link to it on my blog page, in addition Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter and other places have some very good groups/links where you can connect with others who may be having similar issues.

Spoon-Filled Exhaustion

Do you ever wonder what you’ve done in your day that gets you so tired? 

Today I have done just that.  I woke up around eight am after having slept I’d say since midnight or so.  Which is pretty good for me.  I hadn’t heard Jason sneak out to take night pictures either.  So I was soundly sleeping.  I had taken migraine meds before sleeping as I had one.  I woke and it was gone.  Which was great as I had gotten rid of it before actually falling to sleep. 

I fiddled around on the computer, and drank my morning cleanse.  Jason went and got it for me this morning.  I noticed a bit later that my right side was flaring up.  Which is a sure sign of a migraine starting, so I once again took my meds.. Managed to stay awake long enough for Jason to leave for town to run errands.  Slept until he called me. 

It was a good thing he did call, because I had been dreaming and he was in trouble with me in the dream.  I dreamt that he had let me sleep until six that night.  I was livid.  Anyhow, this was not reality.  He called at a half past noon.  Asking if I might need anything else.  I sounded terrible I gather by the tone of his voice on the other end of the phone. 

I had to keep reminding myself that it must have been a dream in which I was so mad at him and in reality I was not.  So in other words… be very nice on the phone!  I was, I was also extremely groggy.  Now this grogginess lasted until about three that afternoon.  When I finally mustered up enough brain power to make it out of bed.  I had plans you see, and I was frustrated that I wasn’t gathered enough to make them happen. 

Sometimes in life you just need to always be aware that there is lemonade no matter how many lemons you see staring you in the face.  Today was no exception.  While I hadn’t gotten much accomplished, I did manage to fold a load of laundry, wipe out part of my shower all be it not very well, and get a surprise we’ve been working on started. 

Not to bad.  Of course now by nine this evening I was completely exhausted, I’d only been up now for six whole hours, and as I type this it has been eight.  I am drained exhausted, physically aching.  I must say that I did manage another trip out today, the trip out yesterday I am sure is the one that resulted in me getting two migraines, however the trip today I guess was enough to make me clearly wasted as well.  In addition I did also manage to get 10 minutes of bike riding done which did not happen yesterday. 

It was all fun, and all worth it.  I feel as we are accomplishing something together and I love that feeling. 

Even though it has resulted in a pretty exhausted body of mine. I guess I will just rest again until I am all caught up. 

Even though I have few spoons I feel I have used them wisely to accomplish something.  I am happy about that!  (Spoons are a term that is used for folks who have to choose what they do each day very carefully, each spoon represents an activity or action.  Some people may only have a couple of spoons available to them each day and others may have unlimited.  Those with disabilities, usually have fewer spoons and have to use them very sparingly in order to insure they can accomplish something.)

Click to ready the Original Spoon Theory Story.  It is a short great read!!

I hope you had a spoon filled day! 

Mine has been grand,

Pink Doberman

DiPpY HiPpY

Well as you might imagine this post is going to be about my hips.  I am frustrated.  It used to be only the right one would get hung up.  Now the left is doing it too.  I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised, after all they both slip out. 

I haven’t figured out how to be able to wiggle them around enough to slip them back in, everything I do has caused more pain or been ineffectual.  I did have a Physical Therapist who had gotten the hang of it on my right hip.  It wasn’t an easy thing or a pretty one but it worked.

After DaaaaYS of it being off, last night my left hip finally had a nearly drop me to the floor while I was getting off of the bike recovery moment.  I’ve been trying to peddle anyway, some days I could only get a few minutes in others I might make it to five or to 10 minutes which is my goal.  Last night I made it five minutes before deciding the pain had grown to fast and I needed to stop.  In lifting my right leg up over the bar of my recumbent bike and while letting it down on the other side as I was getting ready to stand, well, my whole pelvic region did this crunching popping twisting… which resulted I believe in my left hip being properly seated.  However the pain this caused was intense and I felt very unstable.  

Of course Luka hearing my discomfort screaming ( softly as I could, as Jason was sleeping already ) ran to the other room to insure that what ever had happened to me wasn’t going to happen to him… Chicken..

He did come back after I called for him, Jason never once waking up.  Ha!  My man was beat.  Luka helped me back to bed and then Jason woke up.  My very gracious man settled Luka in and then dozed off immediately. 

