The process of healing is like I would imagine climbing a mountain would be. A period of ups and downs. Having never climbed a mountain I can only imagine and go off of what I have learned from PBS.
You would think that when you decide to climb a mountain that your entire path would be directed upward.
At least I would have thought so before learning more about it.
When you draw pictures of mountains as a child the process seems incredibly simple.
When you get hurt as a child, or at least as I experienced, you have a process of healing. That lands you in the same or similar condition as you were prior to the hurt.
You also gain knowledge along the way what to do or what not to do.
I have to constantly remind myself that this journey that I am on is similar to climbing Everest. At least that is how I am choosing to look at it. There are perils, and challenges, good days and bad. If you have a bad guide or Sherpa or you have in adequate supplies or did not prepare enough in advance your journey could have devastating consequences. You need to have correct Passports and Visa's...
Just like as my journey has gone with good Doctors and Bad, good Advisers and Bad, Real Friends and Pretend Friends, Promises Made and Not Kept, Kept Promises and Legal Frustrations. Paths that seemed to lead to the top that ended at a cliff. Paths that seemed to go down end up going higher.
When you tell people of your plan to climb Everest, they look at you and will not believe you. When I would tell people what is going on with my body, they look at me with glazed eyes or pitty. I say my arm or hip dislocates, they say no it doesn't that can't be. If it dislocated this is not how you would be..
Explanation after explanation the time table for my recovery has been continually expanded. Will my climb ever make it to the summit? Will I ever find the right path?
I think I am on a better path at the moment. The best I'd say so far. I have hopes for other pain control other than medications. I have hopes for a more stable body. What I used to think was so cool about myself, what I liked about my body, is now the downfall of my recovery.
I am mad. I am so angry. I am so frustrated. I feel so isolated and I feel as if I have very little control. I am looking for a Sherpa who can show me the path. A guide that has traveled my path to recovery many times over with great success.
You might think I am jaded or negative. I am sure I am. I want to be positive with all of my being. I want to be happy! The Doctors I have found have taken so long to tell me why I am not able to walk the same path to recovery as everyone else.
FRUSTRATED!
I am finally being sent to a geneticist. I have hopes to go see a specialist as well.
I am noticing improvement! I am noticing that I have hope. I am struggling with it all. I have lost so much. The car accident has cost Jason so much. The laws regarding protection of those injured in accidents in the State of Nebraska SUCK!
THEREFORE I THINK THAT NEBRASKA SUCKS! I want my life back! I want my old life back! BUT IF I CAN'T HAVE THAT LIFE BACK, AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME FREEDOM TO GET ANOTHER LIFE!
There is change brewing! I am a mountain climber! I am climbing EVEREST! You are welcome to join me or be my guest in jumping off the nearest cliff! I am not going to lay down and play nice anymore!
I am worth more than this! So are others!
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