Monday, July 12, 2010

TiMe... DoEs iT rEaLLy?

Time.  It has a way of just flying by.

I was walking the other day and while I was moving I was also thinking, that it seemed just like yesterday when I was attending my Rotary Meetings, planning my next trip to Brazil, thinking of how I was going to earn my next free car, and so proud of all that I had managed to accomplish.  None of it was easy for me.

Each day I would still struggle with my fears.  Each day I would have to overcome them to get going.  Having reasons larger than myself were the things that kept me motivated and continually focused.  Those things saved me from the life I lived before.  I was doing the best I had ever done, I had become so much stronger and more resilient.

I look at that now, and it seems that I was just doing these things yesterday.  It has been almost six years.  Sometimes I still wake up and think I am that person.  I walk around downtown and I look at places the outsides still look the same, but people aren't the same.  They are at some of the places. 

Things are going well for Jason.  He is so talented, and I am so lucky he has chosen to stick by my side.  I am grateful as well for the awesome friends I do have.  I really do have great friends.  I do realize how hard it is for people to take time out to think of others that are not able to keep up.  I have never been the best at it myself.  I try, I used to do better at it.  So I do cut people some slack.  The world does not revolve around me.  I guess Jason's world kind of does revolve around me.. and mine him..  I am so blessed to have an awesome husband and great friends who do make the time and take the time to include me!

I'd like my world to revolve around others.  I am getting there.  I have cooked some meals for some great friends lately!  I've been walking a bit!  Taking that slow for sure.  I start therapy again next week!! Yipee!!  In fact one of my therapy places just called to check on me.  I can't wait to go back because I was actually feeling better while going there and learning better ways of positioning my body.

So things are going well. I really understand when people loose a loved one, how they can just up and leave, start somewhere new fresh and clean.  Instead of banging around the old places where the old memories live.  Where people remember you for your sad circumstances and loss.  Some place with no memories.  I'd sure like to do that.  I guess I kind of am.  I am living between two worlds.  The old and the new.  I'd love to let go of the painful past, and embark on something new.  I do have great friends who see me for who I am now.  I appreciate that.  They also see me as some one capable of more as I am able.  I like that also!

Keep reading.  I will be announcing something I have been working secretly on soon!  It is apart of me having Physical Disability Anniversary that means something positive for others.  I can't wait.

I don't know what is going on in many peoples lives. I used to travel to see them frequently, I can't do that now, and others are not able to travel to me..  I miss all of the people I used to know and know about.  But I am filling my world with others that I can have some impact on and they on me.  Life is different now.  I miss the old and I am learning to like the new.

Can you tell I am really struggling with this!  Time... does it really heal old wounds?

Pink Doberman

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