Thursday, July 15, 2010

So WhAt!

I was just watching this video on Oprah Website.   About real beauty and how change affects your perception of it.  For me, I really felt that my beauty was what I could help others do.  Yes of course, playing with makeup was about an external appearence.

But I was taught and have always felt that in order to be really beautiful to the people who know you that they have to be willing to look inside and see who you are.  I really try to do that with people.  I hope people try to do that with me. 

I have struggled with my appearance since 2004.  For my job in Mary Kay I was taught that everywhere I was seen in public I had to look the part.  I think that is some degree true.  But there is also a part of being real, being approachable, and living your life while you are not at work.  I was not very good at that.  And I look kind of scary with out makeup. 

I blame acne and allergies for this.  ( Although at this point in my life they are manageable. )  I look like I am ill when I don't wear makeup, and I am not approachable by normal standards.  Add to that the pain that I am going through now and I really look horrible.  So, I really do try to do what I can to be presentable and not look like a vagrant.  Which is a look I could easily pull off these days. 

The question still remains for me, how can I get back the great feelings I had before 2004 about my self.   I really feel that those feelings went along with a sense of purpose and passion for something.  I was passionate about helping women change their life for the better through a business with Mary Kay.  Not so much the business part of it, but the emotional side of being strong and feeling worthy.

I guess when I lost the ability to get out and see people I lost that too.  I don't feel worthy.  I don't feel I can contribute properly.  I think I am starting to.  I am finding different avenues, different methods and different resources for myself to be productive. 

I wish it was as simple as the video I've attached above makes it seem.  While it may not be simple it is possible, and I am good knowing that there is a future of possibility for me. 

More pictures will be coming soon, things have been a little crazy around here.  

Have a beautiful day!
Pink Doberman

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