My hip is still sore.  It is angry and I think I need to tie my knees together to insure that my hips don’t splay to much today.  Which to me is not at all a fun thought.  It might just be the less painful way to make it through the day though.  It is going to be considered. 

Instead I am wearing my very tight jeans in hopes that they will keep my hips securely locked into place so they can stop yelling at me for my lack of strength and tightness. 

Ha Ha!!  I guess you could call me loose.  =) Which is certainly funny. 

Please note:  I inherited my mother’s horrible sense of humor.  I try to control it.  As most things I think should be funny usually turn out to piss someone off or hurt some one’s feelings.

Additional Note:  Perhaps more importantly.  I am a drama queen.  Yes.  I know the truth hurts.  DQ is really all about being me, and getting what I want, so stay out of my way people. 

…. Just kidding.  I am a Drama Queen, but please don’t stay out of my way.  I like to have people around so they can get mixed up in my drama. 

I am going to get back on the “horse” again today, and give myself some more exercise.  Not quite ready to do that at this moment but I will before I go to bed.  I had been trying to get 2 ten minute biking sessions in.  I am now down to one and if I can manage it I will be thrilled to do two. 

Life is funny.  So am I but if I start getting funny you’d better run.  I may have permanently damaged you in some way.  Really the truth?  I am just a big dork that is having difficulty amusing herself at the moment. 

Oh the joys of being alone in the house to long.  I might be going mad.  We’ll I am not mad have you looked outside lately.  I would really like to go somewhere, but it will be days before that happens.  And it is cold out there and I AM warm in here.  So I will just continue amusing myself at your expense.  That is if you are still bored enough to be reading this.

 

 

I was tired, I slept for nearly 3 hours shortly after writing the above message.  I think I might have been loosing my mind..  Oh the joys!

Anyhow now that I am feeling much better, I am going to try and get a few things done around here..  I am drinking my shake for lunch it is past two but that counts I think. 

Well I’m having a good day and am looking forward to my bike ride later. 

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

 

 

ToDaY..

Glasses are back on.  I have not been back to the Dr.  But I was feeling foggier and a mess again… Glasses back on today.. much better day.  Happy about that. 

I do have an appointment, but it isn’t for a while. 

Other things are going well which is nice.  My internet service has been fixed.  No more getting kicked off every 5-10 minutes!! Woo HOo!!!

Luka well, his feet are still messed up from a couple of weeks ago.  He lost a bootie and we put a small booty on him, it messed up two different feet.  So he is back to being an unhappy cone head.  =(.  Means we really can’t go out together, as his feet are messed up.  And he is sneaky, if you take his cone off the next thing you know he’s chewed on his feet again.  So.. Cone on.  Full time for the next however long until his skin is healed. 

I did get more Muttluks ordered.  I got four more pairs, as the last batch of them that he is wearing now, has already gotten holes worn in them.  FRUSTRATING!!  I am going to try adding Sugru to the bottom of one of the pairs.  I can have hope I guess.  The Sugru has worked on the chair for my new to me recumbent bike.  I should really take a picture. 

Speaking of Sugu.. I used it to mount hanging devices on some Christmas presents we gave out.  I think it worked like a charm…

Luka is lying her right now moaning.. so hard, I can’t really go itch what he want’s itched, I don’t want to break it open again.  =(  Heartbreaking..

He does have a guest right now.  Our dog sitting guest is back.  She’s doing great!  they play a little but mostly she just follows someone around… whomever is moving, she is hot on their heels.  Drives Jason a little batty, but hey.  It is all good!  He loves giving her attention too.

Oh, and the migraine I had last night I got rid of before I woke.  This is the SECOND time that this has worked.  Usually the meds don’t work for me overnight.  I tried a new combination.  LOVE this!  Fingers crossed that it continues to do the trick!!  WooT Woo!!

I am enjoying my new to me computer and my good internet.  NICE!! 

Hope you are having a good day too!!

Pink Doberman

ViSiOn CaStiNG

You know you are doing the right thing when waves of enthusiasm sweep over you.  You stay awake at night dreaming of the possibilities the potentials and the vision you are creating for yourself.

I finally feel as if I am on the right path.  It is a path to some degree that I began 20 years ago.  I am finding myself again.  I am creating a dream for myself.  Then I will be setting some goals for myself to put into my reality.

In my case this has been difficult.  I am capable of many things.  The draw back lies in the fact that while I am capable of doing many things, I need to be able to do them in my time frame not in someone else’s.  I need to be able to take out time for what my health needs are both physically and mentally. 

