Thursday, April 8, 2010

uGGGG..... & tHeN..

Not to sure what to do with Luka.  It is frustrating.  It is highly frustrating.  He keeps getting sick.  I guess we will have to take him in and add to the compounding vet bill.  Geesh..  It breaks my heart.  I keep trying to find ways to keep him healthy and happy, so he can continue to be with me as long as possible.  Ugg.

I am sure we will figure something out, I have a very smart vet.

My anxiety level is high today.. I can feel my heart just pounding... I am feeling a bit neurotic.  I am trying to be calm.  Trying to relax.  I don't know if it was the loud noise that Luka and I heard today or what.  But I am very edgy and feeling quite anxious and irritable.  Just Breathe.. Just Breathe..  I need to find something to zone out on..   This is not doing the trick.

Things are better.. it just takes time.  Isn't that so true.

I am watching Extreme Home Makeover..  It is a really great show tonight.  It really speaks to me.  I don't talk about this much.  In fact it has been really hard to talk about this since my accident. 

To top it off Jason is adopted.  These people, along with his parents, people I've know from my childhood, and friends who have adopted kids are all very special in my heart.  I've learned by example from people in my life, and many many of my friends were also adopted.  It is always something I thought I would be able to do some day. 

When I imagined my 40's I thought they would be filled with people that I loved and who loved me.  I do have some of that, but I quite honestly imagined I would be able to give more back to others, and have more people in my life.  I feel the exact opposite of that.

That is all I am going to say on the subject.  It is just hard.
Sorry no picture this time..  Soon!

I love this!  This would make a great gift!

This is also neat!  It would make someone else a great gift!

How cute is this!


I did enjoy looking at these things.  They all popped up on the recently listed items section..

So I had finished this post and I am now returning to it.  I just had an uncanny conversation with a friend of mine whom I have never met, but non the less she has been an important part of my thoughts.  She and I talked about allot of what I had just wrote and more.  I needed that.  I wrote before about how it is nice to let people know that you are thinking of them.  It really is.

Someone just did that for me.  She almost read my mind.  I hope we will be able to go to Joel Osteen's church service together sometime.  I look forward to the day we will meet. 

At any rate, it is hard for me some days to be optimistic.  I really do try.  I don't mean to not be.  It is just hard.  Holidays are.  Especially when you feel alone. 

She blessed me today!  I am grateful for wonderful people in my life!  My heart is full.

Pink Doberman

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