I am finally working out ways of making these things happen.  I am finally seeing a light. 

I wanted to post, this since I have been so bad lately it seems all I do is write posts about how I am not posting much.  I am glad to not be posting much.  I like posting, and sharing.  I am sure I will be back to doing it more regularly once I get this all figured out, but right now most of my energy is going toward getting my vision for myself set up. 

I am not going to say more because I’d like you to enjoy the surprise I am planning.  I will post in between now and when I am ready to go. 

I am working with what I am able to do, which makes me happy.  I am finding others to help me with what I am not able to do which makes me nervous, but also happy.  Additionally I have a project that I’ve not gotten done for someone else that I need to get done. 

So I will be making a very cute set of curtains here soon.  At least that is the plan.  Still not sure when I am going to get my own curtains made.  Jason asked me that the other day.  I said I needed help getting them cut out as they are so big and slippery.  I asked if he’d be willing to help me.  He said YES.  So I may be getting that project done as well before I start on this other plan. 

Oh, I am currently glasses free.  They are helping.  I don’t know whether or not I will get a fourth set of lenses or what comes next but when I see the Dr. I will know. 

That is a whole nother set of things I have been putting off.  Dr visits.  I don’t ever want to go see another one.  But, I’ve got a mamogram, dexa scan, regular check up, another check up, eye check up, and probably something else I am not thinking of right now to get done.  I like my Dr’s don’t get me wrong.  I just would rather never see them professionally again. 

Oh, and we are starting back at the gym next week.  At least that is the plan.  Thanks to Groupon, we got a great deal for three months.  I can get back in the pool for pool therapy!  Yipee, and one of my neighbors is going to drive me!  YEA! 

We have also been scouring Craigslist.  We found a recumbent bike for $50!!  A nice one that works… the seat was a little ripped up but I patched it with my Sugru and we are now in business.  I love it.  I’ve been riding it every morning for 10 minutes and every night for 10 minutes.  It has been awesome!  Now I need to find a good treadmill for not to much money that I can use at home.  We’d gotten one in the past but it is broken and we don’t know how to fix it.  So we are searching again. 

The snow has officially arrived in Nebraska.  Piles of huge fluffy flakes have whitened up the state.  It looks beautiful I have to say.  Jason is going to have some fun with the shovel and our neighbors snow blower I think.  The birds have been flocking to my feeders like crazy.  I am loving their visits. 

Luka is doing well.  He’s been having a few issues lately with missing boots, throwing up and a little diarrhea so he hasn’t been going out with us as much.  Besides I haven’t gone anywhere by myself in ages, Jason does a good job of giving me support and so do my friends.  I just miss my independence.  Hopefully with my glasses having a better effect, and my getting stronger, I can do more on my own.  Just keeping him for places with stairs or that I know I will be getting up and down a lot.  We’ll see. 

We’ve decided I think that I won’t be venturing outside this winter on ice much at all.  Don’t need a fall to make things difficult.  So I’ll be using my disability tag in the car at the gym to get closer parking so I don’t fall, and so I can make it back to the car after exercising.   Besides the cold seems to do nasty things to me any more.  Good thing I am a former farm girl and know how to pack on the layers.  I do think a nice pair of toasty warm snow pants is in order though.  I used to have some that would probably fit me now, but I think they may be long gone.  Besides they weren’t the warm kind, just the waterproof kind. 

Might be something to think about.  I am getting goggles ordered for swimming and a swim cap too.  Hope those things will make my experience nicer in the pool. 

I am getting things set up again finally.  I am so looking forward to spring, when I am planning to get started walking outside again.  I do like having the indoor bike.  I find that many times I exercise at 11 or after midnight.  I am strange.  I know.  But it works for me, and there is no way I’d be venturing outside for a walk at those hours no matter how nice it was outside. 

Dreaming on..

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

Dreaming of sunny warm weather when everything is green! 

ExHaUsTiOn

He has been the greatest.  I am so lucky.  The holidays are not his favorite, but this year he managed to make it through with a smile.  Family is amazing and he is my amazing family.

While our time has flown by quickly this December Jason and I have spent some good time together.  We have also had some very nice times (although short) with our families.  Unconventional at times but filled with love.  A few presents, and some quality time remembering why we enjoy spending time together. 

All of this has led to me having some extreme exhaustion issues.  It is a very good thing that our events have not coincided.  Today has been another day of rest.  I had planned to get much more done than happened today.  But I guess things have a way of working out.  I will count on that. 

I am typing right now but really all that I feel like doing is sleeping, of course last night that is exactly what my body did not want to be doing.  Oh well.  I managed to buy my first kindle book.  THREE CUPS OF TEA... I have been wanting to read it for a while, I'd even borrowed a copy of it, but haven't been able to get it read, arms get to tired holding the book up. 

I'd like to type more, but I just sliced open my finger.... so it is adieu for now.

Pink Doberman

SiMpLe BuT GoOd

Yes it has been forever since I have written again.  I’ve tried.  It isn’t that I haven’t thought about it or haven’t started writing several things. 

Nothing seemed to work, nothing was able to be finished.  Just blurbs of bits. 

I was reminded again that I should write.  My husband doesn’t know if he is still married to me or not.  He was joking of course.  But this is where he goes to find out what is going on in my mind.  I told him we could talk… he wasn’t that keen on that idea. 

Which isn’t to surprising.. I don’t seem to be able to keep my mind tracking on the same subject when I speak.  I think I do fairly well when I write, but I still jump from subject to subject, leave things out, or forget to follow up with a subject I have started but then I think I did..

The new lenses:  I have been acclimating to them.  I can walk better than when I first got them.  Things are getting better I think, although it still feels as if my thinking processes are all jacked up.  I still get tired way to fast.  I hope that can be helped.

I have been working on several developing projects.  That has been keeping me busy, and I am learning more as I go along as well!  I like that.  I like to feel productive and that I am learning new things. 

I’ve been “gifting” Jason with things this month as well.  It has been fun.  He’s gotten snow boots, socks, and a couple of shirts.  He got me a computer.  It doesn’t really compare.  I just got it today, I am downloading and backing up files as I type on this soon to be his computer.  So I guess the good thing is that with his gift he has allowed me to gift my computer to him.   Or at least it will when I get this thing all cleaned off.  Right now it has a very full hard drive.  Like so full that it shuts its self down and asks me to remove programs..  I can still do things on it, except after nearly every session I need to wipe it from the little temporary files.  Guess I am a little hard on these things. 

At any rate, things should soon be moving along much faster for me.  I am grateful for that.  Excited even.  Both for my fingertips and hopefully my mind as well. 

I’ve been home most days the weather outside gives me fits, I get all stiff achy and exhausted.  Not to mention I can’t get myself warm once I get cold..  Not a good thing.  I kind of figured I might be like this so I’ve got piles of things to do to keep busy.  I hate being bored. 

We have been getting piles of cards.  We made cards this year to send out.  The first time in YEARS!!  It felt good.  We both worked on the project which made it go so much better.  I have a hard time doing some of those things on my own.  I often get to tired to finish physical projects by the deadlines with out wrecking myself at least. 

The cards we have been receiving are properly displayed the letters and notes are wonderful to read, and the pictures!  Well the pictures are amazing!  We love them.  We’ll display everyone’s pictures all year long!  Which is pretty fun for us! 

Well at any rate, it isn’t much but it is what has been going on.  Life is good.  Simple but good. 

Hope yours is also. 

Blessings for this busy season.

Pink Doberman

KeEPiNG TrAcK

This is not a complaint it is just a recognition…

These past six plus years have been a trying time for me mentally.  Everything I do, every relationship I have, and how I think have all had to be completely adjusted. 

Some friendships have fallen to the wayside, others have grown stronger. 

It still hurts when I think of the good I was involved in doing prior to my accident.  I was in charge of designing and implementing a teen leadership development week for District 5650 in Rotary.  We were hosting exchange students almost every year, I would pick up trash with my local Rotary Club and hand out boxes of food for the holidays to people.  I was doing all of these things to not only help others but to push myself to become more comfortable around others and in different situations. 

I’ve written before about my MK business and what I was doing with that.  In a short snippet I was gearing ourselves to be financially secure, while growing my comfort level and business acumen.  Each day was a test for me, a push to work through my issues and fears.  While I was working on my own issues, I was working to help others face and deal with theirs as well.  I focused on helping others, which in turn allowed me to help myself.

I am finally starting to feel as if I am pointed in the right direction since the accident.  There is so much more that has gone on that I am not able to talk about just yet.  It will shock you when I am able to finally put it into print. 

I am currently waiting for my THIRD set of lenses for my Traumatic Brain Injury treatment.  (  To learn more about that click on About Tonja at the top of this page ) 

We are sending out real holiday cards for the first time in six years I think.  To top it off I designed them, and Jason took the pictures!  If you’d like one be sure I have your address!   I’ve felt guilty for years not getting this done.  I LOVE getting the yearly updates, I especially love the pictures people include.  They decorate my kitchen and dining area for the year, I make a collage of them and then they are displayed.  It is fun to see how everyone changes!  It is also handy in recognizing peoples children and remembering their names.  I do wish people included their children’s ages or grades on them though.  I have difficulty in remembering those things. 

I am weird I suppose, but every card or personal letter that I have ever gotten I have saved.  Things on my computer or things that have been emailed to me I try to save but often times they just become lost in the overwhelming data, and they turn into virtual junk.  I am going to have to work on a better filing system for those things as well I think. 

Speaking of sending out cards, I have been working diligently at recreating my address list.  So many faces have changed in my life.  I have been so discombobulated, along with people moving, my lack of organizational skills, and computer and phone documentation lost or being non transferable recreating my address list has been a daunting task.  I have been determined and I have been working at it now for weeks! 

While these things never reach a final completion.  I now have an adequate grasp on the task and will be able to print labels for all of my cards.  I ordered them with preprinted return addresses so everything is ready to go.  No handwriting.  While I am able to write, I am not able to write for long or legibly as well any more.  My hand just doesn’t work like that these days.  It is also going better because Jason is also involved in the process. 

I’ve also been taking more online classes at creativeLIVE in addition to teaching myself how to use some computer programs better.  I will never fully understand EXCEL in fact I really am not sure if it will ever be possible for me to actually know how to use that program.  But I am learning how to use Photoshop better.  Not that I want to “completely edit our pictures”  I do want to be able to process them properly though.  I would also like to use it at some point to make fine art with or be hired to do jobs in graphic design or editing. 

I guess that is the direction I am headed at this moment.  As far as taking pictures goes.. I’ve been taking pictures of the beautiful birds outside my window lately!  It makes me so happy to see and listen to my birds.  Some how through this activity my lonely feelings have lessened.  I am happy about that!  One of the neatest things, is that the birds are pretty tolerant now of having me around.  They like to watch me through the window, and they even perch on the sill to tell me they are out of food.  When I or Jason fill up the feeders now they no longer completely disappear, in fact they are eagerly waiting inches away in some cases for us to refill their food.

Luka is doing well, he’s getting lumpy now.  Which I can’t say that I am that excited about, but he is still in good health and still able to hang with me and help me as I need.  So that is fantastic. 

When my new lenses arrive, I am under instructions to begin walking.  So we will be out and about doing that, hopefully somewhere warm!

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

sHiNy

I am easily distracted by shiny things.  I am easily distracted period.  Lately this seems to be going to extremes.  I haven’t taken control of my eating lately.  I am doing the whole GF thing, as I am in major pain if I don’t do that.  I am going to have to get tough with myself again.  I know how hard it is to change and to do things you don’t necessarily want to do.  Especially the things that are “good for you” when the “bad” seems more fun!  I think part of it eating right.  But I also need to get my emotions in check.  I think I am emotionally eating, and I need to find another outlet for those darn things. 

Thanksgiving was great!  We had a great time with family!!  I ordered a Turkey to be made for me Gluten Free!  I ordered it from BW’s it is a place you should totally order your food from!  Check it out, Brian caters, delivers, or you can pick it up, which is what we do.  He makes things GF for me!  Woot!!!  And the food that he makes is totally amazing!  TOTALLY!! 

In addition to that Jason made my favorite Cornbread Dressing for me!  It has yams, parsnips, celery, cranberries, apricots, plums, etc in it!  It is to die for as well!  Jason totally rocked it!  I nearly killed myself as well as destroyed our kitchen in the process of making pumpkin bread.  But I have to say it was totally worth it.  Even though I had to toss half of the recipe because I didn’t bake it right.  Oh well.  Thank goodness I have others around me who can cook!  Jason’s mom made some great food I could eat as well.  So I sure did not starve!  In fact I ate so much I slept the entire Thanksgiving afternoon by the fire place! 

So I am working on some photo projects!  That has been super fun.  I am a bit behind at the moment.  I feel.  But I plan to get caught up this week.  I wish I could work on some sort of schedule.  But just do what I can when I can.  That is the way it has to be.  I’ve got great friends and family who are adapting to this and we will all make it through.

I’ve gotten new bird food.  Jason is going to put some more hangers out for me for the winter.  I like to sit and listen and watch the birds.  I usually don’t have the TV on.  I do sometimes of course.  I’ve started listening to my own radio stations on Pandora!  That is fun!!  If you haven’t tried it you should!  It is free!! 

I have done a little online shopping as well.  I found some winter boots for Jason.  He had to toss his last year as the rubber split.  They were super old.  I also found some socks for him and some shirts.  I bought a black ruffled skirt for me.  I hope it fits, otherwise I will have to donate it to my sister.  I should find some things to wear that aren’t black.  I am trying to find things that are in bright colors.  I just am always drawn to black and red.  I do now have white clothes.  I really have what ever I can find at the best price.  I guess that comes first.  =D  That being said, I think everyone needs to donate some more things to thrift stores so I can find some more things to wear!!  Ha!

The sights I mentioned in my previous post led me to the savings on socks for Jason and his shirts.  (It is very hard to find clothing for men at the thrift stores.—I think they always wear their stuff out.)  That is where I found some shirts for him as well and that skirt!! 

I have been looking at the cyber deals as well.  I think I have found an external hard drive for us.  I have found lots of other things but we don’t “need” them so they are going to be for someone else!!  I told Jason that it made me feel good to do the shopping.  I can do something that contributes.  I hate paying for shipping so I most usually don’t do any online shopping unless I can find free shipping.  Right now many places are offering it so it is better!  I have found things for Christmas Presents as well!  Woot!  I am going to get all of this done! 

So much easier for Jason if I can do it, and more fun for me too, as I love to shop, just since the accident it is no longer fun to do it in person.  It is a laborious chore.  I miss the carefree shopping experiences.  I guess the online version is the next best thing!!  We did however go to a home fixing store and got ourselves a new outside door!  Which is totally exciting!  We’ve one more outside door to replace but the worst ones are done now!  Or will be in a matter of days!  We also got ourselves a long overdue humidifier.  We finally broke down and did it.  I hope it helps me to not have bloody noses through the winter!  I remember Mom & Dad would always have one running in our house.  I was always getting bloody noses… and with the Ehlers Danlos diagnosis it all figures in. 

I have created and ordered our holiday cards.  If you want one make sure to get me your address.  I haven’t mailed out cards in YEARS!!!  I have a bad address list, but I am working at it.  I am in need of everyone’s addresses.  It took me some time to figure out how to do the whole template thing.  But I’ve got it down now!  I am ready to go. 

Now if my computer will just keep up!  Hee Hee!

Glasses update:  I about feel forward yesterday.  Which is a very new thing for me.  I am always loosing my balance and falling backward.  It was a good feeling to be going forward more.  I can catch myself a whole lot easier with my toes when I head forward.  I’ve been wearing my glasses most all of the time.  I take them off occasionally to let my eyes breathe.. Ok I know that sounds weird.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  It feels like the glasses need to come off and then soon it feels like I need to put them back on.  So that is what I do.

I go in this week to get checked again.  Dumb insurance company is messing around with paying my bills.  Ugg!

Birds:  We’ve been feeding better food, and the birds are FLOCKING to my feeders!  I am having very happy birds!  I love it.  It is so nice to see so many friends at my window.  They even have begun watching as I fill the feeders for them.  I am trying something different as well.  I made a piece of pottery.  It is a platter.  I filled it with nuts, and seeds and will be setting it on the ground.  I guess cardinals and doves like to eat down there.  I’ve also asked Jason to make me a feeder for woodpeckers, he is also interested in making some sort of squirrel feeder too.  More for his amusement than for feeding.  But that works for me, as I’d like to have the squirrel around more. 

Phew!  Well that is all for now!  I am going to get back to deciding what everyone is getting for Christmas! 

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

ShOpPiNG SaLeS! pLaCeS tHaT oFfEr HuGe SaViNgs & DeSiGnEr iTeMs!

I am excited!  Super excited!!  I love designers!  I love unique things.  I really love high quality things, things that are made to last, things that are always in style.  Beautiful things to gift to others that you know they will be over the moon for!

I love great deals!  I love Love LOVE nice things!  It is not that I don’t feel that the retail price for things isn’t deserved.  It is the fact that we live on a very limited budget, I want to stay with in our budget.  In doing so I utilize sales and discounts to get the great things life has to offer.

I think many others may also be like me.  So in the spirit of saving I am sharing these links with you.  In the spirit of saving, I am also sharing these links with you as I get a little gift from each of these places if you decide to get things from these places as well.  Use these links and you may also get a discount for getting their deals! 

These are designer links.  Check them out!  The things that are offered are so nice!  Click on the links below or copy and paste them to your browser.  They are all free to sign up with.  One has a membership you can also UPgrade by paying a fee to shop earlier so things aren’t sold out.  I use the free version!

DESINGER LINKS

http://www.ideeli.com/invite/girlygirly  This site features a little of everything.

http://www.ruelala.com/invite/lovinit  This sight features mostly clothes shoes and accessories. 

www.onekingslane.com/invite/TonjaPetersonwendt   This site has home furnishings.

 

This link will feature businesses close to where you live!

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu4830862 

 

Please note they will send you emails everyday regarding what sales they are doing each day.  Things will sell out on the designer sites each day.  They only offer these products for a period of about 24 hours.  So if you see something you want you should act on it immediately.  I don’t check out the sales every day, in fact I delete them quite often with out looking at them. 

So give them a try see what you think!  Additionally if you get signed up you to can refer friends so then you will get a gift from the company, and so will they!  Then you can do some more shopping for free.

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

hEaLtH

Well this is a subject I’ve been avoiding.  Mine. 

 

I mean I’ve been doing the basic things.. moving as much as tolerated, and eating reasonably well.  Except…

 

And this is where the truth hurts.

 

I’ve been referred to get more tests done.  I don’t want to.

I’ve come past some dates of getting some yearly exams/or biannual exams done..  I don’t want to do that either.

I’ve been eating well, except: Money had been tight and I was eating less, probably nutritionally starving myself, I was full, ate three times a day, but not the richest in vitamins of foods.  And I’d cut back on what was working for me quite well. 

Physical Therapy has become far and few between, mostly because I’ve been to weak to endure the trips to the office, partly because of timing and lack of rides to therapy. 

The truth hurts but not more than I have been hurting myself.  My nails have grown weaker, so I know my body isn’t taking in the nutrients it needs.  I am exhausted, my intestines are out of control, I’ve not been able to think, let alone write.  I have now thoroughly beaten myself up with wet noodles and am getting myself back on track! 

This all and I keep over doing myself.  Oh the joys.  I am zealous in my efforts, I wish I was as consistent as I am zealous!  =D

 

 

Self examination keeps our heads screwed upon straight.  Keep in mind my examination may be faulty, but at least I am doing the best I can.  I find that looking into what I’ve been doing and why keeps me moving forward, even though it seems as it is one step forward and two steps back some days.  I am doing better than I have been in years! 

I have hope, I keep wearing the glasses, today I actually felt shorter as I walked out into the garage.  I guess this is a good thing since my center of gravity has been centered way to high.  Let’s hope my path is fruitful.

 

I remember not so long ago that I would just pray to God to let me die.  I couldn’t move, I was always medicated out of my mind, the pain was not able to be controlled, and I was loosing my marriage.  ( I don’t mean that Jason was going to leave, I mean that I couldn’t even carry on a conversation let alone be a wife of any sort) 

I saw no end to what I was going through and did not want to be such a burden.  It was during this time that I and Jason were completely isolated.  Jason is not a sharer of information.  I couldn’t share the information, and no one knew what we were going through for years.  He used to come home and check to see if I was still breathing. 

I am not sharing this for me.  I am sharing this for you.  I share because I know that others may be going down a different path, but may still feel the hopelessness, the isolation, the stinging feeling as if you don’t matter to much of anyone. 

In today's society we have been taught not to pry, to not be nosey, the stigma’s of the nosey neighbor have gone the other direction into indifference and it now seems to be taboo in some circles to openly share and care. 

This comes at a price.  It is a steep price.  It is also there for protection.  I can imagine that today if I were in the physical/mental shape to be seeking a job, that it would be fair to assume that if someone googled me that I may not be hired based upon what I have been through, as well as the thoughts that I have shared, and the openness that I’ve created. 

On the same note, there may be employers out there that may be delighted to have an employee that has these qualities.  It is all a matter of perspective.  One of my favorite Photographers Jasmine Star, says that by what she shares she attracts and repels people, but that she is living her life authentically and that is just fine with her.   ( I paraphrased)  I love this philosophy, I’ve had this philosophy my whole life.  I am not looking to be best friends with everyone.  I do not have a personality that meshes with everyone.  No one does.  I am not concerned about repelling a few people.  If I were to repel someone, I would much rather have it be based on who I am than what I pretend to be.

Additionally I gravitate toward people who have opinions.  People who have their own opinions and reasons behind them.  I don’t always share their opinions but I at least know where they stand.  Wishy washy people, people that are pleasers, that tell everyone what they want to hear… they can go fly a kite for as much as I am concerned.  Those people cause me more harm than good, and if you are one of them to me you’ll soon find I am not going to hang in your space once I figure it out. 

See… all of these pent up thoughts are finally making their way out my fingertips.  I really haven’t had writers block, but lack of energy to write. 

Watch out!  There is more!

 

That’s it for now.  I am thoroughly beating myself up with piles of wet noodles.  It is a bit slippery in here these days so watch your step, I might have moved them.

 

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

SuNdAy uNqUaLiFiEd SeRmOn

Living your life like it is your last.  Lets just suppose you didn’t believe in eternal life, coming back as another life, or all of those sorts of things.  ( I am not asking for a discussion on this matter, just merely creating a situation) 

The life you are living right now was IT!  All there is all there was and all that there ever will be.  There is no dream or hope for another life after this one. 

 

Would you decide to do things differently? 

 

Would you choose to react to people differently?

 

How would your judgment of others be affected?

 

Would you choose to think differently? 

 

Would you use your time differently?

 

What would you want your legacy to be?

 

I’d really like you to think about these things from this perspective for a minute.   Seriously.

You might even want to write things down if you find that you would.  (it always helps me to do that)

 

I found that for me personally the thought of having another life beyond this life somehow can take you off the hook.  Let me live a little less.  Those that know me well, know that for all I do in my mind living a small life is not my idea of a great life.  I am not saying a small life is wrong, it just isn’t for me. 

But somehow knowing that I’d get to “do it again” or “have another life in heaven” really kind of takes away the importance of living this life in he hear and now the best I can.  It also places a comfortable box around what I should and shouldn’t do so I get the “chance” at a next and better life.

This box, can also get a bit stifling if you consider all of the things that others start piling into it.  Their expectations for you based on their beliefs and value systems, the laws of the land, the rules in which you follow for safety… the list goes on. 

Now I am not saying that these things are unimportant.  I am not saying that I am wanting to break rules.  In general I like rules and guidelines.  I do however think that it is important to examine how these rules and guidelines, are affecting this life I am living today.

Am I allowing these things to impede my thinking?  To impede my sense of caring what happens to others.  To allow me the moral ground to stand upon with which to choose to not offer my forgiveness.  (Keep in mind, I consider forgiveness and trust two totally separate things)  What if the lack of forgiveness translates into judgments that are based upon values that have been piled high in my box from others of their values their thoughts, their fears. 

What if some of these things are causing me to cause harm to others.  What if these things are holding me back from living my best life right now. 

What if I could forgive, without trusting, but offer a person hope of a second chance.  What if I was strong enough to stand beside someone who’s path had gone wrong who everyone had abandoned because it was the right thing to do.  Not because I had trust in the person, not that I placed faith in that person.  But because that person was in need.  Because it might change the path of that person sometime in the future. 

Not that I would gain anything more from this than a sense of humanity. 

I think there is also a time for letting people go to find their own path.  I am mostly just speaking personally about me. 

 

I have found this experience of becoming physically disabled easier to speak about, as well as more difficult to handle.  I don’t have the answers.  But what I don’t want to find myself having done is to live this life complacently, having just followed the rules, and done the status quo, because I am waiting for the next life. 

I am reminded by the parable of the three sons who were given different amounts of money by their father.  I may have the least, but I am going to work to turn it into the most.  It may not be the greatest life ever lived, but I am fighting each day to live the best life I can muster.

 

What if this life was the only life you were to get?    Can you make a choice to over come your obstacles, your thoughts, your complacency, your doubt, your fears, others attitudes of you, lack of time management?

Can you make a choice to create purpose, happiness, forgiveness, faith, delight, meaning, passion?

What do you want your best life to be?  (write it down)  Create it and start now, start here!  Even if this is your last day of life, make it your best, give it your all!

Live your best life now & when the day comes that another even better one that you just lived is waiting for you, imagine how much more amazing that one will be!

Blessings,

Pink Doberman

 

 

I hope this makes sense.  I hope you choose to take the time to figure out what you want, and set about making that a reality.  We are able to dream for a reason, if your dreams seem empty, they may be the wrong dreams for your life.  Grab on to some new ones!  Life is full of possibilities, don’t let your life be defined go out and create the definitions!